Monday, 16 March 2009

Hell Is Other People

So anyway what a hell of a day. I wanted to write about Hell so why not? What is Hell? Heaven which is Hells opposite is quite vague with gates , clouds and a load of disagreements on how services should be held but Hell has been gone into with great detail because its the early version of Fox news designed to scare the shit out of you so you'd accept whatever religion is being sold.

"This is Manuel sorry I'm a cunt we can only manage 299 people."

If you don't follow Jesus you'll go to Hell right? or depending on how well you served God. Lets change Jesus and God for the name George W Bush. They all made big fuck ups. God had to destroy cities and most of the humans when his experiment got out of control and he waged great ethnic cleansing wars and still is. Jesus didn't run from the Romans and upon faulty intelligence went to the cross where he expected to be sprung from. Bush well where do you start? I'm in too much of a great depression to think about it.

Would you blindly follow Bush believing everything he said and if so would you not prefer eternal torture than hanging out with a load of idiot Republicans forever?

Since no one has ever returned from Heaven or Hell (fictional figures don't count) here is what I'd imagine the torture to be like.

Hell is said to be a fiery lake where the sinners burn and are tortured by demons etc etc. That is a lot of fucking demon power, how do you feed and pay such a workforce? what do demons not eat? c'mon this isn't some fairy tale its all real. Then you have the demons tempting us topside. What is in it for them? they are doing God's work but do they get health care and a retirement plan?

"You fucking donkey I'm going to belittle you on the telly cos I've got a small willy." Reality shows are a form of Hell................................

Lucifer was an angel cast doon for saying he was better than idiot humans, a promotion seen as a demotion. 'Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven' as Milton Dante once said in his book The lost horizon .

So Satan/Lucifer/Old Scratch tempts free will to see if you pass the God test thus Hell being God's work it is then Heavenly so win win.

Since the world is only 5000 years old and Jesus was last seen 2000 years ago what did people do for 3000 years? God wasn't recruiting much until he had fertility treatment and had a son.

Hell must of been empty cos they didn't know about God as he was off starting wildfires with burning bushes and wiping out tribes and getting his peeps lost in the dessert.

"Stop fucking shouting, I said I was 'death' not 'deaf'."

Hel, Helle or Hellja where ever you think the name comes from it was also just a place you go when you die, no torture just a place.

I won't get into the blasphemy stuff too much but it is more acceptable to say 'heck' than 'hell' in certain circles. Heck comes from the Goddess Hecate and is now used as a swear word for hell, and Hel was a Norse Goddess and its now an evil place. Don't say heck too much cos Hecate can get more pissed off than MJ on her period.

Victor (the cunt) writes history so I tend not to believe half the shite I hear cos Victor is not mature.

Other religions have Hell as being cold which might give rise to 'cold as Hell' but since many claim it to be hot it will freeze over when America wins a war.

Don't get me started on purgatory what the fuck is that about? you hang around until yer number is called? I have nothing against other religions you know me but the Fenian Cocksuckers, war starting Jews and the crazy uncle called Islam that no one talks about are fucking wrong. Notice I didn't mention Wiccans, Buddhists or any other heathen shite? Thats cos all I know about those crazy cults I've learned from samurai films The Wickerman and Dances with wolves a load of old drug induced bollocks.

Hell has also been seen to be the absence of God's presence I suppose another word would be depression.
When I feel doubt and fear the Gods have not abandoned me, I have abandoned the Gods.

Whatever fear of Hell you may have that has been worked on by holy scare mongers don't worry, they have not been to Hell and back, you have to be a real person with feelings to have made that journey. They won't get into to heaven either because they choose to buy a new BMW rather than an old Ford and looked the other way too much. Ach the rules are complicated.

Hell is the death of a loved one, an injustice, a great disaster, great loss or just the lack of hope.

By the rules Hitler could have repented at the last moment and went to Heaven. Who do you want to be stuck with? Hitler, Bush all the killers who find God in Prison (in the showers) or go to Hell to be sucked on by this evil hot creature with the boobies?

If I ever die I intend on floating around in the universal collective consciousness and making the world a better place cos I'm such a nice fucking person. Yer body is no yer own. If you can't sell it then it isn't yers so no giving away souls cos they aren't yers to give.

Read my insightful recent post on the AFTERLIFE if you want, life is what you make it and so is Hell.

To Hell with anyone who disagrees with me and save me a seat.

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Old Knudsen said...

Do ya ever gets those thingys called dates and times mixed up? I had this post to have posted and wondered why I hadn't gotten my usual 50 comments (I delete 48 of them for fun) my day has started with bad luck so far now I'm off to use sharp cutting equipment what could go wrong?

Leah said...

I'm Jewish, so I don't have to go to hell do I? Or even if I do, because I haven't accepted Jesus as my savior, then because I don't believe in Hell, maybe I won't even know I'm there. Then again, I'm not sure I get to go to heaven either.

or somethin'.

MJ said...

Don't say heck too much cos Hecate can get more pissed off than MJ on her period.

You're lucky I'm mid-cycle.

Manuel said...

no, I'd take them......there's a service charge for tables of ten and over........heh

happy st paddy's day yi blue nose cunt.....ach you know I'm only fucking with ya.......or am I.....

expat@large said...

Well, that doesn't explain... why you've come all the way out here, all the way out here to... Hell.

I, uh, have a job out in the town of Machine.

Machine? That's the end of the line.

- Depp Man Walking


I studied the scriptures and verily I say unto all, hell is studying the scriptures. Boring as all fuck. He begat that one, she who begat t'other, just fucking tedious.

Hell is a waiting room, hell is watching a Beckett play IN a waiting room. The next train to Godot has been delayed; complementary hemlock is available at the counter.

Begorrah, happy St Pat's Day!

TachaƩ said...

oh GoOD Lord ...Gerard Butler in man panties and a cape makes me want to crawl around on the floor and cry.

sorry what was the post about?


Old Knudsen said...

leah Jewish? is that like being lefthanded or something? yep Hell for you.

MJ send me a fanny pad so I can make soup out of it.

manuel aye the chance to have all those men in skirts with big muscles getting served by you.... sicko.

Largeexpat Machine? is that near the city of industry? Hell is my blog, thank fuck I don't read it.

Old Knudsen said...

Tachae cry and crawl away he does that to me too. Its the Spartan accent.

Selchie said...

deaf joke-an oldie but goodie, have you started worrying about your own mortality then? Don't worry knuddie your words will live on...)I'd like to see a pic of celestial knud.

Boxer said...

Hell is a post with Gordon Ramsay in it.

Donn Coppens said...

This IS Hell for some people and Heaven for others...but for most of us it's Purgatory.

I never understood why having free will made us a little higher than Angels? I'll trade my fre will in for a set of wings anyday!