Friday, 31 August 2012

Clint Eastwood Has Dementia

Didn't Old Knudsen call it? Didn't he say that as soon as Clint Eastwood endorsed Mitt Romney it would come out that Clint suffers from Alzheimers?

Eastwood stood up on stage at the GOP convention in Florida and talked to an empty chair which he said had President Obama sitting in it.
The GOP crowd are used to believing whatever crap they are told and certainly believed Mr Eastwood. I'm sure that some diehard supporters even saw evil Obama sitting in that chair. 

Its sad that Clint who made all those great monkey movies is reduced to entertaining these monkeys with his mental deterioration. Poor Clint not only saw Obama sitting in the chair but the old timer heard him and was even insulted by the President.

Romney who believes in magic underwear is totally worried and was heard saying, "what chance do I have against a man who can turn invisible?"

Eastwood started calling for Lee Marvin to join him onstage to sing songs from the hit movie 'Paint yer wagon' then the 82 year-old soiled himself and was led off stage to enormous applause.

2012: The year when Clint Eastwood lost all dignity and the best thing is that he did it in public.


Naked Soldiers

The British military have been posting pictures of themselves naked in support for our own royal carrot top Prince Harry.

Well the joke is on those fucking pasty fleshed amateurs as regulations state that you do not salute if you are without head wear ........ what are we fucking Yanks?

Blue Moon


I like to go out and look at the sky and consider just how insignificant you all are. I do it once in a blue moon so yes I shall be out tonight .
Its a blue moon tonight which means the moon actually turns blue and if it shines on vampires it burns their skin as surely as the sun does.

Hey if you don't believe Old Knudsen then go out and see for yerself. If you are a vampire I'd advise you to look out from inside behinds some curtains.

If you like sport then tonight is a great night to hunt vamps like Mitt Romney (above) rather than waiting until they are vulnerable and all sleepy weepy during the day.

King Of Bears

Squirrel piss aged to perfection in plastic tubs for a week thats what goes into the clear crisp taste of Budweiser beer.
Not really, the secret ingredient is stale hobo piss passed over warm pebbles. The people who make the beer 'Anheuser-Busch' have long fixated over falling sales and image issues.
Clydesdale horses were one of its marketing ploys until they thought, 'what the fuck do horses have to do with drinking beer? .... the smell of the horses and beer is similar but thats all.'

They want to get away from the 'old man' beer image.

What the fuck is wrong with old men?

Many people like to get a mouthful of old man. Now as we know the beer isn't exactly full of a little thing called taste and yer farts the next day smell like a mix of cabbage and dog shit but its a manly can to stand and hold.

It says, I can get wasted and still catch fish.

It says, weemen want to go doon on me ....... or at least my beer while I watch wearing my plaid shirt.

Maybe they should promote it as being almost alcohol free (at least tasting like it) with the woody taste of outdoors America..... thats not wood thats car fumes.

Did you know that Budweiser is called Chumweiser in the UK and was the first beer that Queen Elisabeth II ever tasted during a trip to Canada?

Old Knudsen thinks that this king of blogging needs to be hired by the king of beers. 


Phasers Set To Rape

The cell reception of Zebulon 4 is fucking terrible

Star Trek could have been written by Nostradamus as it has made some serious predictions. The Inventor of the modern Mobile phone has cited the Star Trek communicator as his inspiration for inventing and developing mobile phone and there have been others.

The Universal translator, iPad and voice controls were featured on the show.

Kirk was practicing 'Legitimate rape' long before Todd Atkins of the GOP mentioned it. 

Star trek taught us that if yer hot then different peoples can cum together in harmony, yadda yadda yadda.

The ugly weemen are left on earth as who wants to be stuck in space with mingers? Eyes front baldy.

The sum of all human knowledge Wikipedia was invented by Star Trek and even in the future its just as reliable for truth and accuracy.

Commander Riker once said, "Sherlock Holmes is my favorite historical figure" Riker was a sleazy douche bag with the worse chat up lines ever.

