Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Knudsen Takes A Day Off

Stamps now cost 42 cents and the post office fails to make profits during times like Christmas, what is wrong with this picture?

Its Ceasar Chavez day or was yesterday and maybe so today I don't know, this cuntry doesn't know its arse from its elbow.

He was a legendary farm worker/civil rights leader. Then again his birthday, March 31, and is celebrated in Callyfornia as a state holiday, in honour of Chavez's life and work. All state government offices, community colleges, and most libraries are closed.

Chavez with one of his chavs.

So do we not get mail yesterday, today or both days? All I know is on Saturdays I get junk mail and the next day after any day off the mail is always late and sometimes just doesn't turn up. I was spoiled in the UK with some bloke on a bike pedaling through the town putting the mail through the letter box in the front door in the early morning. Now I wait and wait and oh was that a mail van? one of those wee white ghey electric things? they put the mail into a box by the kerb, if you get a parcel they may break it into 1000 bits in order for it too fit as bringing it too yer door is like work, in fact one guy even asked me to take a box to a hoose two doors doon from me. Away and fuck lad do I get paid to fuck up the mail?

Then you get yer neighbour's mail, its amazing the bills my neighbours owe. I must point out that tampering with the mail is a federal offense so don't get caught. Then you go into government buildings and see signs that say threatening a federal employee is an offense, yep there goes yer American imaginary freedom of speech.

Schwarzenegger is wanting to fire tons of Callyfornia state workers to balance the state budget as he has already screwed over the old, poor and disabled. California’s 200,000 odd state employees enjoy 13 official holidays and one floating paid personal day off.

The state must pay overtime to 'essential' employees, such as California Highway Patrol officers, who are required to work on holidays at about $10 million for each holiday not individually I must add. Don't worry they make sure they give out $20 million in traffic tickets, they have quotas you know.

Speaking of not being real cops my town has a ton of bicycle cops as I once mentioned seeing about 5 bikes outside of IHOP they sort of remind me of Mormons as they go around on bikes too. Now there is a peeler lady on a segway, whats next roller skates and skate boards? "Oh fuck run its the unicycle police!"

The police have a lot of holidays too, well they must as I never see them and they never turn up when you call them. Upon saying that Old Knudsen has tremendous respect for police officers and was a big fan of The Shield when it was on.

Speaking of which I watch 'The Unit' which is about yank special farces, 3 actors from The Shield were in one episode.

Ok then back to base heads:

It must be so difficult to balance the state budget when yer always off on some holiday. Also considering elected officials work like senators work something like 4 months out of the year..... Define 'work'.

The poor Federal employees only get 10 legal holidays like Denzel Washington's birthday, Columbus day and of course Christmas day among some ................ hold on isn't Christmas a religious holiday? Who is more important God or Jesus? why isn't God's birthday celebrated? or Buddha or Satan? oh thats right we only know when Jesus' birthday is because his birth certificate was among the dead sea scrolls, bad luck Muhammad ya pedo.

Professor One ear worked this out for me cos I'm nay two bright:

Almost everyone gets 2 weeks off (legal holidays excluding weekends) + annual vacation (avg. 2 weeks) + weekends (96 days) = 116 days off a year! + paid sick leave.

Yes some work weekends like hoors and waiters or creative waiter/hoors like Manuel but usually no more than 40 hrs a week unless they have a speed habit to fund.

The school kids are even more lazy with all their winter/spring/summer breaks and considering many classes are an excuse to watch the teacher's favourite movie or catch up on yer sleep they live the life of Knudsen.

Many teachers are too busy at the minute looking for second jobs while they are off. There is that saying that 'does who can't do teach' well it looks like they have to do also.

So spare a thought for the non-fired governement workers with good pay and benefits. It must be tough trying to fit in work around all the holidays and be a twat to the public at the same time.

Chavez and MLK jr get a holidays for shit stirring, Presidents get a holiday for being corrupt and Columbus gets a day for accidentally finding America that had already been found several times over. Halloween doesn't get a day nor does 9/11. Talk to those in retail about the paid holidays its a rigged game.

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Monday, 30 March 2009

Fuck The Matrix Take Both Pills

Picture courtesy of Homoescapeons who got it from the Matlock trilogy.

I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs two hundred fifteen pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know the best place to look for a gun is the cab of the gray truck outside, and at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know who I am?

That was from Jason Bourne, I'd say "I can tell you some of the colours of a few of the cars outside, our waitress has nice tits, the guy sitting at the counter is a fat fuck and dumps foot long turds in the potty. The best place to look for a gun is taped to my right leg, I can run flat out for 10 yards before I cough up a lung."

Is reality or truth really worth pursuing? The blue pill will leave us as we are, in a life of comfort and habit and the of things we believe we know, what we are told in other words . To suspect but not to really think about things too much in case we don't like what we find or it doesn't suit us.

The red pill can help us to find the truth and will make us see through the lies . Its risky and can change yer whole life for the worse but at least you aren't living in a bubble wrapped lie. Its raw and nasty but oh so human.

