Monday, 31 December 2007

Looking Back And A New Beginning

My first post of the new year, yep 2008. I'm going to make this an inspirational post full of hope, love and the promise of a better tomorrow today, assuming today is fine with you, if not can you pencil me in for later in the week? afternoon please as I don't do mornings.

It is written in the Bible (somewhere at the back) "And so'th the lamb shall lay doon in the mint sauce and the polar bear will share a Coca Cola with the wolf and peace shall reign doon for a thousand years."

The translation from Aramaic is a little dodgy and it might have been "And piss shall rain doon ."

If George and Mahmoud can be friends then why can't I be friends with all the horrible cunts that read me not to mention who spammed me for over two months this year. I shall visit yer blogs more often and pretend to like you all in the coming year............................................this may be a total lie.

This year has had its ups and doons, its ins and outs, its ramming and thrusting. I've done things that I'm not proud of.

Yer Ma being one of them but I did her just so I could do a post about it.

I recently won the Palitzer Prize for my news blog, I still haven't got my cunting prize money yet but I hear its the honour that counts.

It was sad when the Grinch went ape shit and shot up that town, that sad young Grinch had some serious Christmas issues.

While there are weemen like this one I have hope for the world and my wank bank. I do wish she would tuck in her underwear, is that sexy? yeah as sexy as those low rider jeans, got a bad looking arse then make it look worse.

Ah fuck it and fuck you, another year full of the same old shite, tits, arse and midget sex. Those who have wronged me last year I hope you die in a fire and those who will wrong me this year I hope you get mauled by a tiger on yer birthday.

Al Qaeda and Global warming are getting together for a super group and we are all fucked. Didn't I tell you about Bhutto? no Taliban or Al Qaeda cunt is taking responsibility for it, even the IRA are keeping quiet, how stupid do you have to be? The 140 who died by suicide bomber when Bhutto first turned up in Pakistan wasn't even investigated.

Musharraf did it. People say oh Bhutto would have let US troops come into Pakistan and that worried the Taliban, the fuck it would, as if the Ragheads are afraid of the US troops, that would of helped their cause. Musharraf had the most to lose as Bhutto had a chance of winning the election.

In 1979 the Queen's cousin Lord Mountbatten who was in charge of the Burma campaign or the forgotten war of world war II was blown up on his boat by the IRA while on holiday off the coast of Donegal. It turns out that Mountbatten was all for the unity of Ireland, have a huge helping of irony why don't ya.

Dr Who with Colin Baker and his assistant Peri as played by Nicola Bryant. Ah those were the days. She was English but put on a fake Yank accent to play an 18 year old student. Large breasts that bounced with grace as she ran from the aliens she even appeared in a bikini and you could see the odd nipple poke through her clothing now and then, yes I am still very much in love with her.

For some reason there has been a lot of UFO sightings over Wales, many by Airline pilots, two or three a week in fact. I see a connection that Dr Who is now being made by BBC Wales other than that all I can tell you to do is, "watch the skies."

Well um happy new year I suppose and don't let yer posts get away from you like I do, I make genius look easy but it isn't.

It is actually very easy now go to my news blog or I'll glass ya.

Sunday, 30 December 2007


Me and Penny in more happy days

Ever think that yer partner is the devil? or maybe just a cunting Mud monster? well some enterprising yank has come up with restraining orders to keep away supernatural and paranormal entities for only $5 each, you receive a printed document that bars them from approaching or contacting you.
I wish I had known this when I went through that abusive relationship I had with Penny Wiseman, for she was a zombie! no not an I.T. technician a real zombie.

I'd come home from a hard day at the pub and there would be no dinner on the table, the place was a mess and covered in blood. I found part of a man's arm behind the sofa and confronted her with it, she merely snarled and snatched it from my hands and ate it. Do you know how that feels? no I really hope you don't. To be accused of imagining things and having no proof.

Not only do I think she was seeing other men but I think it was weemen, children and neighbourhood dogs.
I tried to talk to her about my feelings but she'd just lurch towards me and try to eat my brains, it was so belittling to be with someone who dismissed you like that and just saw you as a piece of meat, she wanted me for my brains but not in a nice way.

