Friday, 22 January 2010

America In Review

Old Knudsen will not get into an anti-American rant as most of the world does, he will tell it like it is warts and all. If that is too much to bear then you can comment with something against the UK rather than say, "yep he nailed it". Burning flags and not burning Paris Hilton have been a popular trend of late, I'd rather wipe me arse with the two of them cos thats how I roll. Seeing red yet?
Unless you were in the military/police or vote regularly just shut the fuck up and play Farmville.

Here is Old Knudsen's review of America. Its from experience of the west coast and what he has learned via the media about the rest of the cuntry.

George W Bush is an over achiever. He went from a nobody president to a figure of leadership. His legacy should be the nickname "Busy Bush" it isn't easy to wreak an economy that was booming from the last dude and open not one but two what the fuck have they got to do with anything wars that are not winnable.
Then there was that colour code thing, orange meant safe 'except during marching season' yellow meant 'get the preez into hiding and where the fuck is Cheney?' puce meant we may have a terrorist threat and die at any moment so sign my bill.............. the thing was genius.

Bush must have been a great president since he united the democrats as none of them said anything against him for years and the great people of America elected him twice, no one would be stupid enough to elect a dickhead twice right?

So ya got a black-ish president, all hyped up and no where to go. What has he done? He acted like he was whitey when he had to then fell into the old lazy black person stereotype talking a lot but not working, he made his wife grow Collards in the victory garden but the bitch messed it up because she didn't know Reagan poisoned that land with his fertilizers years back . The biggest thing he has done was get a dog and a bucket of fried chicken.

There is no choice politically and the pendulum swings left to right swiftly. America hates its people, I'm just going by its actions in cutting health and education programs.

In America this is not acceptable. I don't mean Kanye West interrupting a stripper nor do I mean a horrible boob job I mean female breasts are not acceptable.

They may be silly looking and fake but Old Knudsen still finds himself reaching out to them.

Look at that, disgusting and in no way natural, poor wee baby has to suck on a nice big soft titty its gross no wonder Facebook banned all such pictures and anyone found quietly breast feeding with a cloth covering them in the corner of a public place can be stoned to death as it is in the constitution which was written in stone and handed to Mosses and was in no way meant to be a guideline that can be changed whenever.

Violence is good, lots of bullets and explosions means quality TV and Cinema.

The suggestion of sex is tolerated but no nips and definitely no vadge.

There are more children killed by cars, fires, swimming pools and bath tubs every year than guns so Old Knudsen can't see a problem except yer all gun toting psychos in the closet.

Movies aimed at children that are PG-13

The Incredible Hulk

Rating: PG-13 for "for sequences of intense action violence, some frightening sci-fi images, and brief suggestive content."

260 new toys recommended for sprogs as young as 3, promoted with Burger King with adverts on as early as 7am so the Spongebob viewers can see them.

The Dark Knight

Rating: PG-13 "for intense sequences of violence and some menace." 950 new toys for kids aged 4 and up promoted with Burger King, Mattel, Hershey's ,General Mills Cheerios and GoGurts.


Rating: PG-13 for “intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence, and brief suggestive content.” 275 toys for 3 - 4 year-olds. Advertised among Fairly Odd Parents and SpongeBob SquarePants. that are rated TV-Y7............. thats for 7 year-olds.

Transformers are ok cos thats only robot violence with dismemberments, stabbings, and shootings even when the robots talk, think, and "die" like people.... You can hear the words, "fuck", "bitch" and "pussy" in the schoolyard and thats just the teachers so no biggy you hear it in the films.

"Mommy I want to be Megatron so I can blast that Megan Fox bitch up the ass"

You do like to shoot people here and make heroes out of them like cutting doon trees and naming the streets after them. MLK started something great and believed as I do that the money spent on political wars should be spent on yer own cuntry instead . Unlike him I do not shag anything with a heartbeat, it doesn't need to have a heartbeat for Old Knudsen to ram it home.

The heroes in America seem to have clay feet more than most. Is it because they are built up and deified but when their flesh is weak and they act less than honourable they get easily forgiven due to fame? Ask any celeb who cried on TV for forgiveness.

After MLK you had the disciples who fucked up the message, sound familar? you got the race card and no follow through. If a black guy rapes a woman and gets 10 years in jail the disciples will say "well a white guy got 7 years so to be fair our guy should get 7 years you racist bastards" how about the white guy getting 10 years doesn't that sound better?

Words Americans flinch at, CUNT , NIGGER and COMMON SENSE ok the last one was two and thrown in to make a point. Cunt and nigger is like saying bomb on a plane.

