Monday, 2 July 2012

Soap, Why Did It Have To Be Soap?

As Old Knudsen gets on in years he feels that he is not as strong as he used to be. Its difficult for a man of action not to be able to do those things that he once took for granted in his youth such pleasuring 5 weemen sexually at the same time or breaking two bricks in half with his head. It gets frustrating at times.

Old Knudsen once studied to be an architect , well he would have done but he got his words mixed up and ended up as an archaeologist, it took him 3 months to catch onto this.

Those were the days, you'd be out in the field digging away as the rain poured doon and ya couldn't complain, you'd have to look on the bright side and say, "well at least I'm not digging ditches for a living." 

Before the war the British museum in London ..... England put on a rush to steal, er to collect priceless objects from around the world.  If you go in and look at the exhibits you may see the famous Knudsen marbles, not as famous as the Elgin marbles but just as difficult to get.

Old Knudsen was in stiff competition from a Nazi archaeologist named Hans Gruber who kept getting his hans on them. Old Knudsen lost his marbles several times and is in fact still a few marbles short of a full set.

Its a hard life dodging giant boulders and escaping from pits full of snakes and so Old Knudsen brought in a junior partner named Indiana Jones ........... a silly name, obviously Welsh.   Jones didn't have a clue, I showed him a used tampon and asked him what period it came from.

Old Knudsen tried to teach Idaho everything he could but the man was an idiot.

Knudsen: "So Alabama what does it look like?"

Ohio:  "Uh it looks like a dirty rock."

Give a man a net and he can catch his own fish, give a man a degree and he can ...... ?  well not much really but he can talk like fuck.

He insisted on carrying a whip for some reason, ya aren't training slaves ya know I'd say on numerous occasions and you'll put someones eye out.

To do proper historical research all ya need is a gun, if ya don't have a gun then get a knife. How many self defense experts teach ya how to defend yerself from a bull whip? Yes Billy Wilson but he had his eyes put out the poor fella.
Ya might have a whip in yer closet but under yer pillow ya have a 357 Colt Python, in case of visitors. 

It is true that once while walking through Central park , New York .......... North America, Old Knudsen was confronted by a punk who demanded Old Knudsen's money or he'd use his riding crop to give Old Knudsen a solid trashing.

Old Knudsen stabbed the fucker in the face with a blunt rock ..... that was in the 1800's,  don't wanna talk about it..... it was fcuking cool though. I had to remove his head in case he was an immortal as there can be only one.  Crazy times!

Arizona Smith or whatever his name was never listened to Old Knudsen, yeah stupid or what?

Whenever Cate Blanchett the Australian actress was making yon movie about a lesbian car mechanic who falls in love with an older man wearing cap ..... you know the one, well Florida thought he'd show off and whipped his whip out blinding the poor gurl. Don't fuck with an Australian, he learned the hard way. Old Knudsen still has his marbles in a jar of vinegar as a keep sake.

Poor Cate had to adjust to life without sight and got one of those seeing eye children to help her get around.