Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Never Trust A Well Groomed Man

Its true, I've never got over the fact that Liberace was ghey. All those times in the piano shaped hot-tub tinkling the keys and not once did it occur to me. When I found out years later I begged him to go to the nearest Presbyterian church and be cured with scripture and mild beatings, "Wladziu " I said as we sat on his piano shaped love seat "It can be fixed and then you can like gurls and never ever mention what we did together when I thought we were being naked and macho like the Greeks." Its funny cos his penis was the shape of a trombone .......... so I heard as I don't play that instrument.

Another shock was Stephen Gately from Boyz own. Who will do the high notes now?

Sean Hayes from Will, Grace and Dharma came out of the closet and I thought, "no way, isn't he just Canadian of something ?" I hope he didn't win any awards for acting boy did he have us fooled. I bet Megan Mullally isn't even a fag hag.

Now the shock of all shocks Ricky Martin who had a hit song about 10 years ago just turned ghey, its like Ebola I tell you. Who will be next?

Don't even fucking well consider it.

Maybe if weemen looked better then there wouldn't be so many turning to their own.

I mean some of us really do have it going on and its not our fault we're sex on a stick.

Old Knudsen does have a bet with a famous bookmakers as to the year that Harry Potter will turn ghey. Its a lot of money so I may have to take matters into my own hands but mark my words the lad is ripe.

At least we know that Hugh Jackman the lover of many a show tune will always like the ladies I mean look at him not a ghey bone in his body, *Not at the time when this picture was taken at least*

Old Knudsen is handing in his badge and gun as one of the LAPD's top profilers. Ok I didn't get a badge and a gun (officially) and I was more of a pro-filer who did a bit of photocopying too.

I'll be sticking with the laddies er I mean ladies for now, not the best choice but at least you know what to expect there.................. total unpredictable mood swings and threats of violence.


Tuesday, 30 March 2010

As The Old Saying Goes

You'd forget to give head , if it wasn't screwed on ........... something like that.

Rock Pedo Pope

Come on up Old Knudsen we have someone that wants to meet you.

Some people dismiss Gog's plan for us all but still go on about karma. I say Gog as in the Universe not that crazy fucker with the floods, raping virgins and killing yer son to make a point cunt.
The thing is, either way shite and good things are bound to happen. Not so much a plan or some vague rule of karma that if you do something bad you'll get it put back onto you thing.

Old Knudsen does good things without thought and later wonders why he still gets the bad end of karma and so he does something bad because what the fuck does it matter?

For example, priests can go for decades raping young boys and will get away with it because its bad P.R. they do what they please and get a pension then go to heaven if it existed, the last I had heard was they had knocked it doon to build hooses on.

A prick of a husband treats his wife like shite and his kids even worse but he goes years without having to account for himself and can even make them revisit the pain via a divorce which he fights all the way just because he is a cunt.

History is full of people taking advantage hospitality and seeing politeness as weakness and the whole treat people as you would have them treat you doesn't work if everyone doesn't play.

Karma takes its on sweet time. Who doesn't want to think that by going to church you'll have Gog on yer side or by being a nice person nice things will happen to you ?

Its all very impersonal until you are needed by the creepy angels and up until then you have to rely on luck to make sure you don't become colateral in an earthquake or a mugging.

At least 37 people have been killed after two female suicide bombers blew themselves up on Moscow Metro trains in the morning rush hour.

Good night and may yer Gogs go with you.


Monday, 29 March 2010

When Its Over

Great Britain: "Hello America? yeah its me, yes I did have a great time .. Oh the kind gift of a 25 DVD box set of classic American films such as Star Wars, The Godfather and who doesn't like the wizard of Oz? well even though they won't work in the UK it does put my gifts of the ornamental pen holder made from the timbers of the Victorian anti-slave ship HMS Gannet whose sister ship HMS Resolute, was carved to make a desk that has sat in the Oval Office in the White House since 1880.
The other gifts of the framed painting of HMS Resolute the first edition of the seven-volume biography of Churchill by Sir Martin Gilbert and the clothes and books we gave to your children to shame.
We should have put more thought into your gifts.

Anyway Churchill was the first to say we had a 'special relationship' way back in 1946 but I think its time we saw other countries............

America: Just what are you trying to say bitch ? Remember no one walks away from the US of A.

Great Britain: Our Commons Foreign Affairs committee thinks we should have a time out and not use the special relationship term anymore as it reminds people of the support Britain gave to President George W Bush over the Iraq war.......... they called us America's poodle.

