Friday, 9 October 2009

Love To Love Ya Baby

A poll of 15,000 dirty weemen found that Germans are considered "too smelly and liked to force their way into places they had no right to go".

English lovers came second because they are so lazy which explains why all the main roads in England are built by the Irish, while men from Sweden were branded "too quick to finish" and came third or rather first.

Spanish men topped the table as the best lovers, followed by Brazilians and Italians. Having cum from large families they gain much of their experience from their siblings.

The poll, carried out by a global research site asked sluttish weemen who get around a fair bit from 20 countries to rate nations on their ability in bed and give reasons for their answers.

Germans were deemed to have bad body odour, Englishmen were accused of letting women do all the work, whilst Swedes were a bit too quick to finish.

Men from Holland were "too rough" especially with their fingers and dykes and Americans were accused of being "too dominating" as having seen too much porn they like to direct in the bedroom.

Greek men were said to be a bit too soppy....................... ghey!

Other countries who didn't fare well in the poll were Scotland (too loud), Turkey (too sweaty) and Wales (too selfish).

Russian men crept in at tenth place amid accusations they are too hairy and drunk for the average woman also their judicial system was corrupt having only 2 of the 15 big murder cases over the years solved.

A spokesperson added: ''These results are an eye-opener for thousands of men around the world and female travellers might judge potential new lovers by looking at these results.'' Old Knudsen certainly will.


1. Germany (too smelly)

2. England (too lazy)

3. Sweden (too quick)

4. Holland (too rough)

5. America (too dominating)

6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)

7. Wales (too selfish)

8. Scotland (too loud)

9. Turkey (too sweaty)

10. Russia (too hairy)


1. Spain

2. Brazil

3. Italy

4. France

5. Ireland

6. South Africa

7. Australia

8. New Zealand

9. Denmark

10. Canada

To defend my beautiful Scotland which I don't really think I have to as I wasn't polled, what is wrong with being loud? Old Knudsen may like to rip off the odd fart as he pumps away but ya can hardly hear them over the sound of ' My sweet Killamory.'

"The old cock crows with a joy to be alive in the land where the sweet heather thrives.
Oh my lass thought it nice when I slipped it in twice on the shores of the Killamory."

Old Knudsen has only made it through all 12 verses once and just got into Scotland the brave before he yelled FFFFRRREEEEDDDOOOMMMM! ask yer Ma.

I see that as having colour and making it a more Scottish experience I mean whatever Spain,Brazil,Italy,France all fuck with their mouths and fight wae their feet. Is Ireland a real cuntry? South Africa yeah right they forgot to add they throw a tire around yer neck after and burn ya alive, Australia is famous for its men and their considerate ways towards weemen and is New Zealand not the same place? Denmark should have done better and my Knudsen blood curdles in disgust and Canada? Everyone knows Canadians are so boring that they fall asleep during sex but hey they are very polite with the wipes. There is only one Canadian that makes the grade and I suspect he may have some Scottish in him.

Old Knudsen never has any luck with the dolphins but Donn can charm anything with or without a heartbeat.


MJ said...

Why was I not asked to assist with this research?

TROLL Y2K said...

I think we'd have to examine the methadology of this survey to determine it's validity. I too am surprised by Denmark and Scotland not being ranked higher.

I usually tell well-traveled sluts that I'm Welsh because it's unlikely they speak that language, thus sparing me from having to converse.

That might explain their poor ranking.

Old Knudsen said...

Old Knudsen has all ways asked, "where is the love?"

Donn w/2nz said...

HA! You got that right!

In fairness to the Scots, I don't think that wymyn like having all that blue facepaint smeared all over the sheets.

Another problem is that Scotsmen spend most of their waking hours ramming Sheep in the drizzle...and Sheep are really dumb and slow and if you throw them on their backside, they'll just stay there until they starve to death.

Unfortunately for the Greeks, they spend their formative years mounting Goats instead of Sheep. Goats love to climb on top of stuff and headbutt inanimate objects, which makes lovemaking an exhausting experience.

So for Greek men it's just way easier to buy a dozen rounds of oozo and wait for one of your guy friends to knock himself out with a plate.

I don't buy Spain and Brazil, latinny lovers are all natter and chatting and over the top with the compliments and stickin out their tongues and wymyn have sex with them just to shut them up!

The best lovers are probably Albanians because they are so tactile, patient, and quiet, from living in solitary confinement in government run apartments.. which don't have electricity..although the Albanian Government is planning to test market the wheel next year.

Boxer said...

I love Donn's sparkle.

Fat Sparrow said...

"The poll, carried out by a global research site asked sluttish weemen who get around a fair bit from 20 countries to rate nations on their ability in bed and give reasons for their answers."

It was hardly authoritative nor exhaustive, as no one asked me.

I, too, am surprised by anyone from a Latinate country making the list, as their chat-up lines all seem to be "Hey, mami, mamicita, pssst, pssst," while slinking around behind you making suggestive motions, which is hardly going to make my nipples turn rock hard.

The French lick out snail's shells so god only knows where else there tongues have been. Ireland? Not being a Catholic schoolgirl I do not find it appealing to have Jesus looking down on my while I'm riding someone, and Australia? Doesn't their foreplay consist of shouting "Brace yerself, sheila!" American men are completely shite in bed, they've all been circumcised and have penis issues.

I'll take the Scots, please, even if they are a bit loud (they snore, ye ken). A man who's not afraid to wear a skirt and a furry fanny pack is a man who is secure in his own sexuality, undoubtedly.