Monday, 21 September 2009

Back In 19elevenity 7


A charity called Alzheimer Scotland wants the Scottish government to invest £15m each year for the next five years to help people with dementia. The most important thing is ............................

When I wake up wet in the mornings I think about the time I was on the SS Fireball which was a fine ship that used to transport petroleum jello to Argentina. The main port in Argie or tina as we would call it was Zanzibar which is at the mouth of the Umpopo but you can't swim in it as the natives do their business in it and their parasitic worms will swim up yer land line.

It was there I first met Victor Mature, he was sunning himself by the Nile which is the highest river in the world, like Sly Stallone except beautiful in his bronzed manly way as he held in his stomach, we would wrestle naked and talk about how icky gurls were.

It was during that time in my life when I first learned about loss. I had this really cool divers watch which could survive 100 feet under water even I couldn't, it was shock proof and I wish that I was as when I lost that watch I started feeding on bag upon bag of opium to fill the void.

I lost my job as a neurosurgeon airline pilot and if it wasn't for Wall street giving me a job 1929 would have been a really shite year.

3 comments:

Donn w/2 Ns said...

Cool.
Those Argentinian gals and their jello..man they love wrestling!

Victor Mature was a man's man. That chiseled profile defied about 53 laws of nature. It is ridiculous to be that impossibly handsome...unless you are a movie star.

Oddly enough my uncle was also neurosurgeon airline pilot who liked to dabble and keep his hand in the lucrative area of breast ogglementation.

Unfortunately he preferred to perform exploratory probing on passengers that he would sedate with an ether-rag that he kept in his briefcase. Live and learn.

You've led such a fulfilling life and I for one am eternally grateful that you choose to share it with the great unwashed.

mago said...

You volunteered for the SS?

Fat Sparrow said...

"A charity called Alzheimer Scotland wants the Scottish government to invest £15m each year for the next five years to help people with dementia."

The Scottish government should just tell them that they already gave at the office. It's not like they'll remember, anyway.