Friday, 31 August 2007

Yay Or Nay?

Is it just me or do other people find the alien leezer Condoleezza Rice kinda hot?

Speaking of hot, the hottest eye on the blogosphere 'My Reflecting Pool' just completed her 101 random facts on my sidebar c'mon you wimps get cracking the world needs to know you.

Thursday, 30 August 2007

I Know They Are Here.

Here is Buzz Aldrin the astronaut who has to contend with being the second bloke to set foot on the Moon (allegedly) seen here with his trophy wife Lois (she should be mounted and locked in a glass case) outside the Killamory 2 step club one of the towns hottest discotheques.

Now here they are with my alien detecting ultra lens masidator device installed onto my camera. You can plainly see that the tie is still fucking ugly.

Buzz Aldrin is 77 years old and has just had a face lift at the plastic surgery center in Beverly Hills. His wife talked him into it and arranged the whole thing, she woke up one day and said, "fuck yer an ugly old shite you need some work done."

Lois Aldrin or LA woman as we call her at the Killamory working mans club (its just a name, only 2 members have real jobs) is a fucking alien from the planet Xanax which is the home world of the Greys. In 1969 when NASA was planning to attempt a Moon landing Lord Lexapro the head Greyer beamed doon and warned the US from going there as they have a Grey Disney world type complex up there and didn't want the little Greys scared by humans who as we all know are obsessed about alien abduction, anal probing and cattle mutilation. (the sick fuckers)

That is why the Moon landings were done on a sound stage, poor Buzz didn't even get to go first and then he had to marry a Grey as an assignment to promote interstellar friendship. The poor doon trodden hen pecked man does enjoy the wild and crazy space sex but Greys are bossy shites, it was only last year that she made him have an anal bleaching and a scrotal tuck, nothing is ever good enough for them its all about power for those bastards.

Other aliens

No one could be that dumb except a super intelligent extraterrestrial.

Sexy mama. I want to melt her chocolate and lick her warm gooey centre, you can tell who are Greys in disguise because of the 2 or 3 inches between their eyes to accommodate those big alien noggins.

Wednesday, 29 August 2007

Skinny Dying Fuckers And Love Sick Junkies.

To remind you all what a celebrity hoor I am I want to give two actors a wake up shout.
Keira Knightly its true I don't think much of yer acting and yer voice and chavette chin wobble gets to me something bad. Yer a beautiful gurl, not hot nor sexy but beautiful but you need to eat something and keep it doon (and I don't mean doon the toilet) get some meat on those bones of yers you look like an albino Ethiopian.

I like Owen Wilson hes funny cunt and enjoyable to watch. Two months ago he broke up with Kate Hudson and is still whining about it, move on lad she has, get out there and shag a different bird every night, when ya fall off the horse you get back on it and besides Hudson isn't anything special you can do better.

Wilson who is partial to a drop of cocaine or heroin and suffers from depression ended up taking some pills and slashing his wrists in a cry for help, er I mean a suicide attempt . Yer 38 for fucks sake you had better wise up before you get to 40 if you make it as a fool at 40 is indeed a fool.
Suicide is one of the most selfish things to do ever, especially when Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller depend on you to star in their films. Buck up lad, snap out of it and pull yerself together, remember 'bros before hose.' A saying amongst firemen I do believe.

Devine Retribution


Patrick Devine the Queen's University student sent to an African prison for mooning at the home of a Senegalese governor has been given a suspended sentence and a fine of £200.

His lawyer Moustapha Crap said his client deeply regretted his act. No shit the lad spent almost four weeks in jail, he now has to get used to his own name as for all that time he was called "Bitch."

Devine was in Senegal as part of a volunteer teaching project and was teaching the street children how to moon obviously as a form of social protest or he did it as a dare from a friend one of the two.

A local man restrained him until the police got there. Fuck the Irish are tough.

Well done, lets hope you can manage to go straight now and stop acting the lad. I think Pee Wee Herman should play you in the movie version of events.

Tuesday, 28 August 2007

Happy Hitler Hump Day!

Nazis are evil but nazi lemurs are worse.

