Tuesday 29 May 2007

All You Read On This Blog Is True.

Old Knudsen shares with his readers.

I never want any of my readers/browsers/anonymous insulters or click next blog ADHD fools to ever think that what I tell here on my blog is anything but the absolute truth or may God strike me doon right now.

Nope still here. I just did a post about being an archer at the glorious battle of Agincourt (promote the victories and ignore the defeats) and though I no longer have my 6 ft 6in Longbow made out the finest Yew I do have this modern recurve bow similar to the one I used in the Roman imperial archers when I had a summer job guarding Hadrian's wall from my people, well I was more like a doorman than a guard, I'd hand out travel leaflets to Scottish raiding parties heading south, "Darlington is lovely this time of the year great B&Bs super value."

I can't use my bow at the moment as I had this target range set up in my back garden but a few arrows got loose the legend of the Apache serial killer of Killamory was born, you may remember all that from 2005 thankgod Tom Cruise jumped up and doon on Oprah's sofa and thus distracted the media.

Beside my bow is the sword Joyeuse. I knocked 7 shades of shite out of Charlemagne the great for that one. I looked at him lying there bleeding , crying ,cursing me for the Pagan Dane I was (I went through a pagan phase) and I said, "you aren't so great now lad." He was a Franconian and you know what that lot are like, call them German and they flip, like the Catalonians not being Spanish and the Ulster/Scots not being Irish, we have the Queen on our money and I don't mean Freddie Mercury.

A few years after losing his sword Charlemagne died aged 72 a broken swordless man tormented with flashbacks about a skilled cap headed warrior.

I'd love to stay and chew the fat about my exploits and conquests "WOOF" but many of those weemen are still alive and full of vengeance and there are still Nazis looking for their gold and Leprechauns wanting their lucky charms back so I have to be careful what I say and anyway I'd hate to offend anyone.

11 comments:

Vicus Scurra said...

George Clooney.

ellie said...

How could anyone ever doubt the word of the Sage?

Unknown said...

I see you parted with your musket. Very good of you to give it to Big Ian to give to Bertie at the site of the Battle of the Boyne. 'Ulster/Scots'... LOL!

Momentary Madness said...

I believe every word. I have to, I only look at the pictures.
Y;-) Paddy

Anonymous said...

Da, if you don't write a novel or something, I'm gonna have to come to the Motherland and knock ya doon.

Sassy Sundry said...

I'm after you, Old Man. I know you're telling the truth. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Megan McGurk said...

So you're not a Pagan anymore?
That's serious gear there, Old Knudsen.

SamD said...

Mmmm...Hadrian and Freddie Mercury in the very same post.

You're my new favorite Timelord. That #10 fellow looks like he ought to be a Wiggle.

Old Knudsen said...

ellie oh but they do.

Mr bananas get out of my head, I have a post mentioning the love life of superman cuming up, my dick has the power of clap.

conan drumm old post its nearly july I suppose you'll be going into hiding soon.

paddy that explains the crazy comments I thought you were high or something.

babs bitchin I never read books so no way will I write one, maybe a movie.

sassy how about forgive and forget?

medbh not one of those pretend pagans called wiccans either. I still sacrifice the odd homeless person to maintain my undead status.

samd a wiggle, excellent. I liked the # 2.Loved the haircut.

Anonymous said...

Tz - what you all have with swords. I have one too (photos on my site, Tursday anyday May). Old Karl by the way beat the shit out of these pagan Saxons, but had a little trubble with Danes.

Old Knudsen said...

I'm pretty sure rather than conquer the Danes a treaty was signed.

As my old Da used to say,"a man without a sword is a woman."