America: Well that isn't my fucking problem if you walk out that door you won't see half the tourists you get now and if Germany tries to invade well don't come crying to me .

Great Britain: don't be like that we'd still like to be friends as our link is "profound and valuable" and we've been asking for years for you to stop sending your tourists over and to be honest Germany is in far better financial shape than America.

America: You'd be speaking German if it wasn't for us you ungrateful fucker.

Great Britain: You Yanks do swear a lot. It would be handy to be able to speak German a very difficult language to learn.
The thing is you've lied to us and have dragged us through the mud, you whine about all the fighting in the war but when we take the areas with the most heavy fighting and settle it down you spit on us when we are ready to go and you are still struggling in the easier places, not to mention how you keep killing our blokes by accident then you bring us flowers and promise it will never happen again and then two weeks later it does................ we've had enough, you're a thoughtless bully who doesn't really care about us.

America: I'm so fine baby you know you'll be back.

Great Britain: Your poor interest rate is not very interesting my therapist has told me we have to learn to say 'no' and treat you like everyone else as its not like you'll listen to us. You only entered the two World Wars when it suited you .

America: Don't let the door hit you on the way out, France is begging to be our next junior and very dispensable partner.

Great Britain: Go fornicate with France then and good day .

America: No I'm dumping you.

Great Britain: I said good day sir !

Great Britain: Hello Northern Ireland, yes how are you doing? did you get the many pay offs to encourage the politicians to talk to each other? No it was our pleasure................. how long have we known each other for?

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Irish Blog Awards

In Irish time they finally put up the Irish blog winners and I've heard of two of them. No more popular vote it seems in fact I'm not sure what the criteria for the winners were. The two I've heard of are decent enough though I'm a blog writer not a reader.
I've been shortlisted in the past and it was mad, you actually think its important and everyone else is going nuts about it too.

Everyone will say "well done" on their blogs then stew in silent resentment, "how the fuck did they win? thats it I'm deleting my blog and teaching the world a lesson." Even those that pretend not to give a fuck really do because its such hard work talking shite on a blog for no reward except the dream of someone liking yer shite enough to pay you to write it ..... even though you'd do it for free.

Old Knudsen is not an addict and is happy enough when pissing people off to get a legal letter sent to Google from the Diocese of Leeds ......................... best award I ever had.

Well done to the winners, tough shit to the losers only the cool kids don't care about popular votes or what people who say they are judges have to contribute . However if you get a ton of money and yer writing shite career is set when you win then expect me around yer blogs licking yer holes for support next year.

Old Knudsen often goes full retard cos its all about the post.

Historical Film Day

Baron Von Richthofen as played by Matthis Schweighöfer (Valkyrie) is the WWI fighter pilot with 80 confirmed kills. " I have and I cannot order men into battle. I can, perhaps, lead them, help them, die with them, but I will not betray them or keep the truth from them by remaining the immortal god that Berlin wants me to be."

He orders his men not to kill the enemy pilots but only to shoot to pieces the balsa wood planes they fly in because they are gentlemen.

Lena Heady (300) is a nurse and the Baron's love interest , Joseph Fiennes (Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas) plays Canadian pilot Arthur Brown who in the film becomes the best fucking mate of Von Richthofen but not to spoil it ultimately shoots the Baron doon.

The German cover which no doubt caused confusion, Der Rote? Hello its called spellcheck.

Released in 2008 why is this accurate depiction of a snap shot of history not a hoosehold name? Tom Cruise was said to have enjoyed it.

Hitler 3000: Its Hitler revved up with CGI and real chest hair. Hugh Jackman (Swordfish) plays the lead in this no holds true tale of Nazi Honour. " Nev mate you can't come over here and make me invade Poland or else you will shoot my daughter that you kidnapped" Chamberlain "I think I can Mr Hitler, you have 24 hours to invade or your little girl is dead, I've placed a wager on this and I WILL NOT LOSE."

"Ok lads listen up the Jews have locked themselves in the safety of the holiday camps so lets give the French and the English the war they so wish for ................. take no lives only wound in the shoulders."
Lovers of history will love Hitler 3000 with one of the most graphic fight scenes of the cinema between Hitler and Churchill as played by George Clooney (Spy Kids) that lasts for an amazing 8 minutes and between them they use 23 various exciting weapons.

