Friday, 26 February 2010

A Day Out With Old Knudsen

If you ever doubt the existence of Gog well here he is with his lunch deciding what direction to go in. The walking man above his head is symbolic of humanity striving forward to convert or kill non-believers and the fact he is walking/marching means he is Protestant as he goes RIGHT .

Old Knudsen saw this and laughed at this stereotype, ha ha ha stupid Irish leprechauns the only thing that would make this funnier is if you put some black face on him, "Top 'O' the mornin masta" oh and give him 'slitty eyes' and make him good at math. Old Knudsen does crack himself up laughing at other people, races and what have ye.

The joke turned sour when Old Knudsen saw the other side of the window. Roth IRA and Cloverdell IRA ? and they have a 529 plan to kill the Brits and take over Northern Ireland, fuck the Real IRA these two terrorist branches have an office and Yank backing ....... again. The IRA have NOT finished their terror campaign against the UK they are merely hiding their activities in Southern Callyfornia and look at the pot 'O' gold they have to buy guns with.

No where near by was this car. You all know that my part of Southern Callyfornia is in Canada which explains Ontario, ach I don't know its state, fed and city laws all beyond me I don't even have a visa cos Old Knudsen uses a Scottish express card............. "Och aye sir that will do nicely" except Old Knudsen doesn't like to spend money.

The irony of a crime prevention unit driving an Escape was not missed by Old Knudsen no wonder the IRA choose to set up here.

Old Knudsen will not be going outside any time soon and when Hometoon security finally take my call and stop threatening to arrest me (for my own safety probably) the world will be safe again.

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Lemurs Are Here!!!!!!

Is it 2012 yet? Old Knudsen can see the pieces falling into place for the end of the world and the end will have big creepy staring judgmental bug eyes and the ability to look cute to fool those with weak minds. A pack of lemurs can tear a man (a big man) to bits in 2 minutes and all that will be left will be his shit stain on his torn trousers.

Lemurs can also open doors use sewing machines and read minds, they have a breeding colony in the Eastern Pyrenees Mountains and breed hybrid humans from the insane Catalans. They are already among us!

From the BBC:

A man has been released on bail after being arrested in connection with the illegal trading of lemur monkeys.Four lemurs were seized on Friday from a shopping centre carpark in Banbridge, and another from a shop in Ballymena.

They are protected under the UN Convention on the International Trade in Endangered Species.

The five seized animals are a mix of ring tailed and white fronted brown lemurs. Lemurs are native to the island of Madagascar.

The USPCA said rare animals are being sold illegally to purchasers "whose knowledge about their specific requirements is at best nominal, at worst non-existent".

They laughed at Old Knudsen but now the lemurs are being smuggled over the Madagascar border by ruthless illegal alien lemur helpers. If lemurs infiltrate the Ballymena bible/drug belt the future of Northern Ireland will be one of misery and violence ................... I mean worse than it is as lemurs will be calling the shots to the knee caps. No one gives a flying fuck about Banbridge but Ballymena is the centre of the world, that is where the great Ian Paisley fought the evil Liam Neeson thus making him flee never to be heard of again.

Is it a coincidence that Old Knudsen's ancient enemy has turned up in the land he is soon to go to? You'd be a fool if you thought it was. Old Knudsen can smell a trap, of course it smells like piss or is that me?

Saturday, 20 February 2010

Average Joe

Joe Stack (An American) flew his small plane into a Austin, Texas IRS building killing himself and one other. His suicide note has been called ' A manifesto' and he has been branded 'a terrorist' and a 'whackjob'.
Old Knudsen does not support his method of protest or retaliation but the man did have a point and if that Faux news twat Shepard Smith sneers at the letter and argues every point from his out of touch bubble of celeb then I can give my two nontaxable cents worth.

First of no one likes to pay taxes and Americans are the worse ones for it, no taxation without representation well how did that work out fer ya?

His letter:

If you're reading this, you're no doubt asking yourself, "Why did this have to happen?" The simple truth is that it is complicated and has been coming for a long time. The writing process, started many months ago, was intended to be therapy in the face of the looming realization that there isn't enough therapy in the world that can fix what is really broken. Needless to say, this rant could fill volumes with example after example if I would let it.

