Friday, 31 July 2009

Seal Hunting Is Cool

Its the last day of the month so I invite you my *friends* to join me in a Seal hunt. Many think it isn't cool or trendy and is cruel but they said the same about fox hunting and that was excellent fun. They don't feel pain the way we do.

Yes Mago she won't be calling your tight Teutonic arse German any time soon.

Jamie Foxx spoiled our sport by ending it all rather than letting us get him at the MJ tribute just so sad. What is it with MJ and her poofs?

Who will join me next month when I hunt Dog the bounty hunter? for an ironic twist he will die by the red wrapped dark chocolate bar for being a racist cunt with dead ends and high heels.

*I could betray or kill any of you at ant time*

Thursday, 30 July 2009

Nothing Has Changed In France

Mr Sarkozy, 54, a prominent Frenchman fainted while jogging in devastating 84 degree heat.

Mrs Sarkozy who goes by her porn name of Carla Bruni merely sighed in bored sexual dissatisfaction and said, "The things you do for a career."

Old Knudsen in his ghetto home villa in the Inland Empire in Southern Callyfornia took time out from telling kids to get off his lawn in the 105 degree heat to say, "As the Frogs say, 'If you can't stand the heat find a German and surrender to them' you can quote me on that ."

OBB has and did.

Old Knudsen then did 50 one armed press-ups and then yer Ma.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Lick It Then Swallow For About Six Dollars

Here is a message to the Americans in general. You have 4 of yer earth hours to surrender....... oops wrong message . Every time you mention a capitol city on the telly you have to say the cuntry too.

London - England.

Yes Old Knudsen knows there are other Londons out there but not ones founded in 47 AD (after dinner) by the Romans and called Londinium but ones named after London formerly Londinium, like aluminum but spelled aluminium which we all know is the proper fucking fucker way .

If the telly says London then it obviously means England. When Hitler said "Go bomb the fuck out of London" the Luftwaffen didn't bomb Canada. When James Bond books a flight to London they don't say, "Is that London in Ohio?"

If you name a London on the telly its the London in England unless its one of the lesser ones, right? Jellied eels, red double deckers, colourful cockneys, Big fucking Ben and loads of wogs.

Remember so as to not confuse people the town of Derry in Norn iron you need to call it by its proper name not, Free Derry, Taig Derry, Derry the town of rapes and murders or just Derry. You must call it Londonderry its the law. Also you don't want to insult anyone, its all politics just trust me on this one.

If you search for Paris you have to be careful.

Do you want to end up with Paris Hilton in the Carl's Jr commercial ? or do you want to end up in Paris France? no fucking way its obvious its Paris, Texas cos its all about Texas, the whole world revolves around that idiot inbred state. Like Florida but with cowboy hats.

For others not in Callyfornia Carl's Jr is an American fast-food restaurant chain that is also in Mexico and Canada now I believe. Its America's #4 after M'Donald's, Burger king and Wendys. I never heard of it in fact I had never heard of Wendys until the mid 90's.

They used to have some bloke eating a burger all doon his chin but thankfully with the exception of Hilton they usually have a hot chick eating them now.

Eat it bitch eat it! er sorry I get a little excited when I see a hot woman who can speak 5 languages have oral sex with a burger.

They had a chick on a mechanical horse eating while the horse bucked around, her hips writhing in motion with burger being sexily ate, as soon as the music for that ad came on my 4 hour erection came on too. In fact if I ever hear the song it jumps up like Pavel's dog, it may even lick yer face.

There is an ad with a doctor who loves bourbon and obsesses about it before surgeries, during surgeries and just about every minute of the day, he just isn't right without a bourbon. It turns out to be a double Kentucky bourbon burger he is talking about. In real life he may be eating the burger but he'd also be pished as a newt from a liquid lunch, you know surgeons they do what they like.

Now they have some well formed woman from some MTV show eating what she calls her bikini burger. Not quite Padma Lakshmi or the bronco but at least it doesn't make me throw up like Hilton with her stick like 'Thats hot' pseudo sexiness.

Audrina Patridge the current chick may call it the bikini burger but she doesn't mention throwing it up later in order to stay in her bikini.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

History Unknown

Ronald Reagan born February 6th 1711 died June 5th 2004. What do we really know the man known as the Kipper?

A firm believer in the master race Reagan did evil sexual experiments on a chimp named Bonzo mainly at bedtime. He served in the German army as Nazi # 3 until Ireland became neutral and then he researched his Irish roots to get a discharge. Bonzo also had a bad discharge too.