Due to lack of information and experience about 80% also think foreskins are abnormal and will protest against female circumcision but not male. America is a land of ignorance and contradiction, you can tell it was built by the Scots/Irish.

The toilets at Wal-Mart are always disgusting and why does no one flush urinals because they can't work out a lever?

History, mythology and fact are merged into some big scary History channel show that idiots believe.
Could Da Vinci have predicted the end of the world when he painted the "Oh we are so fucked " that hangs in the loo in France?

Jesus Like MacArthur and Arnie said "I'll be back" 2000 years later and no sign of the 'J' man, how long do you wait before you decide you were stood up? did he really mean he'd be back on grill cheese sandwiches you could sell on E-bay?

Shit we found the ruin of a 2000 year-old hoose, it must be where Jesus lived. Why is Christianity never called mythology?

In the 80's and 90's Tom Cruise was the man............... then he spoke.

Old Knudsen has decided that if you have any religious beliefs you then have no right to slag off those in Scientology, or what Jo-Ho, J-Lo or Moronism believe in cos yer shit is just as crazy. Unless you do it for fun like me.

Atheists enjoy the smell of their own farts and should be put on an island and bombed ... merely my correct opinion.

What the fuck is wrong with a curvy woman with good child bearing hips? I'm no talkin about meaty wagons but Old Knudsen doesn't want his date throwing up her dinner she paid for then having Old Knudsen's cock smelling like vomit.

What a good chance to show you what I mean.

Everyone here is fucking crazy. Lack of self-awareness, education, too much ego and sense of self importance who knows? No one except the youths fight, the rest yell, swear and beat their chests over the littlest of things, "Thats my parking space you mother fucker because I don't want to have to walk an extra 10 feet and my truck is bigger than your car" the other gets out of his TP cruiser and says, "you want a piece of this?" puffing up his chest, "I'm going to fuck you up" ........... after 10 mins of this they go their separate ways yelling insults over the heads of their children and have yet another almost fight story to brag about.

People piss out a lot of their medications that aren't processed by the body and eventually it goes back into the water supply. After a few years what would be the effect of that? perhaps a Bi-polar ADHD nation.

A pill for everything. Sports games and the Sc-fi channel get most of these commercials as the ad men know their audience.
Side effects may include 4 hour long super boners, the shits, loss of eyesight and sudden death.

Americans love to sue but fear getting sued.

Black people got the vote before weemen and what did they do with it? what did those people who have suffered for what they are for so long do with it? They voted against ghey marriage. A land in which all men are equal (which was written at a time when the people had slaves) still we find someone to shit on.

United states ? full of ideals and dreams no one bothers to try to achieve anymore but hey they have the right to and thats what counts. Americans are free, as much as the government lets them be free and they can say what they want as long as everyone else agrees. Federal law, State law and City law all three can conflict with one another and none of the agencies talk or share info.

Most peoples American dream is to get health care for then you know you've made the big time.

If Old Knudsen is incorrect about any of the above please feel free to argue, you'd be wrong but you have the right.

I realised I didn't have much of a positive word to say about the unitied state of America then I saw this video today

Friday, 15 January 2010

Friday Fuck UP

Where is Old Knudsen? Some say hes still up in them der mountains and helps stranded hikers to safety or hes farting about on Fuckbook doing this Like i can remember how ta do links
as some who glance at this blog know already what hes doing . Old Knudsen has stalkers all over the Interweb!

I may have found a ween of relatives in and around the Limerick direction but I still stay true to meself because I know they will never evolve to my level.

The bog trotters on an island that gets rain mostly every day have run out of water in some parts. That is like the English running out of stupidity or the Canadians running out of boring or the Americans riding on power scooters as they are too fat to run.

Tahiti or some where had an earthquake and its close enough to America to get attention, its like a closer cause than Africa and before the quake was becoming more trendy hence the ton of do-gooders getting caught in it. You don't see any getting caught in the several barely mentioned quakes in South America or Asia.

Yes Old Knudsen has issues with what is news and what isn't 50 die in Iraq but Paris Hilton shaves her minge!

I'm bored with blogging or haven't you noticed? Facebuck is the extent I'm willing to bother with. If ya want to be told what to think ask Sarah Palin, she got a job at Fox news ah finally a person with common sense and good Christian family values unlike that Iris Robinson hoor that who is obviously a frakking Cylon.