Why did we stay together for two years? you may ask, well it was the great sex. Rough, angry, animalistic sex with wrestling and biting. I knew she was getting bored in the last 6 months of our relationship when she'd just lie there like a dead body, I didn't mind but the vacant look in her eyes told me she was thinking about ripping apart someone else.

I found out who it was when I came home early one day to find her biting the milkman. I just left, well I grabbed the beer from the fridge, broke the remote for the TV and left with tears in my eyes, she had never bitten me like that.

Penny was a strange one, I think once they get a taste of yer blood they can't live without you, she only wanted me when she knew she couldn't have me, she'd jump out at me, bang on windows and leave messages on my phone like "eeeerrrrrrrrrrr" but no I have my dignity, I gave into to her once and we were together for a week before the old patterns started up again, no I was done with her and her promises of eerrrrr and gggrrrrr.

I could have done with a restraining order as Penny has never left my life since our break up, yes you've guessed it, she is now one of the heads at the back of my fridge now. I got enough of her one day when she showed up snarling and waving her arms in a jealous and deadly way in the middle of a three some I was having with the Thompson twins.

Her jealous streak shows when I put another head on the fridge shelf but I have taken back my power now. "Alba Gu Bra!"

Maybe yer ex needs a stake through their heart or a jolly good be-heading but not in a dirty Arab way.
Get yer restraining orders here

Signs that you may be in a relationship with an abusive paranormal entity are:

You frequently worry about how they will react to things you say or do
Your family and friends have warned you about them, or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being
You leave and then return to them repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family, and loved ones
You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it’s the right thing to do

You may need protection from an abusive paranormal entity if they:
Are jealous or possessive toward you (a primary symptom of abusive relationships)
Try to control you, often by being very bossy or demanding
Try to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships
Pressure you sexually, or demand sexual activities you are not comfortable with
Have a history of bad relationships
Are violent and/or lose their temper quickly
Shame, humiliate, or embarrass you, either privately or around family and friends Claim that you are responsible for their emotional state (a criteria for co-dependency)
Blame you when they mistreat you Abuse drugs or alcohol

Latest OBB News Up-Dates

Saturday, 29 December 2007

Osama Tells All

My CIA chums in the Killamory secret torture prison have decided this is a real image of Bin Laden, it seems he is getting prompts from some raghead on the side. They can not tell who it is as he is heavily disguised.

Osama Bin Predicting, in a bid to become a part of the media Osama has released yet another tape but this time its predictions for 2008 as he has studied the mystical arts of future peering while sitting in his cave fondling his goats.

1) The slackers of Iraq will join up and defeat America, I SAID JOIN UP HOW MANY HINTS DO YOU WANT?

2) This year the west will be defeated and converted to Islam either voluntarily or by the sword, either way its a great religion of peace and love and not as bad as Scientology.

3) Lohan will go back into rehab and not finish the course.

4) Celebrities will still not practice safe sex and yet more will be pregnant.

5) George Bush will feel the power of Allah against him, in the showers.

6) I will star in a reality show.

7) Global Warming will be a major issue this year.

8) There will be many deaths in the middle east.

9) Indonesia will get some terrible natural disasters.

10) Hugh Laurie will quit as House and the world shall mourn.

11) I will remember to dye my beard next time I release a tape.

12) Old Knudsen will die but will still manage to post more than everyone else.

13) Manuel will start up more blogs.

14) The Disney Channel will find a virgin among their stars.

15) Twenty Major will not win the Irish Blog Awards, it will be won by a Kenyan.

16) I will be found by the American infidels, only kidding just my little joke as if that would happen.

17) Gordon Brown will turn out to be likable and not lose any more personal data from the public ................ again with the jokes.

18) One of Old Knudsen's commenters shall betray him to the bloody Romans.

19) The new Star Trek movie will actually be good.

20) Ted Kennedy's memoirs will be a #1 best seller and will have less facts and truth in it than a Dan Brown book.

The fog is getting thicker, no really living up here on the Pakistan border can be quite foggy but at least its safe. Remember my predictions for when they come true I shall say "Allah told you so."