Today is Wednesday or in Old English 'Wēdnes dæg ' which means its the day for the Germanic God Woden, Odin or Wotan, whatever you want to call him hes got about 200 names.
Therefore I deem this day dedicated to Hitler, wheres the connection? well theres Odinism which is a form of paganism which is strongly intertwined with Nazis , hate crimes and White supremacists in general . In other words underachieving white people who can only feel good about themselves by putting others doon while living in some special world where they are magical because of the colour of their skin.

There is even a facebook type thing for the idot white supremacists called '' "An Online Community for Whites by Whites."

Hitler fascinates me, don't get me wrong I don't revere him it just amazes me that an ugly little twat with funny hair and a funny moustache could have become so much, he went on to become the boogeyman of the 20 th and even the 21st century. When someone wants to shock or insult someone they compare them to Hitler. I see Bush compared to Hitler all the time and sure you could make that comparison stick with a great stretch of imagination but it fails on the fact that Hitler was a war hero and had actually been to war.
Here is some Hitler trivia you may or may not know.

Adolf Hitler had some Jewish heritage in him. His great great grandmother was Jewish who was a maid. To hide this fact they reduced the village of his birth to rubble.

Adolf Hitler was fascinated by hands. In his library there was a well-thumbed book containing pictures and drawings of hands belonging to famous people throughout history. He liked particularly to show his guests how closely his own hands resembled those of Frederick the Great, one of his heroes. I have Woody Allen's penis.

The New York phone book had 22 Hitlers before WWII. The New York phone book had zero Hitlers after WWII

Hitler was voted Time Magazines man of the year in 1938

Adolf Hitler kept a framed photograph of Henry Ford on his desk and Ford kept one of Hitler on his desk in Dearborn, Michigan. Hitler had used in 'Mein Kampf' some of Fords anti-semitic views, and he always welcomed Ford's contributions to the Nazi movement.
I swear I did not photoshop this picture, really this is what the master race looks like.
Adolf Hitler was a teetotaller, vegetarian and non-smoker. which explains nicely the genocide and drug addiction, you have to have some vices.

Look at this sad fucker at a neo nazi rally, I bet hes still a virgin.

I don't like racism or sectarianism that doesn't mean I can't take the piss out of them. Its true I hate most people but that's because they are all cunts, not for what they are though I may use racial slurs for a reaction . I also dislike double standards extremely stupid political correctness. The following is written by some Yank who may or may not be a racist but I think they do have a point.

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
You Call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey,"Whitey," "Caveman"and that's OK. But if I were to call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink would call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why is it that the most dangerous places to liveare in your own neighborhoods?

You have the United Negro College Fund.

You have Martin Luther King Day.

You have Black History Month.

You have Cesar Chavez Day.

You have Yom Hashoah

You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi

You have the NAACP.

You have BET.

If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists.

If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.

If we had White History Month we'd be racists.

If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives .we'd be racists.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships.... you know we'd be racists.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US , yet if there were"White colleges" THAT would be a racist college.

If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But if we were to announce our white pride, you would call us racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society you call him a racist.

I am proud to be white but, you call me a racist.

Why is it that only whites can be racists?

Taughmonagh Justice

In a civilised society the police would punish criminals, this fate awaits those who have spammed me.

In South Belfast some people in the neighbour went to the local law enforcement no not the police (they didn't do anything) but rather the Protestant paramilitaries to help them sort out a drug dealer in the area. The paramilitaries (the UDA) said they wouldn't help as they are trying to get funding from the government (wink wink nudge nudge) but two masked men stepped forward to help, not from the UDA of course, oh no because that would be bad.

The drug dealer was publicly tarred and feathered while the neighbour watched and took photos. By the time the police got there everyone had gone, way ta go police at least you bothered to turn up.

In a police statement: "No place in civilised society for people taking the law into their own hands resulting in such a brutal and barbaric attack" and they should have added, "its not fair stop being bad, our officers are too frightened to leave the station sometimes."

Civilised society? what the fuck this is south Belfast we're talking about here, lucky the council cut doon the hanging tree last year.

Mongs, Whats That About?

