Friday, 2 April 2010

How To Train Yer Drag Queen

Old Knudsen is picking at times in his life and trying to sell them for beer money. I contacted DreamWorks to see if they wanted to make a movie about when I lived on the Island of Boak and was the main Viking in charge of training young Vikings to be drag queens, the 4 lads in ABBA were mine by the way.

Knudsen the bloody they called me ................... ok sometimes it was Knudsen the bloody liar but they never had proof to back up their claims.

It first started when I lost my left eye while fighting a berserk tranny from Sweden, they fight like girls you know which means I was lucky to get out alive. She taunted me with half my eyeball stuck on top of one of her long fake finger nails, fuck she was hot.

As I bravely ran away crying I vowed to get closer to gurlyboys , purely for research of course to find their weaknesses.

The things I did for research, but I thought if the great Thor can wear a dress then I can wear
Sexy Chemise Underwear in Stretch Lace with Flair Skirt and swallow gravy .............. but just for research.

I got to know the half man half weemen creatures and realised maybe we weren't all that different, not me I mean I'm talking about you and others, oh no Old Knudsen loves the cunt pie not the fudge rocket, whatever happens on the other side of a glory hole is no ones business and I was assured the gurl was part Slav and thus was why her mouth was extra hairy.

I learned to be friends with drag queens and trannys and often rode them into battle lip syncing to disco war tunes.

After Disney turned me doon which was a shock DreamWorks sounded interested but I was also rejected by them.

Then this came out, Scottish Vikings and all. They said it was based on some book or something but Old Knudsen knows.

Oh and thanks for asking, me eye is fine now it grew back when I drank the blood of young runaways from the holy grail while on a bender with Casper the holy ghost.



Fat Sparrow said...

Yes, but did you ever get the fire to stop shooting out of your penis? And what about your lava balls?

MJ said...

How many body parts have you lost?

First there was your leg to the the *Great White Panda* of the Pennines.

Then an arm.

And now we're hearing about an eye.

Old Knudsen said...

Sparrow: It was razor blades that came out and only when I peed, my balls still look like two brown rotten eggs though.

MJ: I do not enquire about yer medical history though with hindsight I should......... don't forget Fat Kenny has dropped off a few times but its lucky I'm a fast healer, lucky for the ladies.

Reggie said...

Dude this is kinda disturbing.

donn w2Nz said...

Only in America can you get awee with Scottish Vikings...ya gotta love it :)