Clooney in my opinion gives a great performance in this 2009 flick and Sean Penn was right when he expressed his disgust at the 2010 Oscars at Clooney not having been nominated for this role................. its all politics.

My last movie is based on the 1690 battle against Satan in Ireland. King Billy as played by John Neville (X-Files) rallies his men for the coming battle, "Men my beautiful muscular men, mercenaries of all over Europe the rejects of society. We will fight and perhaps die today Tomkins over there is a cert for dying but if you weren't here you'd live a long and happy life, making love to sexy women and dying in bed with your grandchildren surrounding you but on those days when your wife nags or your son tells you hes gay you'll have wished to be back on this field dying with Tomkins oh and Hardy over there, yeah I see you. Lets kill King James otherwise known as Satan and then lets use Ireland and England to finance my campaigns in Europe hurrah!"
Stirring stuff, it is thought that Henry V used a time machine and travelled into the future to learn from the words of Good King Billy in order to beat the French at Agincourt. William Wallace also used Billy's words at the battle of the Haggis in 1298 but added Hope, Change and Freedom as a slogan.

Watch these films because if you don't learn from history then yer only option is learning from an old hooker with a heart of gold. I should know because yes, I was that old hooker.


Saturday, 27 March 2010

Sandra Bullock Needs Me

A shout out to Sandra. Things have changed gurl lets get together and bump uglies like the old days. Old Knudsen will do the red carpet stuff and sip champagne on yer yacht. Stop hooking up with losers you deserve the best ............... thats me and you know it 'Multiple Maggie' see I even remembered my pet name for you.

When this happened Old Knudsen said "What the fuck?" not WTF? he actually said it. Sandra Bullock marrying that dick from the whatever show hes on. A dopey grease monkey for fucks sake she must be still hurting for the Old Knud-knob.

Then this happened and Old Knudsen said "What the fuck?" I knew Sandy was too good for him. Shes smart, talented , funny, loyal and extra hot but oh no Jesse James went after this............ among other ugly tramps . Jesse is a gurl's name by the way which must mean yer a CUNT!

Tiger Woods the Bi-Africancockcasianasian cheated on this Nordic Goddess for various prostitutes (he paid them for sex) I don't know the gurl but he definitely didn't upgrade.

When you have steak every night of the week sometimes you just want a cheap out of time burger with messy dressings.

I don't care what his or Jesse's marriage problems are loyalty ranks # 1 with Old Knudsen and sticking yer dick into ugly tramps is more of an impulse control and lack of respect problem.

Scott Peterson killed his lovely wife and unborn child because he wanted out of his marriage and thought he was clever enough to get away with it.

He wanted to be with this................ the mind boggles. He still says hes innocent with a cocky smirk on his face and still needs to be shanked in the prison showers after being powned by Bubba and his troop of Neo-Nazis.

Bill Clinton can sure keep the cuntry out of recession but couldn't keep his bendy cock out of Monica............. yuck!

Monica v Hillary c'mon there is no competition Old Knudsen wants the Secretary of State to take a memo.

Dear Ms Rodham Clinton

I want to make hard rough tender love all night with you entering the oval orrifice then giving you a dirty Sanchez, you may come as often as you want that night which on average for Old Knudsen's lady friends would be 74 times in a period of 6 hours, yes some weemen just can't let go and relax.

After Old Knudsen has explored planet Hillary and all her moons he shall blow his wad all over yer face and leave you there completely satisfied though unable to walk for a while.

Yers sincerely

Blow me.

My post is really only about the beautiful Sandra Bullock . I have fallen in love with many of the characters you have played over the years even the gurl in the 1993 film 'The Vanishing' in which yer role was small but made an impact on me.

Just say the word and I'll let yer private jet pick me up. The title of that cunt's show is/was 'Jesse James is a dead man', I can work with that. I will have yer back .......... front and sides and would only sleep with another woman if that was something you wanted..... think Hillary or Mrs Woods as possible 3-way candidates .

I had hoped that after me Sandy had found happiness but for some reason that big gurl's blouse Jesse has made Old Knudsen angry with his actions and I won't be content until I remove all his tattoos with a chainsaw.


Friday, 26 March 2010

How Innocent Is The Pope?

The last Pope to have the nerve to be named Innocent was Pope Innocent the 13th who died in 1724. Old Knudsen stopped watching the Innocent Popes after the second one because the rest just phoned it in then they introduced the young boy sidekick and that was just creepy.