I was reading a column in the paper that had this guy who is a therapist or something daft like that, not a real job. He was talking about people using the word "retarded" to describe the stupid actions of another or to insult someone as a "retard" for making a mistake. He said how much he disapproved of the expression as it insulted handicapped people.

I thought about this for a while and then burst out laughing at this bleeding heart, if people didn't get on like mongs then they wouldn't get called a mong.

Also tell all those retards to stop looking so fucking goofy all the time and take the handicapped role a bit more seriously those mongs are having way too much fun no wonder with people waiting on them hand and foot, cool robot things to talk through and wee motorised chairs to whizz about on, when did being fucking useless mean yer set for life? a 30 odd year life but still . The Romans and Spartans never had any mongs, they threw them over a cliff at birth if there was something wrong with them, of course they did have a stray dog problem.

Get all the tards out into the workforce, not just in I.T. and the police but in other areas, you never see "Tard porn?" any thoughts on the subject? I mean real tards not Paris Hilton. If ya cared about mongs then you should want them to get a happy ending now and again.

Don't get all teary eyed and angry at me they don't know what the fuck is going on at the best of times, and yes I fully expect a commenter or two to mention a mong relative they have, tell it to someone who woke up caring. I had one on a chain in my backyard, the wee fucker got out and bit one of the kids next door, I had to have Spunky put doon, the amount of grief I got from that kid's parents.
Mongs while protected under Human rights have 74% of their cells non-human or unknown. It is speculated by Jan Fran Jansen famed Swiss UFO-ologist that mongs are the result of failed Alien/hybrid breeding experiments gone wrong. I on the other hand think these mongs are super clever and its just an act and they are lazy fuckers who get some perverse pleasure out of creeping me out and making me feel uncomfortable. Can they not have plastic surgery or something? c'mon, people get their dogs done these days.

I have nothing against window lickers who stand inappropriately too close to you and try to be yer friend when you just want them to fuck off , however the best way to stop Global warming if it actually exists is to cut doon on people, something to think about.

Monday, 27 August 2007

Stop In The Name Of My Rad Moves

Community Support Officer Stephen Dean hangs out with the teens at the local Lee-on-Solent near Gosport skateboarding park to work on his skills at riding the board.

They think by putting a couple of twats on a board it will break doon barriers and stop the kids from committing crimes because they know a peeler that can balance on a skateboard.

Is it just me or are police fucking useless? why call them they won't do anything they are in and out as fast as they can be, like Doctors herding patients through their offices.

They are more likely to interrogate the person that called them treating them as the criminal, either you interrupted their donut or you won't give them as much trouble as the person you called them for.

I hate to call the police and prefer to settle things myself , what use would a policeman on a skate board be anyway? they don't even carry guns, look at the picture of PCSO Dean again, would giving him a gun make you feel safer anyway?

A police station in Norfolk was under siege from a crowd of 100 people throwing bottles, earlier in the day an unlicensed music event was broken up and a lot of arrests were made so they thought they would pay the police back. Does this show a lack of respect? even a drunken mob should know better than to attack a police station.

Three thick necked blokes about to take yer lunch money, who would you rather turn up to protect you, this guy or the one on the skateboard?

The British police used to be tougher, they were blokes that could take doon the criminal, the RUC (Royal Ulster Constabulary) were tough, if a wee shitty Chav gives you lip they'd slap them across the head (away from cunts with camera phones) the French police are tough too, they don't give a shit, sleep on a bench you'll get a poke in the ribs with a night stick and told to move on and they had better not find you again its like they want to fight to show they aren't cheese eating surrender monkeys or something.

Now the Northern Ireland Police are as good as the Irish Garda.....

Maybe it all went wrong when they required people to have a degree to join , you exchange toughness for brains, never mind just getting intelligent tough guys." Oh no its the class swot come to arrest us, no wait he just wants to be our pal so we'll not commit crimes, you gotta love psychology, those patronising bastards lets knife him."

