Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Lurgan Whats That About?

Lurgan is about 18 miles south-west of Belfast with a population of about 23,000 , mostly spides, hoods, inbred banjo players and sheep. The name Lurgan cums from the Irish an Lorgain meaning "the long ridge" which was probably the name of a pub.

The town was refused the honour of being twinned with Londonderry because The maiden city (Londonderry, Derry, Free Derry, Diet Derry) didn't want to be associated with lowly educated sectarian mongs and a high crime rate.

Stay tuned for my post 'Londonderry city of lowly educated sectarian mongs and a high crime rate'.

Lurgan thought to be the ground zero for the 13th century strain of the Bubonic plague known as the Lurgie which killed millions and whose birth defects such as slurred speech and the need to throw things are still felt today. It also proudly boasts of being the leader of the most cases of fetal alcohol syndrome in Europe............. I'll drink ta that!
Many Ulster leaders throughout history have spent most of their lives trying to broker deals for the Republic of Ireland to take it back not even the efforts and a huge bribe from Bill Clinton in the late 90's could talk the Irish government into taking it.

A Lurgan beauty queen .

The act of rioting in Lurgan is seen as a civil right and the towns of Portadown and Craigavon along with Lurgan is known as the "murder triangle" but that is only a name to sensationalise the violence as its not really a triangle more of a straight line.

The terror campaign of Protestant/Catholic violence has been escalating over the past couple of years and now wheelie bins who up until now have been regarded as neutral have now been targeted for death by dissidents .

Twelve cases of E. coli have broken out amongst children in Lurgan last week. The army have moved in and have relocated 38 families to holding camps and a plan to purge Ulster of Lurgan using nukes and napalm is being discussed at the government offices at Stormont.

No famous people have ever come out of Lurgan only ugly.


Reggie said...

Nukes and napalm sound like overkill, even for this place. The Christian thing to do would be to pick one or the other, but certainly not both.

I'd go with napalm, that way you won't end up with any eight legged cows or three eyed fish two years after the bomb goes off at ground zero.....but that's just me. I'm the careful sensitive type.

Anonymous said...

Holy cow, Knudsen - it's only innocent Sunday fun!

Fat Sparrow said...

Someone's gonna put you on a Hit List....

Bustednuckles said...

Send 'em to Ballymena to eat the ass out of a new born sheep.