Friday, 30 April 2010

We Cum In Peace

In a universe of infinite possibilities in which a limp cyborg with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis can get married twice get hot chicks and get taken seriously by the world we see the ultimate wonder that is life................ shit I need to pay the rent.

Oh look the remake of 'V' is on that gives me the inspiration to use someone else's idea. The universe has 100 billion galaxies, each containing hundreds of millions of stars. In such a big place, Earth is unlikely to be the only planet where life has evolved.

“To my mathematical brain, the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational, the real challenge is to work out what aliens might actually be like.”

“If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans.”

Well some got casinos which to Old Knudsen's mind kicks arse and makes up for the genocide.

War of the worlds
The body snatchers
Star Trek: First Contact
Avatar......... ok we were the aliens.
Independence day
Mars attacks
Mrs Doubtfire
The thing
Teenagers from outer space
They live
Men in black
The faculty
Stargate (TV series)
First wave (TV series)
The Invaders (TV series)
The Tripods (TV series)
Dr Who (TV series)

All indicate that unless we arm up we'll be food for our alien overlords and not even our Chinese overlords can stop them. The American top secret program I myself have worked on 'Operation make everyone fat and ill' in order to put the aliens off us has been a success but a fitness drive could spoil the results thus making us lean , tasty and ready to eat.

People of earth we the visitors cum with peace and love, our breath may smell but all we wish is to cure yer ailments and have sex with you. Our men with their double penis' and a need to cuddle and talk about yer day are eager to meet with yer weemen.

They maybe already here and always have been. Every time the space shuttle cums back what kind of microbe invader has attached itself to the tiles to give us new strains of flu's? What the fuck are they doing putting tiles on a space ship? Yeah we need a nice wee mosaic or back splash its the 21st century where are my fucking force fields?

Lets not give the aliens computer STD's 0r shoot rockets at them lets accept them. " You didn't take out the trash and do you think magic fairies lift your dirty space gunties from the floor? Try aiming at the toilet for a change if I wanted the bathroom green I would have painted it green and when are you going to get a job? my mother was right about you. We never do the glowy finger thing anymore and you only tell me you love me when you're drunk."

"For the sake of Xenu woman shut the fuck up and get me another beer I swore if I could do this all again I would never have invaded your idiotic planet. Also get me a chicken pot pie Glenn Beck is about to come on to Fox, I knew him when he was just an egg on the Mothership.

Stephen Hawking who I up until recently thought was American (because of his mechanical accent) is one of the world's greatest minds or so we are told but what the fuck has he done? Come up with an idea for world peace? invented a super duper armour to help him get about?

Cured aids, ALS stopped world hunger? no he studied sun spots, did some math and yapped about the cosmos with that silly grin on his face. Is Old Knudsen the only one that wants to fuck him up? I'm not afraid to hit a raspberry ripple::::smack::::: not so smart now roller boy.

Well done Arizona you lead the way in the fight against aliens .......... of course the cartels on the border are really fucking you up but since yer national guard are in Afghanistan and Iraq maybe you should think about hiring more police and securing the borders so they'll all move along to New Mexico and Texas, A wall of vigilance to combat the aliens .

I don't want illegal aliens here because they get everything .............. millionaires you know, well according to Glenn Beck. Old Knudsen would feel safer if George Lucas hadn't fucked up Ronald Reagan's Star wars program.



CyberCaptain said...

Don't forget the triffids and Futurama ;)

Anonymous said...

The triffids was also a good TV series.

Old Knudsen said...

I told you playing with yer Triffid would make you go blind!

Oh no its the Triffids..... sounds Welsh, lets fuck them up.

Anonymous said...


Old Knudsen said...

There'll be a salad in the hillsides.

Anonymous said...

There'll be pill in yer salad. I know you and see you coming.

Reggie said...

Kinda makes you wonder at what point "illegals" shouldn't be here....I guess the Mayflower doesn't count.

Lina said...

Columbus Aliens preserved the Native American ethnias (you only have to look at current South American inhabitants). British Aliens did not; they just kept a few of them in reservations.