Thursday, 30 August 2012

Paralympic Ceremony Is On A Roll

During the opening ceremonies of the paralympics the Queen wore earplugs to  either to sympathize with deaf people or in case they played some shite 80's music as they did for the other Olympics. In an unprofessional move a man did gangs signs when the Queen wasn't looking to represent disabled gangs..... yo yo yo east side gimp crew! 

To stun and delight the audience people in wheelchairs were precariously perched and dangled throughout the ceremony.

 At one point Stephen Hawking was shot out of a cannon. 

 We mustn't forget what the Paralympics are really about, yes cyborgs. 

Many competitors have already tested positive for drugs especially the Chinese team but this time its ok. There have been reports at how athletes who want to better their performance break a toe or do not empty their bladder on purpose to increase blood pressure even though there is a risk of heart attack or stroke but they think the risk is worth it, this practice is known as 'boosting.'

Three members of the Jordanian power lifting team have already been sent home for sexual assaults on children at their Northern Ireland training camp. They may not have hands for long so their lifting career is probably over.

What is it with power lifters and children?


This was to be expected, the spectators for this event did sign waivers. Legally blind archer Im Dong-Hyun of South Korea has raised the death toll of the paralympics to seven, one of the shots was dead centre which anyone would be proud of.

Meanwhile the blind cricket team from Pakistan have taken their game into the 4th hour as they constantly loose balls and argue about calls. "That was out, are you blind?" .... "Well actually I am you cunt thanks for pointing it out." 

And no Old Knudsen will not be making fun of disabled people who are more abled bodied than he is, however midgets do make Old Knudsen smile.