Saturday, 28 August 2010

The Truth Will Set You Up

Glenn Beck a Faux news mouth piece who goes the US stereotype conservative route with ' God is white right, Obama is evil and socialism is scary because Americans are too good to pay taxes' you know, the usual tired crap that still gets them elected so bigots can force 'their' ideas of freedom onto the rest of the nation thus giving the world its modern day concept of America that is loved by all.

The man that hack writer Stephen King once referred to as "Satan's mentally challenged younger brother" which is the best thing he has said in years and unlike his other stuff 'should' be made into a film....... yes set in Maine.

Now Beck was told by God to hold a rally at the Lincoln Memorial on the spot Martin Luther King Jr spoke about his dreams 47 years ago ........ its no wonder King got shot, dreams are like photographs people only want to know about them if they are in them or someone is having sex.

Uppity black people like Al Sharpton don't want whitey using black civil rights icons to further whitey's cause and so is holding his own rally near by.

Al Sharpton listens in on police band radio in case a police officer (of any race) looks at a black criminal the wrong way, he is just as nutty as Beck and like Beck , truth is something only he knows.

Beck who wanks to pictures of Sarah Palin has promoted his rally with the controversial former reality show star God "You're going to see the spirit of God unleashed, unlike you have ever seen it before. At least at a public function." The rapture maybe? lets hope so cos when all those dry shites get beamed up to Heaven the world will be a better place and the gene pool will be cleaner.

No more idiot news stories about Noah's ark being found or vases being dug up in Jerusalem which therefore proves Jesus attended as wedding there. Yeah people seem to think time stands still no one moves hoose or clears up after parties in 2000 years.

"America, today, begins to turn back to God" says Beck ........ um what about the holy wars America is waging with Islam and the gheys? No darn tootin ghey marriages or insurgent lovin mosques dang naggit. As the average American may say.

Its a pity the Bible doesn't have anything about immigration in it so that can be interpreted as immigrants being evil. They just lump them all as Illegal because they are brown and speak Mexican ........... it must be true cos Old Knudsen is white and can speak English when he chooses to and no one asks him if he sneaked over the border in fact they complain to me about immigrants (yes my people) because they think I am one of their own .

Old Knudsen has seen dickheads of all colours and believes you to be an arse until proven otherwise.

The rallies today are the same as those countless ones throughout history. Different names, faces and times but its the same vague agenda getting a dissatisfied people whipped up into a frenzy by giving them imaginary enemies who are the source of all their woes.

These people don't think too much which is ok as long as Beck, Rush Limbaugh , Sean Hannity , Bill O'Reilly and all the other fcuk faced angry conts can make money off the hate and feed the wrong right with the proper opinions.

Just because its right wing doesn't make it ' right ' just as saying the gospel truth doesn't mean that it or the gospels are true. Evil is taking over the world and not doing the right thing the good thing is becoming the norm. People look at you with disgust when you hold open a door for them and their baby laden stroller to get in or honk horns when you stop to make room for a car trying to pull out, common courtesy has becum uncommon.

The right thing is disguised and hidden by spin rammed doon yer throat constantly like a 12 inch cock of lies in a gangbang of deception. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking.

To give honest Abe the last word .... well he was as honest as any politician can be . " When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion. "

Friday, 27 August 2010

Friday, 20 August 2010

Spin Doctors And Memory Loss

Operation Enduring Freedom or the war in Afghanistan will be 10 years old in October. While you hear how many have died and how much the war costs in almost up to the minute detail you never hear about how much the government has earned from the war.

I'm sure that with China and the US working together to rape/mine the worlds largest copper deposits thirty miles south of Kabuil in the Aynak Valley since 2008 some money has to be getting made by someone...... the $88 billion from the area will weaken the insurgency so they say.

Be wary when men in fancy suits tell you how broke they are because that may only mean they are doon to their last 10 billion.

Since the mid 90's the US have been involved in a power play in Afghanistan. Hardly new news but unlike the death and cost toll its a subject that isn't touched upon much.

Ever wonder why the first WTC bombing in 1993 didn't start a war? maybe that was because it could be brushed under the carpet so it won't sour any deals.