Hey Wesley have you ever seen an old 20th century gladiator movie? In space no one can hear you scream.

"Fuck! red shirts are  unlucky, better them than us." 

DARPA have developed weapons that heat up the skin of people to be used as crowd control.

Kirk used that for years to get chicks to undress.


 They did get a couple of things wrong.

Kirk did not age as well as they thought he would.

And not even in a parallel dimension would this make Sulu horny.


Thursday, 30 August 2012

Paralympic Ceremony Is On A Roll

During the opening ceremonies of the paralympics the Queen wore earplugs to  either to sympathize with deaf people or in case they played some shite 80's music as they did for the other Olympics. In an unprofessional move a man did gangs signs when the Queen wasn't looking to represent disabled gangs..... yo yo yo east side gimp crew! 

To stun and delight the audience people in wheelchairs were precariously perched and dangled throughout the ceremony.

 At one point Stephen Hawking was shot out of a cannon. 

 We mustn't forget what the Paralympics are really about, yes cyborgs. 

Many competitors have already tested positive for drugs especially the Chinese team but this time its ok. There have been reports at how athletes who want to better their performance break a toe or do not empty their bladder on purpose to increase blood pressure even though there is a risk of heart attack or stroke but they think the risk is worth it, this practice is known as 'boosting.'

Three members of the Jordanian power lifting team have already been sent home for sexual assaults on children at their Northern Ireland training camp. They may not have hands for long so their lifting career is probably over.

What is it with power lifters and children?


This was to be expected, the spectators for this event did sign waivers. Legally blind archer Im Dong-Hyun of South Korea has raised the death toll of the paralympics to seven, one of the shots was dead centre which anyone would be proud of.

Meanwhile the blind cricket team from Pakistan have taken their game into the 4th hour as they constantly loose balls and argue about calls. "That was out, are you blind?" .... "Well actually I am you cunt thanks for pointing it out." 

And no Old Knudsen will not be making fun of disabled people who are more abled bodied than he is, however midgets do make Old Knudsen smile.

GOP Face Eaters

The delegates at the Republican National Convention in Florida did not let Hurricane Isaac get in the way of having a good time.

The turn out was less than it has been in other years but reports say the crowd, a Mrs R. Dillon from Pennsylvania was sure fired up.

Obama has not commented on allegations that he was the one who created the storm using witchcraft he learned in his native Africa.


Cell Phones Cause Death

 Unless you want to catch Ebola then you'd have better leave Uganda  off the world tour this year.

Ebola is caught through contact, sweat, saliva or if you clean up some vomit, piss or shit and touch that then yer at risk with 80-90% chance of fatality with the most infectious form of the virus.  A man who for some reason thought he was safe was pretending to comfort patients in an isolation ward and stole a mobile phone from a patient.


The  patient filed a report with police about the stolen phone before he died .... he went to his grave without checking  FaceBook. 'Got Ebola, hope its not serious, LOL.'

When the thief started using the phone, detectives were able to trace it. The thief did their jobs for them as he turned up at the hospital with Ebola like symptoms and confessed.

Let that be a lesson to you. Many a time you see the wankers of the world go through life getting the good jobs, big hooses and expensive holidays while you who try to be a good person gets beaten doon by circumstance ......... enough to turn you into a wanker right?


Think again, the Gogs of karmic distribution are very busy considering there are over 7 billion people in this world and the majority of them are cunts but they will get around to you. They can be anywhere for instance an Ebola ward.

Be of good character and count yer blessings for there is usually someone worse off than you .... like the guy who catches Ebola and then has his phone stolen. You think you had a bad week.


Old Knudsen On Women

Thanks to the US Republican party or GOP , Old Knudsen is having to re-think his idea about weemen.
The conclusion that he has cum to is that weemen should butt out of anything to do with their health or how they should live their lives.

Now before ya go all knee-jerk angry listen to these soothing words of sense, 'Its for yer own good dear.'
Now that you have calmed doon please read on.  

Men should have the say on weemen and their rights.