In the UK they do things differently, if you fuck some young buck on the side and hide the money you paid him and the husband is implicated you don't go on the telly holding hands and crying for forgiveness, no ya lock the slapper up and say all that teenage jizz made her El Pollo Loco and take a wee holiday.

I'm off for a wee holiday............. 'don't ask' but gurly boys are nothing but big drama queens that stamp all over yer heart.
I just like to stop in now and then to show you how I'm doing. The day before yesterday I saw 3 Hispanics shoving a small black man against the wall, the usual mugging scenario except the black lad was giving a good account of himself. Old Knudsen isn't telling you this to be called a hero but I don't see colour.
Nigger, spic, mulatto, cappuccino I see people as people not as colours which was why the CIA terminated my services or at least they tried cos no I really am colour blind ...................... TRAFFIC LIGHTS ARE FOR THE WEAK!!!! so I rushed in to help with no regard for my own safety as Old Knudsen has done many times before.

I'm telling you that wee coon was tough but me and the illegals got him but good. He had money on him which is why he fought so hard..................... must have been a drug dealer.

So I'm off fer now be good or just don't be.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Should I?

I received this email on a secured link.

Hello pal, I am in need of your assistance, I amSgt. Trail David Wayne Jr. I am with the Engineering unit here in Ba'qubah Iraq for the United States, we have about 9.5million US dollars that we want to moveout of the country.

My partners and I need a good partner, someone we can trust to actualize this venture. The money is from oil proceeds and legal. But we are moving it by diplomatic means to your house directly or a safe and secured location of your choice using diplomatic courier services. But can we trust you?
Once the funds get to you, you take your 30% out and keep our own 70%. Your own part of this deal is to find a safe place where the funds can be sent to.
Our own part is sending it to you. If you are interested reply to my private mail:sgtwayne@blah blah blah and I will furnish you with more details.

Urgently awaiting your response.

Your buddy.

Sgt.Trail David Wayne Jr

God Bless America

Five things popped into my head right away:

1) They had seen the movie "Three Kings" too often.
2) Americans are stupid by nature this could be real.
3) Why am I wet?
4) A spook trick to get my address or to frame me again.
5) He called me pal and buddy so maybe he is my soul mate friend I have searched for all these centuries.
6) I want to fuck Iris Robinson up the ass while roughly pulling her hair and screaming obscenities at her in the Ramada hotel.

Ah what to do, 30% of 9.5 million is............................... isn't much since I don't get out of bed for any less than 10 mil. My sheets are in dire need of being changed.

Once the deal with the Nigerian prince gets settled maybe I'll think about it more.

Saturday, 9 January 2010


Mrs Robinson I'd like to Fuck! ..................... Inn and out.

Not to be out done by Gerry Adams and his 20 year support of his own child abusing brother the Dup who shares power in Northern Ireland with Sinn Féin came up with a far more interesting story.
Who cares about abused children and senior politicians covering it up and then lying about it? a 59 year-old woman fucking a 19 year-old man is far more interesting ........... what if there is a sex tape?
Peter Robinson the first minister of Northern Ireland isn't enough for his cuntry or his wife. The luxury cars, impressive property portfolio in Northern Ireland and their holiday home in Florida couldn't keep his cock craving wife happy.

Iris from the "Swish Family Robinson" wanted "danger, danger sex Iris Robinson". She had a fling with 19-year-old Kirk McCambley who she had known since he was a sexy wee 9 year-old.

Deep throating Iris borrowed £50,000 from various people even though the couple between them earned £571,939.41p last year and gave it to Kirk Diggler to open up the Lock Keepers' Inn.

Not far from the Inn is the five-star Ramada hotel where in 2005 Paul Berry a gospel singer and a very active DUP member was caught having sex with a man he met on an online ghey chat-room.

Child diddling, marital affairs, pay offs, padded expenses and gheys ............. it nearly is a united Ireland as the north is getting on like the south.

The DUP stands for traditional homespun family values and born-again Christianity ...... as long as that means Protestant duh! No gheys or cock sucking Fenians allowed as is written in the bible though repentant hoors are ok so we'll see how this plays out.

When high profile men fuck around they are next seen in front of the camera holding the well bribed hand of a quiet but supportive wife.

The deputy minister of Northern Ireland's power sharing/arguing government ex IRA terrorist Martin McGuinness was too busy celebrating to make a comment.

Old Knudsen hopes this crappy tabloid story doesn't distract from the recent attacks on security forces by cowardly scum such as The Real IRA, Continuity IRA and Óglaigh na hÉireann, learn ta speak fucking English ya cunts! Did Cromwell no teach ya anything?

