Sunday, 30 September 2007

Old Knudsen Is Deep And Likes Tits.

Here is a post that will no doubt upset and enrage some people and possibly alienate some of my readers , about fucking time.

Being a man I get excluded from weemen's issues by weemen probably because its a man's world baby and men are obviously clueless and the enemy. I really don't mine getting excluded from boring talk about what bargains you found in the sales or the intricate details of yer period but I do have an opinion on abortion.

For many years I was a cold blooded killer a non-caring lack of empathy cunt , well I was still a decent person I just didn't want to care or commit, I was flippant and didn't care for anyone not even myself due to the dangerous environment I lived in, it was a coping mechanism.

Over the years I've been allowed to find and be who I am, battling depression and the odd nervous breakdoon has forced me acknowledge my own feelings, I saw there was great strength to be found in compassion, don't get me wrong I'm no wussy silky boy if someone needs killed I can go cold as ice and get the job done, I just don't like to now.

I'm a gardener, a nurturer I've grown trees from seeds my plants are like my children. I help them grow and take pleasure when they thrive, I see seeds as opportunities for life but sometimes you don't have room for them all so you must discard them. If I had my own land I'd grow forests.

No I haven't gone catholic I spill my seed on numerous occasions its not sacred except its not seed its spunk ya silly twats.

I only believe in abortion because there is no other option for the children, no one wants them and there is no where for them to go to grow up safe and strong.

You can go on about the woman's right to choose, I see it as she fucked up/got unlucky and the baby is paying the price for that , she gets a second chance, a get out of jail free card, the baby doesn't, sure deformity, retardation and rape etc are special cases, she didn't make the choice to have a sickly child or to spread them in that instance.
Wheres the bin?

Yes men get off pretty lightly and are to blame too, if you aren't ready to raise a child then you shouldn't be having sex. It looks to me that we make our own problems for 25 seconds of joy, er I mean 25 hours.

During abortions the baby isn't amnestied, this is because Pro Choicers say its not a real baby yet and so doesn't feel pain. The reason they say this is because if they admit it felt pain then they would lose ground in their argument.

Its ok weemen don't feel pain.

Of course it feels pain, just because a fetus can't live outside the womb on its own doesn't make it inhuman, a newborn can't live on its own either .
When one of my children was born a nurse told me they don't feel pain, for the next hour my boy screamed the hospital doon as he fought the nurses who were trying to put an I.V. into his arm.
Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown.

I'll have a BTK without the onions.

The death penalty in the States is under scrutiny because they say the lethal injection causes the prisoner pain, I don't give a shit that some pedo murderer feels pain or not, I say torture them to death. I never hear anything from dog owners that have their dogs put doon, those loyal friends of humans no doubt feel pain too but who cares?

This is my opinion as I believe I'm allowed to have one on my own blog, I only agree to pro choice/baby murder what ever you want to call it because there is no other choice, no system exists to protect and raise the unwanted children so killing them in a hospital is better than dumping them in a bin bag and into a dumpster.

I am not pro life or pro choice, neither left or right wing I believe there are circumstances that effect everything and nothing is black and white or clear cut .

Stop crying ya fucking pussy its only Mike Tyson.

Now here is something of little interest none of you lot know, that might go to explaining how I cum to think the way I do. Two years before my birth my mother had a miscarriage, it was a baby gurl named Lana. My mother changed from then on most likely depression and my father who was from the generation of the stiff upper lip though a good man wasn't much comfort.

I was the last child to be born of them and so probably wouldn't have been here blogging here today if my sister Lana hadn't died in that side alley way beside the hoose.

Being deep I do wonder about the bigger picture a lot, why did so and so die and I lived? Is there not an intelligent design but an insane design? Have I fulfilled my destiny by writing a post that meant something to someone else or do we get a few jobs to do in life? What if there is no reason or point and shit just happens then you die ?

Who gives a toss ? at least we have tits.

Saturday, 29 September 2007

The Nazi Next Door

Not much got past Mr Gasch, he suspected that one of his neighbours was a Nazi but was glad to have someone around with something in common with him.

Nathan Gasch an Auschwitz survivor saw a picture of his new neighbour Martin Hartmann in a SS uniform when Hartmann first moved into the retirement complex four years ago but he didn't say anything, he figured 'bygones'

Imagine going through all that shit only to find that decades later a camp guard moves in next door in sunny Arizona (the incest state to give it it's official title)

The justice department were hot on Hartmann's trail and after investigating him for 2 years expelled him stripping him of his US citizenship and sending him back to the fadderland, the worse part for Hartmann is that David Hasselhoff is even bigger over there.