He thought with his years of service he could appease Hitler but Hitler was the better statesman and a disgraced Reagan returned home and only Callyfornia would have him as they love Nazi actor types as Governor.

At UC Berkeley Reagan called the Berkeley campus "A haven for communist sympathizers, protesters and sex deviants" he wasn't far wrong there. In 1969 during gathering to discuss the Arab-Israeli conflict he sent in the police with shotguns full of buckshot wounding 128 un-American Americans, how dare they protest.

He first became president in 1981 beating Jimmy Carter and taking credit for the release of 52 US hostages held in Iran for 444 days. It happened during his inaugural address, Carter was too busy to attend as he was on the phone to Iran.

Iran was soon to become a fine business partner for the Reagan Administration.

Pro-life and anti-Welfare he was a man of the people and in 1984 he won 49 of 50 states in the presidential race and when have you known the American people to be wrong about electing a twat to be president twice?

Old Knudsen certainly knew him. While Reagan was getting at Russia and taking the Berlin wall doon Old Knudsen was doing important stuff.

At Check point Charlie Reagan came personally to hand me over for torture. Old Knudsen laughed at their gulag and took the internal bleeding like a man. Yes a man who tells all and cries like a baby but still a man.

Old Knudsen believes that big brutally defended walls makes good neighbours. Thanks to super spy Hasselhoff the Berlin wall came doon and Europe was flooded with cheap Slav labour and now the civilised part of Europe is becoming as fucked up as America with its Mexicans and Koreans.

He went on TV to explain why he gave up Old Knudsen to the Russians and said it was the only way he could think to bring doon the soviet empire.

Old Knudsen had the pictures to prove secret meetings with an informant known as Deep Fister but of course who would believe Old Knudsen except for those 2 couples that bought into his Mexican hotel idea? I was in a gulag and me pictures were in storage.

Recognise any KGB agents in the picture? Oh yeah Reagan was in deep. "The Teflon President," into arms, legs, whiskey you name it. If you were watching Putin in 1988 here you'd see a lot of winking at Reagan.

Putin is a sick fucker who loved horses even more than Reagan did. Putin swallowed while Reagan spat.

It goes full circle just see how deep the connections went. Reagan was also a supporter of lemurs who served as advisers in Nicaragua. In 1986 the USA was found guilty by the International Court of Justice (World Court) of war crimes against Nicaragua.

Reagan loved to hunt on his ranch. Humans were and always will be the ultimate game he once said.
He hired Welfare bums to be his prey and brought out a line of chainsaws known as the Reaganomic 3000.

An evil vile man and terrible actor, if this post has offended anyone who ever looked up to him well good I bet you voted for all the Bushes too.

I end the post with Reagan Yun who has fake boobies and a nice smile. Old Knudsen didn't say no.

Monday, 27 July 2009


Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates Massachusetts was asked for his identity when police responded to a call of two black men trying to break into a well to do hoose.

Gates had just been to the gym and was all pumped up from bench pressing his 300 LBS or whatever had forgotten his keys so he decided to force his way in.

Shout yer highly educated mouth and think.

Sgt. James Crowley from the Cambridge police who was an expert in "Racial Profiling" repeatedly asked for his identity but Gates yelled things like "Why, because I'm a black man in America?"and flew off the handle at the poor peelers who were doing their job and was thus arrested.

Obama was asked about the incident after a lengthy speech on health care said he didn't have the facts but said that the Cambridge police "acted stupidly."

Gate's daughter Elizabeth is doing the TV rounds and suggested that Crowley should get 'sensitivity training.'

Old Knudsen asks, "What is it with these uppity Negroes?" should the policeman had said, "Look sir I'm sorry for the whole slavery issue and no doubt my people hundreds of years ago did wrong to which I should be sorry for now and you are now doubt still upset about people you have heard about on slave ships etc but I got this phone call about a crime and I'd like to clear it up by finding out you are who you say you are by observing yer identity on a card like yer driver's License or some thing and again sir please forgive me being white and doing my job?"

Maybe the police were thinking about something else like 'does this guy have a weapon?' and 'where is his friend?' as there was two black men reported to them.

You go into a potentially dangerous situation you aren't thinking about the needs of the suspects yer going to be defensive and cautious and remain professional as they did.

There is a record of the tongue bashing over heard on the police radio and it was uncalled for as Gates hounded the officers and would not stop his ranting. Old Knudsen suggests that though Gates is highly educated like any wild creature who lived in the jungle he is not fully domesticated, maybe in a few more centuries 'those people' and I don't mean the war starting Jews for once can live in a civilised way.