Most people blog to a brick wall , its true it can't be fixed because those in power want things to run in their favour.

I find the process of writing it frustrating, tedious, and probably pointless... especially given my gross inability to gracefully articulate my thoughts in light of the storm raging in my head. Exactly what is therapeutic about that I'm not sure, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

It is every American's right to armed revolt against the government as that is how this cuntry started.

We are all taught as children that without laws there would be no society, only anarchy. Sadly, starting at early ages we in this country have been brainwashed to believe that, in return for our dedication and service, our government stands for justice for all. We are further brainwashed to believe that there is freedom in this place, and that we should be ready to lay our lives down for the noble principals represented by its founding fathers. Remember? One of these was "no taxation without representation". I have spent the total years of my adulthood unlearning that crap from only a few years of my childhood. These days anyone who really stands up for that principal is promptly labeled a "crackpot", traitor and worse.

There is no government like no government. The government even has a say who can or cannot get married, WTF? A cuntry built on the ideals of freedom signing bills and declarations as slaves fill their cups for a toast and weemen aren't given a say. The Cherokees won their land in court fair and square using the law but the the president Andrew Jackson would not uphold it and they were marched off it and unto a reservation................ those that made it.

Gog forbid you say anything unpopular or yer called anti-American, Old Knudsen is merely anti-cunt.

There has never been a politician cast a vote on any matter with the likes of me or my interests in mind. Nor, for that matter, are they the least bit interested in me or anything I have to say.

Ever so true , you elect them on promises and they do what they want mostly to please those who make a difference to them.

Why is it that a handful of thugs and plunderers can commit unthinkable atrocities (and in the case of the GM executives, for scores of years) and when it's time for their gravy train to crash under the weight of their gluttony and overwhelming stupidity, the force of the full federal government has no difficulty coming to their aid within days if not hours? Yet at the same time, the joke we call the American medical system, including the drug and insurance companies, are murdering tens of thousands of people a year and stealing from the corpses and victims they cripple, and this country's leaders don't see this as important as bailing out a few of their vile, rich cronies.

Have you read anything crazy or untrue in his rant yet?

Yet, the political "representatives" (thieves, liars, and self-serving scumbags is far more accurate) have endless time to sit around for year after year and debate the state of the "terrible health care problem". It's clear they see no crisis as long as the dead people don't get in the way of their corporate profits rolling in.

So much talk and spin then the idea gets voted down after thousands of hours of talk time and mud slinging.

And justice? You've got to be kidding!

The government is more concerned about the welfare of its criminals than its people.

How can any rational individual explain that white elephant conundrum in the middle of our tax system and, indeed, our entire legal system? Here we have a system that is, by far, too complicated for the brightest of the master scholars to understand. Yet, it mercilessly "holds accountable" its victims, claiming that they're responsible for fully complying with laws not even the experts understand. The law "requires" a signature on the bottom of a tax filing; yet no one can say truthfully that they understand what they are signing; if that's not "duress" than what is. If this is not the measure of atotalitarian regime, nothing is.

Victims rights are secondary and nothing is ever fully explained because in America there is always a hidden loophole to screw you over.

I learned that there are two "interpretations" for every law; one for the very rich, and one for the rest of us... Oh, and the monsters are the very ones making and enforcing the laws; the inquisition is still alive and well today in this country.

Those with and those without I believe they called it during Katrina.

That little lesson in patriotism cost me $40,000+, 10 years of my life, and set my retirement plans back to 0. It made me realize for the first time that I live in a country with an ideology that is based on a total and complete lie.

The government promises and the government takes away. Don't sneer at the lazy bums on Welfare do you think most of them want to live under the poverty line and have nothing? Don't count on having a pension either.

It also made me realize, not only how naive I had been, but also the incredible stupidity of the American public; that they buy, hook, line, and sinker, the crap about their "freedom"... and that they continue to do so with eyes closed in the face of overwhelming evidence and all that keeps happening in front of them.

I've been saying that for years its called denial and apathy.