They have all targeted Catholic recruits to the Police Service of Northern Ireland PSNI. A tactic similar to the one used by the Provisional IRA at the start of the Troubles when it killed Catholics in the police and army to deter the nationalist population from supporting the security forces.
Lets follow similar tactics in a war we lost......... you can tell older ex IRA men are helping them out.

A couple of days ago Constable Peadar Heffron aged 33 an Irish language specialist for the PSNI was critically injured when a bomb went off underneath his car. He has been in the police for 10 years and was recently married. He is related to a senior Sinn Fein member. Old Knudsen's prayers are with him and his family.

On a lighter note the loyalist paramilitary 53 year-old Michael Stone was sentenced to 16 years in prison for trying to blow up Sinn Fein members at Stormont in 2006.
He wasn't given life as he suffers from a degenerative muscle-wasting condition (and drain bamage) that will confine him to a wheelchair in the future.

You just know in 20 years he'll strap some explosives onto his chair and go full speed at some taigs.

Friday, 1 January 2010

2010 Is Here............. What Now?

Well its 2010, I hope yer all pleased with yerselves. To tell you the truth I don't know how half of you lot made it this far as I've met smarter mongs. To help you a long Old Knudsen who is a very powerful Warlock and level 6 cleric will tell you what is to cum this year. MJ I said what is to cum not who.

I concentrate into a small bowl of water.......... my reflecting bowl some lay people call it a toilet. I can see carrots, peanuts and when the fuck did Old Knudsen have corn? Looking past that which I call 'Vomitumus' which is a mystical term for the present I peer into the abyss of U-bendus.

There will be some kind of trouble in the middle east, I see sand and death also rags upon heads.

In Africa I see famine and black people, er sorry nig nogs of colour and they are not happy. Oh its getting hazy..................... more carrots and some onions this time.

In South east Asia I see the earth move and thousands dying but it barely makes the news, China release toys coated in deadly poison and the Japs make a completely useless robot while its old and poor starve.

Robbie Williams and George Clooney will gangbang Paris Hilton and she will become a mutated mega STD virus which will be released into the populace by her army of crazed foo foo dogs that fed off her minge and lick the mouths of unsuspecting childless weemen.

Ipods will be implanted into eyes so you can watch videos of the songs being played as you obviously cross the road while texting yer BFF.

Aliens will land in Texas and after a fierce firefight they will then be deported.

President Obama will be shot ........................ in the ass by his wife with a strap on dildo the usual.

Kirk Douglas will die, so will John Wayne (from New jersey) and that cunt from yon film that I can't remember the name to.

Pope Benedict XVI will also die, his hair in a hip make over to attract younger people to the faith. For a fee divorced people and single mothers can become honorary Fenians and a mass will be call a 'Rap doon'.
A scroll will be found that says Pedophilia is fine with God but because of its age no one can view it. The so-called victims of pedo priests will be asked to repay the compensation or go to Hell.

Nicolas Cage will make really shite movies but Americans will still go and see them. Steven Seagull will be named as the new 'Brando' mainly due to being a fat over-rated smeg head.

Emperor Vladimir Putin will have photos taken of him topless snapping the necks of mountain gorillas and not to be out-done President Nicolas Sarkozy will reprint topless images of his wife, UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown will appear bottomless but that is due to incompetency.

Osama Bin Laden will make a television appearance citing death to mostly everyone and that he likes big butts, he will bravely encourage morons to kill themselves and others in the peaceful name of Islam.

The cuntry of Iceland will sink into the sea and no one will notice for 6 months.

There will be school shootings and guns will be blamed, there will be road deaths and those driving the vehicles will be blamed.

There will be a meteor that people will speculate could hit the earth but of course doesn't.

Global warming will be blamed for hot weather in the summer but those who shout about it will be strangely quiet when its really cold in the winter.

A man/person of the people will eventually say they don't give a fuck how thin the arctic ice sheets are and what about people living under the poverty line?

America will have health care for all ................................ who can pay or are in prison. In fact prisons will be deemed inhumane and shut doon and every prisoner will be given a new home and a job.

Police will be given Nerf guns to avoid law suits and those arrested will be held for no more than 5 hours with 2 breaks during that time.

The military will recruit fat nerdy people who are good at video games and wars will be fought on-line, weemen will still not be allowed to fight these wars but will have the support role of getting snacks.

Its too much I have to flush........................................ twice!

There my vision has gone now why does my mouth taste like Paris Hilton's twat? Oh yeah she was my midnight date.