Friday, 22 January 2010

America In Review

Old Knudsen will not get into an anti-American rant as most of the world does, he will tell it like it is warts and all. If that is too much to bear then you can comment with something against the UK rather than say, "yep he nailed it". Burning flags and not burning Paris Hilton have been a popular trend of late, I'd rather wipe me arse with the two of them cos thats how I roll. Seeing red yet?
Unless you were in the military/police or vote regularly just shut the fuck up and play Farmville.

Here is Old Knudsen's review of America. Its from experience of the west coast and what he has learned via the media about the rest of the cuntry.


George W Bush is an over achiever. He went from a nobody president to a figure of leadership. His legacy should be the nickname "Busy Bush" it isn't easy to wreak an economy that was booming from the last dude and open not one but two what the fuck have they got to do with anything wars that are not winnable.
Then there was that colour code thing, orange meant safe 'except during marching season' yellow meant 'get the preez into hiding and where the fuck is Cheney?' puce meant we may have a terrorist threat and die at any moment so sign my bill.............. the thing was genius.

Bush must have been a great president since he united the democrats as none of them said anything against him for years and the great people of America elected him twice, no one would be stupid enough to elect a dickhead twice right?


So ya got a black-ish president, all hyped up and no where to go. What has he done? He acted like he was whitey when he had to then fell into the old lazy black person stereotype talking a lot but not working, he made his wife grow Collards in the victory garden but the bitch messed it up because she didn't know Reagan poisoned that land with his fertilizers years back . The biggest thing he has done was get a dog and a bucket of fried chicken.


There is no choice politically and the pendulum swings left to right swiftly. America hates its people, I'm just going by its actions in cutting health and education programs.


In America this is not acceptable. I don't mean Kanye West interrupting a stripper nor do I mean a horrible boob job I mean female breasts are not acceptable.


They may be silly looking and fake but Old Knudsen still finds himself reaching out to them.


Look at that, disgusting and in no way natural, poor wee baby has to suck on a nice big soft titty its gross no wonder Facebook banned all such pictures and anyone found quietly breast feeding with a cloth covering them in the corner of a public place can be stoned to death as it is in the constitution which was written in stone and handed to Mosses and was in no way meant to be a guideline that can be changed whenever.


Violence is good, lots of bullets and explosions means quality TV and Cinema.


The suggestion of sex is tolerated but no nips and definitely no vadge.


There are more children killed by cars, fires, swimming pools and bath tubs every year than guns so Old Knudsen can't see a problem except yer all gun toting psychos in the closet.



Movies aimed at children that are PG-13


The Incredible Hulk


Rating: PG-13 for "for sequences of intense action violence, some frightening sci-fi images, and brief suggestive content."


260 new toys recommended for sprogs as young as 3, promoted with Burger King with adverts on as early as 7am so the Spongebob viewers can see them.

The Dark Knight


Rating: PG-13 "for intense sequences of violence and some menace." 950 new toys for kids aged 4 and up promoted with Burger King, Mattel, Hershey's ,General Mills Cheerios and GoGurts.


Ironman


Rating: PG-13 for “intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence, and brief suggestive content.” 275 toys for 3 - 4 year-olds. Advertised among Fairly Odd Parents and SpongeBob SquarePants. that are rated TV-Y7............. thats for 7 year-olds.


Transformers are ok cos thats only robot violence with dismemberments, stabbings, and shootings even when the robots talk, think, and "die" like people.... You can hear the words, "fuck", "bitch" and "pussy" in the schoolyard and thats just the teachers so no biggy you hear it in the films.


"Mommy I want to be Megatron so I can blast that Megan Fox bitch up the ass"



You do like to shoot people here and make heroes out of them like cutting doon trees and naming the streets after them. MLK started something great and believed as I do that the money spent on political wars should be spent on yer own cuntry instead . Unlike him I do not shag anything with a heartbeat, it doesn't need to have a heartbeat for Old Knudsen to ram it home.


The heroes in America seem to have clay feet more than most. Is it because they are built up and deified but when their flesh is weak and they act less than honourable they get easily forgiven due to fame? Ask any celeb who cried on TV for forgiveness.

After MLK you had the disciples who fucked up the message, sound familar? you got the race card and no follow through. If a black guy rapes a woman and gets 10 years in jail the disciples will say "well a white guy got 7 years so to be fair our guy should get 7 years you racist bastards" how about the white guy getting 10 years doesn't that sound better?

Words Americans flinch at, CUNT , NIGGER and COMMON SENSE ok the last one was two and thrown in to make a point. Cunt and nigger is like saying bomb on a plane.

Due to lack of information and experience about 80% also think foreskins are abnormal and will protest against female circumcision but not male. America is a land of ignorance and contradiction, you can tell it was built by the Scots/Irish.

The toilets at Wal-Mart are always disgusting and why does no one flush urinals because they can't work out a lever?

History, mythology and fact are merged into some big scary History channel show that idiots believe.
Could Da Vinci have predicted the end of the world when he painted the "Oh we are so fucked " that hangs in the loo in France?

Jesus Like MacArthur and Arnie said "I'll be back" 2000 years later and no sign of the 'J' man, how long do you wait before you decide you were stood up? did he really mean he'd be back on grill cheese sandwiches you could sell on E-bay?

Shit we found the ruin of a 2000 year-old hoose, it must be where Jesus lived. Why is Christianity never called mythology?

