Saturday 20 January 2007

Sex,Lies And Tapeworm.



You just know this guy stuffs.

What a crazy world at the moment, Europe has been lashed by storms with over 40 dead. The London bombers got their hydrogen peroxide from numerous Sally beauty supply shops to make their bombs with, leading the government to put a ban on peroxide blondes and I must say its about time, when Al Qaeda start using low rider jeans and Burberry and the government bans them the world will be a better place.


You can just feel the chaviness pulsating off her, she thought that Rio de Janeiro was a football player and that horse radishes came from horses.

Jade Goody who caused an international incident on Big Brother has been kicked out of the hoose, she has had her perfume line 'the smell of a chav' dropped from many stores and Big Brother itself has lost a major backer. Jade has gone on to vehemently deny being a racist but cannot deny being a stupid chavy hoorbag, it may not have been about race but it was a good enough excuse to use.

For a while now I've been going on about how when China invades Taiwan that will be the start of world war 3, with China being mates with Russia and Iran they have showed the world they can do what they want and launched a missile destroying one of their own broken doon satellites, to be honest that's their business but the rest of the world gets nervous when powerful countries don't tell them about missile launches . C'mon people all those films from the 60's and 70's were right with millions of Chinkys in red cover alls and hard hats with underground bases trying to take over the world and only Bond or our man Flint can stop them.
They have been cultivating a large number of male births to populate this world conquering army and the incentive for all those female starved horny young male soldiers will be go forth and multiply, go find weemen and breed some allegiance.

Fat Cam

You just know this fella can rip em off with the best of them, being lactose intolerant adds to the flavour. Ice-cream doesn't like him but hes a greedy fucker.

Ever see on the news what I can the 'fat cam' ? when they do a news story about health and eating they always show a street scene of fat people going about their business walking around the town, its always a bonus to show them with some food in their hands, hey they didn't get fat on diet and exercise now did they? the thing is the big boned people (who are not always jolly, that's a myth) are shown from the neck doon as to spare them any embarrassment of bad dress sense I guess.
I'm not fat, I'm not skinny either, I'm cuddly, stocky, lumpy, along those lines but if I was a fatty, er sorry, a person of high body mass and I saw myself on the fat cam as I tucked into a fish supper, big mac meal, quarter pounder with cheese, 3 jam donuts and a large diet coke, I would be scundered, in fact I get embarrassed for them when I watch it but it makes me feel good about myself, I may be a cunt but I'm not a fat cunt.

On the telly you always see hot young weemen working out in their tight clingy outfits at the local fitness centre.


When I go this is what I get still wanking material, though being a shallow creature as most of us are I'd prefer the former, its a wank not marriage.

Who gives a shit? its the weekend go out and do something or someone. I have a massive headache I think it might be a brain hemorrhoid, I suffered from one before so don't worry it just makes my scalp real itchy and I drool and slur my words naturally so its not like you could tell. I will spend the weekend figuring out which countries are going on to my own axis of evil, Lapland and Finland are two separate countries right? which one do those fucking Eskimo bastards cum from? and Estonia that's in Spain isn't it? as you can see I have a lot of work ahead of me.


Something for the weekend sir? I don't care what dirty cuntry she cums from, Monica Bellucci is a very talented actress as you can see by this dress.

13 comments:

tony said...

yea i saw that on the telly the other day..the tv cameras were showing videos of fat-folk walking down somw High Street or other.only from the shoulders down......did they ask permission?I'd have been royally pissed if i had come home from a hard day.was eating my Tea in front of telly and saw my arse on National News!A disgrace!
Dont Worry.my guess they were all Polish.as (i know from bitter experience) the Polish diet is 99% potatoe (dont ask what the other 1% might be)Dont Worry ! Soon All you natives will look Slavic Too !!!(True story=all MacDonalds chips are grown in Poland!"french Fries" my Arse)
Soon we will kick all the Chinese out of the country & all we'll have is "Polish Takeaways".(eg="Honey,I,m just going out for A POLISH")
The Chinese might have the odd Atom Bomb but the Poles lead the world in Massive Paluszki's
.and,talking of Massive Paluszki's i think poor Jade is deeply misunderstood.........(but only by herself)

Eddie Waring said...

Aye, that Monica Bellucci would look grand scrubbing the skidmarks out of my delicates. As for the news stories about fat folk, I think they should show their faces, shame 'em into losing a stone or two. I need to lose a bit meself, although when you've got a big nail you need a big hammer to knock it in with, if you know what I mean. The yellow hordes can shoot down as many satellites as they want to as long as they leave the one that makes my telly work.

Sassy Sundry said...

I'm so pleased I don't watch Big Brother.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

I am with Sassy on this one. I don't watch BB either.
On the fattycams-there are actually people out there who intentionally over stuff themselves. I think it is a diease like anorexia only of course in the opposite. Check this out http://heartdaphat.blogspot.com/ how sad, she is only 19!She actually has a goal of 400 lbs. Good luck finding the wet spot!

Ame said...

I love his "tight wad!" =)

Old Knudsen said...

tony the future is no longer orange its polish, thats a grim prospect for me, getting beat up everytime I post, no wait a minute slavs can't use computers.

Mr Waring big hammers? big nails? have they upped yer meds again?

sassy sundry I only look in when something is happening like sticking bottles up yer vadge.

dear prudence you didn't have this problem 100 years ago when people couldn't sit around and stuff their faces all day, I put it with those dieases like sex addiction, a load of bollocks, that gurl needs a rocket up her arse way too much time on her hands, what is she getting so fat so then she can qualify for stomach stapling? probably some trauma in her life shes avoiding and she has decided on some easy way of killing herself named over eating, its sad and stupid at the same time. Most people though are just lazy greedy fuckers, if 'they' really wanted to lose wieght they would, if they really wanted to.

ame out of the whole of this fine post you noticed his package, same on you, you vixen.

Old Knudsen said...

shame that is.

Neponset River Bridge Dig said...

That's some belly on that guy. Is he any relation to you old "K" ?

tony said...

its true actually....i have a very clever Indian who sits on my knee & types this stuff for me..........

Ame said...

OMG KNUDDIE!!! That's just plain old RUDE RUDE RUDE RUUUUUUUUUUUDE talking to Sassy like THAT!

Is that an accepted British spelling? ;)

And yeah, I'm an old wad noticer from waaaaaaaaaay back...I noticed YOU didn't I?

Heheheheheh~ evil laughter ensues!

The Mistress said...

Where did you get that pic of me doing Aquacize?

Old Knudsen said...

rich remind me to have you killed.

tony thats nothing, this whole blog is being moved to India as they are better educated and will work for feces.

ame only rude if taken out of context as the vadge shoving did happen in BB once, and I'm all for weemen doing that as their bodies are not sinful (well some are) I've never been called a wad before well done.

mj the underwater pics are the best, you've got some junk in that trunk.