Friday, 30 March 2012

Breasticles Rule!

National cleavage day ............ what a concept. Invented by Wonderbra to show the world that weemen are strong, in charge of their own destinies and have tits.

Wonderbra supports tits and so does Old Knudsen. Some people need an excuse to drink ... parties, weekends, St Patrick's day. Some people need an excuse to kill another human being ... they spilled my pint or looked at me funny etc. Some people need an excuse to stare at weemen's norks ... Not Old Knudsen and you love him for it.

Christina Hendrick's Babylons prove there is a Gog!

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Two Bum Deals

You may have heard that Kim Kardashian, famous for having a big arse got assaulted. Yes while doing a meet and greet some woman walked up behind her and dumped flour over her head. We think it was a professional hit maybe one of the terrorist groups liker PETA. Her security staff were amateurs and stood there like dummies. In fact they even walked Kim off in the same direction the flour terrorist fled .

Simon Cowell famous for crushing the dreams of many wannabe stars heard a noise in his hoose and found a woman in the bathroom holding a brick.
Finding a woman in his hoose was scary enough for him so maybe he shit a brick and she grabbed it I don't know it could be an English thing or something..... The English are proper odd.

Well they came to Old Knudsen to hire him as their security adviser but Old Knudsen can only serve one at a time. He is also special adviser to the Syrian Government and so is pretty busy.

 Who to choose?

 Its very difficult who would you choose?

Our PM David Cameron may be in deep shit right now with his private parties at number 10 inviting big money giving donors and midget hoors etc also yer man who charged people thousands to get a meeting with him.......... He pays Old Knudsen for meetings, and yon parties were fcuking great!

Old Knudsen is still thinking.

Who does Old Knudsen want to spend 24 hours a day with seeing them half naked and vulnerable as they lie there sleeping?

 Old Knudsen can't decide its too difficult.

Be glad you all have such boring lives not making the big calls like Old Knudsen has to.



Saturday, 24 March 2012

Tourist Bored

A very typical Northern Ireland lass ... the place is teeming with them. 

There was a tourist conference held in Belfast ........ Northern Ireland which as we know is a part of the UK ........ thats United Kingdom not the Ukraine as one Yank I met thought.

Ok so now we know where we are then.

Some Americans that look into how to better yer cuntry were at the conference on tourism and suggested we drop the 'northern' in Northern Ireland.
Old Knudsen was made well aware of the fact that many Americans don't know about the border and just think of it as Ireland which is a big problem for tourism.

We came for leprechauns and got carjacked by an angry drunk marching band. 

Northern Ireland and Ireland are two separate cuntries try to get with the program people ..... where is Northern Ireland? well its at the north of Ireland , ok ya got me there. 

Right then smart arses. South America! Its not America and Old Knudsen just recently discovered that it wasn't even in the American civil war fighting to hold onto slavery.

Austria! Hitler was right, its just Germany who are we kidding?

Korea, Cambodia, Thailand! all just China.

Why don't we stop relying on people knowing the correct place names when doing a Google search for holidays online and number all the cuntires of the world?

So if ya want to get the fcuk kicked out of you or if you'd rather have yer kids touched up then book yer holidays carefully.


Loosing Sight Of What Is Real

The shooting of Trayvon Martin. Old Knudsen is conflicted. Its not trendy to be conflicted. Put yer hoodie on and grab yer skittles like the rest....... don't think! don't look for spin just look at the pictures taken a few years ago of Trayvon holding a baby and think of the outrage.

In the US some people are trying to see this as a race thing. Old Knudsen is above all of that and sees it as a people thing.

Old Knudsen hates wannabe cops like George Zimmerman who shot Martin in an alleged self defense. He was on patrol as neighbourhood watch and had called 911 upon thinking that Martin looked suspicious (eating skittles while being black) but Zimmerman insisted on confronting Martin because well hes an over zealous dick... big man with a gun.  

Yes there is a history of Hispanic on Black crime and visa verse, if it was a White man it would be the same result  .... if it was a Black cop it would be the same result. The victim race card is in play so it doesn't matter who shot him.

Americans see anything anti-black as being a touchy subject more so than anything Hispanic or Native American, it all depends at the timing. Students wearing brown or black pride t-shirts to school will often be overlooked but if a white kid wore a white pointy hood all hell would break loose... the world is convenient at times. 

Its all a load of shite. All people are tossers no matter what their colour.

Old Knudsen doesn't buy the whole turning people into pillars of virtue after death.

An example from early 2012:

What no pictures from a few years back holding a puppy?

The stabbing of a young man in a London Foot Locker shop had friends say what a nice person Seydou Diarrassouba was, he always welcomed you with a warm friendly smile. It turns out that Seydou otherwise known as 'Nutz' was in the London street gang ABM, which stands for ‘All ’Bout Money’. It was a rival gang that killed him.    No one ever says what they are really like.

The police in Floria are targets because they upheld the 'Stand yer ground' law which Zimmerman is using as his defense. 
Old Knudsen believes that Martin had no right shooting Martin but knows what teens can be like having seen US bus drivers pull over and call the police as the school kids (gurls) fight each other on the way home from school.
They can be right mouthy shites but that is what yer fist is for no yer gun. 

Neighbourhood watch is for watching and reporting, he may of thought he was a cop on the edge but no he was a poorly trained loser who would probably fail the psychology testing. He has now put a bad light on all law enforcement much like yer twat who peppered sprayed yon students.

