Sunday, 15 July 2012

Interview With An Orange

OK: Good day to you sir thank you for this interview. To keep it as professional as possible as thats what OBB is all about we'll refer to you as Anonymous Orange..... not Annoying Orange. 

AO: Kick the Pope and no surrender its good to be here.

OK: For those that don't get out much what is the Orange Order?

AO: We are a Protestant fraternity who do not deny to others their civil and religious liberties, we expect the same tolerance from them. We shall be strong for truth, for peace, for the making of a good, fair and just society to which we shall contribute liberally as good citizens. We maintain the Christian faith by word and deed.

OK: That sounds so inspiring, can anyone join up? 

AO: Yes they can, as long as they are Protestant and cultivate truth and justice, brotherly kindness and charity, devotion and piety and strenuously oppose the fatal errors and doctrines of the Church of Rome and other Non-Reformed faiths. Also abstain from all cursing and profane language, and use every opportunity of discouraging those, and all other sinful practices, in others.

OK: you fellas are some pups. The Orange Order often marches with flute bands dressed in military like uniforms playing loyalist tunes very loudly often cheering and dancing too. What do you say to people that complain about Protestant marches through areas where Catholics live who see it as the stirring up of trouble?

AO: We have places that we have decided are traditional marching places. The Catholics move into houses along these routes to infringe upon our culture and try to destroy our way of life.

OK: Those fucking bastards! Do you think it was the Pope who built the housing estates ? 

AO: Perhaps so, why can't they just go somewhere else to live and practice their evil ways? Maybe on some island with the gheys and the intellectuals ..... not this island. 

OK: Just like yon Jews in 1930's Germany who kept getting in the way, right?

AO: Um no, the Orange Order are descended from the lost tribe of Levi I'd say it would be more like the Palestinians.   

OK: On the 12th July which is the main marching day for the Order a parade was waiting to move on in Belfast. A number of loyalists from the Shankill (Young Citizen Volunteer) YCV flute band walked over to St Patricks Catholic church and walked around in circles outside of it playing the Sash which is the definitive loyalist song and the anti-Catholic 'famine song' in a disrespectful mocking way in fact you could say they were inciting hatred.

AO: The police didn't see it was a problem until one of those Catholic louts attacked our boys.

OK: A man who was disgusted at this used his phone to record it, some bandsmen and Orange Order men tried to attack him and smash his phone until the police stepped in.

AO: That sounds like Irish republican spin straight from the Pope's mouth.

OK: Its on camera.

AO: Stop oppressing me and my culture!

OK: Protestants are the 3 quarter majority in Northern Ireland I'm no touching yer culture. What about the little children in the video is that really how they should be raised? 

AO: It is our duty to train our offspring in the Protestant faith.

OK: Thats fine but do they have to be raised arseholes too? There is a lot between words and actions and yer actions don't seem very Christian like, it sounds more like the KKK. 'The Ku Klux Klan is a Christian fraternal organization dedicated to the preservation of white rights in America today.'
Just change that to the preservation of white Protestant rights throughout the world today.

AO: Not true, the Orange Order have loads of wogs within our ranks ..... well not in Northern Ireland of course but in places like Africa and whats wrong with the world being Protestant?

OK: Nothing at all except a little bit boring. Yer sashes say LOL (Loyal Orange Order) on them, does that make you LOL?

AO: We in the Orange Order do not laugh and if we did it would be in the privacy of our own homes and not out loud and not on the Sabbath.

OK: Ah the Sabbath, you mean Saturday right?

AO: No the Sabbath is Sunday.

OK: Ah right, a Levi thing I suppose. Heres a joke for you, whats the difference between an apple and an orange?

AO: Besides the colour, shape, texture, smell and taste I do not know, what is the difference between an apple and an orange? 

OK: You can't get an apple bastard.

AO: I don't get it. 

OK: I bet you don't. One last thing, since none of the Orange Order tried to stop the disrespectful behaviour outside of St Patricks does that mean you condone it? 

AO: If we did it then it isn't disrespectful its our culture, if the Catholics complain that its disrespectful then they are infringing upon our culture and trying to deny us religious freedom and civil liberties .   

OK: Those fuckers how dare they, oh is that a meteor in the sky no doubt containing the mother-ship in it's tail.

AO: Thats my ride, beam me up Paisley.

OK: Yer still here just go get a bus will ya.... Old Knudsen feels dirty, its not even Christmas but I think I'll be taking a bath tonight.