On Donn's post which inspired my own because he makes me think and then I have to write my own take or version I commented what Chris Rock said:

If oblivion is bliss then what is the opposite? being ultra aware, which is hell.

Its not a matter of taking a pill and waking up, you have to wake up yerself, just like a pill won't make you slim or intelligent you have to do it yerself and not believe the media and computer made commercials that has fat people turn into fitness models within seconds. Why does Bowflex have super buff people working out in the ads? How stupid do they think we are? ok Bowflex owners own up, are Bowflex's good for hanging yer clothes on?

Scattered across this planet are people who are all very similar. One small group of these people are the intelligent, funny and easily bored. They may suffer from depression and a heightened sense of things which could make them into basket cases if they didn't block things out with glibness and inappropriate humour which sometimes leads to passionate rants and frustration.

Like being turned on to yer environment all the time. People watchers knowing who is in their killing zone always and getting angry at injustice half way across the world with people they don't even know.

Its very easy to grow tired of it all and become envious of those who are walking through life happy and as deep as a birth bath but at the same time you wouldn't give up seeing the truth for anything.

There are so many truths depending on who you talk too. like Old Knudsen says, "One man's freedom fighter is another man's terrorist."

My empathy would run amok if I let it, feeling the terror and pain of a child's last moments as the pedo strangles them or the second of betrayal and confusion of a murder/suicide victim. Old Knudsen has to grow cold and learn to suppress or forget or he'd lose what marbles he has left.

Things happen in my mercurial mind in a matter of split seconds before I can tame them but by then the damage is done.

Here lies the truth of Old Knudsen, you may not agree with it but then again what the fuck do you know?

As a wise man once said, "The truth is out there."

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Sunday, 29 March 2009

The Czech Write Off Obama

The Czech prime minister has condemned US President Barack Obama's economic recovery plans as "a way to hell". His name is Mirek Topolanek which is fucking funny if you ask me, he is the current and probably the last holder of the EU presidency.

First off, is the Czech Republic a real cuntry? second off, have they still got issues about being given to the Nazis during WWII or what? and third off who gives a fuck what a load of badly dressed slavs say? like there are well dressed ones.

Its not like Czech land can throw in 500 billion dollars or 400 billion Euros into the economy, if they could they would write a czech that would bounce, hahahahaha! yes I only mentioned this to put in that joke.

Its a great depression and time to stop humouring all the wee shity cuntries that suckle at the teat of the more wealthier ones UK, France and Germany.

Have you seen what is going on in France? workers who are going to get laid off hold their bosses as hostage. At an American 3M company and Sony France, get out of that smelly place and leave it to the Germans.

Here in the United States of Confusion they have decided to finally tackle the drug wars on the US/Mexican border .................... why? Does the sale of Mexican drugs in the US and the sale of American weapons in Mexico not count as free trade and a stimulation to the economy? C'mon people drugs being smuggled in the heads of Elmo dolls and ornamental donkeys (Yes genuine drug mules) is great blog fodder.

Besides I'd rather be sent to Iraq or Afghanistan than the Mexican border, its dangerous doon there you know.

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Saturday, 28 March 2009

Fresh Meat Gone To Waste

Sheila a baby elephant, was moved out of the Belfast zoo because of fears it could be killed or freed to wreak insane elephant havoc by Nazi bombers during the 'Belfast Blitz' of 1941.

Many animals were killed because of public safety fears of an escape during the bombing.The Ministry of Public Security ordered 23, zoo animals to be killed in case they got free and attacked people - they included a tiger, a black bear, a lynx, a hyena, two polar bears , six wolves, four lemurs and an ardvark .

Sheila was walked down the road by keepers to a red-brick house on the Whitewell Road where a woman gave her sanctuary in her back yard for several months until the bombing was over. She'd feed it fish, peanuts and unwanted babies and she'd wash it in 3 inches of water which was shared by the whole street due to rationing.

The woman has never been identified and the zoo knows her only as "the elephant angel". Now as it celebrates its 75th birthday, zoo bosses have decided to finally identify the elephant angel.

It says it has many unusual stories from down the years, but is convinced that of the angel must be their most curious.
Zoo manager Mark Challis said: "The care provided by our mystery lady is unique to zoo history and we would like to make contact with her family and properly document this gap in our past."

The zoo has a couple of grainy black and white photographs of two women sitting on a garden seat watching Sheila drinking out of a tin bucket beside the back door of the house. In those days they had to make their own entertainment.

My own mother took many American and Polish servicemen under her wing during the war and her nickname was " soapy job Annie" which was odd as her name wasn't Annie and she wasn't employed by any soap company.

I don't believe there are any photos of those times. I was off fighting the Japs in Greenland but my siblings have told stories of numerous kindly uncles that appeared during those times when Da was out on air raid patrol.

If you read the history books you'll see that the Japs never got a hold of Greenland, no need to thank me.