During World War II Hartmann was a member of the SS Death's Head Guard at Schsenhausen concentration camp where thousands were tortured, experimented upon and killed.
Hartmann's wife Ellen says he couldn't have known about the true nature of the camp but last month Hartmann admitted to personally having persecuted the Jews and would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for dem pesky kids.

When I hunted to extinction the giants of Patagonia I didn't put up pictures of myself posing with the bodies nor did I have them stuffed and mounted (well maybe mounted) so I suspect that Hartmann was well proud of his past to have a photo of him in SS uniform up in his hoose, the master race are a bit dim witted sometimes, no wonder they lost twice!

Gasch (which sounds like a slow leak) had been to Schsenhausen camp but not at the same time as Hartmann.

Well done Yanks, hes been in America since 1955 and a citizen since 1961 what gave him away the goose stepping? it shows you that you can goose step from yer past but it always has a habit of finding you and deporting you for being a murdering Nazi, let that be a lesson to you all.

Go here for more Nazi crap there was a sale on.

It Must Be Saturday

From Dallas Texas came the search words: how, fuck, dog, 101 .

From North Carolina: dealing, with, non, compassionate, people.

What music am I listen to? None of yer fucking business.

My mood is ? Angry, want to make something of it?

Penis Sliced Off By Mechanical Rice Picker

A Sinn Fein office in Londonderry was petrol bombed causing minor smoke damage. Police have appealed for anyone who saw suspicious activity in the area to contact them. Wise up its Londonderry I'd be surprised if you could go a day without seeing any suspicious activity.

Yes this is a usual story for Northern Ireland yawn yawn petrol bombs so why am I mentioning it? well glad you asked. Its said that the attack happened around midnight.................... fucking amateurs, everyone knows you petrol bomb around 3am what has the country come to since its so-called peace and power sharing? The young-uns are not going to have a clue about terrorist activities and its just gonna be sloppy crime in which no one gets hurt.

I shall light some candles kill a white cock and invoke the spirit of Paisley to set up paramilitary job training schemes for youngsters from both sides of the community to foster peace or something like it.

A Skyfull Of Liars

I was watching a BBC story about an American boy,12 year old Deamonte Driver who died earlier this year from an infection he got from a toothache. They were a poor family and the crap government medical insurance they had wasn't good enough and no dentist in the area would accept it.

A terrible story to be happening in big shiny, rich America of the 21st century, yep they had the mother on crying for her son and I was disgusted.
Then at the end of the report they had how the brave Senate had overwhelmingly passed a bill to expand a children's health care insurance scheme, then the last words were that President Bush was going to veto it as it went against the principles of private health insurance.

I was outraged, coming from a socialist country I'm not used to the Government being such cunts to their people so I looked into it more.

The mother had focused on getting a dentist for her other son who had 6 rotting teeth. For fucks sake woman ever hear of brushing yer teeth? poor or not I bet oral hygiene wasn't big on their list of priorities.

Then I read a bit more about the health insurance bill. Bush isn't being a cunt, the bill is being set up to cover higher income families too, those who can afford medical insurance and whats going to happen? they will stop paying for it and get it for free screwing over the poor to save their family money. Its all politics, well duh! something I'm not going to get into any further because politicians are slimy shites and I hate that whole world.

The fact is that yet again the BBC set a tear jerking slant on the story and then presented Bush as being evil which is not the case, hes just stupid and incompetent. The Burmese government recently referred to the BBC as "A skyfull of liars" and loathed am I to agree with them I do. I wonder what else they slant too.

Thursday, 27 September 2007

Going For Gold

More Knudsen Pride.

Anika Knudsen is in school to become a chef. She says she cooks for all the men in her life. When asked, Anika confesses to cooking in the nude. She says she is a wild child who likes to take everything to the limit. She has even skydived topless. She likes to take care of her body, and believes in hard workouts. She’s a Pilates instructor. We’d take some sweaty instruction from Anika in a heartbeat!

