Tuesday, 10 March 2009

A Legend Is Gone ................ Thank Fuck!

Expendable = someone who doesn't comment on their own blog or others and no one notices.

I've been called expendable by many a government as they sent me on suicide missions ...... I have no idea why my name is always the first one they pick for these missions but there you have it.

I've been to a few American funerals and had to attend one the other day for my old mucker with whom I served with in Korea, 'Old genocide McKee'. Don't worry its just a name, he wasn't really that old.

I remember serving with the 84th Airborne disease regiment. It was cold and deadly, in fact it was deadly cold and my old bitter balls shrunk up to the size of peanuts and hide inside my body for the whole of that war.
I almost got frost bite once but I said, "David Frost, if you bite me I will so kick yer limey arse" ...................... see? I can use David Frost references thanks to the Frost and Nixon film and Yanks might get it, all hail Hollywood! Now if you knew about Alan Wicker I could do more with the Wickerman thing who wrote about inventing Wicker furniture while practicing Wicca in Eastwick just before I burned him alive to my Pagan Gods Buddha and Death Mall.

Any way this post is in memory to Old pesticide McKee, he was named so in Nam because when the government found they couldn't beat savages with pointed sticks they used agent Orange to poison everything, they should be doing that in Iraq.

Old homicide M'Kee was a loving husband to his 4 late wives and his barely alive 28 children, he will be gravely missed by his young gurlfriend 'Bunny'.

He was a good laugh when he would entertain you for hours with tales about burning villages and strangling hoors in dark alleyways. I always thought that Old homophobic McKee had something to prove to himself, maybe it was his tiny penis or the fact he was raised by wolves ...... same sex wolves.

The funeral was full of his people, white trash rednecks in plaid shirts and baseball caps. Old homoerotic McKee was a member of The Church of Christ but the pastor of his church refused I mean was busy to speak so we had to get a pastor from another church.

In walked an entourage of nicely dressed black people. The pastor gave a sermon citing hell fire and brimstone to non-members of his church and all the crackers sat there stone faced remembering the days of drag racing in which such a fella would be dragged from their cars.

Me well I sat at the back drinking my second bottle of beat the wife chuckling away and eyeing up the Nubian mattress monsters that shouted 'amen' every now and then, I wouldn't mind converting some of them.

Well McKee is saved according to the pastor because of his church membership, the very same church that was founded by Jesus. I think it was just like Jesus to use his last name 'Christ' in the title, the lad had an ego the size of my cock .................... thats very big just ask MJ.

They had their historical facts a little wrong but what can you expect from someone who said 'Witches in heaven' instead of 'With us in Heaven' ach I cannae stand bad grammar it gives me the skittles.

Jesus H Christ was Presbyterian the one true religion, anything else needs a good beheading.

I went to the open casket Of Old stone cold McKee and said "look a gook hiding in the flowers!" but no he didn't jump up so I reckon he is dead. I didn't see any marks on his face so he didn't do his plan of cutting off his face and putting it onto a body to collect on the life insurance.

I quickly comforted Bunny in the hall way after the service but she had to get back to High school as they were learning their times tables.

I'll miss you Old piss stain Mckee but not the way I missed you in Bosnia, me rifle hadn't been sighted properly, a hasty half arsed CIA don't ya know.

You may have been a bit of a knob but you'll be missed all the same, on second thoughts nah I doubt you will.

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Heff said...

I'm just wondering what you two were up to considering BOTH of you are holding your crotches in that photo.

MJ said...

Old Knudsen’s cock is even bigger than Donn’s dong (third pic down) and THAT’S sayin’ somethin’.

I once had to call the city’s Public Works Department to get Old K’s cock offa my lawn. They had to bring in a crane.

Then there was that time it got all hepped up and went on a rampage through a small African village. The villagers thought it was a venomous snake and tried to club it. I was summoned to tame the beast as I have experience as a professional snake handler. Knudsen calls me a “snake charmer.” Ha! We laugh about that.

Need I go on?

HoodChick said...

YOU killed the wicker furniture guy? Dammit, you just can't get that kind of quality anymore.

Just Another Faceless Commenter said...

"or the fact he was raised by wolves ...... same sex wolves."

Well that would explain those people that voted for Prop 8.

Donn Coppens said...

I think that Kinky Friedman may be the chosen one.

Friedman said,"I'm a skinny Jewish guy who doesn't have a wife or a home or a job and I basically travel around the countryside with my friends irritating people."