In America cops are paralysed by stupid rules that protect criminals, " you can't fire at a moving car that's about to knock you doon unless its a Tuesday after 11am, the driver isn't black (don't want to get sued for racism) or if they have a good reason for stealing the car in the first place." (like the buses were late) then you get to the judges that fear for their career too much and sentence as to not offend the criminal. Raped a gurl? she was probably asking for it I'll give ya 2 years, don't worry with good bahaviour and prison over crowding you'll be out on the streets a rehabilitated worthy useful citizen in 4 to 6 months.

The whole system in most countries needs to be over hauled and not by touchy feely lefties who would jail an adult for assaulting a child when he accidentally strikes one of the 15 underage chavs kicking the shit out of him, or charges the home owner for negligence when a burglar slips and hurts themselves while robbing the hoose.

Its a tough job similar to what the teachers go through. A lot of their power has gone and they must abide by the curriculum, do yer job and learn not to give a fuck. You can tell who has been on the job for a while and who the keen as mustard newbies are.

While everyone is feeling apathetic and sheep like its no good giving them more power, as Uncle Ben told me just before he cooked up some rice, "With great power cums great responsibility." and then he said " Disobedience, the rarest and most courageous of the virtues, is seldom distinguished from neglect, the laziest and commonest of the vices." He was a boring old fucker.

Sunday, 26 August 2007

The Taste Of Paradise

Emerald Bile is that Irish woman whose favourite word is "cunt" she hates almost everything including, Dove soap, safaris, poutine,people whistling, Raymond and sex with old men who stink of pee. I just discovered that she loves Dog the bounty hunter . I just happen to have this post ready just waiting for this day as it is my destiny to post this, pretty fucking shite when you think about it.

Proud of his native American heritage he must show this by dressing silly with beads and shells in his hair. Mince like a man my son.
Have you ever watched "Dog the bounty hunter" on the telly? I'm not a big fan of reality TV but this show is one of those that's really a spoof but those in it don't know and so take themselves seriously. Only Yanks could walk about like this and think they are cool.

Duane Chapman who for obvious reasons prefers to be called Dog is a big guy well 5ft 7in tall who must of worked out a He sports long bleached hair that he flicks back in a gurly way every 5 minutes, his sunglasses are always on to hide his old tired eyes and probably the drug use if you believe those stories. Dressed in black to look cool I guess, with pointy wee cowboy boots to make him look taller that he can't run in, picture a woman who can't run in heels. He has gun slinger type pouches around his thighs to hold his 357 magnum and 50 cal desert eagle, no wait, my mistake, to carry his cans of mace or hair spray, these also prohibit him from running.

Dog when he was a pup. I cum from a country that when they call someone dog its usually "Mad dog" and for a reason, not because you sniff arses and hump legs.

You'll also find a badge similar to a cop badge on him, this guy was charged with murder, joined a motorcycle gang and was arrested 18 times once for armed robbery in the 70's so I reckon he just likes to play cops.

The team L - R, Dog, Youngblood, Leland, generic big guy and Beth with the tits who reminds Dog to take his handcuffs.

His big breasted 40 year old wife Beth who may of been hot back in the day also isn't taking to aging well and dresses like a 20 year old, shoves her tits in people's faces to distract from the rest of her. They read out the list of crimes at the start of the chase she is always seen rolling her eyes, disgusted at the criminal class.

Then theres Leland who is Dog's son from another marriage, the heart throb of the show, well ok there isn't much choice, this lad who is a kick boxer type dresses himself like a military red hot chilli pepper, hes quiet and looks like hes about to shit himself a lot.

Duane Lee who is another of Dog's sons is the generic big guy, he must really hate his dad for his gift of the stupid first name.

Youngblood is the quiet well tempered 42 year-old with as much taste as the rest, his greying ponytail gives testament to that, middle aged guys with ponytails go on to become old guys with ponytails, its just sad also he goes by the name Youngblood and has a baseball cap that says it in case he forgets .

Well that's the main cast. At the start of the show they sit around their office in Hawaii and Dog scrawls on a board the facts of the criminal, lets hope he can read it, then after Beth's eye rolls they gear up into their pseudo warrior garb pretending to be lawmen of the past as Dog flicks his long silly looking Fabio hair and clickity clacks to the SUV in his heels.

Due to his hangovers and drug habits he doesn't drive very often as they go and overwhelm some scared tiny crack hoor who they have been telling the viewers is a dangerous piece of work.