Old Knudsen is not racist as you all know, Gates is a twat because he played the race card for no reason except humiliation for being a key forgetting mong and set back race relations 10 years. Obama with his flippant remark put it back 15 years.

This is a silly story, should only black officers respond to calls of blacks committing crimes like weemen getting patted doon by weemen? Well maybe if the blacks weren't busy stealing TV's and smoking crack they'd join the police and you could do that.

Do as the peeler says and don't get all up in his grill. Crowley is considering a lawsuit for defamation of character and I don't blame him. He can't be the Director of the W. E. B. Du Bois Institute for African and African American Research and I bet his career comes to an end now as he has become a hot potato.

Do a search of gate's hoose and maybe a blood test, the man is hiding something. Obama needs to think or at least give his writers time to think before he speaks even if it is about one of his mates.

In the newspapers here when they report a crime they say something like, "A male in his mid twenties committed the rape, be on the look out." Kinda vague Old Knudsen would like to know a bit more before he gets raped . In Amber alerts when a child is taken they tell you on those signs on the motorways what colour and make of car the abducted child is in, will car manufacturers object and the info will be 'Look for a child in a car'?

What a silly situation, if Arabs are blowing up buildings you don't keep an eye on the Chinese, if the majority of crime is carried out by people of colour (because us poor whites are a minority) then harass the gold toothed playa with the bottle of malt liquor standing on the corner.

Rodney King was held up as a symbol of black America when he was beaten for resisting arrest and he was a career petty criminal on crack.

Has Gates not learned anything? All the educated Americans from Africa will be rioting by forwarding outraged e-mails about whitey and chaos will ensue.

Old Knudsen has never suffered racism until he came to America it was all sectarian in his world. Here in Southern Callyfornia its the diegos speaking their lingo and serving their own people in the shops first or blacks looking at him because he is white and obviously rich so lets rob him.

Judge a person to be a cunt when they act cuntish not because they are a nigger, wop , Jew or white.

Old Knudsen actually thought Jews were white and Spaniards and eyeties not so but then again European has always been a bit ethnic to the Brits.

You can take the black man out of the jungle but you can't take the stick out of his arse when you educate him in African American Research.

Old Knudsen has spoken!

Sunday, 26 July 2009

Cunts Of Colour

Police were called to the Whitehoose when it was reported that a gang of white weemen raping Negroes with huge erections and nines were trying to break in.

Senior officer Janice Hawker responded to find one high yellow fellow in a suit. When she asked him for identification he yelled, "You wouldn't ask a white man for his ID you racist fascist pig who has put the black man doon for hundreds of years."

Officer Hawker who loves black cock and was gagging for some replied she would and so suspected the male of being high or drunk.

The suspect who claimed he was president Obama was asked to do a field sobriety test which he failed, this consisted of dancing, speaking Ebonics and giving dap.

Once officer Hawker saw how white he was she gave Mr Obama his crack pipe and bottle of malt liquor back and said, "Carry on practicing being black sir and have a good night."

Mr Obama replied, "Iiiiiiight sugar titties, don't be hating da playa."

Meanwhile on Who wants to be a millionaire:

No friends left to phone as they have all taken cyanide, yer 50/50 of the audience put into camps and the answer you didn't like has been taken away and executed.

For $200 you said "B: Jews start all the wars, is this yer final solution?"

In Venezuela

Danny Glover discusses with his friend Hugo the chav the implications of racism on the young and how to plot the doon fall of white America with extreme leftist propaganda.

Old Knudsen is bored with racism, gheyism, ageism, sectarianism and any other isms you have going.

A big gun with a lot of bullets in the hands of Old Knudsen will only bring about peace and harmony for the world.

The only acceptable ism is sexyism.

Yo Queero Taco Bell Endo

Old Knudsen heard that the mascot for Taco Bell a Chihuahua named Gigdet had died after a 15 year battle with life.

Now I suppose this is an American thing even though the dog spoke Mexican which shows you anyone can speak that language which is probably why the Diegos have a hard time with speaking English.

Old Knudsen wanting to embrace other cultures went to Taco Bell for some authentic Mexican food even though the hot sass gives him the shits but a good blow out is needed from time to time and I think my pie retention needs a bit of purging.

Old Knudsen was disgusted by the contents of the big bell end box meal, look at it for fucks sake. Are they skimping on the portions or what?

Many fast food places are skimping on their skimpy meals now and they make you ask for sasses instead of having them out.
Old Knudsen was sure that for years the Cadbury Creme Eggs had gotten smaller. Maybe it was how they made them in America or he was just insane and Snickers was never called Marathon in the UK nor was Starburst ever Opal fruits.