At the age of 18 or 19 when I was living on my own as student in an apartment in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. My neighbor was an elderly retired woman (80+ seemed ancient to me at that age) who was the widowed wife of a retired steel worker. Her husband had worked all his life in the steel mills of central Pennsylvania with promises from big business and the union that, for his 30 years of service, he would have a pension and medical care to look forward to in his retirement. Instead he was one of the thousands who got nothing because the incompetent mill management and corrupt union (not to mention the government) raided their pension funds and stole their retirement. All she had was social security to live on.

That was back when jobs were for life and you'd be looked after in yer retirement. How many backroom union deals have lost jobs? How many pensions has the government gambled with? Old Knudsen has heard these stories from the mighty Kaiser steel works in Southern Callyfornia.

In retrospect, the situation was laughable because here I was living on peanut butter and bread (or Ritz crackers when I could afford to splurge) for months at a time. When I got to know this poor figure and heard her story I felt worse for her plight than for my own (I, after all, I thought I had everything to in front of me). I was genuinely appalled at one point, as we exchanged stories and commiserated with each other over our situations, when she in her grandmotherly fashion tried to convince me that I would be "healthier" eating cat food (like her) rather than trying to get all my substance from peanut butter and bread.

Old people eating cat food isn't such an uncommon story.

During 1987, I spent close to $5000 of my 'pocket change', and at least 1000 hours of my time writing, printing, and mailing to any senator, congressman, governor, or slug that might listen; none did, and they universally treated me as if I was wasting their time.

Time for armed revolt or learning how to fly I guess.

Rewind my retirement plans back to 0 and shift them into idle. If I had any sense, I clearly should have left abandoned engineering and never looked back.

Instead I got busy working 100-hour workweeks. Then came the L.A. depression of the early 1990s. Our leaders decided that they didn't need the all of those extra Air Force bases they had in Southern California, so they were closed; just like that. The result was economic devastation in the region that rivaled the widely publicized Texas S&L fiasco. However, because the government caused it, no one gave a shit about all of the young families who lost their homes or street after street of boarded up houses abandoned to the wealthy loan companies who received government funds to "shore up" their windfall. Again, I lost my retirement.

Clinton cut defense and didn't think too much about a Bin Laden fella trying to blow up the world trade centre the first time, in the UK Blair was cutting the armed forces doon. The Gulf war abortion was Bush Snr in 1991 if you remember.

Years later, after weathering a divorce and the constant struggle trying to build some momentum with my business, I find myself once again beginning to finally pick up some speed. Then came the .COM bust and the 911 nightmare. Our leaders decided that all aircraft were grounded for what seemed like an eternity; and long after that, 'special' facilities like San Francisco were on security alert for months. This made access to my customers prohibitively expensive. Ironically, after what they had done the Government came to the aid of the airlines with billions of our tax dollars ... as usual they left me to rot and die while they bailed out their rich, incompetent cronies WITH MY MONEY! After these events, there went my business but not quite yet all of my retirement and savings.

To Old Knudsen it doesn't seem like the government of the US really does too much to aid the small people except talk to them. They look from the top doon and not from the bottom up.

By this time, I'm thinking that it might be good for a change. Bye to California, I'll try Austin for a while. So I moved, only to find out that this is a place with a highly inflated sense of self-importance and where damn little real engineering work is done. I've never experienced such a hard time finding work. The rates are 1/3 of what I was earning before the crash, because pay rates here are fixed by the three or four large companies in the area who are in collusion to drive down prices and wages... and this happens because the justice department is all on the take and doesn't give a fuck about serving anyone or anything but themselves and their rich buddies.

Some one always tries to run what goes on in any city or state but self-importance is the American way of life.

To survive, I was forced to cannibalize my savings and retirement, the last of which was a small IRA. This came in a year with mammoth expenses and not a single dollar of income. I filed no return that year thinking that because I didn't have any income there was no need. The sleazy government decided that they disagreed. But they didn't notify me in time for me to launch a legal objection so when I attempted to get a protest filed with the court I was told I was no longer entitled to due process because the time to file ran out. Bend over for another $10,000 helping of justice.

I many court cases the judge will just not allow you to speak on yer own behalf and anything that will benefit you will have a secret expiration date.