Giving house board to an elephant may be frowned upon by today's animal welfare officers, but in wartime needs must even though I knew this guy who kept tigers in his back yard, funny but they were the only pets kept in that whole area.

Sheila went back to the zoo after the war and lived for another quarter of a century, dying of a skin complaint in 1966.

What a fucking wuss, I won't tell you how many skin complaints I have I just put up with it, mustn't crumble others have it worse, at the moment I'm suffering from the shingles, slates and the skittles and a wee personal itch caused by a 3way light bulb.

If you know of this elephant angel please inform the RSPCA or the Belfast zoo and also tell them if you know what the fuck happened to three giraffes, a cross eyed lion and a tasty looking bison.

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Friday, 27 March 2009

Bum Sex Friday

I'm no looking for a fatwa today, here is a fat wha the fuck? I don't have a post for today ....... well I actually wrote a ton of them then put them into drafts, you know me I'm never happy with my work so I just thought I'd chat and get to know a few of my readers, so anyone from Canada?

For fucks sake my IP blockers are shite.

I hope Donn doesn't mind me posting this picture of him suggestively licking the end of a handgun when he auditioned for broke back alleyway an Old Knudsen production. Well actually there wasn't any such film I just wanted to see what I could get Donn to do for the role. That lad is sure ambitious. Donn's blog has a habit of making me think and so my Monday post is inspired by him. Well I haven't written it yet but you know how it goes .............. he sure is lovely isn't he?

I've watched Lost from the beginning, it actually reminds me of when I was ship wrecked on an island once, not as nice as Hawaii where Lost is filmed. I had a load of others with me and we formed a type of government that worshiped a pig's head and we could only speak if we held the conch, yes it was quite similar to the Bush administration but instead of fucking up the island and my mates getting rich we fucked up the island and my mates became stew, no really Stew ate all my friends and would have got me too except me volleyball named Wilson crushed his skull with a rock while he slept, if you don't believe me ask me friend Ben.

You should not be reading this blog, you are too special to be doing that. You know you have a higher destiny just trust me for once and take off your top.

Battlestar Galactica has finished. I will miss the fine acting and amazing twists and turns the show took. What will I wank to on a friday night now? ok I do have the pictures of Donn.

Did you see the last episode? I don't want to spoil it if you haven't but I will anyway. For years and maybe even on this blog somewhere I've said about a spaceship called 'Heaven' landing on Earth and fucking the monkeys or at least genetically altering them with their own DNA, some tissue from a rib here and there but of course weemen were created first then they got it right and made men.

People called me mad, they called me a donkey raper, Old man Knudsen the flasher but oh no some cunt covers hot chicks in baby oil, says 'Frak' a lot and makes a badly lit TV show and before you know it Old Knudsen's story isn't his and now its cool. I had all this shit from Ray Bradbury but hey go ahead take my ideas and make a fortune Old Knudsen doesn't mind. Oh and fuck you Franklin and Edison, R-E-S-P-E-C-T for fucks sake.

"Have you heard the word of the Lard? its cunt"

Saddam Hussein has the same initials as Sherlock Holmes which leads me to believe he is still alive and living in ............................. Montreal. As the song goes, "I'm a dreamer Montreal" What old world charm that city has, some parts remind me more of France than France does, of course France is a shit hole.
The last time I was up in Montreal was 2001, I have family up in Canada, Toronto I believe but of course I wasn't going to go near them, young Jilly was shacking up with some Mexican lad and her mother Ruth my cousin on my mother's half sister's side wasn't too pleased. She was heavily into lipo suction but the fat just kept coming back, not very good for a law enforcer. She also had bad skin but a lovely gurl.

So anyway what was I saying? oh yeah I don't have a post today, sorry well no I'm not. I have Saturday and Sunday covered but today nope nothing.

What Saddam is saying in the picture is: "You .......... you are still dangerous, you can be my wingman anytime."

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Thursday, 26 March 2009

Access Denied, No Shirt No Real Shoes No Visa

A conference in Johannesburg is intended to discuss football's (soccer) role in fighting racism and xenophobia.
You know South Africa if ever there was a place for an enlightened discussion that is the place to go and while you're at it go pick up a sandwich in Zimbabwe for 30 million Zimbabwean dollars and then head over to the Congo and set up a kindergarten/military camp. Old Knudsen is the only good thing to cum out of Africa. like my readers will get that reference

The South African government has denied that cunt the Dalai Lama a visa to the conference as it is linked to the 2010 World Cup which South Africa is hosting ............ no civilised cuntries were available I guess.

They said it would be too distracting. I can see their point.'Deli' as I call him likes his drink and when Tibet cums out to play he goes fucking nuts, before you know it hes going after any Chinese person with a Stanley knife or hammer and bouncing coins off the heads of the rival team .

Archbishop Desmond Tutu has pulled out of the meeting in protest and branded the decision "fucking disgraceful" and FW de Klerk said: " Do we really need that peace monger? I mean what has he actually achieved?"