One 20 something criminal lied on the phone and said he was no longer wanted, this fib this was unacceptable to Dog, his Christian morals were offended and this criminal was made out to be worse than the rapist he went to Mexico to catch.

Once the bail jumping junkie is caught, Dog will call them Brother or sister and will bless them, then the sermon cums, "you need to turn yer life around" as the crackhead sits there crying with his eyes spinning in his head, this is soo false and hypocritical as the producers have to work around Dog's late nights and dooners. Dog's main concern is looking holier than thou and getting the criminal a ciggarette.

Busty Beth with the giant fun bags.

Not great for the Hawaiian tourist board I'm sure the people who think that wrestlers are cool think Dog is too. I have sent my script for the Dog spoof series to the BBC, if they can get Hasslehoff to don a blonde wig and act like a prick (his usual) then it'll be a hit

Saturday, 25 August 2007

Does This Hat Make Me Look Ghey?

Sean Connery the man who reminded the world that Scotsmen are the sexiest of all men is 77 years young today. This highly talented and versatile actor celebrated by shooting some puppies and slapping some weemen around while masturbating to his best movie ever "Zardo." Well done Sean another year closer to death.

Friday, 24 August 2007

Better Dead Than Red

What a busy few days I've have, I don't just sit around blogging and surfing for porn all day you know, well not all day. I've been jet setting around the world. First I went over to the Caribbean for a brief holiday. I can't really say much about it except the world is a safer place.

I put an ad in the classifieds of the New Yorker, "For sale: The only good commie is a dead commie, slighty soiled $ 500." I think my boss will be well pleased.

Expect a bit of this for a while.

I was able to catch the second half of the Brazilian weemen's football team who were playing Cuba Unitied. I'm a big fan of these gurls they are never afraid to tackle the balls.

They always insist that I help them shower, you know me I never want to offend by saying no incase its a cultural thing. Brazil has the highest murder rate in the world it also has weemen with big bubble butts, I love that cuntry.

Then I flew up over to L.A. and boy are my arms tired, sorry an old aeroplane joke there. I took my L.A. fuck buddy Jennifer out on the town there was a bit of a scene with an insanely jealous Eddie Waring but after I promised him a slow dance at the end of the night he calmed doon.

Then I went up to the state of Washington because I've always wanted to see the Whitehoose and what they have done with it since I set fire to the place in 1812 and that big statue of Lincoln but it seems they moved all of that, I didn't even get to see Mount Rushmore. I did see my good old friend First Nations, shes been gaging to get me in her bed for a long time read this account of my stay with her .

After a lovely stay with First Nations I sneaked across the border into Canada, its not like its guarded or anything I mean who the fuck would want to sneak into to Canada? A couple of Arabs in a van asked me if the American side was well patrolled and which way to the Smithsonian , I told them I wasn't a fucking tour guide but its just off the Hershey highway and up Pennsylvania ave on the right you can't miss it. You always have to say "you can't miss it" its tradition.

I called at MJ's hoose but no one answered so as usual if its someone I know I'll break in but then I saw her a little busy in the picture above teaching a fellow blogger some HTML moves.

Ah fuck it I got the next plane home just in time to answer the phone from my parole officer.

The Yanks Will Save Us

Over in Afghanistan US fighter planes that came to the aid of some pinned doon British troops dropped a bomb right on top of the British position killing 3 soldiers. For fucks sake its probably safer on the wog's side.

The Whitehoose while not apologising did say, "Our bad, we thought you were Canadians."

Save The Faux And Skin A Seal Cub

I see a flaw in this campaign, do you see it?

PETA are silly twats there is no escaping that fact. Throwing red paint to represent blood over people who wear fur coats is just rude. In my time I've been a Mountain man and a Glam rocker , both called for me to wear fur so whats yer fucking problem? I don't see you going up to Eskimo land and throwing paint over those cunts. Are all PETA vegetarians? because that would be quite hypocritical if they weren't, of course it would explain a lot if they were. Vegetarians are an unstable lot nearly as bad as Bi-sexuals I've found, get a vegetarian Bi-sexual and I guarantee you'll have a psychopath on yer hands.

