Friday 14 September 2007

Flucking Plick In My Yangtzee




Luo Cuifen, 29, went to doctors complaining of blood in her urine and found that 23 needles had been inserted into her body from years back. probably from her grandparents who wanted to kill her off so her parents could have a boy child instead. China only allows one child and boys as in most cultures are more prized as providers for their families and less expensive than gurls. The well off people can pay fines to have more kids.

Many of the needles have gone into Luo's vital organs like her lungs, liver, bladder and kidneys and removal will be a real risk. She has suffered depression and insomnia for years and cannot do any hard physical labour. her boyfriend just assumed that weemen's vaginas had teeth, being a chink his small willy felt like a cocktail sausage on a cocktail stick.


The Grandparents were not available for comment as they died years back.


This Australian woman had a 6 inch pair of scissors left in her after an operation, everyone knows that surgeons are all cunts, they probably just did it for a laugh to show how better they are to everyone else.


China again, this poor woman had a bullet in her head from the time the Japs invaded China in WWII after 64 years of headaches she had enough and got it taken out. Fucking Japs huh.



I went to the doctor guess what he told me, ok then don't I had really bad headaches, blurred vision and painful 4 hour erections so I went in to see if they could do something about my headaches and vision. You get what you pay for right? bloody NHS doctors that could hardly speak English and kept bursting out laughing, they said I had a big thing sticking out, well I wasn't going to take that kind of smutty talk about my manhood so I left, on top of all of that I'm having a bad hair day and me cap isn't sitting right.



You don't need an X-ray to work out what this lassie's problem is, fucking product placement thats what, it gets everywhere.

9 comments:

The Mistress said...

You have a call coming in.

Fresh Hell said...

Thanks a lot! I'm having surgery in a couple of hours and those images will be dancing in my head as the dark cloak of anesthesia descends upon me.

Anonymous said...

I was all into this post, intrigued as to where you were leading, then, BAM! My eyes were assaulted. Crap Knudsie, give a girl a warning. Off to get the eye and brain bleach. bleh.

JG said...

23 Needles

What a smashing name for me new band.
Or me next film.

Anonymous said...

Fluck, as the fishermen saied.
Vagina dentata is seemingly of oriental origin, but this finnish idea of market-penetrating went a little too far I think.
I guess Hammett once used the image of "bullet-holes" for "eyes" ("Augen wie Einschusslöcher") but never for ass-holes.

In India they now and than scrap the remains of killed female-newborns from the drains, but just when the water gets too high ... Interesting question arises whether people should know what sex their child will have, what illnesses, what possible damage, to seperate "wertes" and "unwertes" Leben.

Fantomas said...

That last picture reminds me of throwing hot dogs down hallways...

Eddie Waring said...

That thing looks not unlike a Japanese battle flag.

Old Knudsen said...

I've had sex with that last woman and I was like a bee in a jar.

Maven said...

See, when I saw that last picture, I thought, "Phone sex in the literal sense." And God damn it, she needs her corn hold retreaded like a tire on a semi/18 wheeler!