I choose to not keep looking over my shoulder at "big brother" while he strips my carcass, I choose not to ignore what is going on all around me, I choose not to pretend that business as usual won't continue; I have just had enough.

Everyone has their breaking point and I an surprised that so many Americans put up with all of this but short of flying planes into buildings they have very little recourse.
I can only hope that the numbers quickly get too big to be white washed and ignored that the American zombies wake up and revolt; it will take nothing less.
Nope you'll be labeled a nut by the press and forgotten about ........ yer point all lost and American idol will get more interest.

I spent my entire life trying to believe it wasn't so, but violence not only is the answer, it is the only answer. The cruel joke is that the really big chunks of shit at the top have known this all along and have been laughing, at and using this awareness against, fools like me all along.
America is revolting but the people are too fat and passive.

I saw it written once that the definition of insanity is repeating the same process over and over and expecting the outcome to suddenly be different. I am finally ready to stop this insanity. Well, Mr. Big Brother IRS man, let's try something different; take my pound of flesh and sleep well.

Insanity or idiot hope, I doubt the IRS will stop at a pound of flesh. They will say you have paid yer dues but put an alert onto yer bank account so when you have a certain amount they ding you for more.

The communist creed: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

The capitalist creed: From each according to his gullibility, to each according to his greed.

Both systems only work for those in charge or that have money. Mr Stack had a valid point and was sick of being punished for nothing while trying to make a living. Just another crazy American but one who didn't stay in the Matrix.

To sum it up he didn't have such a bad life that he needed to do this he lost money but could afford to move and take flying lessons. Yeah he was nuts/stupid but he did have a point but that was all he had.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Chubby Going Doon

Southwest airlines shame on you! Kevin Smith the famous director of Jersey Girl and other numerous Ben Affleck type films was asked to leave the aeroplane he was on even after passing the fat rules of fastening his seat belt with the arm rests doon and not getting stuck into a pie that was placed in front of him for a period of 4 minutes.

Rumours have it that Smith claimed to have a bomb on board but in reality he was just talking to another passenger about all his movies that have bombed at the box office.

Smith or 'K- well fed' as he likes to be called waddled off the plane in disgust but sorta pleased he made the news for something else than a bad film.

He had bought two seats to fit his big wide arse in comfort because as he said 'He had the money to do so'.
Expect to see passengers getting weighed and charged for excess lard in the future like human luggage.

Old Knudsen will concede that Dogma was good if not badly cut and directed.

Later Southwest airlines that have the pretty blue and red planes like Neon fish of the sky apologised to Smith by telephone, by then Smith had added to his size with depression chocolate.

Too young to die too fat to fly................

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Don't Fear The Reaper

Old Knudsen just loves the American justice system at work, not to say the British system is any better.
Viva Leroy Nash who had a criminal record dating back to the 1930s, was deaf, mostly blind, crippled, mentally ill and had dementia the poor man aged 94 passed away.

He was on death row which should actually be called Stall row because stalling is what they do.

Nash didn't like the two life sentences he got for robbery and murder so in 1982 he escaped prison and shot dead a coin shop employee then getting sentenced to death.

WTF? death row is a drain of money like many of the prisons, who cares about these scumbags? put the money into schools, hospitals or Protestant churches.

It costs no more than a sharp shovel to kill someone but they waste hundreds of thousands on appeals that can span over 30 years. They aren't paying for the appeals they don't pay for anything, they just take money from the poor, old , sick and people who deserve a chance.

The US likes to kick you when you are doon and it keeps you doon but hey the prisoners are ok it seems that crime does pay.

America does have socialist health care, just get sent to prison and you'll cum out in better shape than before and its free!

A 94 year-old murderer dying of old age on Death row is well embarrassing, why the appeals was he sayings he didn't rob,kill and escape from prison to kill again? He should have been on death row and he should have been executed. Fuck the whole making them suffer in jail crap, they love it there otherwise they wouldn't keep going back get rid of them so they can't drain anymore resources and continue to do harm to society.

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Pedo Love And Fat Poofs

There are questions in life that will always need answered:

Does my bum look too big?

What did I do during my last blackout?

Who will be the next James Bond?

Will we ever shake that parasite known as Africa off our collective leg?