I've got nothing against people who wear fur though they tend to be dickheads. I do have something against PETA who are trying to force others into their agenda by "social terrorism" also the time and money put into to this could go to help children instead. I'd kill and skin a 101 Dalmatian puppies if it saved just one child, theres 6 year olds breaking rocks in India and 12 year olds mining for coal in Russia. Whats more important? or does it go by cuteness?

Why are protesters so freaky looking? is it the horror effect of thinking about ugly bastards being naked? please put yer clothes back on I'll stop wearing fur I've learned my lesson.

Ok you've lost me here, how the fuck do you expect anyone to know what you are protesting if you can't make signs in proper English? you can't be saying you'd rather go naked as you all have underwear on so what the fuck? and smile ya miserable illiterate cunts.

People who cry about the puppies rather than the children are way too civilised and out of touch . I think they should go on survival courses without outside help to show them what real need and hunger is and you'll do what you have to for yer family even farm animals for their fur and meat then maybe they'll get more perspective instead of the fluffy hippy ideas they have now.

I am against cruelty to animals. I'm not against skining or eating them, by keeping them useful we are ensuring their survival as a species, little foo foo dogs that get carried around now thats cruel as for the seals well I had a good friend who was ripped apart by seals so fuck them all.

Tara Reid can wear fur if she wants because who really gives a fuck what that silly bint does? I definitely do not want to see her naked.

Given the chance Lemurs would wear yer skin.

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Give Me All Yer Money Or I'll Make You Cum

This photo fit of the bandit was shown on Crimewatch UK.

Last December Nicki jex of Leicester held up a bookmaker's shop with his gurlfriend's vibrator. He kept the "Ass master 3000" in a plastic bag and pointed it as you would point an 8 inch humming revolver.
Though the faint smell of fish was in the air the staff and customers in the shop thought their lives were in danger .
When Jex left the shop with £613 from the till one of the customers Mr Wayne Vakani followed him out to see where he went to.
Jex a qualified chef and engineer was on the drugs which is why he thought this was such a good idea.

Never mind him and his problems, his gurlfriend is not only doon a boyfriend who could cook but is doon Nobby the vibrator too as its still in the evidence locker being shown around by giggling police officers.

What a coincidence that the judge who sentenced Jex had the name "Judge Philip Head" I hear he gives good punishment.
If you ever get robbed demand to be shown the gun, under EEC guidelines B-23/h7 you are within yer rights to be shown the weapon, if you are refused contact yer local Member of Parliament.

Mr Vakani was awarded £500 by the Judge for his courage, I wonder where that money is going to cum from, I know where its going. Considering he was in a Bookie's shop I suspect Mr Vakani will be doon betting on the horses, try "The Pink Bandit" its a long shot and has never cum first but its powerful.

Be Like Putin

Heres tough guy Vladimir Putin shirtless as I mentioned at the weekend HERE.

He went commando to do a search and destroy mission on the Loch Ness monster and to show everyone what a 55 year-old hunk he is. I know when I walk about with my shirt off I make sure theres photographers about.
Mr Putin or Vladimir as I call him said the monster only exists in our own minds. If any readers want to analyze the hidden message about dinosaurs and Putin's view of what Russia should be feel free, I think its all a load of old bollocks meself.

While Putin is mentally unstable good old Boris Yeltsin was a lush . Don't get me wrong the man was a playa, remember when he got up on stage and busted a few moves to the Birdy song? he took those two weemen home that night for a vodka fueled threesome.

You don't have to be mad or drunk to be the President of a large cuntry, but it helps.

Follow The Bear

Colin Firth is an actor that bores the tits off me. If the role requires a tall middle aged stuffy English twat then he gets it. He has the acting range of my shit and just as much charisma.

His latest film out is "The Last Legion, " with the line "Before King Arthur, there was Excalibur." Well before this piece of crap there was a similar film called " King Arthur."
Both films go the way of King Arthur being a Roman soldier, a premise that was interesting enough but not worth two films. I want shiny armour , round fucking tables , sister fucking and a steamy love triangle that destroys a kingdom not dagos stinking of garlic thinking they are going to be king of England.