Its always good to see a Knudsen do well in life, it doesn't seem that long ago I was bouncing her on my lap and she was gleefully calling out, "faster daddy, harder daddy" now she has turned into an actress and hopes to work with the movie greats like Pitt, Clooney or Shatner, she is currently doing a film called, ' King Dong invades Orgy island' maybe this will be the breakout role that gets the academy to notice her, we can only hope. I have all of her movies and know that a talent like her only cums around 8 times in an hour.

Do You Believe In Love Megatron?

MJ usually does the album covers and I just wanted to throw out some Knudsen pride. These lads are amazing they sure have the Knudsen genius that runs in our family and do really great covers of Cher and 50 Cent. Go and buy their records now, while they still make them, I wouldn't steer you wrong.

Wednesday, 26 September 2007

Phone Sex

The reply to this might be: "Oh hi Lynn was it Jeff you wanted?"

What she might say next: "Thankyou for calling the suicide hotline please have a good night."

Who she might be phoning: Her parents, "Hello love I'll just get yer mother for you."

I never phone my parents anymore, a right pair of boring cunts they are, since my Da retired from his job at the old factory making perfume he has started to answer the phone at home. I'd call, he'd answer and there would be an awkward silence and I'd have to ask to speak to me Ma. You don't talk to the monkey, ya talk to the organ grinder. She'd usually tell him to say she was out, I'd hear her shouting in from the kitchen. I'd sometimes pretend to be my brother Lars but now they are wise to that and have security questions .

I shall admit to having had phone sex once, it did amuse me no end to see people putting the receiver of the pay phone up to their faces after I had used it.

Media Tease

Is This Madeleine McCann? experts are looking into it.

There was a picture circulating the television news and websites that may have been Madeleine McCann, the picture was taken by a tourist in Morocco. The above picture was from the BBC website and the same picture but a little clearer was shown on the BBC television.

The next day we get a clear version of the picture from the BBC and can see its not her.

The girl in the picture wasn't Madeleine McCann. Journalists tracked her doon and found her to be Bushra the daughter of an olive farmer, she is a Moroccan of Berber origin.

If we got a clear a picture as this on the news programmes and web sites then we could see it wasn't Madeleine. It strikes me as manipulation by the press to tease you into tuning in. "Something in your fridge may kill you and your family, tune in at ten to find out more."
I'm sick of having my heart strings pulled by the media until it gets to the point that a whole nation is of one opinion, sure a 5 year-old gurl getting abducted is a nightmare or yer 11 year-old son getting shot on the way home from football practice but I don't need to be brainwashed and teased into constantly caring about 2 stories out of 100.
Its like a reality show in which the little cute gurl wins against the talented adults because shes only 5 and it would upset her if she didn't win.

Linker Beware

I was over in the Congo delivering some top secret medical samples for the US government who have several research bases there so I took me some time to go and hunt some gorillas as I'm sure those fuckers are in league with the Lemurs . I now have a whole crate of these stylish gorilla hand ashtrays to sell if anyone is interested. I managed to get out of the country just before the latest outbreak of Ebola which happened in the same area as the base I was at, I'm sure they'll be ok I hope the villagers in 'test 1' and 'test 2' village are ok, odd names for villages I thought.

I got an e-mail about how if I submit a 500 word article to this guy I can get 120 backlinks from 40 blogs to increase my Technorati authority for just $25.00. Then they said to check out his blog and see what over 60 other bloggers had said. It was all "this is so great I love it," so I left a comment saying whats the point? I'll just make up 500 blogs and link to myself for free, at the time of this writing my comment had still not been cleared on moderation, fucking slackers.

So sad sacks can appear popular by getting 120 links from various porn sites, I don't need to buy popularity, I'm unpopular and loving it. The last time someone asked me to submit articles for some lame idea involving luke warm bananas and gorillas I got stuck with Gollum the semi-retarded spammer.

A thing I learned from my time jungle fighting with Captain Smack (Elsewhere on the web on my sidebar) if it cums from the jungle squish it before it bites you.

Then I got another e-mail about a link exchange, heres what they said about my blog: very nice and interesting. It was a pleasure to browse your blog and to read about sexuality and other social issues.

Never mind that shit you forgot to mention how fucking funny I am, for fucks sake you know it has to be a Yank right? so anyway they want me to link so they can sell their Bullet egg vibrators, I might accept that one to just to bring a touch of class to my blog.

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

I Never Get The Right Lottery Numbers But.......

I'd just did my 24 picture on yesterday's post and then I find out Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for drunk driving.......................... Blogjinx!

The Meaning Of Life

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Monday, 24 September 2007

Knudsen World, Hot Weemen Ride Free.

Its no secret I've got a ton of blogs, and why? because I like to blog. I think most of my other stuff probably goes unread but who cares? I don't get around as much as I used to due to my excessive blogs and using dial up but since half of my links don't post much I try not to feel too guilty.

I blog because I have an opinion on everything and feel the need to express it, before computers I was ready to explode now its out there polluting the Blogosphere waiting to be found by some Arab that searches for the word 'fuck.' I like meeting the various people and enjoy a network of peeps worldwide, "get my man in Panama and ask him whats going on with the canal."

Here are the other Old Knudsen blogs that are on my sidebar, I have described them and justified them, visit them or not I don't reply to all the comments on them as that would be too much for me though I do see them all. Sometimes I post on every blog at one time or occasionally, they are a bit like food, what am I in the mood for funny, annoyed, pervy or serious?

Ask Knudsen: An agony blog where I solve the problems/humiliate desperate people with no where else to turn, because I care.

Bitter Old Balls: A blog that is a gallery of all the pictures of me because it really is all about me also I'm fucking beautiful, go a head wank away.

Fake Old Man Balls: When I write something and then change my mind as its not up to my own personal standards, its more like something you lot would do it ends up here.

Knudsen Justice: A dark depressing blog about rape, abuse and murder, to show people of the horror and injustices and to sway them towards the death penalty, that is unless you support murderers and pedos.

Knudsen Nation: The nation is an honour bestowed unto those brave souls who will fight to the death for me when I am ready to take over the world.

Knudsen Porn: I like weemen, I like to see them in a state of total or semi undress in fact I want to see everyone naked. Any pictures I see and like goes here .

Knudsen's Madeleine Rage: I've written a lot about the McCanns so I put it onto its own blog.

Old Ball Buster: When the other blogs are filled up but I still have some slagging to do it goes here.

Old Knudsen's Fans: When you blog drunk and leave a nice comment about me I put it up here to shame you.

Well Done Millie: My latest blog taking the piss out of my mate Manuel but its all done with love.............................. harsh cruel love.

The World Is Not Enough.

Once a man of dignity, a warrior poet with the heart of a lion and the balls of a baboon, who has served his cuntry (and a few others thanks to the CIA) well, who lost his leg to the Great white panda of the Pennine mountains now standing in his unmentionables like some common criminal, lucky they were clean on me last month.

First of all airport security is fucking shite, do I look like a crazy Islamer ? four hours they had me in there for asking me questions wondering why I was so keen to have my cavity searched they suspected I had a booby trap stuck up there while in reality I just enjoy it, lucky they didn't take my leg off, full of cocaine it is, my end of the world stash.

I went over to Columbia University in New York to protest the fact that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a cunt , my placard said "you are a cunt!" I've used it for many different people over the years. I couldn't get in to see him so I said a quick prayer for those caught up in the Columbia High School massacre of 1999 and kept an eye out for Colombian drug lords as I dipped into me stash of the Devil's dandruff over the Atlantic, flying makes me edgy as planes are way too heavy to be up in the sky like that.

A lot of people have said Mahmoud shouldn't have been invited to the university because of his opinions (no free speech for Johnny Sand Savage) but the Professors were right to do so because Mahmoud is a fucking nutcase and the more we can draw out of him the better we can second guess his moves, oh and demonize him and his country more . Friends close and enemies closer sort of thing . I give it within a year for the US goes to war with Iran.

They set up a big telly for us to watch Mahmoud on, the fucker can't even speak English why are we even paying attention to him? a savage with a PHD in Highways and Traffic, in other words a PHD in scratching yer arse, too lazy to learn the tongue that Jesus spoke, I didn't even stay for the second half.

I was off again to Rangoon to see my old muckers from the monastery. Years back I became a Buddhist monk in Burma as I thought it would get me the weemen.

I didn't look too good back then, I blame the diet of rice and pish we ate every day.

In my November 2006 post I had boycotted Burma and put General Than Shwe on notice, now with numerous e-mails I had finally got the monks pissed off enough to protest and we are getting somewhere. I was there marching with my brothers in the rain, I tried to get some of them to set themselves on fire but they weren't having any of it.

Well I'm jet lagged and on a bit of a dooner, its tough being an international trouble maker er I mean shooter.

In the first picture aren't you reminded of 'A street car named Desire?' "Stella!" "Stella!" "Where the fuck for art my dog?"

Sunday, 23 September 2007

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Does The U.N.

No nose? how does it smell?

Ka-Chow! its the way he tells them.

"Yes Vlad Putin in there."

Vladimir Putin and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad get a little carried away as they talk about what they would do to the west given the chance.

Mahmoud has dreams about going to New York.

Oh no its the crack Iranian army, these guys are so tough they don't mind the camp wigs and the flags in their rifles that say "bang."

Mahmoud the little tease goes for a public display of affection much to his young friend's embarrassment.

Here are some things Mahmoud has said about Isreal to make us love him so.

“Anybody who recognizes Israel will burn in the fire of the Islamic nation’s fury.”

“As the Imam said, Israel must be wiped off the map.”

“The Zionist regime is a dried up and rotten tree which will be annihilated with one storm.”

“The personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of the Jew.”

Woops my mistake, Hitler said the last one.

Think Once Think Twice Think Bike

George Clooney , Oscar winner, Honorary bitter balls and former Batman was involved in a auto accident when the motorcycle he was riding was hit by the car of a careless driver who doesn't appreciate the talent or beauty of the Clooney and will get punched on the back of the head if I see them in the street.

George broke his rib and suffered road rash but his face is ok, his female companion broke her, ah who cares? I repeat George's face was not damaged.

I Did It Mime Way

The rules of Karma are strange sometimes, the bad people can go years without getting pay back but if a good person shoplifts a few pork chops from Iceland for his dinner he automatically gets caught and put in prison thanks to the three strikes law.
Marcel Marceau the famous French mime and father of the actress Sophie died in Paris at the age of 84.
During World War II he was in the Resistance a Jew himself he helped save Jewish children by altering their identity cards so the Germans would think they were too young to deport, see ? the Nazis did have feelings.
So you save some kids and Karma lets you be a successful mime and live to the age of 84, I think he canceled out any good he did. I hate clowns , mimes and politicians with a passion, I met Marceau in the 70's when I was on the same bill at the Moulin Noir, I was Knudsen and his musical spoons until that cunt Uri Geller bent them all, see the way those Jews stick together? just like Hollywood. Have you ever fought a mime artist ? bloody confusing, you think you have him but he was just miming all along and he near chokes you to death with a mime lasso.

The world is a safer place now that Marceau is gone.

Saturday, 22 September 2007

I Need A Holiday

The ancient Pyramids of Egypt, well I liked them, nice and pointy they were, even though I was unable to obtain an Arab woman to sexually defile in nasty sinful ways, it seems I wasn't dirty enough for them. Getting the knock back just makes me more keen to fuck an Arab woman up the Nile.

Virgin travel insurance did a report and found that many of the world's most famous tourist attractions were a bit of an anticlimax for the travelers. Well what can you expect when virgins go traveling multiple orgasms?

The Eiffel Tower was at the top of the list followed by the Louvre which I am assured is not a posh way to say toilet , at number three was Times Square. The most disappointing in the UK was Stonehenge, the Angel of the North and the Blackpool Tower.
Also on the list was the Pyramids and the princess Diana Memorial Fountain. The crowds and the hawkers were the main reason for disappointment for tourists.

What are people expecting? you go to these places because they are world famous and to give you bragging rights that you actually did something in yer boring life and everyone else has had the same idea so expect crowds and twats trying to sell you stuff .
How could you be disappointed with Stonehenge? its exactly as it says it is on the tin, a bunch of big stones in a henge.

You'd have to be some kind of Princess Di nut to want to look at a fountain and is she in the cement or something? to me she was like a candle in the wind, she was lovely wasn't she? as for Times Square what do you expect to happen there some sailor rushing up to snog you for a photograph ? if you go to Egypt for the Pyramids then fine but don't expect to see much else of ancient Egypt, you need to go to a British museum if you want to see good Egyptian stuff and theres less chance of being shot.

I can see the Eiffel and Blackpool towers being boring as fuck as would the Louvre be, it used to hold the holy grail but since the Da Vinci code film its been moved to Area 52 (more secret than Area 51) the Angel of the North is nothing than a big statue you drive past so you can remark on what a waste of money it was and what is it the Angel of Death? its hideous.
The Angel of the North

I'm more of a castle man myself and they don't need to be famous, I'm quite happy to climb up whats left of an old motte and bailey , that's two man-made hills, the motte with a small wooden fort on top and the bailey with a stockade for the animals in it joined by a small bridge that can be pulled in if attacked.

These forts popped up a lot from 1066 onwards in Britain after the Norman conquest and are doted around the UK, now they are just grassy hills in the middle of a town. I like to feel the history and to look out upon the same sights (even if they have changed) that the people who lived in the castles looked at.

A Motte which is some French word for a mound of earth or some such crap.

Once while in France in the town of La Charite I found a ruined medieval guard tower with part of the town wall still standing so I climbed up into it. There was an alcove with a stone bench with a circle cut out that hung out over the wall, a toilet in other words er sorry latrine to you frogs. No one was about so I sat on it and crapped into history, the silly buggers had ran out of toilet paper so I did as the Frenchies did and didn't bother to clean myself.

Louis 13th of France was nine years old when he was made king in 1223 so no fucker was ever going to tell him to eat his greens again (especially not sprouts from Brussels) he only ever had 5 baths in his lifetime and they were all unwilling he lived to the age of 41.

Worse still was his son Louis 14th who got the throne aged five and only had 2 baths in his lifetime that lasted 76 years .
Those dirty French buggers, I take a bath for my birthday and Christmas whether I need it or not and thats a lot of them so far. I wash me parts with a hand cloth if I think I'll get lucky with the weemen, we Brits have standards you know.

They Were Asking For It

An exhibition celebrating the work of Kylie Minogue has opened in Glasgow, it features 45 customes and 60 photographs of her art.
It also contained those famous gold lamé hotpants until those voices in my head told me to grab them for a good sniff.

I was wondering are any of my readers solicitors? as I've been charged with 'lewd bahviour' which obviously means when someone grabs a pair of hot pants and starts to sniff the crotch and then when security tries to take them you lick them and shove them doon yer trousers, who would have guessed there was a law against that? I'm a first time offender if that helps my case, well first time for gold hot pants I should add. I'm sorry for anyone that wanted to see the hot pants in one piece .

Friday, 21 September 2007

Violence Today Is Just So .............

"Hey Randy do ya see yer watch yet?"

Remember back in the day when you'd shot someone and they would have the courtesy to fall doon dead with yer one shot? or if you punched someone on the jaw or hit them on the back of the head they would automatically fall unconscious until you had done what you wanted to do? these days people just have no respect, who the fuck has even read Chow Mien's 'Art of war?' Now'a'days you have to bludgeon someone repeatedly with a heavy object, blow them up and their surroundings or shoot 40 rounds in slow motion into them and even then they may reach out in their final death throes and try to grab you when you are least expecting it .


In my day Karate chops were all the rage, you'd sneak up behind someone and 'twat!' with a light wrist motion onto their neck they would fold like a card table. A very handy martial art for one who doesn't really like to touch other people, when I shake someone's hand I get split second thoughts of where that hand has been, I don't do handshakes much. Over the years people became resistant to Karate chops and while commandoes would use a knife in the kidneys or neck to silence a sentry the less bloodthirsty gentleman took to using poisoned darts from small blow pipes or a rag with chloroform, you really don't want to explain why yer Harris tweed jacket is covered in blood.

I wouldn't like to met any of these guys in a dark alley or back passage.

When I started out in the services if you were fighting in unarmed combat it was only polite to hold yer arm out until yer opponent got a good enough grip and if they were throwing you a little spring from yer toes would be the decent thing to do, on more recent combat courses I've taken its all grappling and getting sweaty, I want to kill or knock the enemy out not feel the need to get a STD test due to a heavy exchange of body fluids during a fight.

"Stop tapping me I'm not letting you up until you take it good bitch."

The Ultimate fighting lark looks like a mix between domestic violence and angry sex, I think the audience should be allowed to have a go in the cage or ring so they can experience it better. I'm amazed when I hear grown adults (men) say how they have never been in a fight in their life, they made sure they had their first cigarette, drink and shag but they managed to avoid this rite of passage, I just want to start punching the head off them to show them what they have missed all these years. Its always been said that I have a kind face, the kind you want to bash in so maybe that's why I've been involved in the odd scuffle in my time.

Long Loose And Full Of Juice.

Old Knudsen being a lover of weemen wondered what his favourite part of a woman was, her eyes? her personality ? her keen intellect? her fleshy gravity defying mounds? well I like all of these but if you look in the picture you'll see what it is. I don't know if that part has a name or if its just something silly like a hip but its the crease that forms when the leg is brought forward. Damn it I feel like I can tell you anything, ok then on two Wordpress blogs I read their left sidebars end up half way into their posts I wonder if anyone else has this problem?

Fuck off Friday

Sally Field went and won an Emmy for something I don't give a shit about and to top her famous Oscar speech about how someone really likes her (not me, the academy does it seems) she went and tried to get all political the way only a celebrity can, poorly informed and arrogantly. She seems to think that if mothers ruled the world there would not be any wars. If my Ma ruled the world she'd kick Ms Field's arse for being the weakest fucking link. The world's problems cannot be solved with hugs, appeasement and time outs, not everyone can be reasoned with. Boudica was a mother and though heavily outnumbered she led the Iceni against the Romans in 61 AD and though defeated she knew that sometimes war is a necessary evil.

I love babies, I love Americans, in fact I love baby Americans, I love everyone.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad asked permission to lay a wreath at the World Trade Center . What are you Mr Sensitive now? Go leave one at a holocaust monument while yer at it.

Show me the money ...........shot.

Ian Paisley Jr is just a twat. First theres the whole he is repulsed by homosexuality statements which is fair enough, hes probably just not secure in his own sexuality, no ones forcing you to watch ghey porn unless you want them to of course. Then theres the whole using his position to do favours for his mates in the form of fishing licenses because he has gone out lobster fishing with them on occasion. C'mon junior yer in the public service as a leader and yer a totally incompetent dick, yer the Dan Quayle of Northern Ireland a petty Ted Kennedy and I'm waiting for the time when you get caught in the bathroom stalls slapping one into George Michael.

Richard Branson is giving £200,000 and will raise more to give to the McCanns for their legal defense to prove that while they were neglectful of their children they probably didn't actually physically kill one of them. It shows the saying is true, money attracts money. Every time Kate McCann cries a millionaire writes a cheque.

The cunts who painted swastikas and racist slogans onto the home of Paul Morton and poured paint stripper onto his car in the village of Portballintrae near Bushmills because he just recently married an African nurse. You just know that it was stupid wee spides with less brain cells than one of my shites, if I catch them I'll brand them in the forehead with my boot and the wee fuckers will experience the old tradition of kneecapping to curtail such anti-social behaviour .

Bloggers who can't be arsed Blogging anymore. The amount of Bloggers whose medication has plateau-ed and now what difference does it make? yeah yeah you have busy lives and must think about yer careers now. I don't want to hear yer fucking life story just Blog ya fuckers.

Jonny Wilkinson the English Rugby Union player for walking about half naked, who the fuck wants to see yer ripped torso? To save my readers from shock I edited the picture so you wouldn't see his huge manhood flapping about, no need to thank me.

These people can fuck off.

Thursday, 20 September 2007

I Feel Like Chicken Tonight

I've always loved Chicken, its such a handy animal, ok get yer chicken choking comments out of the way ya sickos. Theres nothing like a tender white breast, oh I also like the dark meat don't get me wrong, breast, thighs I like them all, shoving the cavity with my special stuffing is a real treat. I also love eggs, sometimes with my chips and chicken I'll have a couple of boiled eggs and marvel at the two generations I'm eating at the same time, fucking great, if ya don't have a fried egg for breakfast everyday then yer worse than a pedo in my book, sometimes when I'm feeling a little ghey I'll have a soft boiled egg and dip slices of toast into it, this for you know nothings would be called 'egg and soldiers,' eggy smelling farts should be bottled and sold as perfume.

Ducks are a kind of chicken, I should know as I spent 5 fucking years aboard HMS Beagle with that boring cunt Chuck Darwin, in fact he came up with a lot of his theories just watching me eating.
I used to annoy Chuck something rotten with my keen skills of debate, in fact I was a master bater, he'd watch me do that too, he liked to watch.

Old Knudsen: So are profanities profound?
Darwin: No, it comes from the word profane.
Old Knudsen: So propane is profound then?
Darwin: Please leave me alone.

The man seemed to loose his temper a lot, no wonder he only lasted 5 years.

The greater speckled McCann Duck.