Thursday 6 September 2007

Why I Never Learned Nuthin At School.

One of the Primary schools I went to was a strange wee place on top of a small hill in Scotland. The main building was built in the 1800's and to accommodate more children as the years went on they set up green portacabins around the playground out back, the younger kids and the more established teachers would be in the solid warm main building and the newer teachers with the older kids would be outside in the cold portacabins.

I had a crush on a teacher at my primary school, at that age I didn't have a clue what to do with weemen but I knew I liked them, I was a very advanced 7 year old. Mrs Allen was beautiful with shiny jet black hair in a bob a blouse and a pencil skirt usually. Her top couple of buttons were always open and once I remember her at the other side of the table bending over it and I could see right doon to her black Lacey bra, a remember a faint voice talking to me and I looked up from the orbs of goodness to see her talking to me. I would have been embarrassed at getting caught but the shock and the bliss just made me comfortably numb. I have no idea what she said to me but I like to think it was,
"Knudsen if you were 5 years older I'd give you the ride of yer life, my body is a temple of beauty waiting to be desecrated by yer dirty heathen penis, cum defile my altar. "

I knew Mrs Allen liked me, the schools I attended caned you for bad behaviour and shoddy work and when she came to cane me for being a slack fucker I held out my hand and looked at her with my love sick puppy eyes as she tried not to show weakness and beat me as she would any other.

I never felt the pain from the caning I did feel bad for her having to cane me though.

9 comments:

Splade said...

I assume you were able to keep yourself warm in the cold portacabin rooms

Linasolopoesie said...

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I wanted dirti that I have postato in mine blog the photos of the friends of blogger, and have postato also you, I can telerla or you dispiace? it makes to know me. thanks and good day… Always I Lina

The Mistress said...

"my body is a temple of beauty waiting to be desecrated by yer dirty heathen penis, cum defile my altar."

I'll be quoting you on that and often from now on. I hope you won't be offended if I don't give you credit. I mean, it might put a fella off if he heard your name on my lips.

Ms. Kimba said...

Hey I think I might of seen correct punctuation in there somewhere!..you feelin' ok?

Megan McGurk said...

That reminds me of that scene from "Annie Hall" when he's in a flashback, saying how he got in trouble for kissing a girl and one of his classmates says, "even Freud spoke of a latentcy, period, Alvie." He protests that he never had a latentcy period and always had the horn. Hah.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

You were wrought with testosterone, even then. Here's to never losing that, huh?
Cheers!

Old Knudsen said...

GT you had to rub the skin to avoid frostbite.

solopoesie um ok then thats magic.

MJ I myself am sick of hearing that line.

mrs cecrux you are mistaken.

medbh that Freud needed a shrink and some salt peter.

DBS god said "go forth and multiple." I like to practice on my own alot.

Primal Sneeze said...

Ha ha! Young Knudsen used an image from a TV ad for Paisean Faisean - a programme on TG4 - the Fenian station for Irish speakers.

Old Knudsen said...

If I had her as a teacher I'd speak the dirty lingo. Surely a fine woman like that couldn't possibly be Irish.