Sunday, 28 September 2008

Big Wiily Wanker

People have been complaining that I have had that prick posted for too long, well here is another one for you. You can tell by his head hes been circumcised a few times too many.
I was flicking the channels on the telly after a had days work doon pit and I saw Steven Seagul in some film. He was in a SUV being driven by a woman now I'm no sexyist I don't mind the weemen driving from time to time as long as they know how to handle a stick and don't mine going fast.

Mr Seagul had his long head out the windy and he was busting off some caps at some fools in a car that was chasing him.

My readers should know by now that Old Knudsen is a deadly weapon. I've been trained by the best to keel people, animals and vending machines using everything and anything from a felt tip pen to a wee plastic bag closing implement you'd find on a loaf of bread, I don't think they are important enough to had a name of their own.

I live, fight and sometimes soil myself on the edge which is why I got totally outraged when Seagul kept blinking his eyes every time he shot his gun. You can't hit anything when you keep closing yer eyes lad.
Just like films where you have a woman as the hero beating up men and dodging bullets or a boy wizard fighting off a big mystical snake that spits out its blinding venom at him. It just doesn't happen.

Weemen, boys and men who are afraid of loud bangs should just stay out of the way when the action goes doon.
Another thing that bothered me was when the woman driving Mr Seagul crashed as weemen are prone to do and sat there probably dead (I didn't watch it all as it was shite) Seagul left the scene of the accident which in my view is setting a bad example to children watching it.

I'm sure even the bad guys chasing him would have a time out until the police came and accessed the damage for insurance purposes .

Speaking of guns as I like to do I got this 9 mm mobile phone. I'm still not used to it and have two head wounds to prove it. I knew I shouldn't have given me Ma the number shes always calling me to tell me what a disappointment I turned out to be, I mean in life not in the sexual arena, there I am Maximus desimus Meridian commander of the armies of the north cock smith extraordinaire.

Remember its not guns that kill people its Americans in cars on their mobile phones with their foo foo dogs on their lap that kill.

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Thursday, 25 September 2008

Wee Willy Winky

So anyway I entered this competition on the marvelous MJ's blog (link here if I could be arsed) and guessed that the mystery penis belonged to Jimmy Bastard.

I just want to clear up that it was a guess and that I have/had/nor ever wanted (while sober) knowledge of said Bastard's penis.

People ask me all the time how do you know that some people are Fenians/Taigs/Catholics ?

Well having patrolled the streets of Belfast you just learn and have an instinctual knowledge of who are targets er Catholics and who are not, there is just something off about them. I applied my skills to the above photo.

Observe the fat body and papal looking veins as seen in the neck of the Pope during one of his Catholic Youth rallies, and then look at the pubes that have been trimmed and dyed in order to look younger. If this willy doesn't give it up the shitter in order to not have children then I'll eat my cap.

Look at the way it hangs in all its Catholic guilt. Sinful I say.

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They Have Annoyed Old Knudsen Again

Why does Old Knudsen keep picking on America? I'll tell ya why because its a soul-less cuntry worshiping money with leaders who serve themselves and not the people.

I have this neighbour named Karen, a 74 year-old barely getting by in her retirement with her 3 yappy dogs.
karen has a lot of junk in her trunk and facial moles that are total wanking material. I sometimes go over to check out her plumbing and hoe her garden if you know what I mean.

Well today a smiling Arnold Schwarzenegger the former movie star and now the Republican Governor of Callyfornya signed a late state budget cutting $150 million in general fund spending.

To a millionaire like Arny who is so rich he doesn't even bother to collect the paltry salary of a Governor. General spending is the umbrella term for those waste of time programs that help those not so well off people he spits on from his giant Hummer on his way to work, yes the people who voted for him the same ones the police keep away from any public appearances he makes.

People like Karen living below the poverty line are but a blip on Arnold's radar, he remembers seeing some about 20 years ago but now he can't see any through his cigar smoke, each cigar costs the same as a months rent for karen.

Rich smug fucker.

Karen was waiting for a renters credit of $348 that she had applied for back in July the fate of that has not been decided yet but doesn't look good. $348 is a lot of money for real people now she can not afford to splash out at Victoria's Secret and can no longer afford my services for her sex addiction problem.

Is it the economy? if so then how come millions of tax payer's money went to the primary elections to decide which candidate from each party will run for President? Why is the tax payer paying for that anyway?