Unocal, Enron, Haliburton and Chevron have all been in Afghanistan long before the US troops, trying to negotiate deals with the main power in the area ' The Taliban ' to get their twin 1040 mile oil and gas pipelines built in a move to bypass Russia in that energy rich region.

Chevron who had bought out Unocal even had Taliban leaders over to Texas for a visit to see the NASA Space Center and the Houston Zoo in 1997............ ah good times.

Then the Taliban had to invite Osama bin Laden over to Afghanistan who then spoiled the deal by favouring an Argentine firm over the Americans because the Argentineans went to the trouble of sipping tea with Taliban leaders and Bin Laden had issues with Yanks being in his homeland of Saudi Arabia.

You hear its all about oil, well its also about natural gas and the fact that the recent wrangling over the cuntry has been going on for years long before 9/11 and all during the time when Osama was with the Taliban bombing embassies and killing Americans in an attempt to lure the west to invade Afghanistan........ yeah he isn't some uneducated camel jockey he got an enemy he could fight on his soil and ignite the fury of all the other Islamic extremists. It was a trap folks and greed was the bait.

Months before 9/11 in early 2001 Secretary of State Colin Powell gave the Taliban a deal sweetener of $43 million for “humanitarian purposes” because we know the Taliban are so into that. I'm sure the US and all the other governments have made their money 50 times over by now.

Try not to believe headlines that tell you about the last combat unit leaving either Iraq or Afghanistan. Its all  PR spin considering 50,000 troops and special forces get left behind in so-called noncombat roles not to mention all the private contractors .

Thursday, 19 August 2010

Prince Charles Is A Muslim!

If you go by this undated picture you can clearly see that Prince Charles is a Muslim. He has not commented on this subject nor has he shown his birth certificate to prove otherwise. His father is Prince Philip of Denmark and Greece which as we all know are very close to Mecca.

In 1997 he had his first wife killed in an honour killing after she started to see a man from the Harrod tribe.

Charles whose family changed their name from the Muslim sounding Saxe -Coburg -Gotha to Windsor in 1917 has spoken out in favour of building a Mosque/organic vegetable farm12 miles from a Christian church which is built on sacred ground ....... ok the church was actually built upon an ancient pagan temple as many Christian churches are but thats besides the point as its the sort of thing Muslims would do .......... too.

If you needed further evidence just look at this picture of the Prince of Persia with Obama Bin Laden discussing plans to bring the western infidels to their knees with affordable health care for all and the withdrawal of troops from much needed wars of terror no doubt.

Stay tuned for my next post in which I discuss how George Bush Snr and Jnr are agents of Islam going by their actions in the Iraqi wars, Bush Snr called for the people of Iraq to rise up then pulled the US troops out early and let Saddam slaughter those who opposed him and Bush Jnr invaded Iraq for no reason other than to swell the ranks of Al Qaeda........... mission accomplished.

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

OMG Like War Is Kewl

Eden Abergil a 26 year-old did her stint as a reservist with the Isreali army, she caused a stir recently when she posted pictures up on her FaceBook account posing with detained Palestinians. The IDF whipped up a televised statement with an clean cut American like captain saying how shameful this is and not what the IDF do and that the IDF help out in Haiti and transport aid into Gaza ......... yadda yadda yadda as I'm sure he may have also said being Jewish and all.

Abergil doesn't know what the fuss is about and joked on her FaceBook about looking to see if the prisoners are on FaceBook and maybe she should tag them. Israelis are um how shall we say this? fanatical zealots, and love to bash Arabs , many of them don't see Palestinians as humans but as enemies which is why she doesn't see anything wrong in her pictures. I'm sure she'd build a naked pyramid and point at naked genitals because she has the power over these less than human people with ways that are strange to her.

Isreal certainly learned from what the Nazis did to them because they are now doing it themselves. It does feel dirty to have them as our allies but there you have it.

She is making light of a situation in which scared people are zip tied, blind folded and not exactly at their best. Like the IDF soldiers getting captured as they nap on tanks and the recent boarding of the Gaza flotilla ship this is not very professional behaviour.

Maybe Old Knudsen is remembering a time where soldiers didn't interrupt war to answer their mobile phone, take photos or text their BFF. In all jobs there should be a time when you don't have yer phone on you and if you do have it then it should be turned off. In the military I'm sure having a device with GPS on it isn't a very smart move .