In the 80's and 90's Tom Cruise was the man............... then he spoke.

Old Knudsen has decided that if you have any religious beliefs you then have no right to slag off those in Scientology, or what Jo-Ho, J-Lo or Moronism believe in cos yer shit is just as crazy. Unless you do it for fun like me.

Atheists enjoy the smell of their own farts and should be put on an island and bombed ... merely my correct opinion.

What the fuck is wrong with a curvy woman with good child bearing hips? I'm no talkin about meaty wagons but Old Knudsen doesn't want his date throwing up her dinner she paid for then having Old Knudsen's cock smelling like vomit.

What a good chance to show you what I mean.


Everyone here is fucking crazy. Lack of self-awareness, education, too much ego and sense of self importance who knows? No one except the youths fight, the rest yell, swear and beat their chests over the littlest of things, "Thats my parking space you mother fucker because I don't want to have to walk an extra 10 feet and my truck is bigger than your car" the other gets out of his TP cruiser and says, "you want a piece of this?" puffing up his chest, "I'm going to fuck you up" ........... after 10 mins of this they go their separate ways yelling insults over the heads of their children and have yet another almost fight story to brag about.

People piss out a lot of their medications that aren't processed by the body and eventually it goes back into the water supply. After a few years what would be the effect of that? perhaps a Bi-polar ADHD nation.

A pill for everything. Sports games and the Sc-fi channel get most of these commercials as the ad men know their audience.
Side effects may include 4 hour long super boners, the shits, loss of eyesight and sudden death.

Americans love to sue but fear getting sued.


Black people got the vote before weemen and what did they do with it? what did those people who have suffered for what they are for so long do with it? They voted against ghey marriage. A land in which all men are equal (which was written at a time when the people had slaves) still we find someone to shit on.

United states ? full of ideals and dreams no one bothers to try to achieve anymore but hey they have the right to and thats what counts. Americans are free, as much as the government lets them be free and they can say what they want as long as everyone else agrees. Federal law, State law and City law all three can conflict with one another and none of the agencies talk or share info.

Most peoples American dream is to get health care for then you know you've made the big time.

If Old Knudsen is incorrect about any of the above please feel free to argue, you'd be wrong but you have the right.






I realised I didn't have much of a positive word to say about the unitied state of America then I saw this video today

13 comments:

erin said...

Best post ever. This is like a magnum opus of epic proportions. Have at it.

Selchie said...

brilliant post knuds. I'd bow in respect but well.. you're a dirty ole bugger.)

mago said...

This young lady earned an Iron Cross.

Reggie said...

We are a land of contradictions, but we're not done yet Old Knudsen. If you think about it, we're only 234 years old; and for the last 75 years or so we've been fairly dominant. You're right about much of what you say......wrong as hell about some shit; but what country in the history of mankind has come so far, so quickly? Yeah many of my fellow countrymen are complete assholes and there's a special place in hell reserved for many of them too......but we're not done yet Old Knutsen, give us a little more time. Sometimes when you go fishing you catch a fish and throw him back to let him grow a little more.

In defense of my country I will say this; if it weren't for our war mongering ways, Europe would probably be called Germania now....at least we did that right.

Give us a little more time Old Knudsen, we'll probably stop being quite obnoxious one of these days.

MJ said...

Erin said, “Best post ever.”

Erin, you should read the *Great White Panda* of the Pennines.

Epic.

Fat Sparrow said...

I believe dipping a flag in ketchup is a hanging offense. But as it's China that's policing the web these days, you're probably safe.

Obama, thy name is Jimmy Carter. If only you had a brother to cash in and sell beer, and a peanut farm to go back to, you'd be all set for your second coming 30 years from now when you could possibly be considered for the Nobel Peace Prize... oh, wait... never mind. Just give up, you're done.

Well, that's it for me, I'm off to smoke some medicinal weed here in California where it's legal (as long as you're white and can afford a doctor) except for Federal law, and I can't get it in my city because they passed a law blocking the State-legal marijuana dispensaries, but it doesn't really matter as my health insurance doesn't cover it anyway.

Cheers!

tony said...

"yo Mudah" ! "Ultimate Respect Dude"."Awesome" As We Say In Mytholmroyd.

TROLL Y2K said...

Go back to Africa, you cunt. Didn't actually read the post but I'm confident it sucked.

Princess said...

I see you enjoyed your holiday then!
What a lovely field report.

Donnw/2nz said...

This is aboot the 4th time I've read this rant and it gets truthier every time.

The great dichotomy of the US is that it does represent the best and worst of our species. It's easy to forget that this is the 3rd most populated nation on Earth and therefore the odds of having such extremes come to the forefront seems inevitable.

The US is tugged from both ends and the loonies on both sides are given such incredible over exposure thanks to our existing technology...but is schmears the normals like blechtoplasm and it's hard to wash off.

The recent poll that shows only 39% of the population believe in Evolution is disconcerting...36% don't have an opinion or give a f*ck...which may be even scarier. Whatever, this is a military state with a living breathing theocracy at the helm..although at the end of the day it is the moneychangers who are really in command.

I appreciate your efforts to date concerning this matter and hope that you continue to scrutinize and share your observations with such aplomb.

Bavarian Orange Order said...

I hope the Patriot Act people read that seditious post.

Anonymous said...

The roads are good.

mago said...

Soren, you lazy Cnut - are you too busy pulping sandsavages to post for your old boddies here?