It just keeps going on and on. Anywhere from
94,939 to 103,588 civilians have been killed in Iraq since 2003 but thats not news . Taxes, health care reforms, celebrity dirty dicks, reality shows, lying politicians ,corrupt banks and of course the pedo supporting Catholic church now all that is news.

Only Old Knudsen spares a thought for the people just trying to live a life but cunts with guns are deciding the future of the cuntry instead and don't care who gets shot.

Murphy on the left with the hard on.

Back to the real news. Rev. Lawrence C. Murphy was a priest at a school for deaf boys in the 50's onwards and molested over 200 of the little sexy boys. Look at the picture and wonder if any of those kids are being put through hell at that time by Murphy.

Aruthur Budzinski was 12, and went to Murphy for confession but was instead was molested by him in a secluded stairway between two buildings. He was again molested at the age of 14.

"You're real handsome," Budzinski recalled the priest telling him. "You are a real handsome boy."

In 1974
Budzinski and a couple of the graduated boys came forward but were told the statute of limitations had expired.

In 1996 the then Milwaukee Archbishop Rembert Weakland wrote to Cardinal Ratzinger (now the Pope) telling him about Murphy and his ways and being faced with dismissal Murphy wrote to the Cardinal saying he had repented and was old and sick and guess what ? yep nothing came of it. Murphy died 2 years later aged 72.

Father Murphy said he believed his victims consented, telling a psychotherapist, “I could tell if they like it because they didn’t push me away." So he knew they liked it.

Not a one off story but now a story that gets told so often its almost a Catholic clergy requirement for the job.

Of course you all know Old Knudsen thinks Pedos, rapists, murderers and lemurs should be killed, perhaps by an angry Asian . Let me save the anti-death penalty mongs the trouble, "What if it was your own brother charged with molesting his own daughter would you have him killed then?"

Well Mr Adams I wouldn't cover it up like you I'd get a bit of clothes line and strangle the fucker with it and get my henchman Martin behind you there to make the body vanish.

"killing is not the answer" ach fuck off and why do you like pedos so much would the world not be a better place without them since they always get out on good behaviour and repeat offend? If it was a dog that kept biting you'd put it doon.

The good guy fights the bad guy, the lame idealist good guy doesn't kill the bad guy for fear of becoming like the bad guy, the sensible good guy does kill him because he knows a lawyer will get him off and he'll come back for revenge in a sequel also the good guy knows he won't be raping anyone just putting an end to the horror the bad guy inflicts........... like duh!

Get yer moral compass sorted out you have a magnet stuck to it.

Old Knudsen is sick of all this 'you can't touch us crap' the priests that is not the boys. I couldn't stay in a church that was so morally bankrupt .......... then again what other job is a priest going to do? They can't relate to real people and know fuck all about life merely following orders from a power that is bigger than Gog , yeah maybe they can work for the Inland Revenue service or some other pen pushing position with power over people.

Old Knudsen is lying on his sick bed with the gravy pouring off him. Damn my illness, I have an addiction to prescription drugs that I take to keep my sex addiction under control, like I said its an illness so its not my fault anyway I repent so fuck yas all. Old Knudsen will be in Heaven throwing up on you lot in Hell.

Remember ......... lusting after a woman that has the body of a 12 year-old boy is legal and normal, lusting after any 12 year-old.

Is sick and acting upon it is against the law . Maybe people just don't know all of this Old Knudsen may have to do pubic announcements on the telly or something.

Well done to the Olson twins for teaching all of those "They'll be legal soon" middle aged pervs a lesson, for didn't they go to extra trouble to look minging and junkie like when they did turn legal HA!

It must be time for Old Knudsen to email the Vatican ........... again, they ignore me but I'm totally sick of the whole situation.


Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Rage Against The Irish Machine

Fucking Irish cunts! or as they say conts! Isn't it funny that when Old Knudsen sends in an application for a Bogtrotter passport (since my British and Scottish passports would be flagged) The Dublin Passport office starts to go on strike and they claim there is a 50,000 application backlog?

Away and fuck Old Knudsen is as much of a Fenian cock sucker than you are. I may not speak Gheylick nor do I have sex with small boys as the clergy do but just look at me punctuation and poor sentence structure does that no scream at you, "bad education?"

