Thursday, 28 May 2009

The New Subway Sub

Old Knudsen has proclaimed the Shroud of Turin to be the 12th century equivalent of the modern day grilled cheese sandwich with a holy face on it. Who gives a fuck how they did it or who did it we fucking well caught ya so not so clever now.


Holy bread batman!


So Old Knudsen went fer a dump and was sitting there on the bog just waiting for a miracle. At my age a bowel movement receives much rejoicing.

So I was sitting there like you do with that commercial jingle in me head, "Subway, 5 dollar, 5 dollar foot long." It was only natural that I start to swing it a bit and do some scatting.

I heard the plop that baptised me arse in shite water. "Captain warhead has been deployed" Yes Old Knudsen does talk to himself, its the only way he can have intercourse with an equal.

I looked doon the crapper and though it was impressive it was no record breaker so I left it there for my cleaning lady to see.

As I pass the Employees must wash their hands sign I stole from Jack in the box I held my head back and laughed. Its like an OCD good luck ritual of mine. Water only touches Old Knudsen's hands when hes drunk and having a pish at the back of the bus.

I sit doon to watch Fox news as I like to be told who the enemy are and what to think as coming up with opinions can be tiring. The cleaning lady screams when she gets into the bathroom.

Is it me or does everyman get aroused by the screaming of weemen? Old Knudsen may have a whole stack of giving birth porn, the sick fucker.

The cleaning lady wasn't ascared as I first thought but Mrs Munoz was holding my turd like a baby and dancing around the room. She babbled about seeing the image of Jesus on it but before I could get it and sell it on e-bay she ran off.

Now there is a Catholic church nearby worshipping Old Knudsen's loaf. Ach they've been worshipping shit for centuries so why not mine?

6 comments:

Dave King said...

Believe it or not, I quite enjoyed that post.

Donn Coppens said...

HAHA!

The Shroud Of Turd'n.
Judging by your scat you should be drinking more water and increasing your fibre intake.
((*ACK))

MJ said...

How does that rate on the Bristol Stool Scale?

@Donn… "The Shroud Of Turd'n."…
HA!!!

BEAST said...

Thats an evil looking turd you must have been gestating that for months

Old Knudsen said...

The shroud was something I wiped me arse on and made an interesting pattern.

Nick Cage Revealed said...

Ring around the toilet...you need some tidy bowl ya old stinkpot.