Arnold is a Republican and Republicans never win the state of Callyfornya so why not squeeze some juice out of it?

A Capitalist cuntry that holds money far more precious than helping out good Americans in their twilight years and considering a program to prevent elder abuse was cut that says it all.

My Socialist cuntry of Great Britain isn't perfect either but it sets out to look after the people, you don't feel as if the government will just cut you out due to the budget and say "not our problem".

Old Knudsen isn't motivated by money but he likes to have some to pay the bills etc. The CEOs of large companies that go bankrupt always seem to come out ok. In China when a senior manager fucks up he can be executed I say start doing that.

In America the water has poison in it but the government says its ok and in China babies formula has poison in it and they kept it quiet because of the Olympics same regard for people wouldn't you say?

Old Knudsen supports the bringing back of slavery and he supports abortion only because there is no Utopian society to raise the unwanted babies in and speaking of murder he also supports the death penalty. Saying all of that I'm neither left or right though I am always right. McCain is a cert for President but I have decided to endorse Obama as my choice for the next preez because he is not McCain thats the only reason.

While I myself do not have a vote I urge those who do to vote Obama because this time its not a case of 'Better the Devil you know' take a chance and mix things up and keep that idiot Palin and that puppet McCain away from the Whitehoose. Yes I know you were tortured in Nam you haven't stopped whining about it for the last 30 years.

Obama now believes all of the hype about himself and has a JFK/MLK complex going on. No matter who wins it will be blog fodder.

I seek revenge for Karen and all those with no health cover and those on Welfare who get treated like scum by the Welfare case workers even though 10,000 state workers were cut in the budget too so the client may know the job better than the person processing them.

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Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Shock Of The Week

No fucking way is Clay ghey. I believe this to be tabloid lies I mean he has a baby, how can you have a baby if you are ghey? Ok God did it to Mary but thats biblical and so doesn't count.

Just look at this perfect example of manliness. I have always wanted to see Ghey Aiken in a cage fight with Michael Jackson, we'd soon see who the real Prince of poop is.

Elton John was another shock I have still not got over I mean he got married to a gurl. Maybe she turned him ghey. You know weemen once they get that ring on yer finger its no more blow jobs and plenty of nagging.

Poor George Michael, I blame the drugs for making him ghey and also the compulsion to stick his lad into another man's shit hole. Go to church George (protestant of course) and learn that yer body is sinful and that sex is wrong unless its for having babies and then its merely something to be tolerated. Get it done and get out.

I went on tour in the 70's with penist Liberace. I was his security and now and again he'd like to toughen me up with a bit of bare chested wrestling but I saw no indication he was ghey. Everyone bunked together back then, it was for warmth and it was a different time.

I met Boy George in a tough, seedy Amsterdam bar called 'The pink tulip' when this rough and ready biker gang in assless chaps came in to cause trouble he backed me up in a bar brawl. We drank until morning celebrating getting the shite kicked out of us and then I said he could bunk doon at my gaff. I got home and must have passed out. In the morning my trousers were around me ankles and Boy was nowhere to be seen. He played a prank on me before he left though, he put a load of lip stick rings around my cock. Ach how I laughed. It must have been difficult to draw them all the way around.

Later he turned ghey, I blame the music business.

Me and Dick Branson pickle are just good friends I swear. Unless me rent is due of course.

At least we have real men like Harry Potter. I bet he has a different woman every night the lucky young cad. Enjoy it while it lasts before you know it you'll be a sad old fucker blogging about yer glory days, you know who I mean, yeah he is a right cunt.

Then there is George Walker Texas Rump Ranger Bush the democratically elected leader of America. Yep that sure was a great choice you Yanks made............... twice. George puts the 'orge' back into the name George as he sits there watching Married with children while some intern he doesn't even know the name of sucks on his love missile. He probably told her he'd make her VP if she swallows. He should get her to wear wee designer glasses so when he blows his Presidential load all over her face it won't get in her eyes.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has done a study and has decided that while Perchlorate in the drinking water is bad and may cause serious health problems there is no need to try to remove it.
Bush has sure done a number on them considering its his buddies that do the most polluting.

See? ghey men wouldn't be tough enough to drink water full of rocket fuel, well done EPA under the Bush admin yet another wise decision that goes to make this great cuntry what it is today.

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Monday, 22 September 2008

Yer Ma Is A Ho Ho Ho

I was in a shop the other day and they had up all of their Christmas stuff for sale. I gestured towards the 7 foot Santa and said to the guy who worked there "Whats this?" and the funny bugger said 'Father Christmas' yes you stupid cunt I know who it is I didn't think it was Cher, I'm old I'm not fucking stupid. Then I pressed my point and said, "Its only September" The lad thought for a moment and then said "Costco have theirs up" whats that? peer pressure? So if Costco jumped off a bridge who you do it then? If he replied I didn't hear it as he was busy walking away from me he was a pretty fast walker.

For fucks sake it not even Thanksgiving yet that popular yank holiday in which the Pilgrims gave beads to the Indians to see their tits and then killed them for their land, Yay religious fanatics.

They go on about not being able to worship in peace and then go elsewhere and get on like oppressors whats that you say? I'm being antisemitic ? I didn't even mention the big nosed money lenders who start all the wars . I love Jews, hairy little skinny weirdos and thats just the weemen.

I won't even mention Halloween as that is the Devil's holiday and any one who cums to my door for candy will burn in Hell, after I turn the hose on them.

I thought I would get into the spirit of Christmas early too. I didn't see any trees up for sale and besides I celebrate Christmas as decreed in the Chinese handbook of torture 1954 . The Chinks don't do Christmas to they try to fuck yers up by poisoned toys etc but the torture trees are very good.

I prefer a live tree than a fake so I went a looking for one. I saw this brown bloke at the taco place and he seemed to be speaking a foreign language. Why can't foreigners learn to speak English? the Americans sort of learned to speak it.

He had brown skin, black hair speaking gibberish ha! he must be an Al Quada terrorist cum to blow up our Martin Luther King Jr statue, well me camel raping friend the 'Storm Bringer' is on to ya.

I always carry a rape bag which contains things like rope, duct tape and lip balm and I carry it for times just like this......... ish.

I grabbed the fucker by the tacos while yelling out a binding spell in the name of St Michael the patron saint of rape bags. Oh St Michael is protestant its a long story.

The Arab did pee himself the filthy bastard, that only works for skunks and Octopusses. He kept screaming "No Senior" I prefer 'elderly gentleman' to senior and it made me mad that he was judging me by my age.

So now I have a lovely Christmas tree up I cock my service revolver now and again to keep him awake and I'll keep him up until either his needles fall off or he tells me where Obama is.

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Saturday, 20 September 2008

When The Musics Over Sit On A Chair

All I asked for was the head of Anonymous Boxer for possibly having a hand in the making of the next Hollywood Cockbuster 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' and what I got was a mud wrestling match........ again . MJ turned it into a 'Who will get the old man's cap?' issue. I'm no ded yet. That MJ cannot wait to get her hands on my tweed and where does she get all that mud from?

I used Photoshite to obscure the identifies of some of these bloggers............... or did I? no really I need to know and who are you people and what am I doing here? ever think that Alzheimer patients were really just being philosophical with all their questions but some greedy cunt of a son or daughter wanted their inheritance or just didn't get it?

I once had a person who stood on a bridge and said "Whats the point?" which got me thinking and after 3 hours of discussion they rudely jumped off the bridge the silly fucker, you remember when I posted 8 times in one day on the subject even MJ begged me to stop (something she has never done before) Well we all had a nice day out at the mud patch which is on hallowed ground otherwise that many bloggers in one place would open a Hell or guitar rift and both Satanists and guitar players are such posers so fuck that, just in it for the sex they are, so shallow.

Oh and I was too lazy to do links and if you just got to this blog and don't know anyone, well I don't think I really care.

Mistress MJ readies herself for battle she has been here oh so many times before. Once you've had First Nation's mud filled hoo hoo on yer face even water boarding looks like fun.

Anonymous Boxer being a serious athlete warms up by dooning her sparring partner and a bottle of 'beat the wife'.

Miss Tachae forgot how hot the sun is south of the Canadian border and will not be participating. Having played a Doctor on TV I will administer treatment free of charge.

Inner Voices took time off from shooting at empty beer cans and butt raping city folk to referee the match. He tried to start on the count of 3 but needed help with figuring out those number thingys.

Everyone seems so sexy on the Interweb who knew I had so many hot readers?

Madonna wanted to join in but that is one nasty hoor bag and that was a used corn hob.

Momentary Madness was momentary aroused 'Viva Viagra!'

Jimmy Bastard had some business in Thailand to take care of and couldn't make it. He is asking for donations for legal help on his blog.

Mago insisted on restoring order and shot Mr Pineapples in the face for calling him German. Mr Pineapples my shite has more smarts than you, hes from Frankleberg or Franconia you twat which makes him a Frankfurter or a Hamburger or something.

Mago we demand to see yer passport.

Savannah had to leave the fight early as she needed a drink. I wasn't counting but that gurl sure likes her Penis Coladas .

Mj and Boxer realised that in war there is no real winner (except when we beat the IRA and the Argentineans and the Germans......... twice) maybe it was the Scotch that was in the both of them or maybe the mud stuck them together but the words, "yer my best fucking mate" was reported to have been heard.

Now off home ya scamps for some good clean fun.

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Thursday, 18 September 2008

Bring Me The Head Of Anonymous Boxer

Of course what I choose to do with that head afterwards is my own business .

From the woman who owns this dog/rat hybrid.

And who also once dated this man................ Comes.

I can not think of anyone else that would do such an evil small dog related thing. Never again can we hold up Hitler to the standard of what true evil really is.

The only saving grace that I can think of is that Piper Perabo appears in it. If this tasty little bite sized hottie will star in this movie then I wonder what else she will do for money.

Expect the animal shelters to be over flowing with little brown Rat Dogs at Christmas. I think they should do what they were originally bred for and sacrificed instead of people, maybe to appease the dying American economy. Well thats what John McCain suggested on his blog. Oh thats right McCain thinks a computer is a person who takes the train to work everyday.

Extremely Fast boats for justice said: "Mr McCain received injuries during torture that prevent him from using a keyboard."

Bollocks I say Polio was a good excuse for that lazy fucker FDR not walking but really aren't the Nam vets a bunch of baby killing whiners? You never hear about WWII being that bad from the vets, in fact I'm here to tell you it was a fun filled romp for all the family.

"Wah wah we were drafted, wah wah they gave me a gun and paid me to shoot savages" what doesn't sound good about that?

Maybe its because they lost to sticks covered in dung that they complain so much a bit like the wars of terror now.

The answer is to draft millions more soldiers and throw them into battle and keep them coming thats how WWII was won. Why am I not running the world?

So anyway I'd still like some head.

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Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory

Always time to lube thats what my daddy used to say. Commenter says: "Oh Old Knudsen people only read you cos you put up dirty pictures!" away and fuck my Technocrati rating when from 107 to whatever low figure it is today. Do you think I give a fuck who reads me and for what reason?
Take what I give you and like it or lump it.

Its big and whitish.

Senator McCain use to be a tough talking Maverick not wanting to be President and now he is a toe the line go back of all the tough stances he took before puppet. I used to like him but now hes a bloated generic speaking geriatric.

Hmm I just love the Vanilla oh yeah baby. Who will be the president to cheat on his wife, McCain or Obama?

Recession Recession Recession Recession Recession Recession ! Depression Depression Depression Depression Depression! there I said it. Phil Gramm who recently called Americans 'whiny' and who has been a long time friend of McCain was instrumental in causing the recession when he got rid of depression era safe guard laws in the 90's getting rich himself while doing so.

Mongs lending money to mongs for houses who can't pay it back leaving the banks with homes they have to look after and no money, fucking stupid.
Wal-Mart is losing money cos everyone now shops at the 99 cent shop because the economy is so bad. The Mexicans are moving back to Mexico to get work.

I hope he wins cos McCain is just like the rest and it would be bloody funny thinking about all the white supremacists ranting on about their cuntrie's leader. If he gets in (fat chance) I'm taking bets for how long it takes for the lone gunman to find him and no I'll refuse the job as his head is a lot smaller than JFK's and I'm getting old, I'd probably just Perice one of his huge ear lugs. The guy has a head like the F.A. cup.

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Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Americans Get It Wrong Again

If I had a vote I would not waste it on the toe the line Maverick or the vague learning to be black Oreo (its a biscuit thats black on the outside but white inside) I would vote for someone with real experience who has been in positions of power whether it be NASCAR the CIA or even as President himself.

Fred Thompson is white, a man and has a booming voice that can put young hot shot lawyers in their place.
A man that can change the direction of a storyline with a pivotal moment. He has an edge and don't take shit from tree huggers.

He wants to bring hope and change to the country, me I'd be happy with clean drinking water I don't have time to wait for the grit in my water to settle in order to drink it. I'm in God's fucking waiting room.

We must protect our borders or as in the local newspaper 'our boarders' fuck Yanks are daft. Those sneaking Canadians want to come in and play Americans on the telly, yes Shatner you Jewish Canuck cunt I'm on ta ya.

The Mexicans are heading south again for a better life so who cares about the southern border? They all heard that the fat lazy Americans were paying $5.00 per hour for them to build a wall.

To avoid the angry comments I'm not really against Jews, so what if they killed Jesus and are creepy as fuck and the reason for all the world's problems ? Death camps don't work so what can ya do?

Hippies, Occultists, Catholics, gheys and teenagers all need a punch and 2 weeks of sleep deprivation and protestant scripture.

After McCain has his 2 years and dies and then Palin has her 6 years as preez I'd like to see Tom Hanks and Bill Pullman run for President maybe Hallie Berry too being a woman and a half caste she'd be tough to beat but easy to beat off too.

I saw this and wondered what the point was. I'm sure Obama dresses like a woman for comfort, then I realised that they were pointing out who is more patriotic because one served and one didn't and Obama dresses like a raghead. Of course one didn't get caught by the enemy either .

I saw these other examples of treasonous behaviour.

Troops in Iraq being unpatriotically friendly with the ragheads.

"No Bill I get my cock sucked in the UK by the PM, I cum to America for you to give me a rimjob."

Chinese loving cunt! Michael Phelps is one ugly fucker, I'd just like to point that out.

I would choose Pikachu, just as good as any.

It all cums doon to this in the end. Hope, change or 40 year-old integrity politicans lie, thats their job.

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Thursday, 11 September 2008

Get Well Soon Dear Leader

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God Had A Day Off On September 11th

September 11th again and what a miserable anniversary like having someone die on yer birthday or at Christmas. The 15th August is another one for me being the date of the Omagh bombing there are many other terrible slaughters and disasters that stick in yer mind but the dates get a bit fuzzy.

Where was God on that day? or where the fuck was Superman cum to think of it.

I haven't given up looking for Obama, David Blaine was the latest rag head I've water boarded but the cunt liked it. When I left him at the side of the road after a week of torture he was begging me to freeze him in a block of ice and hang him from Big Ben

The stupid cunt doesn't realise that Big Ben is the bell inside the clock not the clock, what a tosser.

Speaking of tossers The Arch Bishop of Leeds............ my Nemesis. Yes the same one who threatened Google with legal action about one of my posts is a Fenian pedo cock sucker. I just wanted to remind you all

If you add the numbers 9/11 you get the number 20 which is the age of this gurl

Which means nothing at all. 911 is the emergency number for America, in the UK its 999 which turned upside doon is 666 which as we all know adds up to 24 the age that this gurl will be in 4 years. Just an excuse to show a nice pair of knockers.

Look who I saw doon the street yesterday. America being kind to its former ally faked his execution and put him into witness protection program. I chewed the fat with my old mucker having a laugh about the Iran/Iraq war and how the Yank advisers who trained the Iraqis and equipped them with weapons kept gassing the wrong cuntry cos they got confused with the names.

Everyone knows that Saddam helped Obama do the 9/11 attack which is why America invaded Iraq . In fact Saddam invested in the American flag industry just beforehand and in the 2 weeks of Yank patriotism he made millions. Of course the profits soon flagged and even the witness protection program had to make cuts due to a crashing economy which is why Saddam is where he is today.

Saddam in younger and more happier times.

On a different note it seems that young stars of Disney are wearing 'promise rings' that means they won't have sex until they are married. Considering the stars of Disney turn out to be right sluts I find this highly amusing. Remember 'Love is a promise delivered broken' not having sex before marriage is like buying shoes without trying them on.

Oh so thats why you won't have sex before marriage. Thanks to Jimmy Bastard for allowing me to post this picture, it takes guts.

Sarah Palin the soon to be VP has been getting the votes in rightly by supporting ghey conversion. Yer average poo pirate can be upgraded to straight by intense religious study, Protestant of course. Well done lass.

Go to my shop blog for more on the subject and make me rich ya cunts.

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