Saturday 30 June 2007

Shit Its The A-Team.


In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...the A-Team.

In the 80's I tried to get back into acting, hoping to slip in under the long noses of the Jews that had blackballed me from Hollywood, see previously on Old Knudsen. Little does the average punter know but I was one of the original members of the hit TV show The A-team, there was Colonel John " Hannibal" Smith, (George Peppard) Sergeant Bosco "Bad Attitude" Baracas, ( Mr. T, Lawrence Tero) Lieutenant Templeton "Faceman" Peck (as played in the pilot by Tim Dunigan) and me who played Captain B.B. "Howling Mad" Knudsen the mentally disturbed Nam vet pilot, and there was of course a token broad as a news paper reporter.

George Peppard was the star and he made sure everyone knew about it, the biggest trailer with a vibrating recliner, he'd always start off conversations to the director this way, "when I made breakfast at Tiffany's, this was my best angle" or "during the making of Operation crossbow close ups of me worked better on 90% of the takes."

The rest of us hit our marks and said our lines .

I am from the school of method acting, Brando, De Niro, Keitel, all pussies, I became Howling Mad Knudsen.

One day the director came to me, "Soren, I just don't think you're feeling the character, the man has been to war, hes seen things he shouldn't have seen, they all have but Howling mad, took it worse."

Its true I wasn't feeling my character, how come the Vietnam vet ex special forces couldn't hit anything they shot at, and no one ever died? was this why they lost Nam? plus my fake American accent was on power with Madonna's fake British one, the director finished with these words,"George thinks you should be more loopy." I didn't understand as character was up in a plane not chasing Charlie doon tunnels, why was he the crazy one? maybe a chemical imbalance?

What was with Mr T's chains? did he wear those in the jungle? oh no its a little bodybuilder with excessive jewelry quietly creeping up on us, camouflage lad shape, shine, surface and silhouette.

I went home for the day and thought about it all, I rented out Apocalypse now, One flew over the Cuckoos nest and Chitty chitty bang bang, I was going to become Howling mad Knudsen and become the breakout character of the 80's, this was going to make me bigger than Rocky.

The next day I went to the studios with a plastic bag filled with acting prop. I hid behind my entrance mark and prepared myself with prop on cue I ran out, my face covered in my own feces, licking it from my fingers and clucking like a chicken, I then jumped onto George Peppard's leg and started to dry hump it.

I had become Captain B.B. Howling Mad Knudsen, I was the greatest actor in the world.

After they fired me and I got out of the mental hospital hospital I heard that a Dwight Schultz had gotten my role and was now Howling Mad Murdock, he was somewhat successful and I hold no grudges, even though his name sounds like a nazi or something, that fucker.

Face had a nervous breakdown after seeing me rape George Peppard's leg and was replaced by Dirk Benedict. Peppard called me several times after that asking me out, I had to change my number, they just didn't understand the art that is acting.

7 comments:

Foot Eater said...

I always liked Murdock best, though the show took a nosedive when they let him out of the institution for good.

By the way, I saw a crappy 80s Sylvester Stallone film on TV the other night, Cobra, and Sly's then wife Brigitte Nielsen played a fashion model with the surname... Knudsen.

Xmichra said...

LOL!! Eyebee... i have never heard that one before and just about fell out of my chair.. lol....

Old Knudsen said...

eyebee You are the keeper of that joke, guard it well, that is yer purpose in life.

Mr Eater back from selling children in Morocco I see, "crime is the diease and I'm the cure."

xmichra its a big cunt of colour.

Foot Eater said...

Actually, I was selling kids in Eastern Europe. Your Czech is in the mail.

Anonymous said...

I heard, that shortly after that photo was taken, Mr T collapsed...A victim of OG (overgold). Fortunately, by use of anal resuscitation, they were able to save his life. WHEW...

Anonymous said...

I always did like George Pappard.

Old Knudsen said...

Mr Eater why do Czech always go for males? a dirty people.

fat thomas I'm sure glad that Mr T craze is over, some of the things you wear in the 80's are so embarrassing.

Ms Pool not the greatest of actors though I liked that Banachek thing he did.