Latest OBB News Up-Dates

I'm Bringing Hairy Back

Fuck the McRib I want hairy bacon.

A rare breed of pig has been reintroduced to the UK . The Curly coat or Mangalitza pig became extinct in the UK in 1972 but thankfully many were sold to Hungry in the 1920's where they were able to survive the harsh winters and the three breeds of hairy pigs fitted in nicely as wife replacements for many a lonely porker (the official title of pig farmers) pigs are serious tasty business just ask the British Pig Association.
With publicity from the film "Snatch," George Clooney having one as a pet before he fucked it to death and the Canadian porker serial killer feeding his victims to his gaggle of pigs soon pigs are to be the new cow or chicken.
Pigs are said to be as smart as dogs and dolphins which means they are pretty fucking stupid but if it wasn't for eating pig's trotters, Britain would never have survived 1940 and the attacks of that Nazi Swine Hitler.

A Young Red Mangalitza Weaner

Once you get past the idea that they stand in their own shit all day the trotters are quite nice.
Don't choke a chicken, pork a pig.

Thursday, 27 December 2007

In God We Rust

God speaks through me, he tells me I need to pee.

A wee two year old gurl Teagan Gislason, from Minnesota , USA, was attending a church service when she found a screwdriver, tripped and it stuck in her skull.
What the fuck kind of church was that ? I heard all about those yank churches handling their snakes and drinking Jesus juice waiting for the end of the world but to give the kiddies tools, that's Pentecostal if you ask me, all we do is sing, prey and fall asleep to the sermon, no exciting running about with tools for us.

Doctors were able to remove the screwdriver without surgery, and Teagan is expected to make a full recovery.
The girl's father, Neil Gislason, spoke of how God had helped his daughter."God was watching over her very hard," he said.
Ok back it up a mo, yer Fenians aren't you? Just like the McCanns who went to dinner and left god to look after their children and you know how that worked out.
If God was good with kids he would not have let her play with the tool in the first place so then you wouldn't have to start up a fund to pay for the medical bills, ever hear of luck? well you had some bad luck that turned out to not be so bad.

"I think He saved her for a reason, and I can't wait to see what that is." The inattentive father said.
Look out for the name Teagan Gislason in the future she could be one of the future leaders in America, the ones that inspire others like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears or Lindsay Lohan.
Will she be pregnant at 16, in rehab by 17 and a has-been by 18? I really can't wait to see what God's plan for this clumsy toddler is either.

God inspired me to write this post, he wants a new bad boy image, not the kind that saves toddlers with screwdrivers in their heads but the kind that gives the screwdrivers to the kids and tells them to run, for the past 2000 odd years he has grown bored with humanity and does things the same way as you would click on to this blog to be amused or grossed out, yes as we are made by the divine we are all divine. We live in the ultimate reality show and God is our audience who votes people off the planet.

The mother Katie Gislason is also stupid, "She's our Christmas miracle," I know when I pray its always for a child to get impaled then made ok and get a large bill for it.
Oh, God wants to say something to her, "Where was yer God when the star headed screw driver got stuck in yer kiddie's head? You were supposed to be talking to me at the time right? In my hoose.
I suppose yer going to sue me for leaving my tools lying about. I bet you think cos it was a Philip headed screw driver that was a sign like the Christmas star, well the Christmas star was light from Venus bouncing off Uranus, Heaven is full up so fuck off."

Doctors said neither Teagon's eye nor her brain was damaged and it didn't spoil her looks that hopefully she'll grow into some day and maybe change her name into something less silly.

If you want to be an instrument of God and pay their medical bills then send yer money to the address below or alternatively you can send yer money to me so I have a reason to continue to slag off idiot parents and their ugly children.

:: The Teagan Gislason Fund, c/o Provincial Bank, 20280 Iberia Ave, Lakeville, Minnesota, MN 55044, USA.

Benazir Bhutto Assassinated

Its sad when Idealists and good guys finish last.

Ok I'm annoyed, it was bound to happen even she herself knew it would probably happen and now it has. In Pakistan the former prime minister and opposition leader Benazir Bhutto was assassinated after a campaign rally. The 54 year-old was shot in the neck and chest and then the attacker blew himself up.
20 others were also killed in the attack. The rally was for the January 8th parliamentary elections.
In her own words in October she warned about "hidden hands" being responsible if anything happened to her.

