Wednesday, 30 December 2009

2009 What A Lovely Year

Here is my very last post......... of the year 2009. Old Knudsen was going to do a lovely wildlife post but you know what ? wildlife can go and fuck off what has it ever done for me except eat my leg?

Also in this post there will be a return to the fucking expletives that you ugly rim licking cunts have cum to expect.
The big news at the beginning of the year was Slovakia adopting the Euro as currency to replace chicken feet. Slavs as we know got their name from the Vikings and it really just means slave now Old Knudsen isn't a mathematician or a financier but does it not make sense to have whole races of people working for free?

The new Star Trek film was actually quite good.

Israel invades the Gaza Strip, they did a piss poor job of genocide but those Jews and their savvy did grab a bunch of Arab organs to sell on their way out. Hitler rolled over in the shallow grave I put him in and said "Oye vey did they not learn anything?" Old Knudsen supports people's rights to live in peace and while he doesn't like what the Israelis do he sure doesn't like Hezbollah or Hamas they can all go and fuck away off with a nuke and pull the pin .............. actually its two connectors a switch and a code. I just brokered a deal selling Iran a rusty old piece of shit from Russia that probably doesn't even work.

"I'll shut the gas off in a minuteski"

Speaking of which Russia played big man and shut off gas supplies blaming the Ukraine for not paying its bill. Since the cold war Russia has penis issues. Did you know if you can get a doctor to say you have a mild mental illness you can get out of the military draft? Old Knudsen who is flatulent in Russian and a doctor of sorts has a nice wee mail order business going there. I also sell Russian brides to Israel to have their organs harvested.

Barrick Osama was sworn in as the 44th president of the fractured states of America. Crazy old man McCain and family values hoor Palin put up a good fight but the Muslim terrorist who isn't even American got in.
Big things were expected of Obama but it was like taking the wheel of the Titanic after it hit Chris De Burgh. Obama talked and gave hope but as usual its up to the senate so why bother?

Western soldiers are still in Iraq fighting Saddam and in Afghanistan trying to over throw the US set up Taliban goverment. Old Knudsen has nothing against these people but can we not just nuke the middle east?

The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed due to the recession caused by George W Bush as everything is. The world quickly learned that Iceland had a government and a banking system, they just don't talk funny, eat horses and slaughter whales you know they are a people with a long and rich culture of talking funny, eating horses and slaughtering whales, oh and they piss on all their food before they eat it.

There was also the usual fire in the field behind my house.

A big bush fire in Australia, the stupid buggers should think about trimming their hedges maybe so the bushes don't get that big, in my day burning bushes spoke they said, "ouch fuck me it hurts get water and stop standing there ya cunt."

A Russian and an American satellite collided over Serbia killing hundreds, experts put the blame doon to collision one of the dead was a Briton (there is always at least one) .

Holidays in Zimbabwe continued to be a great bargain and the world eventually saw the funny side of Darfur.

North Korea shook the world by test firing its Kwangmyŏngsŏng-2, rockets all hitting their targets successfully which was the Pacific ocean.

A 6.3 earthquake near Italy killing 300 blah blah blah oh and Swine flu was found to be caused by Africans having sex with monkeys. A French plane crashes into the Atlantic killing 228 blah blah blah not sure how many Britons were on board.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was re-elected as President of the popular Islamic party of the republic of Iran with the slogan "Hope, change and death to America".

Plastic pedo with the mind of a 12 year-old Michael Jackson died so it was a good year after all.

150 Uyghurs are killed in rioting in one of them Japo cuntries, 168 are killed in a plane crash near Iran, the longest solar eclipse lasting 6 minutes killed 200, a typhoon in Taiwan killed 500 and earthquakes of 8.3 and 7.6 kills 1189 odd in those Asian island places. All blurb news as it became about gheys getting married because the immigrants fucked off back home to get jobs.

The blacks and Mormons put a stop to ghey marriage in liberal Callyfornia and the Catholic and Protestant white people in Belfast ran a lot of the Romanians out of town. Give a once oppressed people power and they will fuck over someone else but I've already covered Israel.