Its a delicate subject which has grown into a cause .

Old Knudsen would love to shot some hoodies around here but can't until the law catches up with his ideas.

Only Zimmerman knows what happened and so Old Knudsen reserves judgement and ignores the spin. Let the celebs do their token (excuse the pun) hoodie marches. Justice needs to be seen to be done but it will never be enough. Trayvon Martin isn't a tragic loss of young life anymore, hes an issue.

UPDATE:  It seems that common sense won through and George Zimmerman was found not guilty and acted in self defense.

Zimmerman is guilty in the eyes of many as soon as he pulled that trigger but Old Knudsen is reminded of the case in Northern Ireland when two soldiers were pulled from their car and beaten to death by a mob.
They had guns and even fired a warning shot but didn't use their guns on the crowd. Being considerate gets you dead.
Zimmerman was getting the fucked knocked out of him by a bigger and stronger foe, if he didn't use his gun he'd be dead. 


Saturday, 17 March 2012

George Clooney Banged Up

George Clooney was arrested outside of the Sudanese embassy in a protest to the Sudanese government who for years have condoned the killing of their own people by government hired militia.

George, his da and a couple of others went peacefully with secret service agents. The only disruption was a line up of traffic. A security van delivering the prized 'Royal Ruby of the Sudan' had a little difficulty getting through the embassy gates due to Clooney well wishers and fascist pigs. 

If they have even so much as bruised his arm Old Knudsen will turn that place into a car park.

The arresting officer looks strangely familiar maybe Old Knudsen knows him from Nam. Ach Nam was terrible. I can still remember all their faces as they screamed, but thats enough about all the hookers and gurly boys Old Knudsen banged during the war/police action.  

Don't worry folks it didn't take long for George to be released. Fcuking legal system. A criminal is arrested in the morning and released in the afternoon. Old Knudsen just hopes they were gentle with him in the cells even though time was against them. Clooney had always thought that some day he'd be arrested for making Batman and Robin, maybe the karma for that movie will be a lot harsher.

Friday, 16 March 2012


Old Knudsen is a troubled man my friends ........ well thats what that cunting judge said but what does he know? Also if my psychiatrist goes on about anger issues again I'll smash his fcuking skull in and strip the flesh from his bones and feed it to my pet pot bellied pig.

Because of all the celebs who have stripped off for PETA Old Knudsen now equates animal cruelty to naked weemen. As if Old Knudsen's wank bank wasn't disturbing enough.

 If that wabbit was getting shampoo injected into its eyes Old Knudsen would get a full on blogger chubby.

Don't tell Old Knudsen what he would not do with his dog! Wearing it would be the least of things.

I thought I'd add that last picture to show you how diverse Old Knudsen's disturbing wank bank really is.

Friday, 9 March 2012


Look what Old Knudsen got through his door. Is someone trying to tell Old Knudsen something or have God botherers just got a lot more creepy?

Sexy Little Gurls

What the fcuk?  Lifetime television channel seem to be targeting a niche market. They have this show called 'Dance moms' which shows cuntish stage mums and their goal to ruin and exploit their children.

The above picture has the sexy wee 8 year-olds being taught how to dance with feathers while wearing nude coloured tops.   
Ms Miller (shown in the picture) is the groomer er I mean choreographer, she tells them 'I'm hot, I'm mean, you can't have me, you can't afford me'.

Things Old Knudsen has heard many times.   

The niche market that Lifetime is obviously targeting ......... Pedos of course who else would wanna watch scantily clad gyrating children?

What kind of mothers set up their kids as pedo targets just to get on the telly? Also how is this allowed to be shown or even made ?  Old Knudsen is sickened.  

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Mitt Romney's Shame Uncovered

Mitt Romney the Michigan Mormon and son of G.W. ............. Romney may not get elected for his stance against ghey marriage or his lack of knowledge about female contraception. What will get Romney elected as the next US president will be his firm chiseled jaw and perfect hair.

He may the kind of person who blanks out in the queue looking up at the fast food menu above the counter not knowing what he wants to order holding up the line even though he gets the same fcuking thing every time but he looks the part of a president.

Old Knudsen has uncovered Romney's secret. During his days of struggling to make ends meet on a paltry CEO's salary Romney posed for some scantily clad underwear shots for  Hunter Green's out door supply catalog.  

When faced with the truth he told OBB News: "I was young and I needed the money, may history judge me by my heroic good looks and firm package."

Rush Limbaugh was unusually unavailable for comment so Old Knudsen will call Mr Romney a 'slut!' on his behalf.  


Monday, 5 March 2012

Putin Wins Again!

Vladimir Putin who is the real 'Iron man' claimed victory in Russia's presidential election. In a surprise victory that no one saw cumming the cuntry breathes a sigh as many relatives are released from detention cells now that the votes have been counted.

Putin took to the stage saying."I promised you we would win. We have won. Glory to Russia." Tears rolled doon his wee cheeks then he added. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, I haven't cried since watching Terminator 2."He paused to wipe snot onto his cuff. " The first time I didn't feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!"........."You really like me."

When Putin the big gurls blouse pulled himself together he went on to fulfill one of his election promises. "I told you if you didn't vote for me the puppy would get it, this is for those who didn't give me their vote." Putin then went onto crush the doggie's skull with his bare hands.

You do have to admire a politician who does what he says he is going to do. 

Friday, 2 March 2012