Saturday, 7 July 2012

Too Cool To Blog

How to be cool. Some are born with it and others are it without knowing. Old Knudsen is cool because someone once described him as being an iconoclast, someone also once called him an outcast, a mongrel, a trash monkey, a jizz hound but that person wasn't cool and so those names do not count....... Ka-Chow!

The person that called him an iconoclast was a coroner who was obsessed with knitting. Anyone who buries pigs to study them rotting is cool in Old Knudsen's books.
 "So what ya doing this weekend?".... "oh I'm getting a delivery of pig carcasses and burying them in shallow graves around the garden ..... and you?"....  "I'm talking the kids to see Ice Age 4" ............ "You sick fuck get out of my house before I call the police!" 

Coolness changes as you get older. At the start its all hair cuts and worm collections then its smoking and counting coup on the opposite sex.

For men ........... like me it involves a lot of raised eyebrow and on occasion intense frowning as if in deep thought.
A cheerful disposition and a can do attitude..... are not necessary but if ya want then go for it.

Old Knudsen is a musician, musicians are cool ... boring as fcuk but cool. My last CD was called 'Dance tribe' dark ambient techno with an intense fusion of illbient.... it scares people. 

Paris Hilton hates Old Knudsen's music thus deeming it cool.

Old Knudsen is self aware and wears it well. He has done some amazing things that ordinary mortals cannae do .... which is cool.

But most of all Old Knudsen doesn't care if he is cool or not and so by default that makes him cool. You aren't cool cos you worry too much but you can always dress up and pretend.

Who is cool?

The Rock?  In theory he should be but muscles and an eyebrow doesn't make it so. A cheesy wrestler and a corny actor also his real name is Dwayne ...... thats a coolness handicap in itself.

Robert DeNiro? So close but no body in the trunk. He would have been cool had he died about 15 years ago.

Heath Ledger? a bit of a lightweight in the acting department but he died after a popular role and won a posthumous Oscar so he became cool..... well done Heath I bet yer so glad ya carked it.

George Clooney is cool because he doesn't give a fcuk , he shags hot chicks in an Italian villa and has all the male actor friends you'd like to hang out with..... living the dream.

Ryan Gosling doesn't let the fact that hes Canadian hinder his cool factor. He has learned to combine being pretty with looking serious also he is often seen with his pet dog. Does he work too hard to be different types of cool to too many types of people?

What no cool weemen? Well its a double standard thing. Weemen aren't cool for the same reasons as men are.

Rooney Mara, is she cool? nah just a minger being hyped as cool.

Christina Hendricks is cool for not being a moron and for having big norks. Not bad for a ginger.

Then you have people like Nicholas Cage  who are only cool in their own minds and the hearts of loyal trailer trash folk who think his movies are deep. 

Nicholas Cage plays John Hartman, a man out of time, and man cast back into his own past to prevent a murder ....... his own. 

Sound familiar? yeah all his films do.

Coolness is a matter of got it or you don't but you can get it and and you can also hold on to it.

Grotesque and repulsive yet still interesting. Jack Nicholas can turn it on at will.   

 Chevy Chase wishes he was

Bill Murray and you all wish you were.

In Old Knudsen's pish stained bed.