Monday, 2 August 2010

All Laid Bare

Old Knudsen gets asked a ridiculous amount of questions a day, it seems when yer a public figure people take liberties and think you belong to them. Old Knudsen hasn't belonged to anyone since he was a gladiator slave to the emperor Maximus Penetratious . I hope to answer some of the more repetitive ones.

Silver bullets do not kill me I just shite those things out like a slot machine. Sunlight does burn my skin and has been known to make my balls sweat. I can drink holy water but only in its frozen state and when mixed with alcohol or I get angry and turn green and me trousers turn purple ......... not a good look for me.

In my various lines of work I have had to kill people but I don't want to talk about it as its something I'm no proud about. No wait I did a guy in Laos from a thousand yards out. It was a rifle shot in high wind. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot I was pretty proud of that yin, 2,080 on a rough body count and thats no including playing Mafia Wars then there are the ones that you think are dead but don't want to chance it so you drill em again on yer way past and do ethnics count? they didn't back in the day like Irish but laws change and I cannae keep up , well like I said I don't want to talk about it.

I am not afraid of Lemurs their big judging bug eyes make me uncomfortable not scared!

The man who tells you he has no fear is either lying or hes Old Knudsen. I laugh in the face of danger and giggle behind the back of Doom.

There is nothing wrong with being ghey but I'm no a poof. Prison, the military, long sea voyages, gurly boys and drunken mistakes can in no way be included to form any assumption about me. Before you say it I'm no in denial, NO NO NO!

I can start an argument in an empty room and I despise it when people agree with my opinion even though that is the correct thing to do, ach I'm a complex person.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins were already separated when my name was dragged into the whole thing and Susan and I are just good friends. I have on occasion drove her home and we have understood each other many times but only in a rough but good friendly way.

God does exist as I've met him, a total prick I must add so I usually hang out with all the false Gods instead at least they don't rape young gurls then let their child get tortured to death. Talk about control issues, I tell him control is an illusion but hes a nutter.

The reason why my DNA is found at many crime scenes is that the Devil plants it there.

I do hate everyone that is true though I have warmed up to some. Won't save them during the great cull when the mothership gets here but I'll make it fast.

I do not walk the line nor cross the line. The line is simply not there and if you take offense then the terrorists win which means yer a cont for losing to them.

Painful 4 hour long erections happen to Old Knudsen every three weeks or so. I'm no complaining in fact its good to see movement at the old battle stations.

There is so much blood in my stools I sell them to vampires as lunchables.

Yes I am really an old man in fact my birth certificate was done by the same guy who did the 15 commandments, oh you only know 10? well that explains why Christianity has been getting it wrong all these years.

World leaders do ask my opinion but they never listen.

I did beat up Captain America and his army mutant minute men when they wouldn't let me go south to sell the guns I had recently bought at an Orange county gun show . He lay crying and bleeding as I declared, "Commerce is the American way ya commie cont" its bad when a foreigner such as I has to re-teach Americans their own values.

Old Knudsen may be old but he does like to stay in shape in fact he has the body of a 20 year- old which reminds me, gotta go its feeding and lotion time.


63mago said...

A 20 year old what?

Reggie said...

Wow!!! We actually have something in common, sunlight makes my balls sweat too!!!