Sunday, 8 February 2009

Oscar Snubs

I thought I had done away with the bad feeling the Jews that run Hollywood had for me about the fake nose thing years ago. I still refuse to wear one to get an Oscar.

I rely on my acting skills and sexual chemistry which is quite substantial to get a movie hit. I may get them but where the fuck are my nominations?

The Ring of Fire is based on my best selling book about how I saved President Jimmy Carter's life from assassination, those peanut farmers are a serious bunch.

In the film I have Halle Berry as a romantic interest, I only wrote a part for her so I could do the love scene. Most of my best stuff ended up on the cutting room floor, well I didn't have a hanky or a sock when I was wanking over the editing.

Speaking of love scenes Dakota Fanning was my female lead on this one . She is actually older than she looks .................. probably.
In this gritty film she names her teddy bear Mohammad and I have to save her from a Fatwa. I get caught by the Sandsavages and well the title says it all.

No nominations for this either, she is really phoning it in these days.

I didn't expect any nominations for this one though I think we got nominated for 'Best technical sound editing' Matty McConaughey was one far out dude he is always either working out or eating tons of junk food late at night.
A light weight actor who doesn't like to be called Lance Armstrong's ghey lover , that really did bug him. So fuck if he went to the moon I wouldn't dress like him and hang out 24/7 there is something odd there.

In this film I explored environmentalism. I said the famous line, "God darn it Mr president the Eskimos would want us to drill for oil on their land, we are all Americans together."

Why be dependent on foreign oil when there are vast resources under our feet, or rather the Injun's feet?

The Killamory Star said: "Old Knudsen's acting was as stiff as his cap in the frozen wastes, who told him he could pull off an American accent?"

I was going through some substance abuse problems then so I might have been a wee bit off. If you look at the out takes on the DVD you'll see me vomit after every fight scene.

I remember going to the party on Guy Fawkes night in 1975 and waking up the next day with missing time and the feeling like aliens had probed my hole. I put together a story about the mysterious man in black that I met and the abduction from witness accounts.

The film was a bit long and the director paced it so slow. I must admit its not my best work but it became a cult hit .............. which means I made fuck all money but am worshiped by dorks.

Just for the record I do not think that Heath ledger will get the best supporting actor award, give it to Robert Downey Jr for fuck sake. What will Ledger do with it anyway? His career really has gone doonhill since his death. Give it to someone who can use it to further their career.

As for that Slumbag Millionaire fuck that for a game of soldiers, of course it will win for best film even though its shite, just like that Million dollar baby and Brewster's millions.

I've got a movie planned for later in the year, timing is everything for the Oscars its called 'A million degrees of fire' and if it doesn't win then I'm quiting acting to work on my music career.

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Manuel said...

weren't you in Hunger too? oh no wait.........that was a real man.......ha!

funnier again the word verification thing ironic.....

angela said...
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angela said...
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angela's ashes said...

Aw hun, rectal inflammation bothering you again? You know what you have to do ...
- change your diet;
- change to a natural lubricant;
- stop playing with it.

angela's ashes said...

'... most of my best stuff ended up on the cutting room floor, well I didn't have a hanky or a sock'
I love it when you talk about your wanking habits it gives me a real insight into the world of men. Now I understand why my husbands socks are always so clammy and smell of fish.

Word verification was cumsok you did that on purpose didn't you ...

TachaƩ said...

this was all really just about the fact that your assieholie is burnign isnt it?

i told you to quit eating taco hell. now pay the price!

fake nose might be worth an oscar.

TachaƩ said...

oh by the by,

stay the fuck away from my eskimos.

most importantly the oil.
back it the fuck up.

nevermind keep the eskimos.

Old Knudsen said...

manuel Hey mate have I told you to fuck off recently? Hunger is about Taigs with tapeworm right?

angie I've always been a giver but sometimes I have black outs. A good sok will be starched.

tachae use up foreign oil and still have a ton left, the eskimos looked after it well for us.

Manuel said...


Heff said...

Excellent post, Knuddy ! Something tells me you have hemorrhoids, but excellent post anyway !