Thursday, 30 November 2006

Party Animal.

I belang tae Glesga, dear old Glesga toon.

I'm suffering alright, I think I've come down with something maybe it was an off can of beer or something, I tried to lie doon but I got a case of the whirlypits . I did feel better after a boak which I refuse to clean up, don't worry in a week it will dry up and shrink and you'll hardly know it was even there, at times like this I miss having a woman around, or a dog, the only real difference between the two is that one out right refuses to lick my man parts and the other will do it if I rub gravy around me bits, I won't tell you which is which.

To celebrate Saint Andrew's day I went to a party, not one with music and gurls I mean how old do you think I am? me and Billy one ear went doon to Bobbie's hoose, Bobby is a daft cunt who was made redundant from the printing factory, he won't tell us how much he got but hes had a couple of holidays to Ibiza and got his hoose done up with stone cladding , not to mention a big TV and stereo system and as I also found out late one night that he had a new burglar alarm installed, the paranoid fucker, it scared 7 shades of shite out of me, I out ran Steve Cram, Steve Ovett and Steve fucking Austin that night.

He invited us doon saying that it was all on him no need to bring any drink, he thinks he can buy our friendship with free drink, well hes right we all have a price.
I got doon there and saw that Harry Carry and Butcher's boy Marky were there too, Bobby had 4 cases of Carlsberg lager and big plastic bottles of Woodpecker cider. I can't stand that cider shite but so that those others fuckers didn't drink it all I poured it half 'n' half with beer thus transforming it into a Snakebite, yes I am a Wizard.

Bobby played some Andy Stewart on the stereo just to show off the sound then we settled doon to watch Rob Roy with that Irish shite Liam Neeson in it (no offense to any Irish shites reading this) and then of course Braveheart.

Bobbie's wife Carol poured us bowls of crisps and salted nuts and then a tray of sausage rolls. A fine looking woman is that Carol, we had a thing a few years back, at first I felt bad about it for Bobbie's sake then I got to know him and as hes a twat I no longer feel bad , he sits up in his attic with his model train set all day and you can't let a woman like Carol go to waste, the other lads agree with me though I think shes seeing some bloke from Glasgow right now, I hope hes had his shots.

We cheered at the English getting killed and we cried when the beer ran out, we kept dropping hints to Bobby but hes a thick cunt going on about High definition and surround sound, when the movies were over and he saw we weren't going home so he thought he was going to be a cunnyfunt and pulled out the Sound of music DVD, I believe he thought we would leave rather than watch that shite, instead of leaving we turned on him.

Carol who was sitting in the kitchen hardly looked up from reading her Mills and Boons as we carried the squealing Bobby to the bathroom, she did however inform us what razors we could use and not to make a mess,(what a woman) I did the honours of the face and parts of the head and Harry shaved the Netherlands, silly bugger nicked his nut sack and got covered in blood. Marky who always carried a permanent marker with him incase he has the compulsion to write his name on something drew a pair of glasses on him and across Bobbie's face I wrote, 'The hills are alive' and gave him a Hitler moustache where is old one was a few minutes ago.

Bobby can't take a joke and when we were done he locked himself into the bathroom crying and trying to stem the bleeding from his baw bag, in case you were wondering his cock wasn't very big, and he had been circumcised, none of us knew he was Jewish ah well that will teach him for running out of drink oh and killing Jesus.

Taking some money out of Bobbie's wallet we went and had some Chinese, well I'm assuming we did because as soon as the air hit me I'm a blank I only have my vomit to tell me what I ate.
A good night all the same I feel well Scottish.


Update

From Belgium I got some dirty shite searching for Hot midget sex, as my post had nothing to do with midgets and was cleverly designed to waste the time of perverts who aren't me, ha ha!

12 comments:

BEAST said...

Sounds just like a night out with Frobisher and Mr C (all that was missing was the dancing trannies) , and of course being rich southerners we neck cocktails

frobisher said...

It just goes to show you don't need to go out and spend loads of money to have a good time!

I would like to see a Hollywood film where the English are not villians. I do get fed up with the Irish whining on about the potato famine & Scots moaning about how we cut all there trees down for sheep grazing and pinching the North Sea Oil. Where do they think the money comes from for their Income Support eh?

Anonymous said...

Ah, snakebite … You are the master of exotic cocktails, Old K.

Household tip: When that boak's dried good and proper, break it up and put it in a bag. It makes for canny dippers when you've got posh people round.

Anonymous said...

Knudsen, do you think it might have been some strange Scotish Protestant karma that bit you in the ass? You slept with the man's wife, you made fun of him, and now you feel physcially bad.

Be thankful you didn't do any worse. You might be stuck watching the Sound of Music sober for an age.

Old Knudsen said...

Mr Beast you lot are playboys,though dancing trannies are a touch of class.

Mr Forbisher The English are natural villians, even if they need germans or something they get a sasenach, thanks for my income support.

dive excellent tip, by now I should have plenty but posh folks don't come round to my hoose very often, no idea why.

sassy sundry being one of God's own my actions are cleared, its all God's will, that whole free will thing only applies to those of lower calibre, if we had to think for ourselves, well I shudder to think about it, watching TSOM for an age must be Hell.

Dr Maroon said...

Who the fuck is Andy Stuart?
It's STEWART.
Jesus.

I've just come down from the Isle of Skye,
Let the wind blow low, let the wind blow high, tumte tum te tum te tum.

Him and Jimmy Shand. What a nation, hey, snakebites are tops, especially with the weemin.
Two snakebites and you're in like Flynn, or you're a gayer.

Old Knudsen said...

Well its about time someone started correcting my spelling, alot gets passed my mercurial mind with a hangover. Donald wheres your trou sers?

Old Knudsen said...

gets past, see what I mean?

Jagd Kunst said...

Bloody hell. Maybe you have a brain tumour?

Anonymous said...

Ya, never passout or mess with a Scotsman or Irishman when there's drink involved. You'd rather stick yer finger up a bull's ass!

Old Knudsen said...

jagd kunst I wish I did, it could keep my one functional brain cell company.

babsbitchin and never pass out on Old Knudsen when hes full of the Horn.

Anonymous said...

Woohoo!