Ireland should be close to civil war with the Catholic church and all its pedo dealings not to mention the corrupt politicians, look in the sun its the Virgin Mary its a miracle I haven't seen the sun in years.

Celebrity deaths were:

Patrick McGoohan, Ricardo Montalbán,Natasha Richardson,Dom DeLuise, Guy Richie, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Eric Idle, Karl Malden,Frank McCourt, Edward M. Kennedy(the M stands for murderer) Patrick Swayze, Richard Todd and poor wee Brittany Murphy. Anyone else were not famous enough to get onto my blog.

A rare breed of face fucker was found in South America.

The year was ghey vampire crazy and slutty Disney stars, Kayne West made it big thanks to drug and alcohol use and Rage against the machine got to #1 in the British charts thanks to a Facebook campaign just to deny Simon Cowell of the 5th year in a row.

"Old Knudsen's movie was good but District 9 really spoke to me"

It was a shite year for Old Knudsen who totally lost his faith in 98% of people and decided he really really disliked America and the rest of the world may have a point.

In 2010 Old Knudsen will travel back to the old cuntry and tell the horrors stories of America and the creatures that live there.

In a funny twist of fate Old Knudsen researched his family history and found a British soldier in the 1800's who while doing his foreign service in Ireland bred with the natives and now Old Knudsen has a load of bog trotting cousins, will that get me an Irish blog award? like fuck it will but who cares? Obama can get the Nobel peace prize for fuck all so Old Knudsen doesn't need a bog award even though he is the greatest cunting blogger of all time. I doubt I'll have a computer for a while once I move so all the mucksavages can save their fear for later yer small pond is safe.

A shite year, full of cunts and wankers just like last year and guess what? The same for next but don't worry, be happy.



Princess said...

Dear Mr Knudsen,
Thankyou for your informative rap up of 2009. I agree with your views to a point.

I did However, cuddle you after that night we had "sex on the beach"... it was while you were sleeping.

Well any way it was more like "fucking near water" Or a "Fosters Fuck" as we call it Downunder

And my burning bush is recovering nicely. Thanks to some soothing Balm from Mistress.

I will intercourse with you again next year.
Till then..
Love Princess XXX

dai said...

Happy New Year ya old Kunt. Thanks again.

northern musings said...

Happy New Year Knutur and thanks for the old one as we say here in debt ridden horse eating Iceland

MJ said...

I'm looking forward to a Ted-Kennedy-free 2010.

I have a question to ask of you in the New Year.

Do I have to remove my false teeth every time I go doon on you?

MJ said...

Wait a minute...

It isn't time to be yelling "Bring out your dead" regarding Eric Idle yet.

tony said...

Happy New Year Knudski! As a half-Pole I can confirm "the currency thing" .Infact,Chickens Feet Still Run In My Family!
Ka~Chow !

Donnw/2nz said...

Thank You for this thoughtful and well balanced summation. You have somehow managed to both astonish and inform while encapsulating such a wide range of confusing issues...which you somehow manage to wittle down to the essential elements and separate the wheat from the chaff...and there was a lot of chafing this year.

I want to personally congratulate you on maintaing a level of toxic vitriol and perturbance that has been sadly lacking in the blogoshere. Ever since all of the mainline Newspapers and Magazines started blogs for their columnists the snap, crack & pop of blogging has been diminished by the conglomerate whores who always find a way to ruin everything.

You however have managed to inject enough sand in the ointment to make up for their rude intrusion into our little world. I commend you on staying true to your mandate and performing your dutries with aplomb.
You are funny as hell and honest to a fault. You complete US.

Well done Old Chap.

Fat Sparrow said...

Rush Limbaugh had a severe heart attack whilst vacationing in Hawaii, so there's still time to fit him in on the death list for 2009. :::keeps fingers crossed:::

Old Knudsen said...

Cunts cunts and more cunts, sneaking cuddling and chicken feet. Eric Idle will be dead soon as will Rush baby!