Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Who Would Have Guessed That Florida Is Full Of Zombies?

It starts with a news report here and another there all explained away as Satanism or drugs.

A naked man was shot dead by Miami police as he chewed at the face of another naked man..... just another day in Florida.

The police officer on the scene commanded the zom er I mean the naked face eater to get off the  unconscious naked dude.
A witness added, “The guy just stood, his head up like that, with pieces of flesh in his mouth. And he growled.”

The officer fired, but the man continued to chew, prompting him to continue shooting, eventually killing him....... with a head shot maybe?  

The victim was missing 75 - 80% of his face and is in critical condition  ......... a word of advice,  keep him under close observation and with an axe handy. 

This case was explained away as the face chewer being on a new form of LSD.

Old Knudsen doesn't believe it because before you know it.

OMG Ben Stiller finally cums out as being a zombie. Co-stars get concerned as they screen kissed Stiller or shared the toilet on his trailer. How can it be ? hes so nice and hes married for fcuks sake!

Yon gurl that was covered in blood that you had sex with, maybe she was a zombie.  How can we tell?

 Have you traveled to Florida in the last 5 years or have gotten any recent tattoos ?  How long can they keep this zombie apocalypse under wraps for? 

Should I go round to someone I suspect of being a zombie and confront them with my fears?  

Nay ya should remove the hed and destroy the brain but don't get carried away. Just because yer neighbour is playing loud music at 3am doesn't make them a potential zombie though there are many valid reasons for killing yer neighbours without the old 'I thought they were a zombie' excuse. 

Go to Amazon.com and search for Old Knudsen's 'Many valid reasons for killing yer neighbours' ......... some of them are technically legal as well. 

 Is anyone safe?

Define safe. Keep yer wits about you and don't panic. 

The government will eventually cum out with a statement saying there is nothing to worry about and that the situation has been contained, that is when you should give up all hope and start to panic. Yer music loving neighbour then becums fair game.