Men have studied weemen from all angles and for hours all throughout their lives ...... unless they are are ghey men of course. See my GOP inspired post entitled 'rehabilitation death camps' if ya want to know about ghey men.

Men study weemen mostly during adolescence in their darkened room for hours everyday. The adolescent brain is at its most receptive to the female body which gives us men a great foundation to lay doon preconceived notions about weemen.

Weemen are there for sex, cleaning up after men and cooking ..... its God's way. If you can find a woman that good at everything then its probably yer mother, ask yer Da to share.

All Old Knudsen's facts are backed up by *Dr D. Smute *seen here coming out of court in a rare photo from 2004

Top fact # 1... 80% of divorce is caused by weemen not doing as they are told or not wanting to put up with stuff like infidelity or domestic violence. Walk a mile in our shoes weemen!

Top fact # 2...Men do not give their consent during sex and don't go on about being raped.

Top fact # 3... Weemen can turn their reproductive systems on and off and only go on about birth control to gain attention.

Top fact # 4... Weemen are the reason for 94% of all rapes ...... if their weren't any weemen then there wouldn't be rapists.

Top fact # 5... Many weemen are sociopaths who are addicted to mind games, the main one is saying no when they really mean yes.

The truth is hard to handle at times.

On the issue of abortion. Weemen should be allowed to have abortions but only if the birth endangers the mother's life or if its the wrong colour. Ethnic children born to white mothers just make the country look so untidy.

There are no unwanted children in the world, no children who are unloved or live in fear of abuse no children that don't have homes ..... they simply don't exist and so there is no reason for abortion.

Old Knudsen being an expert on weemen knows that when any weemen read this post they will see sense and reason straight away. If not then they are leezers and should seek medical help and get God into their sinful lives.

Many organizations have cum out in support of this post so it must be true.

* Dr Smute has a PhD in Geography and hears voices from God and is serving a 12 year sentence for a misunderstanding. He is currently writing his memoirs, 'Mind controlling whores of Satan'  *

Obviously you'd have to be insane to believe what is written in this post. It has been inspired by the policies of the above groups. 
Its sad that I feel that I must do a disclaimer but many folks out there are just so fucking thick and don't get sarcasm ....... no really.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Stroke It

The Paralympics don't get interest or the numbers that the actual Olympics do which is sad as these athletes have to work harder to get there but Old Knudsen shall endeavor to find points of interest. Rower Oksana Masters shows that you don't have to have lower legs to get into a spank bank .

I Am Insane And You Are My Insanity

Anders Behring Breivik the guy in Norway who murdered 77 people and wounding 240 has been found to be sane and so sentenced to 21 years.
That doesn't seem like a fair sentence but its the way they do it there and can top it up at a later date. 

I wonder what those idiots that go on about rehabilitation think about Breivik. Will he sit in prison and ponder his deeds and come out a better person? ........ who cares? the amount of lives that hes ruined Breivik doesn't deserve anything but torture.

The good news is that he wanted the death penalty rather than a long sentence which means his incarceration will be like torture for him, death being the easy way out. Unless he finds a way to end his life himself but Old Knudsen thinks that hes too much of a coward for that.

It doesn't take bravery to walk around shooting unarmed people begging for their lives, once you pop you can't stop but to do himself will take all the desperation he can muster.

Another person who would be declared sane is Hitler. Like Breivik he planned his rise to power blaming immigrants too. There is no evidence that Hitler personally hated Jews but he had no trouble in using them as a means to an end. Unlike Breivik Hitler had bravery and was awarded a medal for valour from his Jewish commanding officer in WW I.

In my opinion it makes it worse that these people are considered sane, sane is supposed to be what people want to be but look at the atrocities they can carry out.

I think that the definition of sanity 'Soundness of judgment or reason' doesn't apply in either of these cases.

Who is the sane one, the person that sits out watching for UFOs believing in government conspiracies or the person that plans and carries out the murder of 77 people?   Its one thing to think something and believe it but its another to act on it.

Old Knudsen believes that no one is sane but some people are shall we say more boring than others.