After the attack her supporters attacked the police in several cities. President Pervez Musharraf the current western backed dictator who saw her as a real threat to his position blamed Islamic extremists and he would redouble his efforts to fight them. What is nothing doubled?

"This is the work of those terrorists with whom we are engaged in war," he said in a nationally televised speech. "I have been saying that the nation faces the greatest threats from these terrorists. ... We will not rest until we eliminate these terrorists and root them out."

Limp dick President or is it lame duck? Bush strongly condemned the attack "by murderous extremists who are trying to undermine Pakistan's democracy." As usual the US will only get involved and only up to a point when it suits them. You can see that Bush is shamed everytime he speaks about Musharraf, its in his body language and tone.

He knows he isn't fooling anyone, accuse away it won't make a difference, the rest of the US politicans are too worried about how their hair looks and what do the American people know or care about Pakistan anyway ?

Nawaz Sharif, another former prime minister and opposition leader, said his party would boycott the elections, wise move considering.

Since Bhutto returned to Pakistan from exile she has been a thorn in the side of Musharraf, he has put her under hoose arrest 'for her own safety' a few times.

She had already gained the whelming support from the people but what does the will of the people really count for? the government only listens to the people when there is a successful armed revolt so they make gun laws to prevent that from happening.

Musharraf you murdering, backstabbing, double dealing dog cock licker.

Then there was the whole side show about Musharraf taking off his uniform as a serving military general shouldn't be President, that was a load of bollocks, that's like Putin stepping doon, you know he'll still be calling the shots, no pun intended. It was all just distraction.

Musharraf complied and was seen to be reasonable. Bush never condemned Musharraf he just protested saying ,"I know its none of our business but I have to say in public that we think its wrong" because having a strong military man in charge in that region was better than a civilian woman.

Pakistan has for a long time supported the Taliban as they have historical ties together, you can't go having a woman in charge.

Recently Musharraf complained that he only had one working helicopter and so couldn't hunt Al Qaeda, which is very strange as the US has been given him billions of dollars since 2003 solely for that purpose. I wonder where the money went?
No wonder Al Qaeda are so well trained and equipped.

I am annoyed that a good brave leader was killed by the minions of Musharraf who plays both sides.

I am annoyed that Bush and the rest of the west know Musharraf is dirty but pay him in the hope he'll help them get somewhere Just like the UK and the Saudi arms deal . The name of this Blog is "Old Bitter Balls" the state of the world and the cowardly murdering scum that rule it and play the double standards game of pick and choose yer allies is one major reason why I am bitter.

If ya don't like it then go read "young fluffy balls."

Wednesday, 26 December 2007

Rum, Sodomy And The Lash

It was thought that Winston Churchill said that British naval tradition consisted of Rum, sodomy and the lash. I'd say that would be true of most navys. Spunk doesn't show up so much on yer liberty whites, those Yanks think of everything.

The Navy are all queer and that's in the bible, I do however like the commercials that make the armed forces look exciting. Fast paced action shots of people jumping out of boats or shouting commands. The film "Top Gun" was a very expensive ad for US navy pilots, short arse cunts can get the tall chicks and save us from the Migs while being "dangerous."

"My rock beats yer Scissors Ice-man, I didn't get my Rock Paper Scissors badge for nothing."

In the UK there were ads with office type yuppie people sitting in a bar and they ask one guy "how was yer week" the man gazes off to flash backs of exciting army life, then a hot woman enters the bar and all the yuppies stare as she goes over to the guy and then you see her in the flash backs dressed in army gear giving commands. I think what the ad was trying to say was, "yer life is boring come and let us tell you what to do and hot military chicks (we called them groundsheets) will want yer cock."

Then there was the ads that has soldiers in a situation like some raghead getting angry with you in some dirty camel fucker lingo so what do you do next? me I'd open fire and teach them to respect the Empire but no, the answer was for the officer to remove his sun glasses to make eye contact as a sign of respect, fuck away off. British army you stone age cunts bow doon.