The biggest question of all isn't about the meaning of life, Old Knudsen has already told you that one (should have paid attention) its who will replace Simon Cowell on American Idol?

Old Knudsen has been asked but I too have had my fill with the home of the sheep and the land of the ignorant. Howard Stern and Jason Timberland have been mentioned but really how difficult is it to replace a fat English poof with a sarky tongue? Britain is full of them.

Go Yank and get Carson from Queer eye in there he is a laugh riot. Old Knudsen does not watch these shows as his IQ is too high but big fucking deal the guy who gave us Robson & Jerome is leaving I say hang the bastard for war crimes instead.

Speaking of cunts.

The Pope is holding a meeting with the top Irish Fenian kiddie diddlers about the subject of child abuse and how to stop those sexy wee kids from tempting the priests.

He'll sit doon with all the cardinals and bishops and will say in his Nazi accent (to say German would imply all Germans were Nazis) "What about this child abuse then?" one bishop will raise his hand and say, "Eric was a good ride" followed by high fives,"yeah I totally converted Seamus, in the ass" says another.

Old Knudsen has applied for the position of the Cardinal Archbishop of Los Angeles,as pedo shuffler extraordinaire Roger Mahony is to retire. Maybe demanding to be made Pope (though my emails were ignored) was a little too aggressive. I'll start out small then work my way up clawing at the festering scab that is the Vatican from below swimming in the puss that is their hypocrisy.

On a nice note its Valentine day which cums from a Roman orgy festival so don't say it with roses say it with lube and butt plugs. Flowers are one of the most useless presents there is and the wankers that sell them gouge you at this time of the year.

To quote the film 'Love story', "Love is ....... putting up with shit."

For his Saturday dinner Old Knudsen had turkey, stuffing, potatoes, gravy and green things called vegetables must be American, no one dictates to Old Knudsen when he has to have his Christmas dinner. Enjoy yer forced romance you sheep to the system.

Friday, 12 February 2010

My Almost Rape Terror!!

Arghh avast with ye RPG.

Mr and Mrs Chandler were kidnapped last October by pirates while tooling around on their yacht 'Lynn Rival' from the Seychelles heading towards Tanzania.

To show how 'savvy' pirates have becum they now have a pirate spokesman to give interviews and allow journalists to talk to their captives.

56-year-old Rachel Chandler told of how a pirate was intent on raping her in her tent but another pirate stopped him. Beating her was fine but sex ............ they found (and rightly so) objectionable.

How sick of Roger the cabin boy would you have to be to have a go at this ?

Old Knudsen does not want to make light of their plight but maybe they should have stayed in Tunbridge Wells, Kent as it is not a nice world out their for two geezers on a yacht. "Oh look black fellas I wonder what they want, maybe they have beads to sell."

The spokesman said the Chandlers could be freed if everyone in Britain contributed 'just one dollar' towards a ransom , their demands have varied between £ 1.9million and £4.4million since the kidnap.

But this would never happen, the pirate said, because the British had no compassion for 'old' people and did not really want them back.

That sir is a lie! the UK is a compassionate socialist society that would gladly hand out money to kidnappers . The only problem is we don't do dollars, we'd have to go to the bank which is a pain, we don't like those ghey Euro thingys either but if you want to convert a pound to a dollar it should be around 61p ach me head is spinning with all this talk about giving money away. Do pirates now have a Seychelles bank account?

The pirate mouth piece also attacked the UK government for abandoning the couple and warned that the pirates would stop feeding them if the money was not paid soon.

The UK government have a wee expense account fraud thing going on right now so Chandlers don't be discouraged, its not that the government doesn't care but they are very busy people. We value yer plight we really really do, please hold.

The guilting went on "Why don't you help them? If each one person in the UK pays just one dollar that would be enough money.

These two people are old and poor, and that is why you don't care if they come home. You don't want old, poor people in your country.

They will die here until they pay the money, that's for sure."

Such harsh mocking make it stop. Like everyone in the cuntry gives a shit, if the pirates were so compassionate then they um wouldn't be pirates......... What else can they be they made really crap slaves?

The couple I'm guessing were able to retire early, they have a yacht and do you know how much it costs to sail around the world these days?