I've only seen the King Arthur one with Clive Owen and so feel the need to ask this question. "Why do they make the king Arthur character so fucking dull and ugly?"

Ugly English blokes are the in thing just ask Daniel Craig . Clive Owen has the acting range of Colin Firth and as much charisma, see above.

In King Arthur the love interest was played by that annoying chavette with the eating disorder Keira Knightley , the only ray of light I see to cum from any of this is the love interest in The Last Legion.

I hate myself for being so shallow but Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai has now be cum the latest entry to my wank bank.

Sometimes I think that films are cast with cunts in the main roles on purpose to lose money or not make as much as they could as a tax write off (see Steven Segal) If you don't believe me then watch films especially made for the Sci-fi channel, "hey lets cast Stephen Baldwin in the lead, hes so cool its bound to be a great movie."

Tuesday, 21 August 2007

What is the "Wonder" about Wondercum?

On one of my Yahoo mail accounts I found in my spam folder the spam mail with the title "What is the "Wonder" about Wondercum?" I thought this was a great title and decided to find out about Wondercum. I found this advert for it and was reading doon the list, yep get them, yep get them, yep have it, yep I do, yep all the time, yep I could fill up a swimming pool, then I got to the last one and to be honest my man muck tastes awful. I almost gag when I'm doing a snowball or rainbow kiss my sympathies go out to all the gurls I've loved before so I was wondering has anyone ever tried this ? cos I'm ready to buy 6 bottles of the stuff.

I'm sure some of my readers who I won't mention have tried it .

It looks as if God has tried it, this would be the heavenly version of Bukkake.

Speaking of cum stains there is this Yank named Fred Phelps, hes the pastor of Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas. This vile and evil man claims to know the will of God but going by what big "G" himself says hes never met him and may sue for slander.
Phelps is the man behind the "God hates fags" demonstrations and protests military funerals and says God hates America, Canada, Sweden and Ireland mostly because of their same sex marriage laws and anything remotely pro ghey they do. Hes called Ireland, " Land of the Sodomite Damned" so I'm wondering if its just Ireland that's damned or is Northern Ireland too ? does he even know the difference ? I mean he is a Yank.

I have this friend who may have had some anal sex, hes a giver not a taker and hes pretty sure it was with a woman or at least she will be a woman by the end of the year she said so does this make him a Sodomite? My friend would ask his own minister but after that argument he got into with him concerning what the animals on the Ark ate and what happened to the fucking Unicorns my friend ended up swinging at the Rev which left me barred, er my friend barred that is. So anyway don't you have to be born in Sodom to be a Sodomite? the place is full of Mexicans and Polish a nice town to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.

Give me that old time religion It’s good enough for me.

Mr Phelps getting stuck in to and exorcism, "by the power of Christ I compel you ughnaaaa! now you are filled with the love of God." Don't confuse this with anal sex because its not the same and like most of the Westboro congregation the possessee is related to Phelps and in America that sort of carry on is legal.

Old Knudsen's thoughts on Sodomy: Men are given this special need (by God) to place their willys into things to see what it feels like which is why ugly weemen will always be able to get their hole. Watermelons, big value tubs of hair gel, the vacuum cleaner and jars of liver are a few things that men might try so I hear. Sometimes a vagina no matter how well kept it is fails to impress, if you eat steak all the time sometimes you just want a hot dog. God in his infinite wisdom made people multi functional to keep things interesting . God doesn't want us to fly on our own which is why he didn't give us wings he did however give us willys that fit into bungholes so no matter what Phelps says I believe its God's will that we all right now have anal sex and shout Hallelujah as we cum.

Remember only between consenting adults or docile animals, as Jesus once said , "that's as hard as a rock, I shall name you Peter, go forth and lube, theres always time to lube."

Now about Lezzers, whats the point in that?

Sunday, 19 August 2007

Gangs Of Glasgow

Bridgeton purple and crown flute band taken in belfast 1935 . Billy Fullerton is in the front row with his arms folded. When he died in 1962 thousands attended his funeral and grown men wept.

