Sunday 8 July 2007

Do The Barf Man.

Oh no hes having a reversal, quick get the intern I need this counted.

I'm a natural athlete as many a woman (and others) can testify to. When I'm not participating in water sports or watching the synchronised wanking in Fat Sparrows's Bukkake videos I'm following the over indulging world of Hot dog eating.

12 minutes of shoving buns and stuffing meat into moist receiving mouths (now you see why I follow it) its held in Brooklyn every year which is a town named after David Beckhams child no doubt .

For some reason the skinny little Japs have dominated the sport. Takeru Kobayashi Maru held the title of world champion hot dog eater since 2001 but they didn't count on a 23 year-old American hero named Joey Chestnut.
Not a hero like me or John Smeaton who tackled the crispy terrorists but still a hero. Chestnut inhaled 66 hot dogs in his 12 minutes showing that the Yanks still have it in them to beat the fanatical Nips.
Chestnut or Chesty as he likes me to call him then raised his fist in the air and shouted,"that's for Pearl harbour you whale killing cunts." It must have been the thought of Ben Affleck's wooden acting in that chick flick disguised as an action film that caused poor Kobayashi Maru to have a reversal that's hot dog jargon for vomiting . Usually they wait until much later to go to the vomitorian which is how they keep their figures.

I want to know how do you get the job of counting spewed hot dogs? Someone had to count them to get his total which was 63 and yes there was still diced carrots in it.

Nathans annual hot dog eating competition has been going on since 1916, a time when we Brits had other things on our mind like the first World War.
Ah those war years were good to me. I started the company "Knudsen's Trench Installation " and became the biggest supplier of trenches in Europe, no time to eat hot dogs, oh no Bully beef was the only thing I ate and I was grateful.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, Kobajashi DIngs was handikapped with mouth-disorder or what. I think diced carrots are evil. I'd like to see one of this competition-hot-dogs, is there sauce in it, onions, are the bunnies crisp like bombers - or is it just a kind of mellow mushy wurst in an even mushier so called "bread" roll? Is there actual something to bite or is all about "gulp". Anyway I'd give a price for distance-puking - that's sport!

Mahmoud said...

I must apologize to Old Knudsen and his readers for all my fake and necessarily insulting comments. It was jealously and an unstable personality that led me to do such a heinous act. Also I was prompted to do so by my behind the scenes whore master a self published writer with penis issues. Old Knudsen is clearly a blogger of great talent wit and skill and I bow down to his comic genius and insightful intelligence. I'm sorry Old Knudsen you win. I shall no longer attack you, if Philip wants to do it he can do it himself the boring curmudgeonly cunt I've had enough of being bested and looking like a sad, bitter fag hag. Thankyou GB and all the other fake personas for your support .

Old Knudsen said...

mago He had a wisdom tooth removed and a sore jaw but he was fit enough to compete, a victory is a victory no matter how it is achieved.

calumny jane we all do stupid things lass,just take yer sister bridget and move on, apology accepted.

Unknown said...

In your, "As I was saying, you write, "The dead surround me." You wrote that for a reason. I want to know, yes I'm a nosey wanker. Email me if you want but I must know. I am too but want to hear what you have to say, simply because I respect your opinion.

Fantomas said...

Watching the highlights of this competition on the local news almost bring me to vomit. But I love it all the same. USA, USA, USA...

Anonymous said...

If you haven't noticed, it seems eating mass amounts of crap food is a long standing tradition here is the USofA.

Portia said...

well, i finished my hotdog in the knick of time, about 30 seconds ago.

you've officially replaced CNN in my day. even if i'm not all about the story, i dig the accent.

and who's not all about competitive eaters puking up their day's work?

Old Knudsen said...

fat thomas USA fuck yeah, showing the world who the boss is one hot dog at a time.

ms Pool Go USA for excessive eating. In Northern Ireland they'll be rubbing it in to the Catholics that the Prods won in 1690 this week, you need traditions.

portia CNN is for the weak and you know I wouldn't lie.

Eddie Waring said...

I want to know how do you get the job of counting spewed hot dogs? Someone had to count them to get his total which was 63 and yes there was still diced carrots in it.

It's a government job and being subject to background checks you might not qualify. They actually have to reconstruct the hotdogs one by one in a disused aircraft hanger just like when there is a plane crash. It's a painstaking job and you really have to know a lot about hotdogs and their construction to do it right. You can read all the books about it you want to but until you actually put a spewed up hotdog back together again you have no idea how hard it is. Long hours too, good pension scheme though.

Old Knudsen said...

If it was the government of Guatemala I may be in with a shot, I know a few people. Its just that I have some problems with me sums in the really high numbers after 12, I could go back to school and learn but I hate school dinners.

The Dog of Freetown said...

If someone just picked that dog up and took a bite, could they be blamed? No. It's the same for women in skirts - they're just asking to have their bums slapped.

The Dog of Freetown said...

Comment moderation?
I never thought I'd see the day.

Fat Sparrow said...

"Not a hero like me or John Smeaton who tackled the crispy terrorists but still a hero."

I love the smell of terrorists in the morning.

And your Japanese one beat his personal all-time best, but he still couldn't beat the American. Chestnut, I choose you!

savannah said...

there was audio from you, sugar? and i missed it? dammit!

savannah said...

wow...and comment moderation? wtf happened while i was away?

Frobisher said...

How strange i was watching "Stand by me" (see pic) the other night, will you also be posting a pic from "Power tool"?

Unknown said...

Surely this is a fake or we'd have the full evidence, in motion picture form? There aren't enough solids coming out of this man for it to be a real 'reversal', or 'projectile vomiting' as we unqualified medics call it.

Old Knudsen said...

kieran pest control lad nothing interesting.

fatsparrow something tells me the nip won't eat for a year.

savannah nothing important.

Mr Frobisher as long as its not the wizard of oz.

Conan Drumm I wouldn't lie to you, well ok maybe I would.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Eddie's comment is true. I've done RECON and have a had to put the likes of dogs and burgers, piece by precious piece back together. I find th hot dog is easier but it is all grueling and tedious.

Old Knudsen said...

My dog ate 50 quid once, yes I did wait for it. The bank will change it if there are serial numbers on it.