Its a recession it seems and even the Big Mac is now a not such a Big Mac. The recession hasn't touched McDonald's so what the fuck?

Old Knudsen has always been disgusted at the amount of air in a big of crisps (chips you idiot yanks) how about food that not just makes you a fat fuck but also fills you up? is that too much to ask for?

Oh and poor wee Gidget I bet it ate better than me ........................... the tables are turned now!

Saturday, 25 July 2009

Sanity Is Crazy

Old Knudsen's government ordered psychiatrist says that Old Knudsen suffers from delusions of grandeur and mild depression.

Who the fuck is he to say what is wrong with the greatest blogger/lover and alpine gardener in the world?
When the Mothership cums for me to save the universe he'll eat his hat except he is without a hat and thus weak!

He is the one depressed as he is about to lose his job due to state cut backs now he'll have to get a real job.
Ach wouldn't it be great if people paid me to tell them what their problem was? "Yer a cunt now take these pills and pay yer bill on the way out."

The new meds Old Knudsen is on seem to be working and maybe they will work even better when I take them like there is anything wrong with Old Knudsen.

A new segment for my blog, targeting people in the street with a high powered rifle without them knowing and pulling the trigger with the safety on.

This week it was yer Ma............................. I've already had her but I could of had her again Ka-Chow!

Friday, 24 July 2009

Politics Has Never Been So Hot

Hilary Clinton is a woman Old Knudsen has wanted to sexually degrade for years now. There is nothing wrong with that as she wants it too, well she mouths things to me when she is on the telly.

She told North Korea they were Billy no mates or had no more friends of something like that, they then called her a schoolgurl.

Time for Old Knudsen to share from his wank bank. A computer folder with over 8 millions images that has crashed me computer more times than a light aeroplane has crashed and has hacked into over half of me reader's computers ..................... sorry a man has to wank, Jesus said that in the sequel to the Bible starring Tom Hanks.

If you don't get aroused by the above picture then I guess yer a leezer, a ghey leezer or just not human.

Old Knudsen dares the international community to call the German Empress Angela Merkel a dominatrix cos he has the pictures.

What was that Sarkozy Laura Bush is the bukkake queen of Texas? oh don't get Old Knudsen started for once he opens that folder and stares into yer ma's abyss he may lose himself.

Thursday, 23 July 2009

A Naked Fox

Old Knudsen has been searching for naked pictures of Meagan Fox, what a hottie .........
Plenty of linger-ree shots but we want to see the junk because that is everyone's goal right?

Almost there with the flesh coloured hide my parts stuff they use for nude shots Old Knudsen is getting excited........

And what the fuck? look at that thumb.............. I just threw up in my mouth, who gives a shit about this ugly freak naked yuck!

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

The Welsh Post

Old Knudsen has had a complaint that the Welsh are no represented on his blog and so he looked for the biggest Welsh headline he could and here it is.

Fire-fighters have tackled a blaze on a bus thought to be carrying people to the Royal Welsh Show in Powys.

No injuries and all of the passengers on board were accounted for.

The bus was "severely damaged" in the incident between Builth Wells and Brecon at Felinfach.

Three fire engines and more than 15 fire-fighters were called to the scene.

For fucks sake kill me now, the only interesting Welshman I knew was Harold Lloyd and that was only because he kept falling off big cocks or was it clocks?

Here is the real story. All three of the Welsh fire engines were called out after a hillside awoke that was really a dragon.

It was disgusted that after its 5000 year sleep the Welsh were still humping sheep. The bus was known as the mint sauce express and an abomination to the world . The dragon used its magical fiery breath and ignited the bus and then flew away.

Taffy Jones the driver said, " The poor sheep-oes got marinated and then barbecued boyo".

Thats like how they speak you see.

The passengers got to eat the sheep twice and then sung a close harmony chorus song about green hills and the like. Then they coughed up a pound of phlegm, no that was just them speaking Welsh.

Tell It To The Marines

Like president Harry Truman Old Knudsen was army. Truman never liked the Marines and tried to keep them in their place as navy police.
Old Knudsen respects the Royal Marine Commandos of the UK but finds the US Marines rather lacking.
Every US Marine he has met here has been a meat head who have been full of themselves and have been taught to look doon on anyone who is non-marine.

This is maybe why there is always rapes and fights in towns with Marine bases nearby. The US Marine hype wagon has always been in overdrive.

I saw that movie Jarhead the other night and yes it showed Operation desert storm as the joke it was. I did like the bit when a helicopter went over head playing Break on through by the Doors and a grunt on the ground said, "Thats nam music don't we get our own music?" I immediately thought of Rhythm Is a Dancer.