In March a soldier in the IDF told the time and place of an upcoming mission into the West bank on his FaceBook page and the mission had to be cancelled, he was court-martialed and sentenced to 10 days in prison. He would have been given 20 days if it was on Myspace as that would be totally lame.

People worry about FaceBook privacy all the time but you can only give out what you put in, if only there was an app for bad judgement .

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Pet Peev 486 - Believing What TV Shows Say

In the TV series 'Covert Affairs' Annie Walker as played by Piper Perabo is a 28-year-old CIA trainee who is suddenly promoted to field operative. Little does Walker know the promotion wasn't because of her full pouting BJ lips and sex me up eyes, it is an attempt by her superiors to lure out her former boyfriend who unknown to Walker is a top spy............. duh duh duh.

Pretty realistic huh? The key role of the CIA is intelligence gathering, failing that a lethal injection between the toes will do. If the series is based on real life events it isn't a surprise that the CIA are so incompetent, a trainee half-way through her training put out into the field and a blind guy back in the office monitoring operations.

These shows are a bit of fluff just some fun but what gets Old Knudsen is people believing what they say.

American bloke: "Did you know that the CIA aren't allowed to carry weapons on US soil?"

Yes someone did get this info from Covert Affairs and did pass it on thinking it was true because the show says so . While it is true that most CIA employees do not carry side arms since they are mostly pen pushers the CIA does have a Security Protective Service division or SPS which deals in the security of buildings and employees etc.

Considering the whole American gun courage ideal that is held so dear and that city officials do under the table deals with the police to be able to carry guns when they don't have to I'm sure that many CIA who have not learned to kill with a Bic pen or rolled up magazine like Jason Bourne do indeed carry a weapon. Also in the field it depends on what the agents are doing at the time.

The CIA do not operate on US soil but in the series they do ......... a little bit like how the FBI are used in movies and TV, they have a generic gun and badge so they can go anywhere and investigate anything I call forth the series X- files and the newer one Haven as examples of sanctioned rogue agents. No jurisdiction or state laws because a 45 minute TV show doesn't have time for agents who fear for their jobs by not following the protocol of bureaucracy.

Ms Walker in Covert Affairs should be given a gun because when the bad guy is beating her up she has been saved by Mossad agent, MI-5 double agent and her ex boyfriend who all had guns but who cares since she is nice to look at.

Try to remember people its only television.

Saturday, 14 August 2010

Drifting Along

I stand in the aisle looking for Anusol bum cream, no way will I get useless Preparation H on the whole you are dead to me where is the Anusol? I've been awake for most of the night scratching my rusty bullet hole so my powers of concentration are not very good or maybe I'm under physic attack from a Witch.

I look around me at the other aisles why do weemen with terrible looking saggy arses wear troosers with something written on the bums? While I looked at yer 50 year-old pancake arse to read 'Pink' I missed out on yon bubble butt, thank you madam!

My gaze stops at a pretty young lady looking at the shampoos it isn't a moment of stalking my 1000 yard stare just happens to settle of a beautiful expressive face and all around me gets tuned out. I'm no thinking about my itch or what she would look like naked this is a more pure adoration like when you hear a piece of music that pulls you in to enjoy every little bit of it on a deeper level.

And then she does this.

She stands open mouthed like a whale trying to catch plankton for 20 seconds as she yawns , during this time the spell is broken and I see her as a mere mortal who would rather look dumb and gleek over everything and everyone than cover her mouth. I bet she coughs over everything too and uses her mobile phone to talk to people as she sits on the shitter.

Its just as well as I'd probably follow her home and stand in the shadows as the lights go on and off in her hoose then I'd search her rubbish , damn do I hate being in the thrall of a Witch, why do they pick on Old Knudsen?

Friday, 13 August 2010

A Muslim No Go Zone In New York

World leaders will always make decisions that have people up in arms misspelling protest signs, starting FaceBook groups and shouting doon anyone with a different opinion than theirs. Old Knudsen knows this better than anyone because he has studied the fine art of what pisses people off.

