Saturday, 19 November 2011

Sponsored By Gucci

Benetton which is an Italian clothing retailer who wants whites and coloureds to mix had to adjust their 'Unhate' campaign after the Vatican denounced a picture of Herr Benedict kissing an Egyptian imam on the lips saying that it was 'unacceptable provocation' and didn't get his best side. 

The Vatican also did not want any pictures of the Pope pleasuring a donkey or buggering young boys to be shown...... I'm sure.

Vatican spokesman Rev. Federico Lombardi called the ad an 'unacceptable' manipulation of the pope's likeness that offended the religious sentiments of the faithful. 'It shows a serious lack of respect for the Pope. '

Old Knudsen agrees with the Pope and his Pedo friends. The Pope should have the utmost respect for all the work he has done of keeping the Catholic church intact no matter the price. This is no time to promote Global love for fcuks sake............ Besides the Pope wears Gucci so Benetton can fcuk away off! 

Imam who I believe is married to David Bowie was unavailable for comment.  

In a move to appear less scary to young boys the Vatican suggested that a picture showing the Pope kissing Justin Bieber be used however the other images of Bieber kissing and licking the Pope's ring should not be used.

Friday, 11 November 2011

Holy Shit!

The world was supposed to end in 1843,1844,1874, 1878, 1881, 1910, 1914, 1918, 1925, 1975, 1984,1988,1989,1992, 1993,1994,1996,1997,1999, 2000,2001,2004, 2007,2008 and twice in 2011. Old Knudsen doesn't remembering it happening during any of those years. Tokyo, New York, San Francisco, LA and Bombay did not fall into the seas in the 1980's nor did the serpent god of peace appear unless that was some kind of metaphor for Oprah Winfrey .

What about yon Ice age we were promised? What about the earth's axis tilting 30 degrees and getting saved by aliens from the fourth dimension?  Sure ya might have believed it was gonna end in the year 2000 because if you take 2000 and divide it by the number of nipples that Jesus had (3) you'll get the Devil's number 666.66666. Go on phone it then, you'll see that he is actually quite a decent bloke if not misunderstood though do not buy any land off him even if he says you can get an aristocratic title by doing so.    

We aren't stupid ya know, well ok you are a little bit but you hide it well by frowning a lot and looking thoughtful. The world is going to end in 2012 because the Mayans couldn't be arsed counting any more after 5, 125 year cycles.
Well that is what we are told which I'm sure would surprise the fcuk out of the Mayans. 

"Oh shit its the end of the world dude, here cums Mel Gibson."

Well it might just end next year and ya know who you can blame? yep the fcuking Egyptians of course. A Polish numerological group called Dar Swiatowida wanted to do a ceremony around the pyramids of Giza to protect the world from destructive cosmic forces . It had to be done on the 11th November 2011 because 11/11/11 is a funny looking date and remember its all about the numbers, go phone the Devil  about the details if ya don't believe me. 

Now Old Knudsen does not care if they want to do the hokey fcuking cokey while the head priest 69's his dog as long as they all wear their poppies and show some fcuking respect!  

Why does this picture remind me of the Full Monty? Ach sour wankers in grey suits that have only served the Queen by making speeches and bad decisions. Why can't they let people who have actually served or are serving in the armed forces lay the wreaths instead of civvies?

No offense to those civvies whose opinions of appeasement have been paid for in the blood of those  more brave than they will ever be.  

 So anyway this lot of Polish weirdos as I shall refer to them are wanting to do this "ceremony of love" but then some serious minded Egyptians start believing all sorts of rumours such as its a Jewish trick to claim that the pyramids were built by the Jews and that 1200 angry Jews were going to turn up and plant a star of David on top or worse still the Masons would turn up and do those secret hand shakes. I don't know why modern day Egyptians would care since its not like they are descendants of the ancient Egyptians.  

In the end the pyramids got closed for the day by the Supreme council of antiquities who said it was for maintenance reasons. 

Maybe someone looked up and said, "Fcuk they look bad we should close them immediately and give them a touch of much needed paint".

Will the world end next year? The History channel seems to think so. How many of us have been stocking up on the tins of beans and cans of lager and planning an early retirement ? yon wee fcukers who have been bleedin you dry all those years won't be needing that college money so blow it on some guns or a herb garden ach I don't know. 

Old Knudsen has trouble believing most hype that goes on to be made into movies however if ya do cum near my bunker at the end of my garden I will cut ya.