For fucks sake, can you Palestinians no take a wee joke?

Yer a special forces soldier observing a target, you have rations for 8 days, its now day 13 what do you do? me I'd say, "fuck this for a game of soldiers and go home." Its to see if you are dumb enough to stay in position and starve to death or tramp around like Les Strouds looking for food and giving away yer position and not watch the target.

The Yanks have their "Army of one" slogan, me I'd prefer some backup. I don't think one person can be an army, look it up, " a large organized body of armed personnel trained for war." I'll admit I'm not into book learnin much, I hated school and resented being made to attend in fact I also hated (and still do) being told what to do so idiot me did join the army for numerous years until they tired of me but even I'm not going to fall for that army of one crap, I maybe dumb but I'm not Irish.

After a battle I'd go around the battlefield as the weemen knifed the enemy wounded, you'd get some good stuff off those bodies, thats when I became an arms dealer on the market of colour as we call it.

The reason I took the King's shilling was because of the ad of the day, the English army recruiters would come to yer town and make it all sound exciting and romantic, " Fight for the King and oppress the heathen wog just like God wants you too." Well I was hooked, I joined the 101st Kings own cannon fodder regiment, we wore red coats so the enemy could see us better, that was the polite thing to do.

I was the original inventor of "Duck and cover" and so I moved on to the "Royal suicide fusiliers." Ah happy days, I developed a lot of the field craft the army use today for sniping as I hid in the grass and crawled bravely to safety.

Senator John Kerry, George Washington look 'a' like, liberal anti-war traitor and presidential failure said it best and this should be a commercial "If you don't do well in school and you don't study, you end up in Iraq."

He should also add if yer dumb enough to think the army will put you through college we want to give you a weapon and train you to kill .

Tuesday, 25 December 2007

Teeth Are For The Weak

Out with his gurlfriend, imagine giving him a big Frenchie snog.
Shane MacGowan, born in kent, England but then moved to Ireland and became a bit more Irish (though he still has a north London accent) he was the lead slurrer of the Pogues whose name comes from the gheylick pogue mahone or póg mo thóin, meaning "kiss my arse." MacGowan did crappy music with some politics thrown in and was best known for the song "Fairytale of new York" with Kirsty MacColl. The BBC recently decided to bleep out the offensive language in the 20 year old song until viewers told them to wise up.
I remember back in the day the easiest way to become famous was to get yer song banned from the BBC playlist so then everyone would buy it, Frankie goes to Hollywood did it with "Relax" as they had the words "when you wanna cum" even today I hear that bit edited out by other groups singing it.
The reason I'm mentioning this person is not only is he one of Britain's beautiful people (we have strange standards) but it was his 50th birthday yesterday so I just lost a bet. Imagine that cunt reaching 50, he must have sold his soul or something.

Well its the 26th December which in civilised cuntries is called "Boxing day" This comes from the 13th century tradition of after a large Christmas feast you'd need some exercise so the next day the Lords and other such gentry would chase doon the peasants and box their ears or punch the heads off them as some may call it. Of course the peasant scum knowing their place wouldn't dare to lift a hand to a gentleman or lady who was thumping their nose to a bloody stump as that would be considered bad manners, it was a different world back then. I lived near Lord Nelson's hoose and it was sad to see him trying to do me damage after he had lost one of his arms, when he wasn't looking I'd punch meself so he thought he'd done more harm than he did, I think he knew which was why he'd generously tip me afterwards.

I'll be mostly trying to start a fight with Sir Paul McCartney today but in breaking with tradition I will be hitting back to see how he likes getting pushed around about a one legged nut case, I knew that cunt had a nasty side to him, it was George Harrison I liked anyway.
Did you see the Queen's speech? for 81 that bird is still a ride.

Happy Christmas If Yer Reading This Then Yer A Lucky Cunt

Born to be sacrificed by his deadbeat dad and too dumb to run from the Romans, millions believe this story but for some strange reason they don't believe my Blog which in my opinion is more believable.

Ok enough is enough, next you'll say that Saddam having WMDs is historical fact because most of the cunts in charge said so or that Sherlock Holmes is a historical character because he has a hoose in London.