Away and fuck you Johnny Depp wanna be they sound like very upper middle class to me, not that wealthy people aren't worth saving but Old Knudsen wishes he had a yacht he could be kidnapped from.

The Chandlers could do with a starve look at those fat fuckers, she already has her pirates sunken chest.

Somali pirates need to stop learning from the likes of Bono and Geldoff maybe the bloodthirsty cut-throats are drumming up money for Haiti, thats nice and trendy and totally worth saving as it was such a thriving hub of business with no corruption at all.

Old Knudsen knows how the people of Haiti feel because after 20 aftershocks I cannae find my hoose either.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Recession Hits Hard In Iraq

A well trained professional always patrols in clumps with his weapon held with one hand in the air or clutching onto the magazine. Staggered formation with yer weapon in yer shoulder holding onto the weapon grip is for the weak and makes crap photos.

Hundreds of private security jobs have been lost in Iraq because the US backed puppet Iraqi government doesn't want armed Americans with high testosterone and alcohol levels wondering the streets like its the wild west.

Well fuck you Iraq and the camel you rode in on who are they to tell the US who can and cannot walk about with guns? they do it all the time themselves . Blackwater may have been accused of killing 17 unarmed Iraqi civilians in Nisoor Square in crowded Baghdad in 2007 but those charges were dismissed by a federal judge so WTF?

Old Knudsen is disgusted that at a time like this our supposed allies are adding to our economic woes by firing trigger happy ex veterans too old for this shit who only want to earn $1000 a day which is probably what all the US troops are getting right?

In 2005 the US government paid Blackwater $409,000 for 14 guards and 4 vehicles to protect a temporary morgue in baton Rouge during the Katrina adventure. These men are so highly trained their shit cums out on red alert who will protect our embassies and people in Iraq now?

The US troops in Iraq are no doubt grateful that Blackwater (now named Xe) are there to get $1000 a day in less hostile and more air conditioned surrounding so they can get on with the re-building of Iraq.

How dare you Iraq! Don't make Old Knudsen have to call some people up and invade yer arse.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

The Evolution Of Ghey Porn

It only seems like 3 and a half weeks ago that Old Knudsen was up in the San Gabriel mountains tracking game.
There was a time that those mountains were so full of beaver, pussy and snatch tails that you could never get rid of the smell. Old Knudsen would walk into Wrightwood and people would be boaking at the stench of pussy on him. Now Old Knudsen can't seem to get any beaver, nope he be at the self-service gas station of love, pumping his own leaded. I'm no sure what that means but it doesn't sound too good.

Another reason Old Knudsen was up in the hills was due to reports of lemur activity but whatever Old Knudsen says about lemurs is still classified oh I can say they are creepy bug eyed cunts that isn't classified.

The cold and lonely nights were the worse I'd lie in my log cabin tossing my wood onto the fire while re-reading my Sarah Palin swimsuit edition of Conservative cunt monthly, aye if only the lass would meet 'me' then she'd be in favour of abortion.

One cold wet stormy night I was lying by the fire polishing my rifle when there was a knock at me door.
Old Knudsen doesn't have a visa never mind a weapons permit as Old Knudsen is a free spirit. I quickly shoved my rifle under cover but the stock still stuck out a bit, ah well.

I answered the door and there stood a small stocky balding middle aged man, the rain dripped doon his glasses and mustache as he stood there out of breath. He started to talk excitedly about mudslides and his BMW , I could see he wasn't the forest rangers or the pigs so I let him in.

My training made me pretend not to notice him yet see everything. He stood there with his expensive looking ski jacket dripping rain unto my floor I saw his eyes look doon at my thick wooden stock he quickly looked elsewhere in the direction of a stack of ghey porn standing in a three foot high pillar beside my bed, " It belonged to the guy that lived here before" I blurted out.
He looked me square in the eyes and said, "Don't worry I'm ex coast guard besides I didn't ask" Old Knudsen totally didn't know what he was getting at so I said, "Well I was just telling".

"Take yer coat off and sit doon" says I in my usual friendly manner, " just kick that crusty sock out of the way" the man looked at the offending article formerly used as clothing near the chair, "Uh its starting to move by itself."