A Brit telling a Yank about their own cuntry really gets to them, Gog forbid a dirty foreigner should know more about it than they do........... No illegal immigrants aren't living off yer Welfare system, are you fcuking stupid? Americans can't even live off it.......... Yes you are losing two wars in the middle east and if you think the world hates you now just see what happens when you leave........... Yes poor education and circumcision does make Americans males angry and more likely to rape and abuse weemen........... Yes yer government hates you and you already have socialised medicine its called Medicare.

Obama is a tool but Old Knudsen backed him because the alternative was McCain and Sugar Tits. Eight years of Bush fcuking things up like the booming economy he took over from Clinton and invading two cuntries because one of them threatened his daddy and the other that was set up by the US just wasn't working anymore. A tough act for an inexperienced senator to follow.

Now Obama backs a mosque being built near Ground Zero in New York, if you read the outrage about it you'd think they were building it on Ground Zero. The fact is that its 2 blocks away on privately bought land and because this is becoming an issue the world will think of Americans as being total cnuts rather than just the stupid cnuts they are usually perceived to be .

The Mosque is touted as being 'a hub for interfaith interaction, as well as a place for Muslims to bridge some of their faith's own schisms.' oh and it has a swimming pool.......... fcuking A. If you want to take the moral high ground America even the Muslims have to get the religious freedom you hold so dear.

All Muslims do not support Al Qaeda or the tragedy of 9/11, so does it make sense to hate everything Muslim? The 9/11 cnuts were black haired men whats next hating Gerard Butler? away an fcuk no one hates Gerry on my watch! So is there to be a Muslim no go zone in New York? if so I hope that will apply to other regions in other places for instance no Jehovah witnesses around my hoose.

Don't get Old Knudsen wrong he doesn't like Ragheads or anyone else to be honest but he really dislikes injustice. If you have lived in Northern Ireland for any time during the Troubles you would have found it very easy to say "Fenian Irish Fcukers" every time an IRA bomb killed someone and yer view of Irish Catholics may very well be tainted. Its the same thing you may have a son or daughter in Iraq or Afghanistan and hate Muslims because some of the crazy ones want to kill one of yer own .

Remember there are fanatics in every religion just ask the very Christian Fred Phelps about that one . Hate the terrorists and their supporters not the whack jobs that just happen to be Muslim, Catholic or Protestant, they have lost reason and win out when you lose yers too.

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Star Trek Ka-Chow!

Commander Riker: I hear the new Lieutenant is an expert on First Contact.

Lieutenant Commander Knudsen: I heard Yer Ma was an expert on First Contact ......................

Ka- Chow!

Saturday, 7 August 2010

I Made This........... Dickhead

Coming Soon

Where are the big movie stars of today? has everything just gone so pedestrian that even the stars are ordinary. So-called hunks like Clooney and Pitt have lost their window, Mel Gibson has lost his mind and Tom Cruise has lost that loving feeling sure they will still have hits but their big time is over and soon it will be back to the actor's standard ploy...... wearing a fake nose.

Maybe we just know too much about our matinee idols. The enquirer will tell you about Brad and Angie splitting up every other week and who has cellulite in a swim suit and well the mystery is gone.

What is on at the cinema? I hear there are a load of ghey CGI gladiator/300 films are coming out maybe I'll oil meself up and go someday. All I hear about now is inception, not from Hollywood buzz but because there is fuck all out. I mean Twilight and Karate Kid who by the way does Kung Fu so away an fuck. Salt........... people are chasing Angelina Jolie because they think she is a Russian spy to be honest I don't care if she is or not but Brad Pitt plays her husband who is also a spy, no wait thats another film.

After seeing the sneeze scene in Outbreak (way to go Hollywood for hurting future box office sales) it takes a lot for Old Knudsen to pay to be in a room with horrible noisy germy strangers sitting on uncomfortable seating for 2 hours.

Old Knudsen is uninspired to go to the flicks and will be happy enough to wait at the $5.00 bin until something he wants to see cums out.

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Flares Are Back In Style

The Solar Dynamics Observatory of NASA spotted a solar eruption or “coronal mass ejection”that is causing neutrinos to penetrate the Earth making the temperature of the Earth's core increase rapidly.

A representative of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, Charles Frost stated, “It’s the first major Earth directed eruption in some time and even though it may cause many mega earthquakes and the displacement of Earth's crust causing the magnetic poles to shift we here think its kinda beautiful”.