I hope you got everything you wanted.

On my news blog I have a birthday of the day widget and today the 25th December it has Jesus Christ as having his birthday though it says there is no evidence of it. What scholars agree that Jesus is an historical figure? the holocaust deniers? religious scholars? sorry the Romans were sticklers for writing doon details and never mentioned him, here let me take the word some illiterate Jews gone wrong that didn't even know Jesus because Jews are a fucking stable bunch to begin with just look at the middle east today and where Christians and Muslims came from.

Nice beaver, "thanks I just had it stuffed" I'd love to bust that star.

From todays birthday widget

Most scholars agree that Jesus of Nazareth was a historical figure, a preacher and healer in Roman-occupied Palestine who was crucified in Jerusalem. He is the central figure in Christianity and an important prophet in Islam. Christmas, December 25th by the Gregorian Calendar, is celebrated as his birthday, although there is no evidence that this was his actual date of birth

Did you have a white christmas? did yer partner give you a pearl necklace?

Lets get something straight, all that religious stuff is mythology, you say Greek mythology, Roman mythology, Norse mythology but you'll find some silly cunt looking for the Ark of the covenant on the 'History' channel .

Or were you as bored as this lass?

Religion only becomes dominant when it forces itself on others, replaces and out-breeds them which is why the Belgians are shitting themselves about their Islamic immigrant population and turning more towards those with white supremacist leanings.

This would be for Ellie before she complains about the lack of man meat in my post. He could make it Christmas everyday for you.

Commercialism and ignorance have mostly replaced historical fact and what mythologies they were stolen from. I blame the Yanks of course for a lot of it like their embracing of Halloween, Easter and Christmas to make them reasons to buy stuff, they even have memorial day sales for the fallen war dead, tacky but profitable.

The UK will be mini America in 10 years, its half way there already.
Did you get legless?

Santa used to be the pagan god of sailors, the end of December is the birth of the sun not the son, Easter is to fuck like bunnies and for the plants to re-awaken and Halloween is getting yer food ready for the long winter not handing out sweets to wee fat shites in masks.

Its funny how time goes on and life and death celebrations and festivals become bland meaningless ways to spend money and outcast anyone who won't play along. Mother's day, Father's day, Grandparent's day ,Valentine day or any other pulled out of Hallmark's arse day.

Appreciate those that mean something to you every day, it should always be mother's day (unless shes a cunt) give thanks for what you have and count yer blessings like when yer child smiles at you or yer coffee tastes extra nice one day and be grateful you can even buy the coffee.

I don't mean be a wet blanket that says peace and love dude, save the whales I mean just live on yer terms and not be dictated to by an uncaring society that will talk shite behind yer back the first chance it gets and only loves you when yer spending.
Fuck the whales their extinction is called evolution and God, 2007 years is a long time to be an apathetic voyeur, what have you done for us lately ?

Monday, 24 December 2007

Put A Log On The Fire

I have been indulging in schadenfreude this year, thats the art of enjoying the mis-fortune of others especially at this time of year. I hope you all have a normal enjoyable Christmas and stop sending me shite like the picture above .

Thankyou to one of my fellow bloggers for this present. I shall not name you unless pressed to by bribes etc.

Sad Bastards posts At X-mas # 2

Sunday, 23 December 2007

Santa Causes Global Warming

You cunts just go about and buy yer expensive toys and deck yer halls etc but have you ever thought of the price of Christmas? yeah like you really care just drink yer eggnog and eat yer turkey.
Ever wonder about Santa's Elves? whittling away at I-pods , X-boxes and rabbit vibrators or putting the triangles on the Argyle socks you never wanted. It used to be they only worked during December and spent the rest of the year as tooth fairies and guardian angels for lonely travelers but as Christmas is getting earlier every year they now start in November as toy demand has stepped up but they have it lucky. Its the ones doon the coal mines that have it hard, since the world is full of little shites they work doon pit all year, long hours in dangerous conditions and what does Santa do? well that lard ass eats and watches soaps all year only working one night a year and most of that is spent fucking mummy under the tree or eating cookies as magic is used for most deliveries.

