Sunday 6 May 2007

We're All Friends Now.


The Ulster Volunteer Force which for you know nothings out there is a protestant paramilitary group responsible for killing at least up to 500 people in Northern Ireland over the past few decades has made a statement that they are renouncing violence and has cease to become a terrorist organisation . They also said that if you don't believe them they'll blow yer knee caps off and are not awaiting government funding to remain peaceful, a bit like farm subsidies.

They have decided they are sentimental about their weapons and will hold onto them keeping them "beyond reach" which probably means they are too lazy to get off the sofa to get them.

The UVF are the mean fuckers whose campaign of violence claimed the lives of 33 people in bomb attacks in Dublin and Monaghan in 1974, unlike the other prod paramilitaries they were quite successful at murdering people.

The UVF and its associated group, the Red Hand Commando, "will assume a non-military, civilianised role".

The statement also condemned any criminal activity by its members, and said they should "cooperate fully with the lawful authorities in all possible instances" terms and conditions apply to that as usual which means if it suits them to cooperate they will, handing over their weapons doesn't suit them.

The UVF has accepted that "the IRA's war is over" and said it was making this move now because it was satisfied that Northern Ireland's place within the United Kingdom was now safe. Yes we won no thanks to you thick necked cunts however I wouldn't call it safe, you shall be assimilated, start learning Gaelic lads.

The Police Service Northern Ireland said: "Whilst we welcome today's announcement, individuals and organisations will be judged by their actions - actions always speak louder than words."
More money in drugs and protection anyway.

14 comments:

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

After 9/11 it went out of fashion to say one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. I think both extremes in the Troubles suffered from that, lost a lot of benign support, and had a harder time defending their methods. It might have been one of the precious few good things to have come out of 9/11. The UVF are every bit the criminals the IRA are and aren't just going to walk away from their power. You're right, they'll just stick to their drugs and protection jobs.

tony said...

Whats Gaelic for "No Surrender"?
They could become a firm of Bouncers? They would look good stood outside The Irish Club in Halifax

Gorilla Bananas said...

Knudsen, you're getting very even-handed, criticising both the Fenians and the Prods. Are you trying to become a judge or something?

Momentary Madness said...

Yes, no more guns in politics, and only if necessary in drug running and protection. The IRA and the UVF especially the foot-soldiers are not - never did slip back into nomal society; they know how to make easy money. They have a taste for it now - Once a criminal always a criminal

Momentary Madness said...

Gaelic for "No Surrender"?
I don't know Tony. But!.
Magnus Magnusson on Mastermind (IRA versus UVF) asked a hooded IRA man: "Paddy, who is the president of Ireland?
"Pass!" said Paddy.
"Paddy, what is Ireland's most favourite beer?".
"Pass!!, said Paddy.
"Paddy, your last and final chance,
how many county's are there in the republic of Ireland?".
Paddy stood up and shouted loud: "Pass!!!".
A voice from the audience shouted: "GOOD MAN PADDY, TELL THEM NOTHIN'.
Y:-) Paddy

Anonymous said...

"Protestant Paramilitary Group"

Hmmm, the church my mother dragged me to on sundays had ladies bible study groups, couples therapy groups, youth groups and sunday school.

I supppose these are the things we should expect from a religion started by a king who wanted an easy way out of a marriage and a reputation for having the wrong definition of the phrase "Give me head"

Religion is evil, bet it was started by germans in disguise.

Anonymous said...

I think they're just tired of wearing the skin masks. They are really bad for your skin, ya know. I think Eyebee's idea, well I wanna watch dammit!

savannah said...

clearest definition i've read! esp. sam's comment.

(thanks for the link, sugar)

M@ said...

I like how they and the IRA are both going to retain their weapons--at least until Middle Eastern terror stops giving them a bad name....

Old Knudsen said...

sam problem-child-bride Its the good people that just want to live and raise a family I support, just like in Iraq, all sides just fuck the whole thing up and not for the people's good.

eyebee these twats are well into steroids to beef up their muscles, good luck on finding balls.

tony I'm sure an Irish club has much need for bouncers, they fight their Ma's just for fun.

mr bananas I've met lads from both sides and its just the same kind of blind hatred.

paddy good joke, I suspect the Irish are a little slow but great road makers.

kate Isis If you trace it back far enough you'll see the breeding of germans and lemurs. henry 8th started catholic light so yes it was still evil.

babs bitchin the IRA get the same treatment right?

savannah that wasn't even half of it, I've compared Iraq to NI on speed, they were always threatening civil war but it never came to pass, same factions just different colours.

Matt or when politics just doesn't go their way they can always threaten.

Eddie Waring said...

At least they should be able to create some jobs by paying someone to paint over all the sectarian murals that they painted on the sides of houses.

Old Knudsen said...

The murals are good for tourists which is the only thing NI can make money on now since the Yanks stopped sending money over for guns.

Anonymous said...

At the height of this slaughter on the balkans the bastards worked together in drug-traficking and in selling women. That's what these super-heroes are and can: cheap pimps. With guns.

Old Knudsen said...

Now its a case of idle hands do the Devil's work.