Three Kings is the best Gulf war film out there as it doesn't go all tortured and serious. Here is a tip Old Knudsen has learned while serving under the threat of death, don't think too much just do the job.

There was a scene in which a marine shouts "This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless."

So without yer rifle you are useless maybe that is why the ex marine across from me slaps his wife and kid about.

Special forces are another matter. Ever meet one? unlike the marine they are usually quiet and unassuming. They have a confidence gained from testing themselves and without a rifle they are not useless.

Look at this picture. Special forces talking to local militia look at the faces and tell me who is in charge.

"I am a soldier, while it is nice to have a gun I will kill the enemy with a pointed or blunt stick if I have to I am not useless!"

Old Knudsen supports all those who serve against the forces of evil but having served himself has gained the right to slag off any other branch of the armed forces he wants to.

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Jack Sparrow Is

So Fruity he could cure scurvy.


See yesterdays post for what Old Knudsen is up to. Begorra and jesus wepted so he did.

Monday, 20 July 2009

This Must Be The End Of Times

Old Knudsen just spent a lovely few days with his best mate The Grinch hunting hobos in the San Fernando Ana Gabriel valley, its more of a basin than a valley but still nice hunting territory.

Colin otherwise known as The Grinch almost bagged a Velcroraptor but because of his heart condition he couldn't keep up, sticky things to kill. Speaking of which this post is about Stickys or Fenians as some know them by.

Only the Americans like the Irish even though George Washington after having them beat the English in some major skirmishes turned on them for taxes thus proving yet again what a two faced traitor he was. He was employed by the crown and not only did he cheat on it but he did have 9 gurlfriends, must have been the teeth that attracted them.

Oh it was the English who invented the Irish St Paddies cross.

Canadians don't like the Irish, listen up MJ, CANADIANS DON'T LIKE THE IRISH especially the Jewish Canadians, bacon and Irish. Isn't it funny that the Irish are almost human and pigs are close to being Irish which is why they use their hearts and feet in transplants?

Old Knudsen proudly served in the Black and Tans and has had enough of this Irish loving cuntry.

He has also had enough of Eva fucking Lungeria who has to appear on everything including this blog.

Cindy Crawford here wans the truth and I'd wish she'd stop camping outside my hoose and shouting, "Sell us yer wiggle" every time I water me plants. I actually do have a wiggle but how would she know that? maybe she hears me yelling "wake up Jeff" all the time.

There may be other reasons to leave but I can't think of them now.

Ok my ladyboy friend has decided she has had enough persecution for being a chick with a dick. Its how God made her damn it!

Old Knudsen is Penis whipped by Woohoo but a vadge will do. She spent thousands of me money in Vegas and so she can't afford the op poor thing.

So here is where Old Knudsen gives you the chance to laugh at him. Because of Old Knudsen's Ma being from Ulster Old Knudsen can get an Irish passport which he needs for various tax and Woohoo's immigration needs. In no time Woohoo will be able to get her lad removed by the NHS in the UK once I smuggle her in as Irish.

Yes its love that Old Knudsen has to give in and become that which he despises the most ........ a bog trotter.

I'll ride them but to become one is a different matter.

How can I be Old Bitter Balls when I look like this? I can always hate the Slavs that is quite popular right now.

Old Knudsen is proud of his blood and his British passport even though the Brits are desperately trying to get rid of Ulster and have been for years but even the Irish don't want them.

Old Knudsen fought for the Ulster kingdom of Dal Raida which stretched across to Scotland. The Romans were too ascared to fight us, when Old Knudsen ran at soldiers with his big sword they fled like chickens being chased by a chicken choker. Old Knudsen has the blood of the old Gods who now live under the mounds, the vikings who now live in the great halls of Ikea and the Gaels who live everywhere cos they breed like flies in his blood, no not flies in his blood though I did have a bot fly lay maggots in me scalp. Old Knudsen became like and ancient God giving birth from his head.

Old Knudsen is very occupied at the moment and next year he expects to be moving back to killamory as an Irish Ulster Scotsman, yes I understand that Ulster is a gheylick name, just fuck off its a difficult time for me I must go and kill some more brain cells in order to pass the Irish immigration test.

'Here are two spades, now take yer pick'

Look here is a hot woman, now you can't remember a thing the post was about, yes I do know my readers.

Anyway the post was about the right to die and I believe that you should have it. In Switzerland they charge you 4 grand to kill you legally what a fucking scam that is, Old Knudsen does it at a reasonable rate illegally.