Thursday 16 August 2007

Arse Fest

As Lord Byron said: she walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and just look at the arse on that, nearly as good as a young boy's arse.
I'm old and sometimes I get confused. You know sometimes I get confused because I'm old but I try to keep up with the new celebrities that cum out but could they not pick stage names that weren't so fucking similar? I don't think many people use stage names anymore I mean who would pick Russell Crowe as a name? sure Crowe is cool but Russell is a fat bloke that works in I.T. and has an ugly wife cos its the only woman who will and has ever fucked him.


Prime rump, you could bounce a 50p off that I bet her farts even smell nice.

I've had to do some research for the prestigious title of "Old Bitter Balls best arse of the year" and going by the pictures you may have guessed the winner.

The best thing about having yer own blog is that you can post things that interest you, er I mean me.

I looked at Jessica Simpson (fake padded arse), Jessica Alba (small bony arse) and Jessica Biel ( tastes like heaven arse) also Kate Bosworth (nothing special arse) Kate Beckinsale (a close second arse) and Kate Capshaw (Steven Spielberg nailed that arse) I also checked out Nick kershaw (had a hit in the 80's with "wouldn't it be good" arse) Jennifer Lopez used to win this title hands doon every year but then she went out with Affleck and married the Latino Skeletor and got a nose job that makes her look stern and well she is totally off the reservation for my tastes.

Her face is ok and I'm sure shes a lovely gurl but who gives a shit ?

Even though she is going out with that wimpy rat boy Jason Timberland from West life or New kids on the fucking blog or something and I've always thought her to be a little too pretty but still the Old Bitter Balls best arse of the year award goes to Jessica Biel.


Here she is from some up and cumming film that will only be remembered for her arse.

In the Uk there is a title called "Rear of the year" which picks celeb rears, no not like that. It chooses celebs who are supposed to have nice arses, Ms Beckinsale has never won it which doesn't surprise me as the ones they choose are never that good.



Denise van Outen in 1999,Graham Norton in 2000 and Charlotte Church in 2002 have been some of the winners well I'm not impressed quite pathetic, look at Ms Biel for inspiration, the evidence is all there though I'm sure its been tampered with.

I think I may have an arse fixation at the minute. Theres that saying feed a cold, starve a fever (or other way round it doesn't matter) so on that logic I'll keep posting arses until I get over it.
Actually that saying is misquoted and misunderstood, its "If you feed a cold you will have to starve a fever" said by Hippocrates who was a bit of an oaf (get it? ach why do I bother?) he meant at the start of a cold you should fast to promote yer bodies' detoxification process because if you don't you're going to get worse and will end up fasting due the severity of yer symptoms.
You can trust me with yer health I did yon Red Cross first aid courses, its well out of date now but if I had to save a life I would be able too except I would be a little picky about who I'd give mouth to mouth to, ah fuck it who am I kidding I'd let you die me being a cunt and all and the last thing you'd see would be me either touching you up or going through yer wallet.



14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Whot about a rear end shot of Lord Woolf? He would no doubt stir the loins of yer female readers, especialy in that feckin' wig of his. Lord Woolf, as if yer didn't know is Britain's most senior judge and is also famous for dropping his hanky on the floor in front of his admirers so that he has an excuse to bend doon to pick it up.

He, along with Ben Afleck should be strung up.

Neponset River Bridge Dig said...

You're an Arse!!

Fantomas said...

You should know, I'm an ASS man.

Portia said...

i'm never if i'm being gullible or if you're actually being serious. after all, i can see from this post you are clearly an expert. on something;)

Old Knudsen said...

ron I call him Woolfy.

willowtree I'm guessing you don't like him.

MJ NO NO NO NO NO NO NO and NO again.

fat thomas You are a fine judge of horse flesh.

Mrs Cecrux That song makes me feel very well educated.

fusion a well presented pair of boobs is fine thing to behold I love it all but Ms Biel should get some credit for her arse.

portia I'm deadly serious about her arse. Junk in the trunk baby. Or rubbish in the boot as we would say in Britain.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

I can appreciate a nice arse. Here in the states they'll refer to it as a nice Shelf. It's dropping a lot lately but my shelf was big enough to sit a six-pack, ashtray, t.v. guide and hold the remote, right up the middle. Getting old is over rated and I'm not sure I like it.

Anonymous said...

ooohhhh, firm tushies. Makes me want to not work out. I mean shit, whats the point? I'm going to go get a donut, be right back.

Old Knudsen said...

DBS badly put up shelves do fall. Clench.

Ms Pool thats the spirit I want you for yer mind and eye anyway.

Xul said...

Old K, I feel slighted- I've the best arse in Florida, and that's saying something in a state full o' arses.

Old Knudsen said...

xmichra rich already called me an arse. I'm starting to believe it, whats that smell?

xul I would not want to hurt yer feelings, please send me pictures of yer arse and I'll reconsider.

Manuel said...

3rd arse form the right in the top picture. That's the one for me, mmmmmmmmmm

Old Knudsen said...

Ah shit I can't make a choice like that.

Megan McGurk said...

Have you seen pictures of Ice T's wife, Coco, who has ass implants? Horror show.

Old Knudsen said...

That is just wrong.