"My word its evolving" Old Knudsen did exclaim with a victorious finger in the air, "A cup of tae?"

It turned out that Ted owned the million dollar home across the way and since the wildfires of earlier in the year cleared all the brush the rain now created a mudslide that was threatening to take his hoose.

"My gog" I said "first Haiti and now this, when will it ever stop?" .......... a rhetorical question there like when I say, "how are you?" or "are you well?"

Old Knudsen does not have a phone or any other tracking device, he eats biscuits but not cookies. He once had an Ipod but could see fuck all out of it and wasn't sure exactly where on the eyes it was supposed to go.

Ted tilted his head to the right a bit and revealed a slim mobile phone permanently in-cased into his roll of neck fat.
Think Old Knudsen think, I ran through the options on who to call, Billy joe and his brothers with shovels, old man Samsonite and his team of horses, the fire dept might cum if I set fire to his hoose ................. Old Knudsen is a dangerous intellect.

Ted looked disgusted, he knew what to do he called K-cal news to get a reporter up to his hoose, this story would make a full night of news for them.

We sat there and waited and waited, his conversation was out of Old Knudsen's tax bracket (taxes are for the weak which is why George Washington wanted to tax moonshine, the fucking traitorous cunt) I finally sighed and say, " do ya want to read some of my porn then?" Ted perked up and said, "I'd thought you'd never ask."

Here is a picture that proves the theory of evolution is merely an idea or a theory if you will. If this penguin could evolve and grow wings to fly don't you think it would?

Saturday, 6 February 2010

Blog Vomit

Old Knudsen has a plan see, but he isn't going to tell you plebs about it so here have some repeats. One last job and I'm done.

Withering erection

Keeling Time

Another True Story

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Its Not Me Its You!

Old Knudsen has been getting into shape for the future. Yes my pretend friends Old Knudsen 'is' a force of nature and it is nature's way to change. Old Knudsen will change either by gentleness or by force, a bit of force can be a nice change but Old Knudsen likes it when they lie still.

Have I lost you yet? I shall try harder. Old Knudsen is getting ready to leave the poisoned shores of America for the Isle of Destiny. It is Old Knudsen's future to change that divided cuntry known as the beautiful almost Scottish North of Ireland and the Papal licking rotten potato known as ..................... you know that bit below Ulster that was neutral during WWII.

The Mormons have converted my ancestors to the religion of my choice (not at gunpoint as they claimed) and all my current family have been converted whether they like it or not cos that is the way the bibble rolls !!!

The Liberated Presbyterian Pre-Christian Paganus Church of Planet Earth 'LPPCPCPE' for short.

Everyone is a part of this religion because Gog loves them and he says so, ok he was very pished when he said it but it still counts cos look at all the other stuff he did while drunk: Making weemen, Nuking of Saddam and Gonorrhea, Floods, raping Mary , burning her bush its all there in the bibble.

Of course you are all doomed until you accept yer fate er sorry faith.

Old Knudsen has been buying tons of quick lime, shredding documents about what president Dick Cheney hired him to do and sorting out the sweet from the chav.

I shall keep the books I won fair and square from the lovely MJ, a friend for all seasons except when she is on her moons for then she is a total bitch.

The holiday cards sent to me from my dear friend Anonymous Boxer.

The restraining orders from the lawyers of the lovely Donn.

Then there are also poems such as this from the famous British author Sarah Turton whose signed book I shall cherish. If it wasn't for her I'd be typing at a slant.

The UK is a different world, the above picture isn't shocking since 97% of Englishmen are more than a wee bit ghey. No ghey marriage but ghey civil partnerships which they should be happy with since the word 'marriage' has always cum with negative connotations in Old Knudsen's book.

A new world order of bread sticks, when people hear the word 'cunt' I want them to think of Old Knudsen first. Project Mayhem is in the works and folks will say, "I remember when Old Knudsen was a nice quiet old man."

Old Knudsen's baggy is still quite full and when he is finished with his vision quest it will be up to you if you are brave enough to cum along for a self-destructing roller coaster ride into the world of the uptight and repressed.
Do not decide now for there is time and change will be without hope ............ of a refund.

For now you fudge rockets, watch this space: