Saturday 29 December 2007

Osama Tells All


My CIA chums in the Killamory secret torture prison have decided this is a real image of Bin Laden, it seems he is getting prompts from some raghead on the side. They can not tell who it is as he is heavily disguised.



Osama Bin Predicting, in a bid to become a part of the media Osama has released yet another tape but this time its predictions for 2008 as he has studied the mystical arts of future peering while sitting in his cave fondling his goats.

1) The slackers of Iraq will join up and defeat America, I SAID JOIN UP HOW MANY HINTS DO YOU WANT?

2) This year the west will be defeated and converted to Islam either voluntarily or by the sword, either way its a great religion of peace and love and not as bad as Scientology.

3) Lohan will go back into rehab and not finish the course.

4) Celebrities will still not practice safe sex and yet more will be pregnant.

5) George Bush will feel the power of Allah against him, in the showers.

6) I will star in a reality show.

7) Global Warming will be a major issue this year.

8) There will be many deaths in the middle east.

9) Indonesia will get some terrible natural disasters.

10) Hugh Laurie will quit as House and the world shall mourn.

11) I will remember to dye my beard next time I release a tape.

12) Old Knudsen will die but will still manage to post more than everyone else.

13) Manuel will start up more blogs.

14) The Disney Channel will find a virgin among their stars.

15) Twenty Major will not win the Irish Blog Awards, it will be won by a Kenyan.

16) I will be found by the American infidels, only kidding just my little joke as if that would happen.

17) Gordon Brown will turn out to be likable and not lose any more personal data from the public ................ again with the jokes.


18) One of Old Knudsen's commenters shall betray him to the bloody Romans.

19) The new Star Trek movie will actually be good.

20) Ted Kennedy's memoirs will be a #1 best seller and will have less facts and truth in it than a Dan Brown book.

The fog is getting thicker, no really living up here on the Pakistan border can be quite foggy but at least its safe. Remember my predictions for when they come true I shall say "Allah told you so."





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6 comments:

The Mistress said...

Will you send us Christmas cards with "Heaven" as the return address like that old guy in Oregon?

ellie said...

Have you made a will? When you die can I have yer cap? My own has dried up through lack of use. Sorry if this is a touch insensitive but Marky seems to have his eye on everything else.

Eddie Waring said...

What have I missed?

kara said...

but what of the spice girls? what does your crystal ball (or magic cave stalactite) say about them? will they stay reunited? or will they all tire of starving themselves to fit in those outfits and cannibalize each other? i must know.

Old Knudsen said...

mjDoes that mean yer going to give me yer new address?

ellie you make me hot yet ill.

eddie waring begone foul shade, I heard you had died.

kara those that don't remember history are doomed to repeat it, how can people buy their products again?

DirtyBitchSociety said...

I personally can't wait for the reality show, that'll rock. Will you find the time, to do that, in your busy schedule?

Happy New Year Da. Peace and Hugz!