Nelson Mandela the former terrorist was too busy getting rimjobs from celebrities to state his position.

South Africa loves China too much to get into the whole silly Tibet thingy. Face facts people its all lip service as no one really wants to go in and free Tibet and they are lucky that China wants them. The free Tibet flags and the attractive Yaks are both made in China which is why 178 people died when they drank some yak's milk.
Still where would the Tibetan economy be without China and who would of even heard of Tibet? Not me in fact I still can't show you it on a map, its in Nepal right? ach who gives a fuck it used to be called the 'far east' now I live here its the far west and the far east is Boston, nothing makes sense. Some dickhead told me if you keep going north you'll reach Russia, WTF? I do know where Russia is and it isn't north.

South Africa is China's largest trading partner in Africa, with 2008 trade standing at 100bn rand ($10bn; £7bn).

Dai Bing, an official at the Chinese embassy in Pretoria confirmed that Beijing had warned the South African government that allowing the Dalai Lama into the country would harm bilateral relations.

The last thing you want to see is Deli exposing 'Free Tibet' written across his man boobies for the world to see.

The South African government huffed up its chest and denied that China had played no role in the government's decision.

The Dalai Lama has visited the country on two previous occasions, in 1999 and 2004. I say let him in and throw a burning tire around the hippie's neck as a nice South African welcome, but then again I'm a xenophobic racist .

Ok I may have watched Xena the odd time but that was only to wank during Calisto's scenes. Something about hot, crazy evil weemen get my heckle up if ya know what I mean?

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Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Bail Out Her Vadge

In a bid to save face AIG have decided to give the $165 million in bonus' they gave out to executives to octuplet mum Nadya Suleman.

Dow Jones the CEO of AIG said: " The poor woman has 14 children we hope this money goes to helping her raise them and maybe pay for some more fertility treatments and some more cosmetic surgery, this is the caring face of AIG because who doesn't like struggling single mothers?"

Mr Jones then went into the casino next door and bet 5 million tax payer dollars on 17 black, a common procedure at AIG.

Nadya Suleman was unavailable for comment as she was watching 'Cheaper by the dozen' again!

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Tuesday, 24 March 2009

What Does It All Mean?

Go into politics young man, a war hero from WWI like you should do well, just don't run with a bimbo from Alaska.

Old Knudsen has figured out the meaning of life and how to solve the world's problems but yer capacity to the flexibilities and freedoms must not be hampered by the procurement of autonomous across-the-piece benchmarking that you as the populace have been guilty of since time had memorials.

The mind is like a parachute, it only works when you pull the rip cord so I advocate area focused reminders of who you are and where you cum from.

It is true we are all stardust but no blue sky thinking will ever champion the cause of the thumbs that power Lara Croft to shoot at baboons. Core developments and training must be actioned if we are to communicate with our inner deity and to tap into community engagement in order to be a beacon to shine for the potentialities and predictors of beaconicity.

To sum it all up we may nay we have to bottom-up no matter the gateway review of said humanity ambassadors and their gaff huf rimming. We have to look around and see the coterminosity of the whole cascading external challenge if we are to Facilitate a fast-track to end genocide , world hunger and male pattern baldness.

Citizen empowerment of the soul is needed and no one can do this but you. The core principles being ones of cross-fertilisation and community engagement.

You see when you put it into plain words it all distorts the spending priorities of a morally corrupt cunt-box. Thus giving us a framework for the quantum rationalisation for thinking outside of the cunt-box.

Old Knudsen would like you all to cautiously welcome this challenge as it is quite visionary and risk based away from yer usual comfort zone.

Our partnership working towards this network model of spiritual chaos I suggest we all step change to sow the seedbed for a transformational tranche of real fresh tasting existence.

I don't expect there to be any questions on this as it is pretty straight forward but if each of you sends me $500 to free up an account I have in Nigeria you shall save the planet, look younger and be sexually attractive to people without mental illnesses which is a nice change for many of you.

Send yer cheques or postal orders to:

Jean Baptiste Quéau de Quincy
PO Box 666
Ile La Douche
The Seychelles Islands

Rumours of a military staging area on Ile La Douche to invade Madagascar is pure madness but I'd advise you never to get within 800 metres of its shore line for yer own safety as there are killer Sting-Rays nesting there that sometimes explode upon impact.

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Monday, 23 March 2009

The Island Of The Moon

You people are idiots and I am disgusted at you. Now you can see what Lemurs are capable of?

President Marc Ravalomanana of Madagascar has fled for his life and now in power is Andy Rajoelina, a 34-year-old former DJ. That is like putting an actor in charge of a cuntry, who would do a stupid thing like that?

He has to re-write the constitution to make it legal for him to be in charge as he is 6 years too young. Constitutions are like rolls of shite wipe and not worth the paper they are printed on if you ask me. America has amended (changed) theirs 48,000 times or so since President Benjamin Franklin the inventor of the $100 dollar bill wrote it.

Notice anything odd about good time Andy? yes he is a skinny runt but apart from that whats with the false human ears? You know he is one of the Lemur hybrids that walk among us.


Madagascar being the base of Lemur world domination plays a vital role in the balance of power. Since the change of US administrations all military aid has ceased and the Lemurs saw this as their time to attack. Just think what would happen if the US stopped aiding Israel.

First the Lemurs send in the Polar-rats as their assault troops to make all those loyal to the democratically voted in government flee to less well secure buildings and then the human troops cum in to put a normal face upon things. Text book I say as any former operative would agree.

Here is a picture taken by the BBC of the capitol of Madagascar Antananarivo after the coup or coo.

Now for the bit of overwhelming evidence that shows I'm no insane All work and no play makes Knudsen a dull boy! All work and no play makes Knudsen a dull boy! All work and no play makes Knudsen a dull boy! All work and no play makes Knudsen a dull boy! All work and no play makes Knudsen a dull boy! All work and no play makes Knudsen a dull boy! All work and no play makes Knudsen a dull boy! All work and no play makes Knudsen a dull boy!

As I was saying. The Pope has started a tour of Africa the same time as the Lemur take over. See? see?

The same man who wants to wipe you out with aids by refusing to wear a condom is in place to direct the action.

I rest my case and my sore leg. take up my cause or we're all doomed, doomed, doomed I say doomed!

In case you didn't get that I said doomed!

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Saturday, 21 March 2009

Do Vegans Swallow?

Vegetarians have a few screws loose I think we can all agree on that. I mean meat (especially pig and human) is just so darn tasty but vegans are worse, talk about Joho , food Nazi types with membership in PETA.

Heather Mills is that one legged vegan who married soft as shite Paul McCartney and then fucked the gullible cunt just like Michael Jackson when he bought the rights to the Beatles songs.

She has 24 million since the divorce so she decided to buy a popular fish restaurant near her home of Hove, the crazy cunt then took fish off the menu.

I heard she was going to buy a Burger King and do away with burgers and a KFC and do away with chicken or whatever it is they cook.

Its going to be a vegan restaurant which is odd as vegans don't have much meat on them.

Fuck you seafood lovers and fuck the 6 staff members as they will no longer be employed. She first agreed to pay £255,000, but then forced the price down to £140,000.

Former owner Nick Short said about the price fall: "I have been well and truly worked over by Heather."

I'd give a fuck but his greed worked himself over. I don't care if he was cut or nicked short.

Mills had eaten there 'about 20 times' with Bea, her five-year-old daughter and also with Sir Paul before the divorce.

The place sold traditional fry-ups which made the empire great, it also had veggie food on the menu and battered seal cub in a red wine sass.

Miss Mills's publicist said: 'The real estate market around the country is falling and no one forced the owner to sell. I think Hove, any town really, will be well served by a healthy foods cafe like this.'

To be honest fish stinks and is too bony. I like a good battered sausage.

I was just watching on the BBC news about how organic products aren't selling because of the high price they charge. You mean like expensive cars and electronic equipment? So many restaurants not only fail in the first year but are just failing, its a luxury and soon Manuel will be blogging about being a 'Well done rent boy'.

I don't see the point of organic foods. You charge extra and leave out half the stuff. I did work on an organic goat farm in France once but that was for my love of goats. Yes French goats do have hairy leg pits.

I want me drugs and artificial flavours left in me foods. I want me Trans fats me steroids and asteroids I want to feel and taste like I've just eaten something.

Phasers set to kill for vegans I'll have a Whopper when I first wake up and I won't be thinking about Heather Mills.

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Friday, 20 March 2009

Leave Killing To The Pros

If it wasn't for those guards who get paid more than teachers I'd have snapped his neck.

I may be the inspiration for the Beatles song Helter Skelter, sure I'll admit to that because I may be a lover but I ain't no dancer as the lyrics go. I do the old Killamory two step with my fingers pointed to attain full on sex God effect.

You'd think for someone who is a cock smith he'd be able to thrust his hips on the dance floor but no Old Knudsen does not excel at everything he does just most things.

I went to the California State Prison in Corcoran to see Charlie Manson. I haven't seen that cunt since the 60's when we met at Brian Wilson's hoose. He was a beach boy in case you didn't know and I was a muse to the stars.

Manson never scared me, you can do crazy eyes all you want but he was just a dick. Now he looks like a kindly old duffer with a nice wee tasteful swastika carved into his forehead. His crazy eyes are weak and milky and at the age of 74 he now looks like Billy Joel.

Not such a cool cult icon huh? the best ones die young.

People have always called him a serial killer, thats when I remind them that Manson never killed anyone himself. He only talked some stoned hippies into doing it for him. A sick wee puppy that should have been drown at birth , nothing special.

Its been 40 years since the so-called Manson murders and all him and those family wankers have done is drain the resources of the country. If you don't intend to ever free them then just kill them. Criminals get better food, job training, accommodation and health care than most innocent civilians, is that right?

Don't forget Richard Allen Davis who just had an appeal in front of the supreme court this month. That cunt abducted 12 year-old Polly Klaas from her own bedroom in 1993 and raped and killed her. He was sentenced to death in 1996. Death row should be that, 'death' you have people argue that it costs more to kill inmates than to jail them for life. It doesn't cost more to kill them it costs more to guard, hoose, feed and pay for their appeal after appeal that is where the money is going.

I'll execute the fuckers and I'll supply my own ammo and I'll probally sleep better at night. You may say it won't bring Polly back, well it won't do any harm either and it may give her family some form of closure and not having to worry about appeals.

Joesf Fritzl another kindly grandfather figure type aged 73 was given life in prison in Austria when he was found guilty of rape, incest, imprisonment ,enslavement and and negligent homicide when he let one of the babies he sired with his daughter die. He enslaved his daughter for 24 years and fathered 7 children with her. Some of those kids never saw daylight until they were released.

Fritzl has shown remorse unlike the top two but who gives a shit if he did? he says he felt guilty during the 24 years but he kept on doing it so he couldn't of felt too guilty.

Never mind the AIG bonus' what about the big waste of money known as looking after criminals who will never change and don't deserve another chance ?

I say let those who support pedos and rapists and who are against the death penalty to pay for their up keep then we'll see a change of heart.

As Old Knudsen once said as he faced the Roman legions, "Some folks just need a good killin".

Yes we ran into battle naked with our muscular bodies covered in woad paint, slapping each other on the arses for encouragement. No wonder the Romans built a wall to keep us out, for a bunch of ghey eye ties they did not want to tackle us.

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Thursday, 19 March 2009

Do You Know What Old Knudsen Likes?

Its a rhetorical question, like I'm interested in what you think I like. This post is about........... 'Oral Tradition'.
I had a dream ::::::::::bang!:::::::::::::: well no actually it was about a place in Frigadoon where I grew up and it was known as 'The Barley field'.

It was strange because I can't remember who told me the name but everyone knew it. There was no barley in it. It was a small raised field with uncontrolled grass and skinny scattered trees.

Like the lost stories of the Druids one minute yer telling them and the next some dirty eye tie called Maximus Headroominus has them all killed, oral tradition lost to the ages and only to be discussed on crappy sci-fi shows and made into Indiana fucking Jones films.

Someone had to be the first to call it The barley field, maybe it was full of barley at one time. Anyway in my dream I knew there was dead bodies buried under every tree so its obviously a dream about me being worried about my huge penis.

I invented 'Blogjinx' which is when real life or blog life on different blogs is similar. For instance when I mention the Bee Gees in someone's comments and go over to Mago's blog where he has a post about the Bee Gees and how hard it is to stay alive.

Like any great invention there are several people at the same time around the world unknowingly doing the same thing and you only remember the first person to patent it so it is with posts.
Not to be confused with plagiarism cos that just means yer a phony no talent baloney and I strike you from my links bar, disbarred and ignored I say.

I also invented 'Popcunt' which is cuntry music aimed at the mainstream pop audience. Maybe when I'm dead in a 1000 years or so someone might wonder where these words came from and some other wanker will take credit.

Like the gurl in the picture I like to make people happy. So when someone clicks on this then complains because they don't like sex or something I have also provided a censored picture for them . No need to thank me but please do.

Romans slaughtering Druids or other people dying out doesn't always stop oral tradition, the only true way to stop it is the get married ................. Ka-Chow!

Don't shave yer pubes braid them with pride!

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Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Old Knudsen Take Doon

Marilyn Monroe was one of them over hyped films stars like James Dean and Marlon Brando. She may have looked shagable from the odd rear view but really nothing special. An Actress who had a nose job and was vulnerable to older father figure types.

Only made special because she was in the movies. Take an actor who does stage work and put him into a cool movie and he'll get his hole 10 times more just for being on the telly. Who employs Orlando Bloom? Wise up people.

Monroe was killed by JFK's henchmen just before her out of control addictions made her a liability to his career, being a Kennedy marriage wasn't a big issue but yer career was. If you don't believe me about that there is no point talking about Nessie.

I am a total fucking gentlemen but I do not prefer blondes and resent being told that I do.

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Tuesday, 17 March 2009

St Fenian Cocksucker Day

Today Uncle Sam will be getting wasted on beer coloured green with food dye. He'll be as Irish as the next American beside him despite his hate of immigrants even though they were the ones who built his cuntry. Hes big and powerful but not too deep.

Like it or not Northern Ireland which is a part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain is also Irish by birth. There are about 300 trouble makers in the whole population that want to continue the way of the terrorist and the above picture is how the Catholics in Lurgan are getting ready for St Paddy's day.

Whose idea was it to paint the police Land Rovers white? Why not paint a target on them too?

Speaking of targets. The people aren't going to take the murder of our soldiers and peelers, this shit has gone on for too long. Whats he got there? Looks like a MP5, no I don't mean the thing plugged into his ear I mean the bloody German weapon he is holding. Is that the new plan for the Germans to invade next time? Sell us their Heckler and Kochs but put in a special chip so when we go to fire they use a remote control that stops the gun from firing, ah very clever but you haven't counted on one thing ..................... Old Knudsen who saw through yer plan HA!

I have no idea why EVERYONE calls me paranoid behind my back.

Remember last year when Coke brought out the special edition drink for March? fuck that was minging and gave me the shits but the Yanks could then honestly say they have Irish in them and they even know where it came from. The Mini Mart.

I'll celebrate the death of St Patrick, I'll eat the corned beef and cabbage that all Irish eat every fucking day, I'll drink a few pints as long as its no Guinness and I'll shag yer weemen and show them that sex isn't just up the arse but I'm keeping the 6 counties up north, who wants to be a part of 3rd world Ireland now? Isn't it great that the UK didn't go over to the Euro? We may be dumb but we aren't Irish .................... unless there is an award going.

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Monday, 16 March 2009

Hell Is Other People

So anyway what a hell of a day. I wanted to write about Hell so why not? What is Hell? Heaven which is Hells opposite is quite vague with gates , clouds and a load of disagreements on how services should be held but Hell has been gone into with great detail because its the early version of Fox news designed to scare the shit out of you so you'd accept whatever religion is being sold.

"This is Manuel sorry I'm a cunt we can only manage 299 people."

If you don't follow Jesus you'll go to Hell right? or depending on how well you served God. Lets change Jesus and God for the name George W Bush. They all made big fuck ups. God had to destroy cities and most of the humans when his experiment got out of control and he waged great ethnic cleansing wars and still is. Jesus didn't run from the Romans and upon faulty intelligence went to the cross where he expected to be sprung from. Bush well where do you start? I'm in too much of a great depression to think about it.

Would you blindly follow Bush believing everything he said and if so would you not prefer eternal torture than hanging out with a load of idiot Republicans forever?

Since no one has ever returned from Heaven or Hell (fictional figures don't count) here is what I'd imagine the torture to be like.

Hell is said to be a fiery lake where the sinners burn and are tortured by demons etc etc. That is a lot of fucking demon power, how do you feed and pay such a workforce? what do demons not eat? c'mon this isn't some fairy tale its all real. Then you have the demons tempting us topside. What is in it for them? they are doing God's work but do they get health care and a retirement plan?

"You fucking donkey I'm going to belittle you on the telly cos I've got a small willy." Reality shows are a form of Hell................................

Lucifer was an angel cast doon for saying he was better than idiot humans, a promotion seen as a demotion. 'Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven' as Milton Dante once said in his book The lost horizon .

So Satan/Lucifer/Old Scratch tempts free will to see if you pass the God test thus Hell being God's work it is then Heavenly so win win.

Since the world is only 5000 years old and Jesus was last seen 2000 years ago what did people do for 3000 years? God wasn't recruiting much until he had fertility treatment and had a son.

Hell must of been empty cos they didn't know about God as he was off starting wildfires with burning bushes and wiping out tribes and getting his peeps lost in the dessert.

"Stop fucking shouting, I said I was 'death' not 'deaf'."

Hel, Helle or Hellja where ever you think the name comes from it was also just a place you go when you die, no torture just a place.

I won't get into the blasphemy stuff too much but it is more acceptable to say 'heck' than 'hell' in certain circles. Heck comes from the Goddess Hecate and is now used as a swear word for hell, and Hel was a Norse Goddess and its now an evil place. Don't say heck too much cos Hecate can get more pissed off than MJ on her period.

Victor (the cunt) writes history so I tend not to believe half the shite I hear cos Victor is not mature.

Other religions have Hell as being cold which might give rise to 'cold as Hell' but since many claim it to be hot it will freeze over when America wins a war.

Don't get me started on purgatory what the fuck is that about? you hang around until yer number is called? I have nothing against other religions you know me but the Fenian Cocksuckers, war starting Jews and the crazy uncle called Islam that no one talks about are fucking wrong. Notice I didn't mention Wiccans, Buddhists or any other heathen shite? Thats cos all I know about those crazy cults I've learned from samurai films The Wickerman and Dances with wolves a load of old drug induced bollocks.

Hell has also been seen to be the absence of God's presence I suppose another word would be depression.
When I feel doubt and fear the Gods have not abandoned me, I have abandoned the Gods.

Whatever fear of Hell you may have that has been worked on by holy scare mongers don't worry, they have not been to Hell and back, you have to be a real person with feelings to have made that journey. They won't get into to heaven either because they choose to buy a new BMW rather than an old Ford and looked the other way too much. Ach the rules are complicated.

Hell is the death of a loved one, an injustice, a great disaster, great loss or just the lack of hope.

By the rules Hitler could have repented at the last moment and went to Heaven. Who do you want to be stuck with? Hitler, Bush all the killers who find God in Prison (in the showers) or go to Hell to be sucked on by this evil hot creature with the boobies?

If I ever die I intend on floating around in the universal collective consciousness and making the world a better place cos I'm such a nice fucking person. Yer body is no yer own. If you can't sell it then it isn't yers so no giving away souls cos they aren't yers to give.

Read my insightful recent post on the AFTERLIFE if you want, life is what you make it and so is Hell.

To Hell with anyone who disagrees with me and save me a seat.

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Friday, 13 March 2009

All You Need To Know About London From Old Knudsen

The great balloon display of 1940, Americans never came over to see it.

Cor blimey gov here is all the information you will ever need if you want to visit old London towne . Old Knudsen Lived in East Finchley for a while which is in north London of course where he ran ye olde porne shoppe, always good for a butchers. Here is a shout out to all my peeps, well actually I don't have any peeps cos the southern English are cunts, no offense its just the way it is, all a part of God's plan.

Old Knudsen knew he was a superior being then but it was totally confirmed when he came to America.
London was originally named by King Lud as Kaerlud then it changed to Kaerludein and of course the Roman Londinium. The last is from the latin meaning 'City of terrible sound' as the Roman soldiers really hated the Cockney accent, can you Adam and Eve it? Yes I may slip into cockney rhyming slang without explaining what it means.

It has also been called Londonistan and is the only place you'll find chav Muslims.

Later you have King Canute on the throne who is famous for being a canute which is Danish for cnut later changed to 'cunt' then the Saxons (bloody Germans) and then in 1066 AD (After the Danes) Norman conquered England. Norman the conqueror was a French Viking type from Normandy of course.

His son William became the next king and started to build Westminster hall near the abbey. You'd think it would have a hall but no it didn't only a entry way and porch.

In 1290 Edward I that wanker from Braveheart if you will kicked all the Jews out of England. We Scots are are the lost tribe of Israel, we were the Levis who made quality garments, we made the 501 kilt so we share a bond with the hooked nose money lending Deity killers.

Not to get bogged doon in history there was the Black death or death of colour, the pitiful Spanish Armada, War of the roses civil war one and two as we take gardening seriously, Guy Fawkes and his V for vagina monologues , beheading the king and the great fire of 1666 . All a nice wee bit of fun.

Then there was orphans, soot and pickpockets, a couple of wars the Americans were late for, some Fenian cocksucker terrorist action and a Dalek invasion.

The north and the south of London has the families, the east has only males and the west has west end gurls.
Everyone eats jellied eels, fish and chips smothered in salt and vinegar or else they are sent to the tower of London which does not have any lifts or escalators.

London gentry, never look them in the eye or they'll kill you with their razor sharp hats or cutting remarks.

The Queen has always hung about with a rum lot.

The Queen lives in Buckfast palace where she sits with a high powered rifle and picks off paparazzi or slow moving pedestrians. Its her thing and she is the Queen.

"You spilled my pint" "I'm so sorry dear chap how about pistols at dawn? no in fact don't trouble yourself to get up so early I'll just shoot myself its the decent thing to do."
You never threaten to sue anybody in London you insist on being sued. For instance if someone knocks you doon in their car it is you who is at fault for being in the way of the motor vehicle. You must apologise a lot and try to clean up the mess of their car. Paying for a car wash or mechanic is the right thing to do and if the driver looks shaken you must offer to be sued for emotional trauma.
If you fail to comply with the rules of London society you will be ostracised by ostriches and sent to Coventry which is a God awful place.

Elephant and castle ......... stick it up yer asshole.

Here is typical London attire, you should dress like this or you'll be singled out as a tourist immediately and looked doon upon. If you are Irish put on an accent or you might get stabbed in the tube, toob or subway as the Americans call it.

You Septic Tanks pay attention cos if you don't listen to what is being said you'll look like a Berkeley Hunt. I was going doon the frog and toad for a pig's ear but I was Boracic lint
so I asked this fella in a Whistle and flute for a hobb. I knew him from way back as I shagged his Skin and blister she had really nice bristols but had a tendency to raspberry tart round the back alley so anyway all he did was Bubble bath and told me to fuck off so I went home and had a J. Arthur Rank.

If you find yerself in London beware of the London eye . It will find you and nom on you until all that is left is yer feet which are thrown into the river Thames and get washed up in Canada. The river Thames is named after old Thamie a monster who lives in it eating all the fish which is why you'll never catch any in it, init.

Visit Big Bong, Nelson's erection and the nations finest pub 'The Queen Vic' but watch out you don't step on any street urchins as they are poisonous, piss on the wound straight away.

England has a state religion, no freedom of speech which is why there are no British bloggers so watch what you say and if you insult the monarchy expect to have yer hands cut off as punishment.

It is also a socialist cuntry so if you have a bag of sweets (candy) expect to share. A thing many travelers to the UK notice is the dental hygiene so bring enough toothpaste as you can only buy it on the black market (market of colour) for 12 packs of ciggies and some nylons.

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