Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Actual Dangerous Zombies



If you go to a city and then to the outskirts, not even to the more rural banjo bible thumping regions you'll see that the people in both places are different. City folk are more pushy and nothing will phase them, "They were kicking the poor man to death and I just thought why doesn't someone stop this ? if I don't get past I'll miss my bus." The townie types would open up a few cans of beer and watch.

The folks in other cuntries are different too. Old Knudsen having a PhD in American studies and the study thereof knows the Yank and pities the Yank for they are feed fear by the media and hormones by the government.

The typical American has had all thought of rebelling against the government bred out of them, now they have tea parties and hold up strongly worded signs. Now Old Knudsen was a part of 'Project wuss' in the early 50's, we went to the dangerous mountain gorillas and treated their bananas in chemicals until they became less dangerous now all the great apes do is charge a little and thump their chests, before they would turn yer hed into jam.

Old Knudsen loves a zombie film and the majority are set in America. If Americans turned into zombies they may lurch towards you looking like they want to eat yer brain but all they would do is give you a good old moaning.



Now its true that I do see the odd zombie lurching out of The Travelers Arms early in the afternoon but the traffic usually gets them. If the people of Northern Ireland ever got turned into zombies you'd really be in trouble. Not putting up with any of yer shite they want and will get yer brains but they will also have their fun too.

Centuries of fighting against the English, Irish, Themselves and anyone that looks at them funny has turned them into brawling machines, ach ya should see my ma.......... maybe ya have ya dirty shites. Norn Iron (slurring forms many of the Ulster Scots words) zombies will carry a litre bottle of drink and get liquored up before they knock yer shite in fer fun and then they will eat yer brains..... nom nom nom.

If ya live in Northern Ireland, Scotland or some parts of northern England it may be safer if ya become a zombie or pretend to be Canadian cos everyone loves them.

21 comments:

Reggie said...

Dude you seriously need to get some help.

dai said...

Hiya OK, true story here.

We were in the Creagory Hotel in Benbecula one time years ago and one of the locals was a bit shitfaced, understandable it was 2 PM already, he came up to one of our guys and told him that he didn't care much for yanks.

Well, Wayne looked at him and said in his Alabama accent " Well, I'm from Canada."

The local says "OH Feck!! I hate Canadians even worse."

I almost fell over laughing.

63mago said...

Pretend to be Franconian and they will worship you!

Troll said...

Back in the third-world, knudles?

I don't have a PhD in Northern Ireland Studies but I've been there. And concluded that the things they hate most are soap and clean eating utensils.

Michelle said...

*whew*
im canadian... so i guess im good to go eh?

Donn Escapeons said...

Hahaha soap and clean utensils.

I know absolutely nothing about the bandy legged pie-faced sods of Norn Iron except from what emerges from time to time on the back pages of the Economist.

Apparently the Celtic Tiger has died from drink and consumption. Oh and their national hegemony fund collapsed. They fear altruism, book learnin', sunlight and moderation.

MJ said...

My breath smells of poutine.

How much more Canadian can you get?

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63mago said...

Hunnybunny - you are still with us?

Bob Mac said...

Glad your'e back you mad get. Love your ranting. It is really sad so many humourless pricks feel the need to have a go. I bet Troll and his pal Donn are from the land of the Freeeee.

63mago said...

Time to swing your arse around now.

63mago said...

Don't hang around on fackbook, come here!

63mago said...

Merry Christmas you old heathen!

MJ said...

Happy Christmas, Old K.

Gary Dobbs/Jack Martin said...

Hurry up and post something else.

MJ said...

Are you in jail?

Princess said...

Dear Mr Knudsen...

I thought that you might like to know that our mutual Mistress MJ is about to display her "Pussy"... Are You interested? Pop over for a visit if you can. Us bitches would all love to see your tired old face. We do miss that piss stained cap of yours....

Angela Forgot Her Password Again said...

I hope you're not dead. If you are I just wanted to say that I thought you were the greatest blogger of them all and the world is diminished for your passing. Also, you missed an earthquake in Japan and some serious shit in Libya which I think you would've found very blogworthy. See you in hell,
Angela
PS did you bequeath me your cottage in Killamory?

MJ said...

Come back!!!

CyberCaptain said...

What if you would come from South Africa or any other old colony? :D

Pearl said...

Ahhh, how I've missed you.

:-)

And ya know what? The American zombies? You're right.

Pearl