The Penny Mobs was a name used by the press to describe the early street gangs in Glasgow during the early 1870's, they gave rise to prominent gangs of the early 20th century such as The Tongs,The Tois, The Govans, the Powery Gang, the Soo-Siders, the Billy Boys, the Norman Conks, the Rednecks, the Baltic Fleet, the Black Diamond Gang, the Black Hands, the Nudes, the Ruchill Boys and The Monks.

This was my Penny Mob "The Killamory Brabblers" we were tough and wore big hats cos we were mental.

In Northern Ireland there is this song from a couple of generations back called "We are the Billy boys" its always been assumed in Northern Ireland that its about King William of Orange but no, it was from a Protestant Glasgow street gang led by a man called Billy Fullerton.

It has been adapted all over the UK especially during football matches to slag off the other side. Rangers football club in Scotland has taken measures to stop the singing of said song and others on their grounds by so-called 90 minute bigots, these people do not hold sectarian beliefs but nonetheless sing songs at football matches which are sectarian and simply join in with the rest of the crowd.

Hullo, Hullo
We are the Billy Boys
Hullo, Hullo
You'll know us by our noise
We're up to our knees in Fenian blood
Surrender or you'll die
For we are
The (insert yer home place here) Boys

I lived in Glasgow years back when it was known as the " Second City of the Empire" and everything was covered in a thick layer of soot. You can compare some of the people back then and now to the sectarian mongs of Northern Ireland, anti-Catholic or anti-Protestant.

Billy Fullerton was seen by some as a Robin Hood type of character who only wanted to defend his fellow Protestants from the violent attacks from Catholics, he set up his own version of a Welfare state helping families of those in prison and paying the fines of gang members. The police had another version of events and said there was no point in fining gang members as they would just extort money from shopkeepers, publicans and passers-by from the communities they claimed to be protecting .

Billy Fullerton or cunt breath as I would call him, ears like Spock.

The truth was most of the Billy Boys just hated Catholics and wanted to fight, beating up Taigs and Rangers football club were the two main joys for many at that time and it wasn't just poor working class folk, members also came from comfortable middle class families too, exchanging comfort for excitement.

The Billy Boys had 800 members at its height during the 1920s and 1930s, then Fullerton went on to join Oswald Mosely’s British Fascists and started a Glasgow branch of the Ku Klux Klan.

Not having had a large black population I just think its interesting the evolution of hate from one group to the next. Sectarianism,racism or Ghey bashing all stems from Xenophobia and resides deep in the tribal DNA of our past. For the good of the tribe you kill the weak or the different , distrust those who are not us, intellect and reasoning is the only thing that over rides prehistoric programming.

The gangs are still around, now populated by Neds, Chavs, Chags, Kevs, Scallies,Spides or White Trash whatever you want to call them.
Now they pick fights in Interweb chatrooms with challenges like this from some Ned's bedroom in the North of Glasgow: "Johnny... Mad Skwad Number Fucker One… Kick tae kill… Stab for fun!." In the South of the city it is answered: Pogo, of the Craigton Goucho, replies: "Ya wee shite, u-r getin bladed… cum when yir ready!"

A very eloquent lot that have their own vernacular that produces some of the finest poetry in the world, "Ode to me Ma" Slashin jaws, kickin baws, puntin jellies, and stabbin bellies. Quite Beautiful in a way.

Other expressions used by the gangs include:

"plunge" --- stab

"puntin’" --- sell drugs

"sumbuzz" --- excitement

"buckets" --- pipe for smoking cannabis

"heavystunna" --- good looking girl

"ho" --- tart, as the expression applied to women

"M8" --- mate "mukka" --- friend

"shoutoot" --- message to friends and allies

"burdz" --- girlfriends

"skeem" --- a gang turf

"jiggy" --- the dancing

"swatch" --- take a look

"rapid cunt" --- gang members who run from fights.

In 1931 Captain (later Sir) Percy Sillitoe was appointed Chief Constable of Glasgow, he hired the biggest meanest police officers he could to combat the Glasgow gangs, he was very successful and became known as the "Elliot Ness of Scotland." World War II also helped to shatter the gangs too with men being called up to fight for their country.