Thursday, 14 June 2012

Royal Mail Doesn't Do Rain

Has Old Knudsen said that the English are soft as shite and just as intelligent in the last 3 days? Well maybe he thought it was so obvious he didn't need to say it.

In Yorkshire where men are men and the sheep are nervous the Royal mail has drawn a line in the rich soggy earth, "We won't deliver yer mail on wet days so there" yep the nation that while others shook in fear, fended off  the merciless bombings of Hitler doesn't do rainy days.  A postie slipped on some algae and moss on the pavement and broke his shoulder ......... I hope he didn't hurt his vagina.

Ya know what? maybe it would have been better if Old Knudsen had let Hitler live because then Britain might actually be um whats the word oh efficient, you'd get yer mail on time, people would work hard none of this tea break every 5 minutes shite things would no longer be done on loser standard time. Oh sure there wouldn't be any humour and jokes about how we win wars etc instead you'd have jokes like.

Meine Sphinx has no nose.

Your Sphinx has no nose then how does it smell ?

Like ze ancient sands of the Sahara.

 Ya ya das ist gute!

In order to speak the horrendous German language you must first sacrifice imagination,  humour and any ounce of charm you may have............. but we'd get our mail and people might actually know their jobs.

So back to big brave I have fallen and I cannot get up south Yorkshire, if its too wet then the customers have to risk breaking their shoulders and have to go get their mail at the main sorting office.

Royal Mail spokeswoman Morag Turnbull said the safety of staff was paramount.  She did not say that the customers can go fuck off we is the mail, the only game in toon and she also didn't say we have to pay this useless fucker that fell a big wad of money and so the safety of staff was paramount.

She did add:

"Royal Mail delivers to almost 29 million addresses across the UK and so it is always a last resort if we decide not to deliver to a specific address or addresses."

Not true, they are never specific about the addresses they deliver to. Old Knudsen knows a lot about the fiances of his neighbours thanks to the Royal mail.

So mail services in south Yorkshire is doon to 3 days a year then it seems.

Luckily Brits are used to waiting for mail getting delivered. 

As well as learning from the pushy fat Germans we may also be able to learn from the pushy fat Americans. The US mail carriers are a tough breed scuttling about in their wee white boxes that can turn on a dime. They care so much about their customers that not only will they slow doon before they hit them for straying off the kirb but if so and so doon the road doesn't get any mail they will shove a handful of ads and leaflets into their mailbox so they feel loved.

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.

Ya hear that Yorkshire? of course being America you have to read the fine print.

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.
Does not apply to nice sunny days or days before or after a national holiday or any celebration when the mail carrier has complete discretion whether or not your mail shall reach our home or someone elses, terms and conditions may apply subject to apathy.