Saturday 17 February 2007

I Now Take Deliveries Around The Back


My son Trevor and I had a father and son day together. It gives us the chance to bond and to remind him what a disappointment he is to me and why couldn't he be more like his cousin Terry? I don't know whats wrong with the lad, Terry may have been shot dead by the armed police when he was trying to rob the Trustee Saving Bank (TSB) but at least he died doing something he believed in.

So Trevor took me to this cafe, I had to remind him that I didn't like coffee and what the fuck was he playing at? he told me coffee would not pass my lips as they do coffee enemas, I was a little unsure of this and hoped it wouldn't be too hot, it seems that Janet Jackson swears by these though I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not.
It was all pretty easy and didn't take too long the only problem was that everytime I farted it smelled like a coffee shop.

"How do you take yer coffee ?" " milk two sugars and up the bum no babies"

I settled in for the night at home with Trevor long gone with the words "you'll never amount to anything " ringing in his ears, besides owning his own business, having his own house, a good looking wife 3 well behaved kids the statement is more or less true, well hes no Terry now is he? determined to stay away from this dread machine
as Blogging is yet again becoming a drag (every other week) I turned on the History channel for some culture and learning.
I forgave the History Channel when they showed the film 'Boys from Brazil' and had pseudo intellectuals talking about in during the breaks, I also forgave them for the story of Jesus, no historical fact there either just to remind us how the Jews killed our lord, those fuckers, and Dances with wolves, none of that crap happened either and they left out the wanking in the long grass scene that was in the book, now I find they have put on 'Planet of the Apes' I'm scratching my head at this one, its set in the fucking future, whats historical about it? whats next for our historical education? 'My best friends wedding?' Thelma and bastarding Louise? I'm off to right an angry letter, a little bit like the time when I sat up to watch The Fugitive and they put on Frantic instead, those bastards.

2 comments:

Pickled Olives said...

Coffee enima? ewwww. Coffee fart? Hahahahahahahahha

Unknown said...

Oh fuck, I just spewed coffee outa my nose, laughing at this one, literally. Do you think I'll get a brain cleansing like that? I do need it, now don't I?
Eddie Waring's comment is hysterical too!