Monday, 12 October 2009

Fucking Quitter!

She lit her first cigarette around the outbreak of the First World War in 1914 not 1917 as the Americans seem to think.

Now Winne Langley 102 has kicked the habit after 95 years because she "didn’t fancy it any more" five cigarettes a day, giving a total of more than 170,000 in her lifetime.

Mrs Langley, who would share cigarettes with her friends at infant school, reckons she hasn’t contracted cancer because she does not inhale. Much like the old Clinton reason, he also didn't have sex because he came in bathroom sinks and on blue dresses not into fat chicks.

So its ok to share cigarettes at school but if you try to sell drugs? fucking double standard.

The former laundrette worker, who lives in Croydon, South London said: "Everyone used to smoke in those days, you did it to cope. We didn’t know about the health problems. I just don’t fancy it any more."

Another way of coping was binge drinking, a fine tradition that still goes on today .......... its tough being British.

"My eyesight is failing so in a few years’ time I might not be able to see the pack."

Her cigarettes were always to hand during the Depression and the Second World War, in fact she'd have cigarette and tripe sandwiches for tea .

"I lived close to Biggin Hill and you could hear the German rocket bombs engines cut out," she said.

That would be the V-1 rockets or Doodlebugs, guided missiles that would cut their engines and silently glide doon to their targets and explode. People nick-named them 'Bob Hope bombs' you'd bob to one side and hope they wouldn't hit you.

"Some bombs used to land pretty close to me. You needed a smoke after that. We didn’t know if we were going to be alive from one day to the next, so we thought you might as well enjoy yourself while you’re alive."

Mrs Langley has outlived her husband Robert, who died in 1968 after deciding he just didn't fancy it no more, and her son, who died four years ago aged 72.

She said: "I’ve cut down in recent years and only had one every few days after dinner or in my bedroom. I can just about afford it but the price of cigarettes is disgusting, and the smoking ban is disgusting. You should be able to smoke where you want."

Indeed Mrs Langley you should be able to blow yer smoke into the faces of babies because Britain has earned that right.

Mrs Langley’s step-grandson Clive, 53, said: "Her doctors have told her there’s not much point stopping now. If she’s got to 102 without getting cancer I don’t think she ever will."

9 comments:

erin said...

I was surprised when I heard about Britain's smoking ban. I guess I thought that everyone in Britain was a chain smoker. Weird.

And it's good to know that it's not considered sex if it's not into fat chicks. I use the sink technique all the time and it's quite enjoyable. yay for Clinton.

MJ said...

If I live that long, I intend to have LSD smuggled into the nursing home.

Sweary said...

"I wonder what the official medical cut off age is before they don't give a fuck."

I think if you're still merrily ticking away after the age of 80, you're making the doctors look bad. It's selfish.

Fat Sparrow said...

"the outbreak of the First World War in 1914 not 1917 as the Americans seem to think"

We know it started in 1914; we just thought we'd give you lazy gits some time to get your shite right, and then when you didn't we had to come and do it for you.

You're welcome, you cunt.

Momentary Madness said...

give her a good roll up of bud.

Donn w/2nz said...

So Big Tobaccee was right?
Ciggies really are the perfect product!
Huh?

The longest living rellies on me Pappy's side smoked like freight engines well into their late 90s..
and they were so soaked in Scotch that they could not be cremated.

Boxer said...

If I hit 90, I plan to start smoking crack. What's it going to do, KILL ME?

mago said...

Morphine, man ...

Reggie said...

We Americans generally think of WWI starting in 1917 because that's when we finally got involved. Just like we think of WWII starting in 1941, rather than 1939 because we were late to the party then as well.

But isn't it a good thing that we did get involved; if we didn't Europe would probably be called Germania now........right?!?