Old Knudsen may have been a Brit oppressor but hey ........... bygones! Whats worse supporting Cromwell and just following his orders as he slaughters whole towns of stubborn Mucksavages or give Boyz zone, Westlife, Skinhead O'Connor and Colin Farrell to the world? I rest my case and me bad leg.

Those who live in Glass hooses should not dress with the lights on, especially the Irish..... an ugly looking people that make the English look good.

C'mon rebellious Ireland just process Old Knudsen's Taigy passport and there won't be any trouble.

What cuntry would not be proud to have Old Knudsen as a citizen?


Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Pan's Labyrinth With Ballroom

Yes it is all me Hoggle now fuck off or start Goblin!

Now where was I?

I want you to love me, fear me , I shall be your slave and you my Queen!

Like total OMG! I'm only 15 you know and look at the size of that thing in your pants. One time at fat camp I nearly made out with a girl in the shower but she was like WTF? hello boundaries!

Daddy daddy get it out of here, well hung underground!

Old enough to wish your baby brother into a Goblin realm old enough to breed.

No wait the crystal says you'll end up with a skinny, gingerish English bloke that actually likes women. I'm confused yet again, damn you Mick Jagger. I now see my true queen sitting on the throne .

You have no power over me .................. well maybe just a little bit. I was born to be a Goblin and swallowing queen....................... First I was afraid I was petrified, well this is the bog of eternal stench.

Ha ha ha I didn't see that coming , just look at all the fucking fruits in this post this is no place for Ares, manly God of war! Oh look wine coolers it beats getting blood out of this rock.

Hey look Herc a party, do you think we'll fit in? ............. Yes Frodo I think we just might.

Years later:

Hi I'm Paul Bettany you may know me from some Television work and playing Geoffrey Chaucer in A knight's tale. I so wanna do you...................... OMG I want your ginger cock like so bad dude.

The End

Old Knudsen was hanging around the Whitehoose yesterday when he was grabbed by the arm by that sex crazed cougar Nancy Pelosi who begged Old Knudsen to take her to the oval orifice for a quickie. Old Knudsen sighed and resigned himself to a minute and a half of hell but then we were both swept into a room full of media with Obama sitting at a table.

Joe Biden was tripping as usual "Mr. President, this is a big fucking deal," he said as he bounced around, "Joe Biden says this is fucking big and Joe Biden should know since Joe Biden grew up in fucking Scranton bitch" he excitedly remarked to a wee fat black boy.

Fuck! Old Knudsen hates it when people speak in the third person and he can't abide when they speak in the second person, who the fuck are they Elmo?

Since no one will pay Old Knudsen I sent Health care companies some ideas like dropping sick people off their rolls and raise the premiums before this crazy shit goes into action. Much like the banks did with credit cards before they got more regulations.

Old Knudsen is for sick and poor people getting health care and he just doesn't mean Africa and Haiti only a racist cunt gives money to them, we 'whitey' are now a minority in the world so Old Knudsen has started '' ach c'mon, people wanna save sharks and rare flies so why not us crackers? Did you know that 3 out of 10 Caucasian/American people of no colour cannae afford cable TV ............ its sad isn't it?

Across the country, activist groups, legislators and state officials are considering an array of legal maneuvers designed to prevent all or part of the national health care reform effort from coming into law within their borders.

America is a big fucking cuntry and takes up a lot of map coverage so when you see the words 'United' states of America you might think of people paying higher taxes to give themselves and others in their united world a better quality of life, like say in the United Kingdom. WRONG! its everyman/woman/gurlyboy for themselves.

The health care reforms won't work not just because Americans are stupid and selfish, it won't work because Americans are stupid and selfish. I mean going to the Bible for a decision on who can and who can't get married and the the place doesn't even have a state/states religion.

Its funny how presidents sign a bill that will finish after their 4 years is up, in all my jobs I've had to finish my work before I could go home.

Old Knudsen isn't a lefty or a righty, he thinks with his arm sized penis in the centre but if Republicans had a health care system already in place then maybe legends like John Wayne, Rock Hudson, Burt Reynolds and Ronald Reagan wouldn't have died...... just a thought you legend killers......................... the term legend killer does in no way suggest the Jews were wrong to kill Jesus, he was a trouble maker and would not have supported the state of Israel.

Today Old Knudsen searched for answers and so studied the Holy Bible, Koran and Torah, from 500 metres in high wind, God did not save any of his books and they are really holy. The moral of this long and hard post is that Jennifer Connelly looked better at 15 but Old Knudsen would totally tap her.