Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Senior Discunt

Its not like mad cow disease of the 90's. You could could say, "Thats no mad cow thats my wife." I must say that Swine flu does make less attractive people look a lot more tasty.

Old Knudsen isn't going to go on about the war again oh sorry his mistake he is going to go on about the war because hes fucking mentally scared for life. You don't know you weren't there you chicken hawk bed wetting lint trap lickers.

As I was saying Old Knudsen has killed more Chinese, chinks or cuff links than you've had hot dinners or maybe he has killed the same one millions of times over ach they all look a like.

No offense to Anonymous Boxer but during the boxer rebellion I fought off the Chinks in Beijing I killed at least 1000 (I had a bad chest cold which slowed me doon) and the same in the Burma campaign until I was told they were on our side.

The Chinese are a funny lot, I don't mind insulting them cos I'm probably banned there on the Interweb and I doubt they can read blogs with those slitty eyes . Like the Japs their weemen hit fugly just after reaching the age of 30 which is why there is a loy of bestiality going on over there.

A pig can't walk doon a street without some perv shouting "ching ah you-ya oula boula" which if you speak mandarine is quite disgusting. Just look at the pig stalker with his big stick.

The chinks are quarantining all Mexicans in the cuntry even if they have pig flu or not. Which is not very good for foreign relations but what is Mexico going to do send over some illegals to write their name on things with sharpies?

Mexico who is losing 18 billion pecos ($23.46) a day due to the drop in tourism now says its all ok open up yer shops and restaurants.
If you can't trust the government then who can you trust?

I'm sure many of you lot got news about the Jimmy Dean competition. The famous meaty food producing company founded by the late James Dean contacted all the best bloggers and picked some to go to their meat plant on an all expenses paid trip as a pork promotional gimmick to counteract the recent scare.

I am at the moment blogging from my lap dance computer in Mexico city. I was taken around the Jimmy Dean meat plant where they let me put a few bolts into the heds of some piggies, its like pin the tail on the donkey and I was assured they don't feel pain and actually quite enjoy it, I know I did.

They even presented me with a small dooner pig which I shall name sizzle.

Sizzle will be well looked after but I didn't have the heart to tell them that British bacon definitely tastes a lot better.

Since Mexico is 12 hours ahead from any point in the world due to the fact they go by the sun to tell the time and night time really fucks with that method I'm celebrating Cinco de Mayo, I don't know what it translates as but its held every 5th of May to celebrate a battle the Diegos won against the French .............. whatever been there done that.

Strange I haven't noticed any other cream of the blogging crop here if I do I'll let you know but right now I'm high on x-tassie and grooving doon to some hardcore polka music.

All the hoors doon here will only shag you while they wear face masks, thats ok cos I'm used to putting paper bags over the heads of many of my lady loves and of course the Hilary Clinton mask is one of me favourites.

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MJ said...

In lieu of a paper bag, I’ve placed a pair of green elf shorts over my head.

Come and get me.

tony said...

I was going to say Dont Do Anything Rash..... but it looks like Im to late.

Boxer said...

I am deeply offended.

mostly because I now want that fly blue hat AND the cap.

Istvanski said...

Swine flu is a totally different animal to the SARS virus. There's snout quite like it.

Heff said...

Speaking of Swine, take a poke at BILL clinton too, while yer at it.

Donn Coppens said...

WOW! You really let les Chinois have it!
They don't have the Internet in China so don't worry aboot being banned.

I think that Egypt won the pig killin sweepstakes..dumb f*ckers..honestly. I can only read international news once a week because I find it harder and harder to find a reason not to march down to our virology lab and overnight some extinction level event concoction that could be dropped into the water supply of every major city in the world.

What's with the weird boobs on Hillary? The trajectory on those puppies is almost Newtonian. I'm pretty sure that those implants are filled with sand and mercury instead of saline and styrofoam.

mago said...