Its a catch 22 situation, be good and get presents, be bad and get coal, its like Jesus, he'll love you whether you want it or not which in my mind puts them in the same categories as pedos, rapists and governments.

Never mind the poor and the homeless just give a thought to Santa's slaves. Maybe Santa could give bad little sprogs a chunk of Carbon Off-set instead, things have to change as Santa is killing the planet.

Or you can just say, "fuck the Elves I'm ok" and look at this Christmas totty. I know what I want for Christmas.

Only Sad Bastards Blog At X-mas # 1

Not being a fan of Christmas, Birthdays or any other contrived scheme to get me to buy gifts for cunts or I risk being a social leper I shall celebrate the festive period the only way I know how, by telling you all what wankers you all are and with images of the human body.

You Book Nazi

Horny Hilary as I call her wasn't very impressed with the way I portrayed her in my book "To all the gurls I've loved before" so she used her power and influence to have it removed from the shelves. That's what happens when you tell the truth. I met her at a fund raiser for her campaign as first lady er I mean as president, I shook her hand and said, "you've got a great pair of tits why is my cock not between them?" that got her interested. In fact that line has a 98% success rate in my experience.

Before you know it I was being escorted by the security up to her room for a night of wild banging as Bill sat in the corner of our dark room smoking a cigar.
She gave a speech the next day smelling like Old Knudsen sex.

I'd rate her 4 out of 10 a little too submissive for my liking and for what she did to my book I urge you not to vote for her.
If you want to read other Old Knudsen books I have listed a few I have written over the years. My agent wanted me to do books for the blind but I doubt as they can't see I'm sure they can't read either, fuck my agent is dumb. Old Knudsen Books

Saturday, 22 December 2007

Burn Them All

It seems there is a tradition among the Mexicans that every Christmas Witches fly out to patrol the skies to try to stop Santa. Now we all know that Witches are evil vile creatures that would certainly do such a thing and as the King James Blunt version of the bible says "suffer not a witch to live" but more likely its a 3rd world cuntry making up an excuse as to why Santa didn't give them any presents, it seems Santa doesn't give presents to poor kids, either hes a cunt or he doesn't exist, its the Witches stopping him or 3rd world kids are bastards I really don't know.
It was caught on video a few times but no way am I putting up a link to some cunting You Tube.
I shall however put up a link to my news story in witch er I mean which drug dealers killed Santa in Brazil.

Then there is this proof which happened in the states, the body was found in New Mexico which is still Mexico right? just shinier . The body was taken off to be dis-sected, I hope they killed it first.

Friday, 21 December 2007

I've Got Some Round The Back

Nearly that time of the year again in which you invite "Old Nick" er I mean Jolly saint Nicholas into yer homes to brainwash yer shallow idiot children with crass commercialism and eat and drink too much and make bad choices with drunken sexual encounters at work parties.

I just thought I'd get into the spirit of things and post a Christmas picture. Just remember people its all about lil baby Jeebus who, according to the history books and the History channel was born on the 25 th December, fucked if I know what year it was. I do know that after Jeebus was resurrected into his holy zombie state he never sent his Da a single father's day card. This gives hope to dead beat dads everywhere, whatever the children have against them at least they didn't crucify the wee cunts. (well probably not)

Thursday, 20 December 2007

Raspberry Ripples

In jan 2006 a man with a facial disfigurement who was ordered out of a Belfast nightclub because the doorman told him the manager said he had to leave, that he didn't fit their criteria. and now he has been has been awarded £2,500 in compensation.

Compared to Jose tumour face here Raymond is George Clooney.

Raymond Crowe 47, said "Now I just don't go out any more." The father of two didn't want to put his wife through any undue embarrassment.

The nightclub is now under new ownership and current proprietor Stephen Boyd said such an incident would not happen again.

These are the type of sexy people I want to party with.

No offense to the man but he is an ugly fucker and what right has he got to be going into nightclubs? I know bouncers can be door Nazis, "Hey tuck that shirt in" or "You can't come in here with trainers on" or " No swords allowed on the premises."

