Monday, 3 May 2010

250 Million Years Ago Everything Tasted Like Chicken

Old Knudsen keeps getting letters and telegraphs from all over the world asking him so-called all important questions that Old Knudsen just takes for granted. You know I was one of Gog's fallen angels but I was more like a "I have fallen and I cannae get up" type. My hips were designed mainly for the thrusting of love makin not for getting up when I slip in the bath. Don't go assuming I was taken no baths either.

One question I got was from Toby in Chester: " Hey ya old fucker how come those Jews and Muzzies don't go eating no pork? I fuckin love a bacon sarndie wots there problem?"

A very good question, not as good as why Helen Mirren can only cum during doggy style but still a good question.

The reason goes back 250 million years ago. Man and dinosaur bitterly fought over land. Don't go by what those scientists have to say they weren't there and they get timelines and tanlines confused all the time.

The people called upon Jesus Christ who was a young man living by the sea of tranquility, he had worked out a way how to turn water into wine by the use of grapes and yeast which was truly a miracle but he did like to drink it quite a bit probably because he was Scottish on his father's side.

Jesus had many a dinosaur skull nailed to the wall of his shack since he was a dino slayer but his edge had gone.
He argeed to go out and talk to the dinosaurs and invited many back for peace talks, oh an important fact being that Jesus' father was from the Campbell clan and they cannae be trusted, just ask Ronald McDonald about the massacre at Glencoe and then you'll know why.

After the singing of the sad songs and the 'can ye take a punch' entertainment Jesus and his crew set about the dinosaurs killing them in a crimson slaughter.

The whole lamb of Gog and lamb to the slaughter cums from this but I dinnae wanna confuse ya.

Some of the dinosaur flesh fell onto the fire (which had recently been given to us by Prometheus) and fuck did it smell good, we were sick of eating Mana we bought at the local market over in Heaven so we all got stuck in.

Before long the lust for a good feed over took our fear of dinosaurs and we came up with brilliant ways of killing the beasts (a tradition that has endured) even the crazy Arab mud men started to eat it, we all know Judaism came from Arabs and so it was passed doon to Islam then because of the booming population there was a mass extinction of dinosaurs.

Eating the mammals came along and and those who missed the olden days ate birds like chicken and said, "tastes like raptor" which became a standing joke. People divided and some got sick of chicken and ate lovely pork before you know it holy wars all based on the menu.

You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash.

Through time most of this has been forgotten and now its "tastes like chicken" and now we don't use important reasons like food to hate each other we just hate them for being different which is a lot more civilised. Parents now feed their children Dino chicken nuggets but don't know why, they don't even remember when fish had fingers but serve them up too.

I hope this answered yer question Toby and if have any further questions then google it ya lazy cunt.



tony said...

Jesus was half Scottish!Same As Me!
Yabba Dabba Do0!

MJ said...

His thrifty Scottish side would account for all his cost-cutting measures as well such as feeding thousands with five loaves and two fish and all.

Reggie said...

I'm sure that dinosaur tastes more like beef or lamb, than chicken.

But then again, maybe dino-nuggets do have a more chicken taste to them. I wonder what they taste like dipped in sweet n sour sauce?!?

Old Knudsen said...

Tony: you are part chosen people and part.......... well just say och aye and say Zimmoch like lough but with extra phlem.

MJ: He charged for those fish butties.

Reggie: Have ya ever tasted snake or is that personal?

CyberCaptain said...

I'd go with the chicken taste :P'''

As the Chinese doctor said:

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Anonymous said...

I will have to post about the lost tribes ... and keep your man Jesus to yourself you Scottish heathen!