Sunday, 8 July 2012

Old Knudsen Is Awesome!

 Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of poor health and poor taste.  39 STDs and counting. If you have sex with Old Knudsen prepare for the deadliest catch. Strange but it never puts people off, ah the sex appeal that Old Knudsen has its so um .......... sexy.

I've been around for a long, long year stole many a mans soul and faith ........ so I did. Old Knudsen even made Pope John Paul II doubt God.

And I was round when jesus christ had his moment of doubt and pain , told him to get a cream for it but oh no he kept poking at it saying he could heal it.

Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed his fate. Hygiene is very important especially when preparing food or sealing fates. Not everyone's hands are self cleaning as Old Knudsen's are.

Old Knudsen is the king of the Big Nambas

Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name. Nope not Slim shady, Love God or Colin ... I'll give ya a clue like you need one.

Yes me name is Old Sour Cream, no wait its Soren L Knudsen AKA Old Knudsen AKA The Stormbringer AKA Old Bitter Balls AKA yer uncle etc etc.

But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game....... some people just don't get me as a fly doesn't get a pane of glass. Old Knudsen is the Super-ego of the world, here to tell you what yer problem is.

I stuck around St. Petersburg When I saw it was a time for a change..... change is a part of nature and Old Knudsen is a force of nature. Why do people try to forget they are a part of nature by separating themselves from all that which is alive and growing? ..... oh yeah yous are cunts thats why.

Killed the czar and his ministers Anastasia screamed in vain ...... so she did.  Some folks just need a good killing, like criminals. The United States currently has the world's largest prison population with over 2 million people in American prisons.... good!  In the UK we believe in rehabilitation which means prison and then a nice early release so they can walk the streets as free as their victims. Just kill them all and let Gog sort out his/her own.
If you can't follow the laws of society then you don't deserve to live in it or be in prison draining our resources ..... why not just cut their meals instead of cutting benefits and programs that help the old, sick and poor who have never committed crimes?

Those who don't support the death penalty should then be made to pay for them then they'll change their minds tout de suite.


I rode a tank held a generals rank when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank . They said it was Old Knudsen that smelled........... fcuking haters. War is stupid but sometimes a necessary evil. You can't let the bullies win. Fighting wars to protect money all the while saying its for freedom leaves a bad taste in ones mouth. Old Knudsen would rather hear the truth than the lies. War also gives you the opportunity to do things you only dream about doing in normal civvie life .... its not for the insane.  Soldiers are checked for physical fitness before they are sent to war (only the fittest are allowed to die for their cuntry) what about mental fitness? maybe in America, they love their shrinks while we British pull ourselves together and deny any issues ..... hence the drinking. Brits are a shallow race and proud of it.

I am Maximus Penetratus commander of the armies to the north and owner of the yellow Datsun that just clipped yer Beamer ........ sorry.

I watched with glee while your kings and queens fought for ten decades for the gods they made. Religion all went wrong when we stopped worshiping Goddesses and took any power weemen had away from them. They still wore the dresses though ...... very odd.
Weemen are the guardians of life and 'usually' the better sex ......... plus they have tits and Old Kndsen loves tits.

Weemen have soft skin and bouncy bits and when not being a total bitch they need to be licked with love and protected from harm. The way many of them think can be far more sexy than any skin 'n' bone super model.

Up there with weemen are guns. I like to lick and protect them too. Why do people need guns? why do we need underwear? ...... see? Old Knudsen should be on a mass debate team.    

I shouted out, who killed the kennedys? when after all it was you and me, ok fair enough it was more me. Old Knudsen is no fan of the Kennedys . Yellow Joe Kennedy hiding in the cuntry side during the London blitz while all his staffers worked away during the bombings. He sent back reports saying ya might as well just give into Hitler ..... WTF.  Then there were the other large headed twats who cheated on their wives and killed the odd Secretary. There is no Kennedy curse, its called Karma.

And I laid traps for trolls and spammers who get killed before they reach next blog. The reason for this post is to remind you all just how awesome Old Knudsen is. He isn't the world's greatest blogger ........ sorry hard to keep a straight face there. He is the world's greatest blogger, my three regular readers are the only ones intelligent enough to figure that out. What was the Interweb like before 2006? yeah fcuking boring right?
Old Knudsen may start flame wars with his opinions, he also ends them because he is always right ..... even when hes wrong.

There is nothing he doesn't have an opinion on. If it isn't worthy of him thinking about it he'll say its shite, still an opinion. He is what he wants to be as he is a firm believer that everyone has a choice. Just following orders is a choice.

Just as every cop is a criminal and all the sinners saints, as heads is tails just call me the light bearer.
We aren't just black and white beings we are a bit more deeper than that. Sometimes good people and people who defend freedom and justice have to cross the line and act like those they fight against in order to win.
Setanta the Irish warrior who was the son of Lug the God of light said a victory is a victory no matter what you had to do to win..... Sometimes ya just have to use two nukes. Its better than losing right?

Many people dislike the police or the military because they are the tool used to achieve things they may not like as they sit safely drinking their cappuccinos handing out self righteous opinions.When someone breaks into their hoose they certainly don't mind calling the men with the guns round to save them.

Cause I'm in need of some restraint...... no shit.  Old Knudsen mocks fear and is the guy you can count on when those chips are doon, hes lived too long to put up with so much of the shite that still goes on. He is not the wild man of his past he has mellowed and even sometimes asks the lady her name after shagging her .......... now now now, no cuddling as Old Knudsen isn't a complete pussy.

Old Knudsen does not like to shake hands as yous are dirty. He will shake hands as a sign of alpha male dominance for a laugh if he meets some bloke who thinks hes all that. The first to extend their hand wins.

So if you meet me have some courtesy, have some sympathy, and some taste. Old Knudsen will be polite to give you the chance to show that you aren't a complete wanker before he judges you. Life is too short to spend with turds.
For those who want to trick and fool Old Knudsen he may very well let you but don't assume it is working. Oh the games people play. Old Knudsen has developed tricks and tests of his own.

Be honest with him and you'll reap the rewards of his cosmic love, otherwise meet his karmic hitman.

Or Old Knudsen will lay your soul to waste. Old Knudsen does believe in the soul ..... is 'believe' the right word? Sometimes Old Knudsen just knows things like ..... yer a cunt. Its a gift if you will. He cannae get the lotto numbers to win the jackpot but enjoys plenty of success with yon scratch cards.

Its just as well as money doesn't bring you happiness ............. ok whoever thinks that needs a boot in the doot.
You can buy happiness,guns, love and rockets if you wish. If yer rich and miserable then try being poor and miserable, at least if yer rich you always have options you aren't stuck.

To prepare yerself for sudden wealth Old Knudsen suggests you work on growing as a person and no Americans I don't mean getting fat..... Hey can't hurt might help right.  

To celebrate Old Knudsen and to remind everyone just how awesome he is enjoy this post if you can. Remember, life is not fair, it can sometimes appear cruel but there is one thing you can always depend upon that won't get cut due to the economy and that is the awesomeness of Old Knudsen.

If you run out of toasts to knock yer tequila back with then toast Old Bitter Balls and may his bitterness go on.  Knudsenites will receive the blessings of the blog.