Tuesday, 24 February 2009

A Total Insult

I get e-mails all the fucking time from readers and lawyers etc and sure I don't read half of them mostly just the ones with pictures attached.

I got an e-mail from a reader who sends me pictures of disgusting homemade porn of herself all the time, when I get about 20 or so more I'll be starting up a new blog about it. Anyway I won't give you her real name, I'll refer to her as 'BJ' from Canada.

BJ asks me:

Dear Old Sweet-cheeks What animal have you had sex with that most resembles a woman?

I was totally disgusted. How dare you. I enclosed the above picture to remind you that I'm a war hero, ach I don't like the word 'hero' anyone could have taken out that machine nest with an empty rifle using it as a club to bat away bullets and then killing the two Krauts with me bare hands and carrying 8 of my wounded comrades back to safety while under sniper fire with a painful blister on yer heel.

Anyone could have piloted their X-wing doon that stench trench on the Brown Star and fired their space bullets to hit a 3 inch target to destroy it thus saving a galaxy far far away.

And I don't think its very special to walk through Nazi invaded France to save a private Brian getting killed in the process just so he can fuck off home.

Well ok maybe I am a hero, perhaps a superhero but I don't like to brag but I have tourettes syndrome so I do anyway "ARSE" see? I even have it in type no impulse control at all .

I am revolted that anyone would think that I have had carnal intercoursal knowledge with a beast of the sea, sure I may have choked the chicken of the sea but that was for science.

Anyway in my experience the most human like animal to have sex with is a Dugong or sea cow or 4th wife.

Do you know what its like to catch yer wife with another man? probably not because I'm fucking fast on my feet.
I used to like to watch my wife with other men as I sat in a dark corner with just the glow from my cigarette showing.

That marriage didn't last long as she died unexpectedly when we took a road trip to Vegas back in 67. Fuck that was a hot year.

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Anonymous said...

What has one to do to receive "disgusting pictures of homemade porn from BJ in Canada"? Just curious ...

Just Another Faceless Commenter said...

"carrying 8 of my wounded comrades back to safety

Judging from the pic in the last post, I'm assuming you carried them to safety inside your sporran?

MJ said...

Wait 'til I get my tentacles on you.

Selchie said...

ha ha ha Great!

Donn Coppens said...

Wasn't she a Rasta Manatee? If I recall she rolled huge spliffs with y'er morning paper.