Friday, 1 January 2010

2010 Is Here............. What Now?

Well its 2010, I hope yer all pleased with yerselves. To tell you the truth I don't know how half of you lot made it this far as I've met smarter mongs. To help you a long Old Knudsen who is a very powerful Warlock and level 6 cleric will tell you what is to cum this year. MJ I said what is to cum not who.

I concentrate into a small bowl of water.......... my reflecting bowl some lay people call it a toilet. I can see carrots, peanuts and when the fuck did Old Knudsen have corn? Looking past that which I call 'Vomitumus' which is a mystical term for the present I peer into the abyss of U-bendus.

There will be some kind of trouble in the middle east, I see sand and death also rags upon heads.

In Africa I see famine and black people, er sorry nig nogs of colour and they are not happy. Oh its getting hazy..................... more carrots and some onions this time.

In South east Asia I see the earth move and thousands dying but it barely makes the news, China release toys coated in deadly poison and the Japs make a completely useless robot while its old and poor starve.

Robbie Williams and George Clooney will gangbang Paris Hilton and she will become a mutated mega STD virus which will be released into the populace by her army of crazed foo foo dogs that fed off her minge and lick the mouths of unsuspecting childless weemen.

Ipods will be implanted into eyes so you can watch videos of the songs being played as you obviously cross the road while texting yer BFF.

Aliens will land in Texas and after a fierce firefight they will then be deported.

President Obama will be shot ........................ in the ass by his wife with a strap on dildo the usual.

Kirk Douglas will die, so will John Wayne (from New jersey) and that cunt from yon film that I can't remember the name to.

Pope Benedict XVI will also die, his hair in a hip make over to attract younger people to the faith. For a fee divorced people and single mothers can become honorary Fenians and a mass will be call a 'Rap doon'.
A scroll will be found that says Pedophilia is fine with God but because of its age no one can view it. The so-called victims of pedo priests will be asked to repay the compensation or go to Hell.

Nicolas Cage will make really shite movies but Americans will still go and see them. Steven Seagull will be named as the new 'Brando' mainly due to being a fat over-rated smeg head.

Emperor Vladimir Putin will have photos taken of him topless snapping the necks of mountain gorillas and not to be out-done President Nicolas Sarkozy will reprint topless images of his wife, UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown will appear bottomless but that is due to incompetency.

Osama Bin Laden will make a television appearance citing death to mostly everyone and that he likes big butts, he will bravely encourage morons to kill themselves and others in the peaceful name of Islam.

The cuntry of Iceland will sink into the sea and no one will notice for 6 months.

There will be school shootings and guns will be blamed, there will be road deaths and those driving the vehicles will be blamed.

There will be a meteor that people will speculate could hit the earth but of course doesn't.

Global warming will be blamed for hot weather in the summer but those who shout about it will be strangely quiet when its really cold in the winter.

A man/person of the people will eventually say they don't give a fuck how thin the arctic ice sheets are and what about people living under the poverty line?

America will have health care for all ................................ who can pay or are in prison. In fact prisons will be deemed inhumane and shut doon and every prisoner will be given a new home and a job.

Police will be given Nerf guns to avoid law suits and those arrested will be held for no more than 5 hours with 2 breaks during that time.

The military will recruit fat nerdy people who are good at video games and wars will be fought on-line, weemen will still not be allowed to fight these wars but will have the support role of getting snacks.

Its too much I have to flush........................................ twice!

There my vision has gone now why does my mouth taste like Paris Hilton's twat? Oh yeah she was my midnight date.


Shelly Rayedeane said...

Now that is some funny stuff right there, especially the part about deporting the alien who lands in Texas.

Could they take the alien away in handcuffs too?

That's some vision you've got there. I might have to pay to get my horoscope read.

tony said...

I Have Seen The Future ! Have A Carrot Free 2010 Knudski!

MJ said...

I shall be staying indoors during 2010, hiding from the rare South American Face Fucker.

Fat Sparrow said...

I would say "Well, it can't be any worse than 2009," but we all know it can.

And Rush Limbaugh survived, the fucker.

Reggie said...

I don't know Old Knudsen, I don't think that the pope will die, but he's bound to break a hip this year.

As an American, I don't want to see our prisoners let go.......I'd rather see them executed.

We already have healthcare for all, it's called the emergency room. I've had healthcare for my entire life, yet I see the need for our poor to have it too.

I prefer to not think of my president taking it up the dookey chute from his wife with a strap on dildo........even though I was bought up to believe that it's far better to give than to receive. said...

Heh! I'm just guessing here... but I think maybe you had stew for supper?

Nick Cage Revealed said...


Maven said...

Wishing a happy new year to that saggy balled bastard, Knudsen:)

Donnw/2nz said...

I must accept all of this as the truth since you have never lied to me before.

I'm not surprised that "the world" will not change because humans are frustratingly predictable.

I was sort of hoping that you would intervene in the affairs of mankind and speed up our slow descent into oblivion. Since I cannot seem to get Bellucci's lawyers to drop the restraing order I've lost my will to live anyhow.

Bring it.

Tuesday Kid said...

I hope you don't die this year, I'd scream.