Also how the fuck did he get a wife?
Mrs Crowe is a road worker who loves Raymond for his personality, the 10 million lottery win and his 12 inch cock go towards making him a lovely guy.

Nope I haven't photoshopped any pics in this post, people really are that ugly.

Two blind friends who were turned away from a Chinese restaurant because they had a guide dog have been awarded £1,000 each in compensation.
Andrea Hope and Jamie Coady were told by staff they could not sit in the main restaurant with the dog.

The incident took place in December 2005. The friends were told they could leave the animal tied up outside or take their food away.

The restaurant owners apologised and admitted a breach of the Disability Discrimination Act.
The new owner of the Imperial City, Eileen Li, said the incident was regrettable.
"Everyone is welcome in here," she said.

The friends had been out to celebrate Mr Coady's birthday and said their night had been ruined and ended up going elsewhere.
Look at the picture above, real lookers huh? also having a dog in a restaurant I don't care how well trained it is it still smells and licks its arse.

So they were going to tie it up outside and walk back in? Chinks can be really fucking stupid sometimes I think its genetic, maybe they didn't want to cook it up by mistake.
I lose my patience with disabled people, especially the ones that try to mow you doon with their wheelchairs, "Oh I'm too fat to walk I have right of way" ugly people upset me too, its not that I'm shallow and uncaring well it might be but I don't care.

Belfast is a changed city. The Protestants and the Catholics drink at the same water fountains now and use the same public restrooms, of course the Catholics still shit on the floor but with television commercials they will be potty trained in a few years it is hoped.
With all this brotherly love going around to keep it going we need a common foe so why not discriminate against the Raspberry ripples? you know it makes sense, a work-shy lazy bunch full of excuses like, "I'm blind" or "I don't have any hands." Why should they be given special treatment? I want my dog to eat with me when I pop doon to the KFC, every special bit of treatment they get means less for us pensioners so fuck em all and let God sort out his own.

My Time Has Not Cum

The history channel recently found one of my old temples, go on use it for an avatar I don't mind.
I wrote this post and then found that Manuel had done one about Time magazine too but as no one reads that cunt I'm posting mine .

I thought this was my year, with all my Blogging success and fame, if you search for "Fossett Found" you'll find my news story at # 3 oh yeah baby I'm big.

Time magazine has named Russian dictator and vote rigger Vladimir Putin its 2007 "Person of the Year." You slack jawed cunts, they humoured me last year by making "all" Interweb users as the people of the year which was just fucked up as I've seen yer blogs and most of you should be given 50 lashes, not awards, *you know who I mean*.

Poor wee Hitler only wanted a little peace, a little peace of Poland, a little peace of France.
Other winners of the award have been Adolf Hitler which is good cos people just always talk shit about the man, you just try being an evil dictator trying to take over the world its hard.
"Don't waste yer time luv hes as queer as a 7 Ruble note."

Joseph Stalin got it twice in a "red tag sale" no wait it was a red fag sale, just check out that moustache he belonged in the village people.

"Don't shoot him Billy, we love him."

Winston Churchill got it twice which is just right, the beautiful Queen Elizabeth II who is the oldest living monarch at 81 also recieved the award and I gave her one too.

Here is Martin Luther at one of his Nazi rallies, his son Rodney was a trouble maker too who can't stay off the crack.

JFK got it for getting shot as did Martin Luther King jr, see how easy it is? and yet I haven't got shot or won the award.

Richard Nixon the definitive US president got it twice and heard about getting it before it happened.

Bill Clinton got it at least twice for tugging his bendy cock over a sink rather than blowing his man-muck all over the face of the fat intern.

Pope John Paul II got it for his "every priest a pedo" program that was a massive sucess.

Rudolph Giuliani got it when he first realised 9/11 could make him big and being a crooked, crude asswipe made him perfect for president.

George W Bush got it twice for shear entertainment value, hey don't blame me for liking him . My Blog will miss his antics when he goes but the Yanks did vote him in twice no matter what they say.

Bono got it who will it be next year Amy Winehoose? nope cos she'll be dead of an OD with any luck by then.

*A comment designed to invoke paranoia about me hating you/or and yer blog being shite which yer lack of confidence already suspects.*