The mainland United States may be able to look toward the north tonight and Wednesday evening for rippling curtains of green and red light if the CME triggers aurorae. The sky should be clear and it will be dry with a chance of scattered fireballs.

So far two strong earthquakes 7.6 and 7.2 have struck Papua New Guinea 325 miles to the northeast of the capital, Port Moresby 31 miles beneath the ocean floor.

Taiwan also suffered a 6.3 earthquake on the ocean floor about 47 miles east of Hualien City at a depth of 10 miles.

The US government has issued a tsunami alert for coastal areas of California but when questioned on why Dick Cheny had sealed himself up in his bunker a spokesperson said, " Mr Cheny has decided to spend more time away from his family for health reasons."

When pressed about excessive troop movement around the Cheyenne Mountain Operations Center in Colorado and reports of huge ships being built as a secret project intended to ensure the continuity of human life with tickets for the ships only going to a privileged few, President Obama could not comment as no one had told him about it nor had given him a ticket.

On a lighter note a happy looking former President George W Bush jokingly flipped off the press and told them they were all going to die as he packed up to go on an extended cruise around the world, what a kidder. A well earned holiday Mr President after eight joyous years of service to yer nation.


Monday, 2 August 2010

All Laid Bare

Old Knudsen gets asked a ridiculous amount of questions a day, it seems when yer a public figure people take liberties and think you belong to them. Old Knudsen hasn't belonged to anyone since he was a gladiator slave to the emperor Maximus Penetratious . I hope to answer some of the more repetitive ones.

Silver bullets do not kill me I just shite those things out like a slot machine. Sunlight does burn my skin and has been known to make my balls sweat. I can drink holy water but only in its frozen state and when mixed with alcohol or I get angry and turn green and me trousers turn purple ......... not a good look for me.

In my various lines of work I have had to kill people but I don't want to talk about it as its something I'm no proud about. No wait I did a guy in Laos from a thousand yards out. It was a rifle shot in high wind. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot I was pretty proud of that yin, 2,080 on a rough body count and thats no including playing Mafia Wars then there are the ones that you think are dead but don't want to chance it so you drill em again on yer way past and do ethnics count? they didn't back in the day like Irish but laws change and I cannae keep up , well like I said I don't want to talk about it.

I am not afraid of Lemurs their big judging bug eyes make me uncomfortable not scared!

The man who tells you he has no fear is either lying or hes Old Knudsen. I laugh in the face of danger and giggle behind the back of Doom.

There is nothing wrong with being ghey but I'm no a poof. Prison, the military, long sea voyages, gurly boys and drunken mistakes can in no way be included to form any assumption about me. Before you say it I'm no in denial, NO NO NO!

I can start an argument in an empty room and I despise it when people agree with my opinion even though that is the correct thing to do, ach I'm a complex person.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins were already separated when my name was dragged into the whole thing and Susan and I are just good friends. I have on occasion drove her home and we have understood each other many times but only in a rough but good friendly way.

God does exist as I've met him, a total prick I must add so I usually hang out with all the false Gods instead at least they don't rape young gurls then let their child get tortured to death. Talk about control issues, I tell him control is an illusion but hes a nutter.

The reason why my DNA is found at many crime scenes is that the Devil plants it there.

I do hate everyone that is true though I have warmed up to some. Won't save them during the great cull when the mothership gets here but I'll make it fast.

I do not walk the line nor cross the line. The line is simply not there and if you take offense then the terrorists win which means yer a cont for losing to them.

Painful 4 hour long erections happen to Old Knudsen every three weeks or so. I'm no complaining in fact its good to see movement at the old battle stations.

There is so much blood in my stools I sell them to vampires as lunchables.

Yes I am really an old man in fact my birth certificate was done by the same guy who did the 15 commandments, oh you only know 10? well that explains why Christianity has been getting it wrong all these years.

World leaders do ask my opinion but they never listen.

I did beat up Captain America and his army mutant minute men when they wouldn't let me go south to sell the guns I had recently bought at an Orange county gun show . He lay crying and bleeding as I declared, "Commerce is the American way ya commie cont" its bad when a foreigner such as I has to re-teach Americans their own values.

Old Knudsen may be old but he does like to stay in shape in fact he has the body of a 20 year- old which reminds me, gotta go its feeding and lotion time.