Sunday, 28 March 2010

Historical Film Day

Baron Von Richthofen as played by Matthis Schweighöfer (Valkyrie) is the WWI fighter pilot with 80 confirmed kills. " I have and I cannot order men into battle. I can, perhaps, lead them, help them, die with them, but I will not betray them or keep the truth from them by remaining the immortal god that Berlin wants me to be."

He orders his men not to kill the enemy pilots but only to shoot to pieces the balsa wood planes they fly in because they are gentlemen.

Lena Heady (300) is a nurse and the Baron's love interest , Joseph Fiennes (Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas) plays Canadian pilot Arthur Brown who in the film becomes the best fucking mate of Von Richthofen but not to spoil it ultimately shoots the Baron doon.

The German cover which no doubt caused confusion, Der Rote? Hello its called spellcheck.

Released in 2008 why is this accurate depiction of a snap shot of history not a hoosehold name? Tom Cruise was said to have enjoyed it.

Hitler 3000: Its Hitler revved up with CGI and real chest hair. Hugh Jackman (Swordfish) plays the lead in this no holds true tale of Nazi Honour. " Nev mate you can't come over here and make me invade Poland or else you will shoot my daughter that you kidnapped" Chamberlain "I think I can Mr Hitler, you have 24 hours to invade or your little girl is dead, I've placed a wager on this and I WILL NOT LOSE."

"Ok lads listen up the Jews have locked themselves in the safety of the holiday camps so lets give the French and the English the war they so wish for ................. take no lives only wound in the shoulders."
Lovers of history will love Hitler 3000 with one of the most graphic fight scenes of the cinema between Hitler and Churchill as played by George Clooney (Spy Kids) that lasts for an amazing 8 minutes and between them they use 23 various exciting weapons.

Clooney in my opinion gives a great performance in this 2009 flick and Sean Penn was right when he expressed his disgust at the 2010 Oscars at Clooney not having been nominated for this role................. its all politics.

My last movie is based on the 1690 battle against Satan in Ireland. King Billy as played by John Neville (X-Files) rallies his men for the coming battle, "Men my beautiful muscular men, mercenaries of all over Europe the rejects of society. We will fight and perhaps die today Tomkins over there is a cert for dying but if you weren't here you'd live a long and happy life, making love to sexy women and dying in bed with your grandchildren surrounding you but on those days when your wife nags or your son tells you hes gay you'll have wished to be back on this field dying with Tomkins oh and Hardy over there, yeah I see you. Lets kill King James otherwise known as Satan and then lets use Ireland and England to finance my campaigns in Europe hurrah!"
Stirring stuff, it is thought that Henry V used a time machine and travelled into the future to learn from the words of Good King Billy in order to beat the French at Agincourt. William Wallace also used Billy's words at the battle of the Haggis in 1298 but added Hope, Change and Freedom as a slogan.

Watch these films because if you don't learn from history then yer only option is learning from an old hooker with a heart of gold. I should know because yes, I was that old hooker.



Anonymous said...

Spellcheck? Anyway, I see that you are a real history buff, guess the Irish have been awaiting you for centuries ...

Old Knudsen said...

Probably to tear me apart like a bucket of KFC.

Anonymous said...

Chicken? But there are no chickens in Ireland. Old Paddy did not allow it. Unclean creatures. Maybe a chicken once picked at him or something.

Fat Sparrow said...

I had no idea Hitler was so fabulous.